by Anna Carey
So anyway, I took a deep breath and said, ‘Well, actually, Mrs Harrington, she’s done something a bit … funny with Patricia Alexandra Harrington.’
‘Oh, really?’ said Mrs Harrington, looking very pleased.
‘Yes,’ I said. ‘Um, she decided it would be more … interesting if she made her, um, a sort of a, well, a villain. I mean, it would be very different from the real thing. I mean you. But anyway … basically Patricia Alexandra is a teacher, but she’s the heroine’s enemy, and she’s really horrible. She tries to ruin the heroine’s life and everything.’
I looked up nervously at Mrs Harrington. I expected her to be appalled that her idol − my mother − had given her name to an evil, life-ruining teacher. But to my amazement, she didn’t look appalled. She looked absolutely delighted.
‘Oh, that’s wonderful!’ she said. ‘I can’t wait to tell Gerard!’
‘What?’ I said. ‘You’re not … annoyed?’
‘Not at all!’ said Mrs Harrington. ‘Some of my favourite Rosie Carberry characters are the baddies! They’re always so memorable. Don’t you just love Elizabeth Battersby in The Girl from Braddon Hall? Who stole that poor girl’s business? And Angela Hayden from Family Sorrows, Family Joys? The way she convinced poor Imelda that Tony didn’t really love her …’
‘I … suppose so,’ I said, even though I couldn’t remember anything about any of these people because Mum’s books are all the same to me.
‘Now, I hope my namesake has her comeuppance,’ said Mrs Harrington playfully. ‘I don’t want her to get away with her crimes!’
‘Well, I don’t want to spoil it for you,’ I said. ‘But I’m sure she won’t. Get away with it, I mean.’
Though it seems that I have got away with concocting my terrible web of lies. Which even I have to admit isn’t very fair and doesn’t fit in with Ellie’s mum’s theory that every bad deed gets punished in the end. But I’m certainly not complaining. Anyway, I have learned a lesson. Sort of. I’m never going to tell crazy lies to a teacher ever again.
I eventually got away from Mrs Harrington, who would happily have spent the entire day going on about various villains from my mother’s books, and went home in a daze. I couldn’t believe I’d been worrying about this for ages for no real reason! I was so amazed by it all that when I got in and Mum gave out to me for dropping my jacket on the couch, I didn’t even argue with her. In fact, I felt quite kindly towards her, because it turns out that she has done just the right thing to make Mrs Harrington happy, without even knowing it.
‘Hey Mum,’ I said, as I hung up my jacket on the coat rack. ‘You know I came up with that name, Patricia Alexandra Harrington?’
‘Of course,’ said Mum. ‘And I’m very grateful. I don’t think that character would have worked with another name. You basically created her!’
‘Well, actually it turns out one of my teachers has the same name,’ I said. ‘I bumped into her today, and it sort of … came up. I must have seen her full name written down somewhere, and that’s what put it into my subconscious mind.’
Mum looked horrified.
‘Oh no!’ she said. ‘Oh my God, I’ll have to change it. She’ll think it’s after her.’ She looked really worried. ‘Sorry, love. I know you didn’t pick her name on purpose so it’s not your fault …’
‘No, don’t worry!’ I said. ‘I told her the character was horrible and she was really pleased! She loves your books, and she especially loves the baddies! So it’s a good thing! She’d be really sad if you changed the name.’
‘Really?’ said Mum. ‘Are you totally sure?’
‘Of course,’ I said. ‘I’d hardly lie about something like this, would I? I mean, I have to go back to school and be taught by her in September.’
‘Hmmm,’ said Mum. ‘Maybe I should try and contact her through your school just to be sure …’
‘Oh, no, don’t make a fuss,’ I said. ‘But if you could thank her in the acknowledgements, I bet she’d be really happy. Her and her husband, Gerard. He loves your books too.’
‘Okay,’ said Mum. ‘That’s a relief.’
She can’t be as relieved as I am. I know I should have told her the whole story about me promising Mrs Harrington that she’d put her in a book and all that. But surely that would be more trouble than it is worth?
The world of showbiz has had a terrible effect on my dad. He’s always been a basically decent human being, but that musical has made him surprisingly callous. Tonight Rachel and I were sitting on the couch happily watching Laurel Canyon when my parents arrived home from their Oliver! rehearsal full of excitement.
‘Great news!’ said Dad. ‘Philip Judge is in hospital!’
‘Ed!’ said my mum, horrified.
‘What?’ said Rachel.
‘Who is Philip Judge?’ I said. ‘And why is this good news?’
Dad instantly looked ashamed of himself.
‘Um, I didn’t mean that the way it sounded,’ he said. ‘It’s not good for him, obviously. And he’s fine!’ he added anxiously. ‘I mean, he hasn’t died. I’m not revelling in someone’s death. Or, you know, serious illness. He’s grand. They thought he was having a heart attack, but it was just angina, so he just has to take it easy for a few weeks.’
‘But who is he?’ said Rachel.
‘He was playing the Beadle in Oliver!,’ said Dad. ‘And now he can’t do the show. And I’m his understudy. Which means …’
‘It means your dad gets to take over the part on Saturday,’ said Mum. ‘Though he needn’t announce it quite so gleefully!’
‘Sorry,’ said Dad, looking abashed. ‘You know I wouldn’t be happy if he was really sick.’
I’d like to think he wouldn’t be, but to be honest I’m not completely sure right now. He’s certainly very excited about stepping into poor Mr Judge’s shoes. Both my parents are taking this musical worryingly seriously. They spent the rest of the night in the front room going through Dad’s new part, even though he knows all the words already.
Though maybe there is something about the theatre that sends people a bit mad. Jane and the others are very excited about their play, which we will finally get to see on Thursday. I thought Vanessa and Karen would have driven her insane by now, but she keeps saying that when it comes to the play they’re just really focused on their work.
At lunchtime today, she was sitting at a table with Gemma and Bernard the Fairy-tale Prince, and when Alice and I went to join them we found them all talking very intensely about the play.
‘But if the dragon comes on then, it’ll change the dynamic between the girls in the hospital,’ Jane was saying.
‘We’ve only got two more days,’ said Gemma. ‘If it’s not working now, we’ll have to think of something else for that scene. Maybe we could move the knife juggling around a bit? Or the fireworks?’
I am quite impressed that they have gone for such a challenging project, as I said to Alice later.
‘Hmmm,’ said Alice. ‘I’m not sure the fireworks are a good idea. I mean, how good is Vanessa at juggling, really?’
‘Well, she is full of surprises,’ I said. ‘Remember how shocked we were when we discovered she could actually act.’
‘True,’ said Alice. ‘Vanessa is more complex than you’d think. She’s quite mysterious, really.’
Really, just about everyone at this camp is better at being mysterious than I am. Though I wish Charlie was a bit more mysterious. Or at least kept his stupid mouth shut. At the end of the day, the Crack Parrots were lounging around on the sofas in the arts building, and just as we were walking past I heard Charlie say, ‘Did you see your man Jamie today? What the hell was he wearing?’
‘The state of him!’ said Robbie, sniggering. All the Crack Parrots snigger. It’s the only way to describe the horrible way they laugh at everyone who isn’t a total moron like them.
‘Ah, come on, Jamie’s okay,’ said Evan. There was silence, until he added, ‘Though he dresses like a total …’ And
then he said a horrible word that I won’t even write down here. And the rest of them all laughed.
‘God,’ said Cass after we’d left the building. ‘Never having to see those goons again is the only good thing about the camp being over on Friday.’
She is right. But I can’t believe there are only a few days left. I will miss it a LOT. The first of the band showcases is on tomorrow after the workshops, and Richard’s band are going to be the first one on. He told us today he is planning to ‘give it loads’ on stage. I can only imagine what that will involve. He was quite intense at the Battle of the Bands and that was before he’d spent weeks with King of Intensity Ian Cliff. But I’m looking forward to it.
Something really horrible happened today. But also something pretty good. And overall, I think, goodness won. But the horrible bit was pretty bad. And, of course, it was all because of Charlie. I didn’t think that I could hate him any more than I already did, but it turns out I can.
But I’d better go back to the beginning. The afternoon workshops had just finished, and a bunch of us from all the different classes – some of the bands and the artists and the drama people – were sitting on the big comfy couches in the foyer outside the theatre waiting for the stage to be set up for today’s show. Richard was wearing his brother’s suit again, which he had managed to find in the back of the spare room wardrobe where his brother had hidden it. (He is playing a dangerous game borrowing it. If his brother finds out about it he will be in a lot of trouble. Apparently his brother has threatened to steal and hide Richard’s laptop if he ever takes the suit again. As I have found myself, older siblings are not very understanding about brothers or sisters borrowing stuff.) Anyway, Richard was all excited because at last he’ll get to perform in front of his god, Ian Cliff.
‘But you’ve played in front of him lots of times!’ I said. ‘Like, every day for the past three weeks!’
‘You know that’s not the same, Bex,’ said Richard. ‘There’s a big difference between playing in a poky little rehearsal room full of chairs and amps and actually, like, rocking out on stage in front of an audience.’
Which is true, I suppose.
‘It’ll be good showing Kitty what we can do on Friday,’ said Alice.
‘As long as I don’t fall off something,’ I said gloomily.
‘I don’t think there’ll be anything to fall off,’ said Cass. ‘The drums aren’t on a platform this time. And you’re hardly going to fall off the drum stool. Are you?’
‘No!’ I said. ‘Of course not!’
‘And even if you do fall off your stool,’ said Ellie, ‘you can just get back up and keep playing like you did last time! As long as you don’t have, like, a concussion or something. Then you’d have to get to hospital straight away.’
‘Oh thanks very much, that’s very comforting,’ I said.
That was when the Crack Parrots walked up.
‘You on today too, Murray?’ said Charlie.
‘Yeah,’ said Richard.
‘Well, I hope your boyfriend Ian Cliff is impressed!’ chortled Charlie. Richard just rolled his eyes and looked bored. Evan looked embarrassed, as well he might.
‘That’s really hilarious, Charlie,’ said Cass drily.
‘Oh, right, I might have known you’d stick up for that gaylord,’ said Charlie.
Cass went a bit red, but she said, ‘Seriously, Charlie, no one wants to listen to you. Go away.’
‘Oh, what’ll you do if I don’t?’ said Charlie. ‘Get your girlfriend to beat me up?’ Cass, Alice, Richard and I all stared at him, and he smirked horribly, like he’d just won some sort of battle. He looked … triumphant.
‘Yeah, I saw the pair of you in town on Saturday,’ he said. ‘You and your little lezzer friend holding hands and snogging in public! I might have known you were a dyke.’
When he said that horrible word I felt like I’d been slapped in the face, so I can only imagine how Cass felt. She went very white and started blinking in a way that means she was trying not to cry. I was so stunned and so angry I couldn’t say anything for a second, but just as I was taking a breath to yell at Charlie, a very surprising voice roared, ‘How DARE you say that to her!’
It was, of all people in the world, Karen Rodgers. I hadn’t even noticed she was there, but she was pushing her way through the people sitting on the edge of the sofas, and she looked really, really angry. Cass and I looked at each other in amazement. For a moment, I think we were both more surprised than anything else.
‘There’s nothing wrong with being gay!’ yelled Karen. ‘And you should never call anyone that word!’
‘Karen’s right,’ I said, and even now I can’t believe those words actually came out of my mouth. ‘You take that back right now and apologise to Cass.’
‘Yeah,’ said Cass. I could tell from her face that she was still really, really upset, but her voice didn’t even wobble. ‘Apologise now. You don’t get to call me and my girlfriend that word.’
‘Yeah, you don’t,’ said Alice.
Charlie literally sneered at us. I didn’t think anyone did that outside of films.
‘Oh right,’ he laughed. ‘Are you all lezzers, then? Should’ve guessed.’
God, he is so, so horrible.
‘I’d rather be gay than a horrible bigot like you,’ I said.
‘Yeah,’ said Richard, glaring at Charlie. ‘So would I.’
‘And so would I,’ said Alice.
‘And me,’ said Sam.
‘And me,’ said Bernard the Fairy-tale Prince, who really is okay, I suppose.
‘And me,’ said Ellie and Lucy together.
‘Me too,’ said some girl from the art class who I don’t know at all.
‘And me,’ said Tall Paula.
‘Me too,’ said Small Paula. Which is particularly impressive, as she hardly ever says anything.
And lots of other people joined in too. Not everyone, but enough to make it clear that most people were on Cass’s side.
And THEN, as if Karen’s outburst wasn’t surprising enough, Evan said, ‘And me. Seriously, dude, you’re acting like a total arsehole. I don’t want to be in a band with you anymore.’
Charlie looked genuinely taken aback. Then his usual cocky expression returned.
‘Fine,’ he said. ‘Like I’d want to be in a band with another queer anyway.’
‘Oh my God, Charlie, just SHUT UP,’ said Evan. He was practically yelling. ‘Why are you so obsessed with other people being gay? And why are you such a creepy dick to all the girls? What’s your problem? Just grow up!’ And he grabbed his bass and stomped out of the room. The other members of Crack Parrots looked at each other.
‘What’s his problem, more like,’ said Charlie, with a sort of snigger. ‘It was just a bit of banter.’
Then, to my huge surprise, Finn got up.
‘Sorry, Charlie,’ said Finn. ‘But Evan’s right.’ And he grabbed his drumsticks and walked after Evan. Robbie and Ryan, the other Crack Parrots’ band member, stayed where they were, but they both looked pretty uncomfortable.
‘Come on,’ said Alice, looking coldly at Charlie and his two allies. ‘They’ve opened the doors to the theatre now. Let’s leave Charlie with all his many friends.’ Which is quite bitchy for Alice, but totally justified in this case. And she grabbed me and Cass and marched into the theatre, Richard by our side. Pretty much everyone followed.
‘You okay?’ I said to Cass, who still looked a bit shaky and like she might start crying.
‘Yeah, I think so,’ said Cass in quite a wobbly voice. ‘No, I am. Thanks for, well, you know. Standing up for me.’
‘Oh, come on, Cass,’ said Alice. ‘As if we wouldn’t!’
‘But what about Karen?’ I said. ‘That was pretty surprising. And, I have to admit, impressive.’
‘Do I have to like Karen now?’ said Cass, sounding worried. ‘I think I might.’
‘I think we all might,’ I said. ‘For a while, anyway. Or at least, like, accep
t that she’s not totally evil really.’
‘Oh well,’ said Cass. ‘I suppose I can live with that. Though I dunno if I can live with everyone staring at me. Is everyone staring at me?’
‘Not really,’ said Alice. ‘I mean, I don’t think anyone thinks it’s a big deal. You’re not the only gay person on the camp, after all.’ Which was true. And there were a few funny looks, but they looked more curious than anything else. No one was really laughing or sniggering or whispering.
‘And after what just happened, it really does look like everyone’s on your side,’ I said. ‘Even Karen.’
‘Oh, look, there she is,’ said Cass. ‘I suppose I’d better thank her now and get it over with. I’ll feel bad if I don’t. Hey, Karen!’
Karen came over, looking a bit embarrassed.
‘Thanks,’ said Cass. ‘For, you know. What you said out there.’
Karen sort of shrugged. ‘It’s okay,’ she said. ‘Um, my aunt’s gay, so I’ve always been kind of, I dunno, sensitive about that sort of thing.’
‘Well, it was really nice of you,’ said Cass.
‘Thanks,’ said Karen. ‘I’ll, um, see you later.’ And she went off.
‘Oof, that was awkward,’ said Cass, with a big sigh.
‘I’m sure things will get back to normal soon and she’ll be doing our heads in again,’ I said comfortingly. And I meant it. But I won’t forget what Karen did today. She didn’t have to stand up for Cass – she’s not even her friend – but she did. I suppose she can’t be all bad, even if she did spend all year tormenting me about my mum’s book and then showing off about her great acting skills. The next time she does any of those things I’ll just have to remind myself what she did today and tell myself she is a decent human being really. I have a feeling this will be very difficult, though. I mean, she really is quite annoying a lot of the time.
