“This sucks,” she admitted. She was only two months along and there were seven-plus months to go. She wasn’t going to make it. She would snap and go on a bender in Target, running down the food aisles, ripping open bags of cookies and spraying Reddi-wip directly into her mouth while begging someone to give her coffee with a shot of vodka in it.
The truth was, and she really hated to admit it, she’d been impulsive about the pregnancy and while she wasn’t sorry, she sure as hell wasn’t happy.
Her phone rang. She answered it without looking at the screen, then shuddered when she realized it was probably Bernie.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Zennie, it’s Clark.”
She blinked as the name sank in. “Clark, wow, that’s so strange. I was just thinking about you the other day. How are you? How are things?”
She heard the enthusiasm in her voice and was surprised when she realized she was happy to hear from him. He’d been a good guy and she had a feeling she might have been a little too judgy when they’d been going out.
“Things are good. I, ah...I’m calling because I still miss you. I know it’s over—you were clear enough on that—but I can’t seem to forget you and I wanted you to know.”
She stared out the window as she processed his words. He missed her? Instead of annoying her, the news was kind of nice to hear. In fact, if she dwelled on it for very long, she thought she might start to cry for possibly the third time that day.
“I know you were really clear on things,” he continued, “But I wondered if you might consider being friends.”
Friends? What did that mean? She’d never had a lot of guy friends—not as an adult. She wasn’t sure of the ground rules, then found herself thinking it didn’t matter. She wanted to see him.
“I take it that’s a no.” His voice was soft.
“It’s not. Sorry. You caught me by surprise. I think your offer is an interesting one, it’s just there’s something you should know first.”
“You’re seeing someone.”
“What? No. God no. I’m pregnant.”
She hadn’t meant to just blurt it out, but she had. She heard his sharp intake of air followed by his hurt tone as he said, “That was fast. Look, I won’t keep you any—”
“Wait. Don’t. It’s not what you think. It’s not anything you could imagine.”
“Because you didn’t hook up with some guy?”
“I didn’t hook up with anyone.” She quickly explained about Bernie and Hayes and the turkey baster.
“You’re having a baby for a friend? You’re going to be pregnant for nine months, then give the baby away?”
“That’s the plan, yes.” She closed her eyes, hoping he would get it because she honestly couldn’t deal with one more mean person in her life.
“That’s amazing. Zennie, I don’t know what to say. You’re incredible.”
Tears filled her eyes. “I’m not. I’m a mess. My hormones have me crying every fifteen seconds, my boobs hurt and if I have to eat another salad, I’m going to go screaming into the night. Being pregnant sucks.”
“Sounds like it. Look, how about I bring by Chinese and we’ll talk? Would that be okay?”
She thought about the hideous dinner waiting in her refrigerator. She would have it for lunch tomorrow, she promised herself. While Bernie had insisted on buying all three meals a day, Zennie had talked her down to breakfast and dinner only.
“That would be great,” she said. “You remember where I live?”
“Sure do. Anything you can’t eat?”
She gave him a brief list, then agreed they would meet up at her place in about forty minutes. She hung up smiling.
Thirty-five minutes later she’d showered and changed. She set the table and put on some music. The quivers in her stomach were unexpected, as was the sense of anticipation. She supposed that while she wasn’t interested in Clark romantically, she was happy to see someone who wasn’t going to tell her what to do or be upset with her. Plus, the man was bringing over Chinese—what was there not to like?
When he knocked on the door, she raced to open it, then stood there staring at him. He was a little taller than she remembered and slightly more handsome. She smiled.
“Hi,” she said, stepping back to let him in. “It’s good to see you.”
“It’s good to be seen.”
They laughed and she led him into the kitchen.
It took a few minutes to unpack all the food. She offered him a beer, which he refused.
“Just because I can’t drink doesn’t mean you have to suffer, too,” she said.
He raised his water glass. “In solidarity.”
They settled across from each other at the table. She breathed in the delicious smells and tried not to moan.
“This is so bad,” she murmured. “All the sodium and the spices, but I don’t care. It’s just one night and then I’ll go back to my regular food in the morning.”
He handed her a serving spoon. “Dig in.”
She filled her plate, then took a bite of kung pao beef. The flavors exploded on her tongue.
“I can’t thank you enough for this,” she said when she’d swallowed. “You have saved me. I was having an actual meltdown in my car when you called. I didn’t think I could do it.”
“Eat your healthy food?”
“Have the baby.” She waved her fork. “Sorry. I don’t really mean that. I’m sure everything will be fine, it’s just hard right now. I’m getting used to things and I’m emotional all the time. Bernie is so attentive and I know she means well, but she’s driving me crazy and it’s not like I can tell her. Plus the whole list of shoulds and shouldn’ts. I don’t actually drink very much and I’ve never been that fond of Brie, but I would kill for both. Or coffee. Or sushi. I can’t remember the last time I was in a Jacuzzi but now that I’m not allowed, I daydream about them. It’s ridiculous. I can’t go surfing, I can’t do hot yoga. I’m a strong, motivated person. I want to do this for my friend, so what’s wrong with me?”
He reached for an egg roll. “It happened pretty fast, Zennie. Not you saying yes, I would have expected that, but actually getting pregnant. Most people would have more time to get used to the idea. But you got pregnant right out of the gate.”
“How would you know?”
He smiled. “I know how long it’s been since I’ve seen you and I can do simple math.”
“Oh, right. It was quick.” She told him about the appointment and how she’d been ovulating. “Hayes came in and did the deed and here we are.”
Clark looked uncomfortable. “I’m not sure I could have handled the pressure of knowing several people were waiting on the, ah, sample.”
She giggled. “That’s what I thought, too, but I guess he was motivated.”
They talked about Clark’s work and the improvements that were planned to the orangutan exhibit and the grant money his department had received. She talked about her family, bringing him up to date on Finola and Ali.
“It turns out we all got dumped on the same weekend,” she said, serving herself more fried rice. As soon as the words were out, she groaned. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it to come out that way.”
“If you’re not upset, I’m not either.”
She looked at him and had no idea what he was thinking. “There wasn’t anyone else,” she told him.
“I know. And you swear you’re not a lesbian.”
“I’m not. In fact my mom fixed me up with one. C.J. She’s great. If there were going to be girl-on-girl sparks they would be with her, but nope. Maybe I’m just meant to be alone.”
Words she’d thought before but saying them now made her feel sad. Did she really want to be alone for the rest of her life, with no one to depend on? Maybe it was the pregnancy making her feel more vulnerable than usual, but for once, she didn�
��t want her future to be so empty.
“You’re not meant to be alone,” he told her. “You simply move at a different pace than other people. There’s nothing wrong with you.” He hesitated. “I meant what I said before. I’d like to be friends, if you’re interested.”
She felt shy as she smiled at him. “I’d like that, too, but you have to be okay with the pregnancy thing. It could get messy.”
He smiled. “I think I can handle it.”
“Even when I’m moody?”
“Especially when you’re moody.”
“Then I’m in. Want to stay and watch a movie?”
“There’s nothing I’d like more.”
Simple words, she thought, but the exact ones she wanted to hear.
Chapter Twenty-Five
“You’re sure?” Daniel asked.
“Yes.” Ali hoped her voice sounded more confident than she felt. “It’s the right thing to do. Okay, not the right thing, but the correct thing.” She paused, not sure there was a difference. “You know what I mean.”
“I do. I just want to make sure you’re up to it.” He backed his truck into her mother’s driveway, then turned off the engine. “You could ask her again.”
Ali shook her head. “I have literally asked her five times and every time she’s said no. Apparently I’m not mature enough or whatever. She would rather give the clock to charity than let me have it. I don’t care. No one wants it but me and we’re going to take it.”
Steal it, actually. She and Daniel had driven over on a Saturday when Ali knew her mother would be at the boutique, for the express purpose of stealing the clock. Ali had texted her intentions to Finola so her sister could not be home and therefore avoid having to take a stance on the issue. Her sister had also left the front door unlocked for her.
Armed with tools and instructions for dismantling downloaded from the internet, she and Daniel walked into the house. He paused in the living room and looked around. She glanced at him.
“Second thoughts?” she asked.
“No, just getting a sense of what it was like when you were little. You grew up here.”
She tried to see the living room as he would, with worn furniture and too many small tables and lamps. It was a comfortable house in a pleasant enough neighborhood, but she’d never felt like she belonged. The downside of being the third child with parents who could only have one favorite.
It wasn’t a new concept for her, but for the first time she could remember, she was more understanding and less bitter. She hadn’t heard from her father since that one pathetic text and she knew she wasn’t going to—not unless she reached out to him. Her mother was friendly enough but Mary Jo had never really been that involved in her life. Ali had her sisters and a few friends, but had never felt connected to anyone. Not the way other people did.
That was why she’d wanted to marry Glen, she thought suddenly. Because with him, she would be the most important, the first, the one he loved best. She’d been so enamored with the concept of finally being like everyone else that she’d overlooked some pretty big red flags, including the fact that she’d never truly loved him. She’d been that desperate and she’d paid the price for it.
Daniel walked over and put his hand on the side of her face. “What?” he asked, his voice gentle.
“Just having a bit of an emotional revelation. I know why I got engaged to Glen even though I wasn’t in love with him. I wanted to be special to someone.”
He kissed her. “You are special.”
To him, she thought, letting his caring wash over her. “Now,” she said, her voice teasing. “Not so much before.”
“You were always special.” He kissed her. “Come on. Let’s go commit a felony.”
She chuckled as she followed him over to the clock. It was huge and old-fashioned with an ornate face and hadn’t been wound in years. The finish was dull from years of neglect and she was sure it needed a good tune-up or whatever it was clocks required to stay working.
“I know what you’re thinking,” she began.
“I doubt that.”
“I know it’s ugly and not what most people want in their houses. It’s just, I love this clock.”
He frowned. “Ali, you really don’t get it, do you? If you love this clock, then I want you to have it. My house is huge. There’s plenty of room. I was thinking we’d put it in the dining room.”
She’d been thinking the same thing. “On the shorter wall by the opening to the kitchen?”
“That’s the one.”
“That’s perfect. It has to be on an interior wall so there’s no sudden change in temperatures and it can’t be near an air vent and...” She pressed her lips together. “Sorry. I’m enthused.”
“You are, now let’s get going.”
They laid out the instructions on the coffee table. Daniel went to work taking apart the working parts of the clock while Ali unscrewed the hinges for the glass door.
Daniel took pictures as he went to help them with reassembly, and separated the small pieces into plastic bags. Ali got the hand truck. Together they carried all the pieces out and laid them on the truck’s back seat, then returned for the main housing. The wood frame was heavy but they got it outside and into the back of the truck where Daniel tied it down.
They drove slowly back to his place and reversed the process to bring the pieces inside. It took a couple of hours to assemble the clock in the dining room. When they were done, Ali carefully wound the clock, then adjusted the time. She waited anxiously to see if the pendulum would stay in motion. They stood in silent anticipation until the quarter hour when the familiar chime sounded.
“Perfect!” she said, clapping her hands together before throwing her arms around him. “I’ll find someone to give it a nice clock spa treatment so it can keep going. Thank you for helping me.”
“You’re welcome. This crime thing is kind of fun.”
She laughed. “Maybe we can do something else bad.”
His expression turned knowing. “I’m all in.” His phone buzzed.
Ali stepped back. “I hope it’s not the police,” she teased.
“Your mom won’t be back from work until tonight,” he reminded her, then checked his screen and read the message. His expression turned sheepish as he looked at her. “Ali, we need to talk about something.”
Her good mood vanished as her stomach tightened. “What? It’s bad, isn’t it?” Had something happened? Was he breaking up with her? Did he want her to move out and—
“That was my mom. I told her about us.”
He’d what? She hadn’t told anyone. Not because she was ashamed or anything but it was kind of weird that she’d gotten involved with her ex-fiancé’s brother. Socially it was kind of a no-no.
“She hates me,” Ali moaned. “She has to. Or she thinks I’m a slut. I liked your parents when I met them and I thought they liked me.”
“They do like you,” he told her. “They understand it was all Glen.” He hesitated. “My mom guessed how I felt about you a while ago. She never said much, but she knew. So she’s happy that I’m happy.”
Ali let some of her panic fade. “You’re sure?”
“Yes. They want us to come over to dinner. I thought we’d set something up in the next couple of weeks.”
Dinner with the parents? Wasn’t it too soon? Although they weren’t strangers, but still. “It’s going to be awkward.”
“Yes, it is.”
She shrieked. “How can you say that? You’re supposed to reassure me.”
“It’s going to be awkward and then it’s going to be fine.”
“You could have started with the fine part and then moved to awkward.”
He smiled. “I’ll remember for next time.”
“Glen won’t be there, will he? Because that’s a level of weird I can’t ha
ndle just yet.”
“No Glen. Although at some point—”
She raised her hand. “Daniel, you’re great and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate the help with the clock and everything else you’ve done and all, but I am not ready to hang out with your brother just yet. I need you to be okay with that.”
One corner of his mouth turned up. “I am very okay with it.”
“You swear?”
He pulled her hand to his chest and pressed her palm against his T-shirt. “I swear. So dinner with my parents?”
“Uh-huh.” She sighed. “And I’ll tell my mom and my sisters. I really hate being mature.”
“Maybe so, but it looks good on you.”
* * *
The emotional resiliency of human beings was a marvel, Finola thought as she walked back into her dressing room after a long planning meeting. She and her team got together every quarter to look at upcoming holidays, blockbuster movie openings and social events so they could be prepared with appropriate segments. The back-to-school fashion shows did not plan themselves.
She’d gotten through the meeting with no problem, making suggestions and noting when key team members would be on vacation. She could do her job, laugh, even think about things like back-to-school without relating it all to Nigel. He was always there, of course, lurking in the back of her psyche, but she was dealing.
It helped that the press was no longer interested in her or her life. Treasure was being surprisingly low-key about her ongoing affair and without a new scandal, Finola was no longer interesting. She’d taken advantage of the lull to move back into her own house and had even taken possession of her cell phone again.
At some point his affair with Treasure would fizzle and he would be free to return to his marriage. The question was, did she want him to? Two months ago she would have sold her soul to have him back but now she was less sure. Not only because of how he’d betrayed her but also because she’d taken a hard look at what she’d been willing to put into the marriage and, to be honest, it hadn’t been much. She wasn’t sure if her disinterest was about him or her or both, but it was something she had to consider. If their marriage had been so flawed before, was it worth saving now?
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