“Want to talk about it?” he asked, settling in one of the chairs opposite the sofa.
He turned on the table lamp next to him, looked at her and waited.
“I’m feeling whiny,” she admitted. “Trust me, you don’t want to be a part of this.”
He smiled. “Give me your best. I can handle it.”
She really didn’t want to fall apart in front of him. She’d done too much of that already. But somehow his words seemed to loosen whatever self-control she had until she found herself blurting, “It’s awful. You have no idea. I figured Glen dumping me was the worst of it, but it’s not. Or maybe that was just the beginning of my unhappy revelations.”
She dropped her feet to the floor and put her hands on her lap. “Did you know that my dad and I haven’t actually talked in six months? We don’t ever talk. We text every now and then. When he found out about Glen, he texted me. There was no supportive phone call. Just a text. My mom was slightly more supportive, but it’s a really low bar. She and I did have a conversation during which she asked me what I’d done wrong to lose Glen.”
She paused, waiting for him to say something, but Daniel only watched her, as if expecting her to continue. She drew in a breath.
“I thought things were great at work. I thought I was doing a good job. I’m in charge of inventory control and I’ve implemented a lot of changes that are making a difference. I’ve run other departments, I’ve had people working for me. When the warehouse manager goes on vacation or gets sick, I’m the one who fills in.”
She glared at him. “And you know what? He’s retiring and they’ve interviewed Ray for his job but not me. Why not me? I know more about the warehouse. I’m a better manager. Ray was invited to interview and I’ve heard nothing. Nada. It’s like they don’t see me. Zennie’s having a baby for her best friend. She’s giving Bernie and Hayes a baby. A baby! That’s amazing. She’s amazing and I’m not. I want to be amazing, too.”
Daniel shifted slightly. She thought he was going to say something, but he didn’t so she continued.
“Adding insult to injury, and I know this won’t make sense to you, but it’s a big deal to me,” she said, doing her best to keep the whine out of her voice, “there’s the clock I told you about. I’ve loved it since I was a little girl. I know it’s silly and who needs a grandfather clock, but it means something to me and you know what? The woman is downsizing. She’s begging us to take things and she doesn’t want the clock, but she doesn’t want me to have it either. She would rather donate it to a charity than let me have it.”
She pressed her lips together. “I feel small and overlooked and useless. Just when I thought I was getting my life together, I realized it’s all falling apart and I don’t know what to do.” She found herself fighting tears.
“I swore I was done being the victim,” she said, angrily brushing her cheeks. “I don’t want to feel that every eight seconds my life is falling apart, but I also don’t know how to make things better.” She sniffed. “So if you want to give me a bracing pep talk, this would be a good time to do that.”
One corner of his mouth turned up. “Is that what you want?”
“I want something. Anything that isn’t feeling like a fool all the time. What am I doing wrong? Why can’t I get my act together?”
“It’s more together than you think.”
She sighed. “Daniel, while I appreciate the words, honestly, just give me some tough love. I swear, I can take it. Please.”
She wasn’t sure why she felt his advice would be the right advice, but deep in her gut she had the feeling he saw her more clearly than most people.
“Okay,” he said, his gaze steady. “I don’t know what to say about your dad. He sounds like a jerk and I’m sorry he hasn’t been there for you. Do you need his support or do you just want it?”
“Oh, that’s a good question. I’ve never considered that like that before.” She thought for a second. “I’ve managed this long without him. I guess I thought he’d call me about Glen breaking off the wedding. I put a couple of calls in to him but I didn’t hear anything back after that first text. I guess I want his support but don’t need it.”
“You could confront him.”
“I could, although I’m not sure what I’d say. ‘Hey, Dad, it would be nice if you pretended to love me.’” Her eyes filled again. “Stupid emotions.”
Daniel shifted, as if he was going to move to the sofa. Maybe to offer comfort, maybe to hold her close. For a second she was caught up in the idea of him taking her in his arms and...
Back the truck up, she told herself. Daniel was her friend and there wasn’t going to be any taking anyone in anyone else’s arms. She was smarter than that.
She returned her attention to the topic of her father. “Okay, Dad’s a jerk and when I grow a pair, I’ll tell him exactly that.”
He tilted his head. “You do that a lot—put yourself down. Why do you have to grow a pair? You’re not weak, Ali. You’ve been through a lot the past few weeks and you’ve held it together. You should be proud of that. Maybe you don’t need one more thing right now. Maybe when you’ve recovered from all this crap, you’ll be ready to deal with your dad.”
“Oh.” She smiled. “That’s good, too.”
“Now, work.”
She groaned. “Yes?”
“You’re working in a man’s world. The cars, the warehouse, all of it is dominated by men. If you want to get ahead, you have to play by their rules.”
“I hate that. It’s not like they post them or anything. How do I know what the rules are?”
“They’re simple. Be visible. If you want the promotion, tell them. When they ask why you should get it, be prepared with a list of your accomplishments. Be specific. Tell them how you’ve saved the company money, time, whatever. Speak up at meetings. You don’t have to be rude, but you do have to be noticed. Don’t let them take you for granted. When you do something right, talk about it. When you do something wrong, fix it.”
She fell across the sofa, her body and head landing on the cushions. “No,” she groaned. “Don’t make me talk about my accomplishments and be all braggy. It’s not me.”
“Then you won’t get the promotion and you’ll grow old and bitter monitoring inventory.”
She sat up. “That was harsh.”
“It’s true. Ali, you’re more than qualified, but you have to act like it. It’s very possible your boss knows you’d be the best person for the job, but has no idea you’re interested. You’ve never discussed advancement or even a five-year plan.”
“How do you know that?”
“You don’t have a five-year plan.”
He was right, of course, she just wished he hadn’t said it so bluntly. Tough love, she reminded herself. She’d been the one who wanted it.
“Fine,” she grumbled. “I’ll come up with a plan and a list of accomplishments, then I’ll go talk to my boss.”
“Are you sure you even want the job? It’s going to be a lot more work and responsibility.”
“Of course I want the job. I’d be good at it and it would be interesting. Plus, I’m not working at the warehouse for the rest of my life, despite what you said. The promotion would look great on my résumé.”
The smile returned. “Bring that attitude to the interview and you’ll do fine.”
“You’re right. Thanks. Sometimes it’s hard to remember I have to be like them when I really just want to be like me.”
“Don’t change too much. I kind of like how you are now.”
“A mess?”
“Sweet, funny, kind, interesting. Don’t lose that.”
“Is that how you see me?” she asked before she could stop herself. “Because those are not the words I would use.”
“You should. Stop putting yourself down.” His gaze sharpened. “Why don’t you accept co
mpliments more easily?”
She blinked at him. “Yes, well, isn’t that a fascinating question? And look at the time. You’re probably ready to turn in for the night.”
She waited, but Daniel didn’t move. She sighed.
“You’re right. Compliments make me uncomfortable and I don’t know why.”
“So if I said I thought you were beautiful...”
She flopped down on the sofa again and covered her face with her hands. “I’d know you were lying. I’m completely average and on a good day can pass for pretty, but otherwise, no. Just no.”
He chuckled. “I see we have some work to do.”
“There is no ‘we’ in the work department. It’s all on me.” She sat up. “You are such a good guy. Thank you. And for what it’s worth, your ex-wife was really stupid to let you go.”
“I could say the same thing about Glen.”
She waved her hand. “Don’t. He was totally wrong for me. I see that now. It’s over and I’m glad.”
“Ditto.”
“Do you think about getting married again?”
He nodded. “I still want a traditional life. A wife, kids, dog.”
“And a kitten?”
He smiled. “Yes, Ali. And a kitten.”
He stood. For a second she thought he was going to walk toward her and maybe pull her to her feet and... Okay, she had no idea what would come next but whatever it was, she was all in.
But instead of kissing her senseless or kissing her at all, he just looked at her.
“It’s late. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
She did her best to keep her disappointment from showing. “You will,” she said brightly. “Thanks for the pep talk. You’ve given me a lot to think about. I’m going to make some notes, then talk to my boss on Monday.”
“That’s my girl. Night.”
She watched him leave. His girl. If only, she thought with a sigh. Because being Daniel’s girl would actually be kind of nice.
* * *
Zennie had debated meeting her mother at a restaurant, but that seemed unfair to both of them, so instead she texted, asking if she could stop by after work. As she walked up to the front door, she told herself that whatever happened, she would be fine. She was doing exactly what she wanted to do, and for the right reasons. If her mother didn’t understand, then that was Mary Jo’s problem.
“Hey, Mom,” Zennie called as she let herself into the house.
“In the kitchen. I’m pouring wine.”
Zennie braced herself and walked into the outdated kitchen. “Hi, Mom.”
Mary Jo smiled at her and poured a second glass of chardonnay. “Just getting off work? You must be tired. I know how my feet feel at the end of the day.” She pointed to the kitchen table. “Have a seat. Are you hungry? I could fix something.”
“I’m fine, but thanks.”
Her mother sat across from her. She picked up her glass. “I’m sorry about the blind date with the lesbian. I was just trying to help.”
Zennie relaxed. “Don’t apologize. C.J. and I actually had a good time.” She held up her hand before her mother could speak. “No, I’m not a lesbian, but I think we’re going to be friends, which works for me.”
“Have you met anyone since then?”
“Mom, please. You have to stop fixing me up.”
“Why? I want you to be happy. I want you to have someone in your life. You’re young now, but time passes quickly and before you know it, your life is more than half over and then what? Don’t you want a family? Don’t you want to be part of something? Surely there’s some handsome doctor at the hospital who could sweep you off your feet. If you don’t do something, you’re going to die alone.”
“I’m not alone. I have lots of friends.”
“You don’t have a husband.” Her mother stretched across the table and put her hands on Zennie’s. “I want you to be happy.”
“I am happy, Mom. You have to believe me.”
“I wish I could.” Mary Jo straightened and sipped her wine. “Fine. I’ll be quiet for now. So what’s new?”
Zennie told herself it was going to be okay. She knew she was lying, but she repeated it anyway. “A few things. Do you remember my friend Bernie?”
“Of course. What a lovely girl. And her husband’s a lawyer. You could do worse.”
“Thanks, Mom. Well, because of her cancer, Bernie can’t have children, but she and Hayes want a family, so I’m going to be their surrogate.”
Her mother stared at her. “What? You’re what?”
“I’m going to be their surrogate. I’m providing the egg and Hayes is providing the sperm and then I’ll carry their baby to term and—”
“Are you insane?” The words were a shriek. “Have you totally lost your mind? You’re going to get pregnant and have someone else’s baby? No. No! You can’t. It’s ridiculous. My God, Zennie, you’ve always had strange ideas, but that is ridiculous. I won’t allow it. Have you thought this through? It’s what, a year out of your life. You have no idea how challenging pregnancy can be. It’s not like in the movies. It’s back pain and hemorrhoids and stretch marks and my God, no. Just no. You could die in childbirth. It happens. No. The whole idea is madness. She can have a baby another way.”
Zennie stared longingly at the glass of wine. If there was ever a time to drink...
“Mom, I’m already pregnant.”
Her mother burst into tears. “Pregnant? How could you? You didn’t even talk to me first. You’re having a baby and you’re just giving it away? Who does that? You know I want grandchildren. How could you be so cruel? You always were the selfish one, Zennie. Always.”
“Mom, I—”
Her mother glared at her. “No. There’s nothing you can say to make this right. I can’t believe you’d do this.” Her mother stood. “Go. I don’t want to see you right now. You’re a disappointment to me. More than I can say. I used to be proud of you, but I can’t be anymore. I can’t believe this. Go. Just go.”
Zennie wasn’t sure she would have been more shocked if her mother had slapped her.
“We’re not going to talk about it?”
“There’s nothing to say, is there? You’ve done what you wanted to do, just like you always did when you were a little girl. My opinion didn’t matter before and it doesn’t matter now.”
She’d known her mother wouldn’t be happy but she hadn’t expected this. She stood and got her bag, then walked out of the house. On the drive home she told herself that she would be fine, that her mother would come around. It might take a while, but they were family.
By the time she got home, she’d nearly convinced herself everything was going to be fine. She ate her healthy dinner and had just started her prenatal yoga video when her phone buzzed. She looked at the screen and saw a text from her dad.
Is it true?
For people who had been divorced more than a decade, her parents appeared to have no trouble communicating, she thought grimly.
If you’re asking if I’m going to be a surrogate for my best friend, then yes.
Of all the dumb-ass things to do. You’re having a baby for a friend? Have you thought about what’s involved? Jesus, Zennie, what’s wrong with you? How could you be so impulsive?
Her healthy dinner suddenly didn’t feel very good in her stomach.
I wanted to help my best friend, Dad. I can give her this.
Give her a goddamned gift card. Not a baby. You’re destroying your life and for what? She’s just a friend. Is it too late to get an abortion?
She dropped her phone as his words hit her like a slap across the face. She picked it up again.
Dad, no. Don’t be like this. Even if you don’t understand, you have to accept my decision. You’ve always said I had a good head on my shoulders. Well, I thought this through and I’m doing th
is.
What I see is my beautiful daughter ruining her life. You used to be so sensible and together. I used to be proud of you. What happened?
Her mother had mentioned being proud of her, too. Zennie had expected this from her, but not her dad.
You used to be someone I could depend on to support me, no matter what. What happened?
For a couple of minutes, she didn’t see a reply, then three dots appeared on her screen as he typed.
You’re going to regret this, and when you do, don’t come running to me.
Zennie tossed down her phone without answering. So much for parental support, she thought, trying to hold herself together. Her mother’s reaction had been over the top but not completely unexpected, but her dad... It had never occurred to her he wouldn’t get it.
She put her hand over her still flat belly. “I’m going to take care of you,” she whispered. “I don’t care what anyone else says. We’ll figure this out together.”
It wasn’t as if she was alone. She had Bernie and Hayes, and Ali. She was strong and healthy, and she knew in her gut she’d made the right decision. As for her father, she supposed every daughter had to face a time when her father broke her heart. She just didn’t think it would hurt so much or be so sad.
Chapter Nineteen
Finola pulled into the gas station on Ventura Boulevard. If she were honest with herself, she was stopping to fill her tank more as a delay tactic than because she actually needed fuel. Zennie had texted her a warning that Mom knew about the pregnancy and that she hadn’t taken the news very well.
Hardly a surprise, Finola thought, inserting her credit card into the machine. What had Zennie been thinking?
Finola put the nozzle into her gas tank and pressed the lever to start the flow. It was only then she noticed the two teenage girls on the other side of the pump. They were whispering and pointing at her.
Finola instantly wanted to jump in her car and drive away. She ignored the urge, telling herself she was imagining things. There was no way they had any idea that she was—
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