by Measha Stone
Chapter 26
"I think I have to break up with Kendrick," Kelly announced over Sunday brunch with Jessica and Erin.
Both women paused mid-sip of their mimosas to stare back at her with wide eyes and gaped mouths.
"What the hell are you talking about?" Erin demanded nearly slamming her drink down on the pressed linen cloth of her breakfast table. "He's the first decent guy you've met. He seems really into you, and not like a high school crush into you, like he's in this for the long haul." Erin prided herself on being able to read a man's intentions, rarely was she incorrect.
"It's not that he's not into me. I know he is." Kelly pushed her plate of spinach feta quiche away and grasped her coffee cup with both hands. She had spent the better part of several days thinking about her relationship with Kendrick. Everything was going so well, so perfectly. He was attentive, romantic, sexy and every bit the dominant male she wanted. Obviously, they were completely wrong for each other.
She couldn't get the idea of giving up the family that didn't even exist out of her head. For as long as she could remember, she wanted to have a house full of kids, large family dinners, and warm inviting holiday parties. As much as she loved her relationship with Kendrick, she wasn't sure it would be enough to fill the void of the family she wouldn't have.
"Kelly, what is it?" Jessica's soft-spoken question was full of concern. "Did he hurt you?"
Kelly shook her head vehemently. "No, no. Nothing like that at all. It's just…I'm not sure I see much of a future with him. With marriage…and kids. Both are probably not in the cards with him." She tried to sound blasé, as though the idea of breaking up with him wasn't tearing her heart into shreds.
The last two nights she had gone home from his apartment and tried to find a way to make everything work—her dreams of family and her desires to belong to him—but the pieces didn't fit. They were two different shapes from two different puzzles.
"He doesn't want a family?" Erin tried to clarify, even as Kelly shook her head.
"He didn't really say that."
"What did he say?" Jessica sat back in her chair and crossed her arms over her chest.
Kelly tried to shrug in response, but Jessica had known her for far too long to let that go.
"You didn't ask him. Did you even bring any of this up, did you?"
"Well, not really. I mean we really haven't been—"
"So, you don't know, and you're deciding for him what he wants and doesn't want." Jessica's accusatory tone caught Kelly off guard. She had been looking for support from her friends, not an interrogation.
"No. I'm not deciding for him." Kelly shot a defensive glare at Jessica. "It's just that I know it won't work. A family in the sort of relationship we have wouldn't work."
"That's stupid," Jessica scoffed.
"What sort of relationship?" Erin interjected, looking confused.
"It's not stupid," Kelly shot at Jessica, ignoring Erin's question. "It's logical. Think about it, how the hell would kids fit in?"
"The same way they fit into any marriage," Jessica threw back.
"Why wouldn't kids be okay? I don't understand what the hell is going on!" Erin slammed her hand down on the table, making the silverware shake in response.
Kelly and Jessica turned to her. Erin, the most reasonable of the three, looked ready to spit fire at each of them.
"Fill me in. Now." She kept her elbows on the table, her steady stare on them both.
"It's nothing,” Kelly sighed. She wasn’t ready to have that conversation with Erin, feminist of the year. She’d never understand, or worse, she'd think Kelly was sick in the head. Maybe she was.
"You need to talk to him." Jessica's tone softened, and she placed a hand over Kelly's on the table. "Don't be stupid, Kelly. He's the guy. He's the one."
"Says the woman who doesn't believe in that crap," Kelly muttered.
"I didn't. Then I met Royce."
"Kel, I don't understand half of what's going on here, but I do know what I saw last week at dinner. That man thinks you're his world. I have never seen you so at ease with someone before. It was like the two of you have been together for decades rather than weeks." Erin gave a half smile. "Whatever your worries are, you need to talk to him, bring them to him. I don't think you have the answer for this one on your own. You can't guess his wants and needs. As far as family goes, unless it's an abusive relationship, I can't think of any loving relationship a family wouldn't be right for."
Kelly wanted to believe them, wanted to see it their way. But all she could do was think of the night before.
She was laying on the couch with her head on his lap, while the news was on. He had casually pulled his cock out of his jeans, and she had hungrily taken it into her mouth.
When he’d finished, he had kissed her head and told her what a good girl she was. Her insides tingled at the compliment; her cunt yearned for his touch.
He hadn't made her wait. He had laid her naked body on the couch, as it was his favorite way to watch television with her. He had gone down on her, giving her every bit of erotic pleasure, she craved. It was wonderful…until she let herself think too much about the situation.
It wasn't just about the kids—every married couple eventually had to curb their sexual exploits to the bedroom when the offspring slept.
It was the rituals she had come to enjoy. Watching TV nude. Sitting at his feet at his request. The activities she felt closest to him while doing would be things that couldn't be done in a normal family environment. It just wasn't going to work.
"Okay. Okay." She threw her hands up in mock surrender. "I won't do anything until I talk to him. Now…back to our regularly scheduled programming." She turned her full stare on Erin. "When are you going to set a damn date for your wedding?"
Kendrick opened the door to his apartment and found Kelly standing in the hallway, her sweater wrapped tightly around her and her hair bundled up in a massive bun on top of her head. Her eyes weren't red, but her lids were puffy, telling him she may have been crying.
"Kelly. Come in." He pulled her into his apartment and took her in his arms. "What is it, baby? What's wrong?" A shiver shot through her, and he held her tighter.
She shook her head, her hair tickling his chin. "I need to talk to you." She pulled away from him and looked into his eyes.
A tight ball formed in his chest at her expression. He'd seen that look plenty of times before to know what was coming. But damn if he was going to let it.
"Fine. Let's go into the living room." He reached for her elbow, but she pulled away.
"No, here's okay."
He paused, talking himself out of throwing her over his shoulder and running to the bedroom with her. "Okay. What's wrong?" He tried to sound concerned, but he couldn't help the hurt and anger he felt bubbling into his voice.
"I-I don't think we should be together anymore," she whispered, not looking at him. "I mean, maybe we should take a break."
"A break?" He shoved his hands into his pockets to keep from touching her. He wanted to hold her. Comfort the worry out of her and save himself from the hurt building inside. "Why?"
"It's just…well…" Her voice trailed off; her eyes still hadn't met his.
"If you want a break, I want a reason."
"It's complicated."
"Take your time."
"Kendrick, it's just not working. Okay? I mean, this is fun, but it's not going to work long term, you know." She looked up at him, and the torment in her gaze gutted him.
"I don't know what you're talking about." His voice lowered at the tears forming in her eyes. "Kelly, whatever it is, we can't work on it if you don't share it with me."
"It can't be worked on. I thought this was for me, that it was what I wanted…" She straightened her back and reached into her pocket. The emerald silver bracelet was in her grasp when she reached out to him. "This isn't what I want." She dropped the bracelet into the hand, he didn't even realize he had put it out for her. "Goodbye."
>
"Kelly! Dammit!" He tried to grab her, but she flung the door open and ran out before he could. He didn't chase her down the hall. There wouldn’t have been any point.
She didn't want this? Him? His lifestyle?
His mind swirled, trying to figure out what she meant. She’d never shown any doubt when they played or spent time together. Each encounter had brought him closer to her. Never did she remark on being unhappy or confused. She filled her submissive role with a pride he'd envied. It wasn't just a thing she played at; it was who she was.
Why would she deny herself something she'd craved and sought after for so long? Why throw away something she'd literally put her life in jeopardy to find?
Confusion quickly morphed into sharp agony, striking him blind to anything other than the pain building.
She was gone.
He lost her.
He'd missed a signal, a warning. Something. He had done something.
As though a switch had been flipped, putting him on autopilot, he bolted the front door and headed to the living room, where he found the jewelry catalog he'd been flipping through before she'd rung his bell.
He glanced at the diamond ring he’d circled—a simple cut, elegant band. Perfect for her hand. Perfect for his wife.
He held the magazine in his left hand and looked at the bracelet in his right and took a long steadying breath.
Dropping them both on the coffee table, he went in search of a drink.
Chapter 27
"You're an idiot." Alex glared across the café table at Kelly.
"Yes, I'm aware," Kelly mumbled and sipped her latte.
"Why would you do something so stupid?" he demanded. Alex's glare darkened with his question, unlike him.
Kelly recognized the underlying authoritative strength and internally winced at the reminder of what she'd given up.
No—thrown away.
"We've already established I'm an idiot." Plastering on a grin, she hoped to sooth his rising ire.
"And now you've pulled me into this harebrained idea." He ran a hand through his hair, shaking his head.
"You can say no," she reminded him, checking her phone for the time.
Kendrick hadn't called or texted since they had last seen each other three days ago. Proof she had made the right decision.
"Of course, I can't," he all but yelled. A few heads in the coffee house peered in their direction, and he lowered his voice. "If I turn away now, and you get hurt, I'll never be forgiven."
Kelly blew out a fast breath. "Forgiven by who? Jessica? She really needs to lighten the hell up. And you need to get over your impossible crush on her."
"I do not have a crush on Jessica." He defended himself with his preset response to the accusation.
"I won't get hurt," she said, turning back to the original topic. The battle over his feelings about Jessica could wait—she had another war to wage. "Officer Peltner assures me I'll be fine. I just wanted someone outside of the force to know what was going on. Just in case."
"In case what? You've already said you'll be fine." Alex drummed his fingers on the table, studying her. "What about Kendrick? What does he say about all of this?"
Just the mention of Kendrick sharpened the dull ache now living in her chest. It moved in the moment she walked out of Kendrick's apartment and didn't seem ready to leave anytime soon.
"Nothing," she answered honestly. No one knew about the breakup yet. The last thing she needed was judgmental eyes on her or worse, pity arms hugging her.
"You didn't tell him," Alex accused, leaning across the table.
"No, why would I?" Kelly took in the dark expression staring at her and let out a long breath. "We broke up," she answered simply and put a hand in the air between them when his jaw dropped.
"No, I don't want to talk about it. I just want to move on."
"And you think going after Ted is the way to do that?" Alex scoffed. "You are an idiot," he repeated. "But you're our idiot." He sighed heavily. "What time are you and officer moron meeting up at the bar?" He shook his head again, and Kelly gave him a smile.
A small weight lifted from her chest. "Thank you! But you don't have to be there, I just wanted to be sure someone knew where I was."
"Like hell I'm not going to be there!" His eyes narrowed, and his lips pinched together in a straight line.
"Okay, okay," she conceded. "I think the plan is to meet at Krush around eight before he gets there. I think they said he prowls around nine."
"This doesn't make much sense to me. Won't he think something's up? I mean he already tried to get you—"
"Yeah, but Kendrick stopped him. That won't happen this time, and he'll know I'm not with Kendrick anymore, so he'll think he has an easier shot." Kelly checked her phone again. "I'm supposed to meet with the detective tonight. I need to head over to the precinct."
"Kendrick would tan your ass good if he knew this was going on. Together or not, that man loves you." Alex stood from the table and buttoned his jacket.
"Alex." She couldn't accept those words, it hurt too much.
"I'm serious, Kel. I don't know what's going on between the two of you, but he doesn't give up on things he wants, and he wants you."
"Well, he has a weird way of showing it." If he hadn’t given up, wouldn’t he have texted? Reached out in some way?
"He may be giving you space, but I promise you he's not going to let you go. He's not stupid, and he knows a good thing when he sees it."
"You've met him all of maybe twice. Don't worry about him or me." Kelly stood from the table. "I need another coffee. I'll call you tomorrow, once I have all the details." She placed a chaste kiss on his cheek and headed to the cashier to order another latte.
Waving at Alex through the glass as he left, she bumped into someone in line. "Oh, I'm so sorry!"
The shorter woman turned around and smiled.
"It's okay. No harm." She picked up the baby toy she'd dropped when Kelly bumped her.
She looked familiar. It took Kelly a moment, but she realized exactly where she had seen her.
"Teri?" Kelly whispered, and the blonde wrinkled her brow at the recognition.
"I'm sorry, do I know you?" she asked, handing the toy to the toddler in a stroller.
Kelly looked down at the curly blond-haired little boy sitting, gnawing a cracker with one hand and shaking the rattle with the other. Drool covered his face. When he noticed her looking at him, he let out a garbled laugh and tried to give her the toy.
"No, no, you don't. I've seen you before, but we didn't meet." Smiling down at the little boy, she shook the toy before handing it back to him. "Your son?"
"Yes. You look familiar…Kendrick!" She snapped her fingers. "I saw you a few weeks ago with Kendrick, right?"
"Yeah, that was me. My name's Kelly." Thinking about being at the club with Kendrick only kicked the ball of sadness into play. She needed to change the subject. "You were with a man, your husband?"
"Dominic, yep. The only date nights we get these days are trips to the club. A release for both of us." Teri gave a shimmering smile. She looked tired, as most mothers of young children do, but with a satisfying happy glow. "I'm sorry we didn't meet sooner. Kendrick is a good friend, but we haven't been able to get together with him lately. Between the baby and work, his work, and everything else. We should get together. Dinner maybe at our house?" The line shifted, and they both scooted up.
"Oh. Um. Kendrick and I aren't together anymore." Heat crossed Kelly's cheeks. Not because of the breakup, but because the thing that made her run scared—the impossibility she'd seen—was standing right in front of her.
"Oh, I'm so sorry!" Teri's face flushed, and she gave Kelly a pitying smile. "I thought…I remember you wearing the bracelet. I mean, Kendrick doesn't mark his girl unless it's serious. In the ten years I've known him, he's only given one other girl a symbol of his ownership." Her voice was low to keep the other customers from overhearing, but to Kelly, the words were amplified.
His ownership.
"Now I've upset you." Teri rubbed Kelly's arm in an effort to comfort her.
Kelly's stomach dropped. He'd given her exactly what she wanted, and she had thrown it all away because of an irrational theory. She hadn't even given him have a chance to straighten out her boggled thinking; instead, she'd made the decision for him and left.
"No, no. I'm okay." Kelly said the words but didn't believe them any more than Teri seemed to.
Kelly glanced down at the drooling toddler who played happily with his toy, and felt tears threatening to surface, and she tore her gaze from him.
"This barista is extremely slow! I'll have to forget my second latte. It was really nice meeting you!" Kelly gave Teri a one-armed hug and moved to leave.
"Kelly!" Teri called to her as she reached the door.
Kelly paused and turned.
"It will work out," Teri said with a hitch in her voice, making Kelly ache to believe her.
Kelly walked out of the coffee house.
"Alex was right," she said out loud to herself as she waved for a cab, "I am a fucking idiot."
Chapter 28
Kelly stepped out of the cab and onto the street where the long line in front of Krush wound around the building. Any other night she might have been annoyed, but tonight, she was here for very different reasons.
She walked to the front of the line and pointed to the bouncer's clipboard, as she gave him her name. He found it, checked her ID, and moved out of the way to let her in. The loud groans from the line followed her into the noisy club.
Near the bar, she took a seat at an empty table. She hooked her heels on the crossbar of the stool and surveyed the crowd.
Thursday nights were the busiest for Krush, and tonight was no exception. Guys trolled through the masses, looking for single girls to dance with or buy drinks for, while the ladies huddled in groups, trying to give the impression they weren't there for the same reasons as their male counterparts.
