‘Are you serious? You don’t have any idea what to get her?’
‘None whatsoever,’ he replied, not sure what the issue was.
‘But she’s your niece. How could you not?’
‘I told you I’ve been in the States her whole life,’ but the words didn’t remove the reproach from her eyes.
‘What does she like, then?’
His confusion must have been clear on his face, because she started throwing ideas at him.
‘You know, does she like fairies? Or princesses? Or cooking? Is she a tomboy?’
None of her suggestions helped.
‘Seriously?!’
Her tone was light, but he could sense the serious undercurrents in her voice. He didn’t like disappointing her. He didn’t like the way it made her look at him. He didn’t like the way it made him feel. ‘Look, I know I’ve been a slack uncle. There are extenuating circumstances-’
‘What circumstances could possibly make such a usually caring paediatrician have so little interest in his own flesh and blood?’
The colour drained from his face at her words. ‘I. . . I. . .’ but he couldn’t tell her. Not the truth. He couldn’t face that himself. ‘I think she likes The Wiggles. I vaguely remember Nat saying they went to a concert a while ago.’
‘Every kid likes The Wiggles. That won’t do. This has to be a special present. One she will adore. It has to make you the big hero-uncle.’
‘I think you’re exaggerating a little there.’
‘No way. You asked for my help, and this is what you’re getting. Now you’ll have to ring your sister and find out what your niece is into at the moment.’
Cam pulled his phone from his pocket and quickly called his sister. Once he got through the shock and the jokes about him actually going shopping, he got the information they needed. By the time he hung up they’d reached the store.
‘So? What does she like?’
‘Apparently Kaidee likes something called “Petshop” and “Furry Friends” and she’s also really into crafts at the moment.’
‘Sounds like you have an animal lover on your hands there. We should be able to find something decent with that. I know a new range of “Furry Friends” have just come out. Oh and there’s this pretty cool kit out now where you can mould and colour sand.’
‘How do you know that?’ Cam asked, surprised at her knowledge.
‘I saw an advert for them on TV.’
‘I haven’t seen that one.’ He said, pushing his sunglasses up into his hair as they walked into the store. ‘In fact, I don’t remember seeing any ads for toys on TV. What were you watching when you saw them?’
Stacey flushed a delicate pink. He’d seen her go this colour before. Whenever she was embarrassed, she seemed to colour up. This should be good.
‘Oh, um, I think the kids had some cartoons on the other day.’ Cam felt a stab of disappointment at her casual reference to children. Her children. Of course she had kids of her own. If someone adored children as much as Stacey, it was a natural part of life. But it did confirm what he’d suspected. She wasn’t the type of woman to have a casual liaison. This meant she was strictly off limits to him.
‘How many kids do you have?’
‘What?’
‘How many kids do you have?’ He was actually surprised this was the first time she’d mentioned them. In his experience mother’s liked to brag about their children endlessly.
‘I don’t have kids. Not yet, at least,’ Stacey replied. Pure relief shot through Cam’s veins at that titbit of news. He shouldn’t be this happy. It didn’t change who she was. Yet, somehow it did.
‘Wait there. If you don’t have kids, then who was watching the cartoons?’
‘Um,’ Stacey said, hesitating. ‘I meant the kids at work.’
‘You had time to sit down and watch them. Wow. There must have been quite a lull that day,’ Cameron teased. He could tell from the way she was staring straight ahead she was lying. And whatever the truth was, she was embarrassed to admit it.
‘Okay, fine, you caught me. I was watching them at home. I like to keep abreast of what the kids are watching. It helps at work.’
Cameron shot her a doubtful look as they stepped onto the escalator, riding it up to the next level.
‘Well, that’s at least part of the reason. I swear. So I like watching cartoons. It’s no big deal.’ She shrugged her shoulders as they stepped off the elevator and led the way to the toy section of the store.
Cameron felt the laughter bubble up inside him, but managed to contain it. Only the corners of his lips tilted upwards, giving away a hint of his amusement.
‘You like to go toy shopping and watch cartoons. Next you’ll be telling me you have a secret Barbie doll collection you bust out and play with after work.’
Stacey turned to face him, opening her eyes wide. ‘How did you know?’
Cameron couldn’t contain the laughter any longer.
‘Why are you laughing? I was serious.’ Stacey continued, deadpan. That stopped him short.
‘Really?’
‘No. Of course not. I’m not a child, you know.’
Cam’s eye flicked briefly down to the creamy swell of her breasts peaking though the gap in her shirt. Her nipples hardened beneath his gaze, straining against the fabric containing them. A shot of pure desire ripped through him.
‘Don’t worry. I know you’re not a child,’ he replied hoarsely. He raised his eyes to hers, unable to mask his passion. She seemed to be as trapped by this desire as he was, her gaze fixed on his, her body moving infinitesimally closer to his.
But this wasn’t what he wanted. For a moment he couldn’t remember why, he just knew this was forbidden to him.
He moved his arm towards her, needing to touch her, needing to feel her skin beneath his. His hand stopped just short of her cheek, hovering. If he did this now, if he touched her, kissed her, there would be no going back. She tilted her head ever so slightly, and his palm tingled in anticipation of the contact.
‘Stacey, I. . .’ Cameron started to say, but then fell silent, not sure if he should continue. The intensity of this attraction scared him. He needed to fight it. Because, though she may not have kids now, it was clearly something Stacey wanted in the future. And if he did this, if he pursued her, then she might want kids with him. And that was something that was never going to happen.
He pulled back, dropping his arm back to his side.
‘Which way to the toys?’ he asked, changing the topic back to something safe.
His words broke the spell she was under. He watched the hope change to hurt, the foggy cloud of desire disappearing as she shuttered her feelings away from him.
She turned away, zoning back into their location. Registers beeped, kids were screaming, people were rushing by around them. The bright golden shop lights reflected off the tiles.
‘From memory, I think it’s a little further down, and around the corner,’ Stacey finally replied, no hint of anything in her voice. She started walking in that direction and he had to rush to keep up with her.
‘Here we are. I knew this place had an awesome toy section. They had a shop like this in Sydney. It’s where we used to buy all the boys’ presents.’ She was saying all the right words, clearly trying to fall back into their easy rhythm, but Cam could tell it was a struggle.
‘Are these real boys? Or were you buying presents for yourself?’ he asked, trying to bring the sparkle of amusement back into her eyes. Her glow had dimmed when he’d pulled back. He felt like a heel, but knew it would be much better to give her a little disappointment now, than a big one in the future.
‘Real boys. My nephews. Well, not my nephews,’ Cam was looking at her, rather confused. He saw a flicker of pain in her eyes, but she beat it down and finished the explanation. ‘My ex-husband and I used to shop for his nephews there.’
That explained it, then. He’d been wondering how she hadn’t been snapped up yet.
She had
. But then let go again. Whoever he was, he must have been crazy.
‘I didn’t know you’d been married.’
‘Yeah, I was,’ she flicked him a baleful look from beneath long lashes. ‘And no, I don’t want to talk about it.’
He held his hands up in the universal sign of surrender.
‘I didn’t say a thing.’
‘But you wanted to. I could tell. Plus, you seem to be insatiably curious.’
‘Only about you.’ The words slipped out his mouth before he had a chance to stop them.
Fuck! Why did he say that?
Stacey stared at him for a moment, and he thought she was going to say something, but she let the moment slide.
‘So, toys. Let’s find the girls’ section,’ Stacey said, moving off in that direction.
They spent the next hour combing the toy aisles, comparing the various products. Despite his reservations, Cam found he enjoyed himself immensely. It was more Stacey’s company than shopping itself, but there were no painful memories or hidden wishes taunting him, either. And Stacey was so excited as she picked the items out; it was a pleasure to watch. If he hadn’t been there, she probably would have bought the whole shop. They finally settled on some sort of pet wash for the “Furry Friends” and a sand moulding product Stacey liked.
With his arms full they made their way towards the counter at the front of the store.
‘Oh, do you mind if we just stop by here?’ Stacey asked but she was already turning off the path.
‘Where is here?’ he asked, though he continued to follow her.
‘The baby section. I love coming in here. The clothes are just so cute!’
Cam stopped still, looking around. He was standing in the middle of rows upon rows of baby clothes.
‘Oh, wow, you have to look at this one!’ Stacey had run ahead and was holding an outfit up for his inspection, but he didn’t see it.
In her place he saw Amber, eight months pregnant, saying the same thing as they stocked up on clothes for their little bundle of joy. Then, he’d been just as excited, even picking out a few items himself. He’d been so sure of his life, his future with his soon-to-be wife and soon-to-be son.
Just breathe, Cam. Just breathe.
He tried to calm himself down, but it didn’t work. The lid he’d kept tightly secured on his memories was coming loose, unwittingly pried open by Stacey. He could feel the pain tearing his heart apart as his mind flooded with images: setting up the nursery; holding his son for the first time; going shopping with him in the pram because Amber insisted he still didn’t have enough clothes. They were all there, as though it had only been yesterday. And through it all, Stacey was standing there, pulling out more outfits and holding them up for inspection.
He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t handle it. The pain was too much.
It wasn’t fair. Life wasn’t fair.
Stacey must have seen something in his expression because she dropped the outfit she was holding and came rushing over.
‘Cam? Cam, are you alright?’
‘I. . .’ Cam tried to answer, but it was hard. Hard to get through the pain, through the memories.
There he was, his Tyler, lying on the change table as Cam dressed him for his first visit to his Grandparent’s. So innocent, so happy. They’d been so happy; not knowing it would all come to a tragic end far too soon.
‘I have to go.’ He spat the words out, before he realised his arms were loaded down with presents. He pushed them towards Stacey.
‘Here, can you get these? I need to go. Now.’ She was looking concerned. She’d probably try to come with him, but he couldn’t handle that. Not now. He needed to be alone.
Think, man, think.
But it was hard to think rationally through the onslaught of memories shifting through his head. He pulled his phone from his pocket, and looked down at it. That would work.
‘I. . .um. . .I just got an urgent page. I need to give the hospital a call and sort something out. There’s no reception in here. I might be a while, so you just take your time and we’ll meet up afterwards.’ He pulled his wallet out of his back pocket and handed her a wad of cash. ‘That should cover the presents. Sorry about this.’
‘No worries—’
He didn’t hear the rest of her reply as he hastily retreated out of the baby clothes section. Once he was sure she couldn’t see him he started running, weaving past the customers and out of the shops. He ran faster and faster, down to the river, through the botanic gardens, and away from the memories. He ran so hard and so fast there was no space left for thought. All he could do was concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other.
Stacey watched Cameron disappear. Whatever had happened at the hospital must be serious; his face had been ashen when she’d looked over at him. She hadn’t even heard his pager beep.
She’d been too distracted by the baby clothes. For a second she’d thought it was something she’d done that had disturbed him, but a work issue made a lot more sense. She briefly considered following him, to see if there was anything she could do, but realised he probably needed to concentrate on the patient. She’d just be standing around, doing nothing.
Whereas, if she stayed here, she could continue shopping. . .hmm. . .she looked around at the tiny little clothes, waiting to be purchased and worn by precious little bundles of joy. There really was no contest.
Okay, so technically she didn’t have a reason to be shopping for baby clothes. Not yet, anyway. But she loved perusing the aisles, and she hadn’t been in here since Maria’s baby shower. Ooh, maybe she could get some clothes for little Charlie. As she picked a little sailor outfit off the rack, she couldn’t help remembering another little sailor’s outfit. She’d managed to drag Brian to the store, ostensibly to buy a Christmas present for Patrick, but secretly she’d hoped that being surrounded by all things baby might have triggered his paternal instinct. It hadn’t worked. Not with her, at least.
Stacey shook her head, forcibly brushing the memory from her mind. It didn’t matter that Brian had left her. It didn’t matter that he’d crushed her dreams in one fell swoop when he told her he and Emily were having a baby.
No. It didn’t matter one iota anymore.
She was over him. She was moving on. She was going to make a family of her very own – one that no one could take away from her!
An hour later, laden down with more shopping bags than she should have, Stacey made her way out into the mall. There were fewer people here than there’d been when she walked into the shop, but some die-hard shoppers were still traipsing around. She looked around for Cam, expecting him to be seated at a bench outside the shop entrance, but he wasn’t there. She hoped he hadn’t needed to go into the hospital.
She set the bags on the ground and pulled out her phone, checking for calls.
Nothing.
A little concerned now, considering the amount of time that had passed since he’d left her in the shops, she dialled his number. She really hoped it hadn’t been anything serious with one of their patients. He picked up on the third ring.
‘Hi, Stacey, sorry about bailing earlier,’ he said, before she could get a word in.
‘That’s okay. How’s the patient?’
‘The patient? Oh. . .they’re fine. Just a minor problem, really. Nothing to worry about.’ There was something a little odd about the way he answered, but Stacey couldn’t quite put her finger on it.
‘Oh-kay. Well, then, where are you? I’ve got a few parcels here that belong to you.’
‘Great. Thanks for that. I’m in a little café down by the river.’ He named one of her favourite cafés that had a spectacular view of the Story Bridge as it arched over the Brisbane River.
‘Do you want to come down and join me? The least I can do is buy you a coffee to say thanks.’
Stacey hesitated, not sure what was going on. Why had he gone to a café, by himself, instead of coming back into the shops? And why hadn’t he called her when he’d f
inished dealing with the patient? It didn’t make sense.
‘We don’t have to have coffee. I can just take you home if you have other plans this afternoon,’ Cameron said into the silence.
‘No. No other plans. Coffee sounds good. I’ll be there in a couple of minutes,’ she finally replied. She didn’t know him well enough to start drilling him, and she didn’t want to nag.
She picked up the shopping bags and made her way down to the little café by the river.
‘Whoa! I didn’t think we had that much picked out.’ Cameron greeted her with a grin and a little laugh when she dumped the bags on the table in front of him. He was sitting at a round corner table inside the café, so they could appreciate the view without contending with the intense afternoon heat.
‘Well, that’s what will happen when you leave me alone in the shops with too much money,’ Stacey replied, sitting down next to Cam.
‘I’ll keep that in mind. What do you want to drink?’ Cam asked as he called the waitress over, and Stacey found her concerns at his odd behaviour this afternoon melting away. There really was something about this man that put her at ease.
Settling in to the seat, Stacey didn’t bother looking at the menu – she already knew what she wanted.
‘Iced chocolate for me, please,’ she said to the waitress before turning back to Cam. ‘Okay, I know we agreed on the presents, but I thought about it, and it just wasn’t enough. Especially if you haven’t bought her an actual present before. That’s just disgraceful.’
‘I’ve bought her presents, they were gift cards.’
‘For a child? Why?’
‘I’ve been in the States all her life.’ It was the same line he’d been feeding her all day. It sounded reasonable. But there was something – some hint in the way he avoided her eyes when he said it – that made her suspect he wasn’t telling the whole truth.
‘And you never came back for a visit?’
‘No. I. . .no. I didn’t.’
When he didn’t elaborate she started pulling open the bags, showing him the presents she’d picked out. If he wanted to tell her what was going on, he would, in his own time.
A Life Worth Living Page 5
