“So, you said your parents know, right?” Rory asked, after what felt like hours.
I slowly nodded. “Yeah, they know.”
“And Davis?”
“Yeah, he knows too.”
“And how did he take it?”
I chewed on my lower lip for a moment before speaking again. “He got mad. He kept saying that first I was weird for doing the archery thing and then I was weird for doing the gymnastics thing and then the lightsaber dueling thing. He wanted to know why I couldn’t be normal. He hasn’t really talked to me since.”
“I mean, I thought the archery thing was a little weird at first,” Rory said, shrugging his shoulders. “And for the record, Tab still thinks the lightsaber thing is weird.”
“Hey!” Tab snapped. “You didn’t have to tell him that! Really, Henry, I mean, if you like that lightsaber dueling stuff, then I say keep doing it.”
I frowned at Tab. I realize how weird it sounds, but really, it's a pretty darn good work out and it takes a lot of coordination and skill. But, I was well aware of how weird and strange it sounded, so I didn’t really bring it up, not even with my two best friends.
“But then I realized that you could do some badass Hawkeye and Green Arrow-like shit and I figured out that pissing you off with that thing would have been a bad idea. Also, after watching you in that match last week, I am so glad that lightsabers aren’t real.”
I frowned at my friend. “Rory, I would never actually shoot you.”
“Wait, you watched him?” Tab asked. “How come you didn’t invite me?”
“Because you think it’s stupid,” Rory replied.
“Guys, can we please get back to… you know.”
“So Davis freaked out. What about your parents?”
“They cried… a lot,” I admitted.
And that was honest to god truth. Both my parents had just stared at me for what felt like forever after those words came out of my mouth. I think that was what scared me the most, their silence. And then my mom started crying and then my dad started crying and then I started crying. Well, there was clearly a lot of crying. I could take a lot of things in life, but seeing my dad cry was not one of them. He was the strongest man that I knew. It wasn’t that he didn’t show emotion, he was always very affectionate to all of us. But there was something about watching him break down that tore my heart in two. I never wanted to be the reason that my father cried.
“And?” Tab prodded.
“What do you mean, and?”
“Well, they clearly didn’t kick you out of the house,” Tab continued, gesturing around the room.
“They aren’t monsters, you idiot,” I barked. Then I realized how awful that sounded. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have yelled like that. Um, yeah, I told them and we just sat there looking at each other for awhile.”
“After that?” Rory asked.
“I dunno.” I shrugged. “Finally my dad said something about it was their job as parents to love me no matter what and then hugged me and then my mom hugged me and we just cried like that for a while and then… well, after that, we told Davis.”
“He’s being a dick if he’s not supportive,” Rory added.
“He’s not being a dick.” Tab frowned. “Maybe he’s just having a problem adjusting, that’s all.”
“Are you guys going to have a problem?” I asked. I tried to keep my voice for rising an octave as it often did when I got nervous.
“No,” Rory said, shaking his head. “I mean it’s gonna be weird, but yeah, nothing that I can’t handle. Besides, girls love guys that have gay best friends. It might actually help my dating life.”
“Oh my god,” Tab muttered. “Seriously, that’s what you are taking away from this? That you’re going to have an easier time getting girls? Henry just bared his soul to us and that’s your reaction.”
“Dude already knows he’s still my brother, what else can I say?”
I let out a breath that I wasn’t aware I was holding. I figured that Rory would be cool about it, or at least I hoped he would. He was biracial and as progressive as we have all gotten in 2018. I knew there were still times that people judged him solely based on the color of his skin. Rory took it all in stride though, if it ever bothered him he didn’t let it show. I looked over at Tab, awaiting his reply.
“And?”
“What the hell do you think, doofus,” Tab said. “I can deal with it, might be weird for a while, though… err, not in a bad way, I mean.”
I nodded. “I know it’s going to be weird for a while and I know that you guys might feel uncomfortable around me, so yeah, I get that.”
“That’s our issue, dude.” Rory shrugged. “I feel fine around you.”
“Rory’s right,” Tab agreed. “Ugh, that sounds horrible saying that. Now I think that I want to throw up. This isn’t your issue, it’s ours. What about the rest of the team?”
“I dunno, I feel like telling them might not be a good idea. At least not yet.”
Rory shook his head. “They’re your teammates, they should know.”
“I don’t want them to freak out. We all change together. I don’t want them to think that I’m constantly checking them out or something.”
“Are you?” Rory asked.
“I swear to god, man, you ask the dumbest shit,” Tab grumbled.
“What? We have to get used to it, right? I mean, eventually he’s going to start dating, so we might as well get used to Henry talking about what guys he thinks are hot. Also, you didn’t answer the question.”
I ducked my head and blushed. I didn’t want those two to know that there was one guy on our team that I found totally irresistible. It took a considerable effort on my part not to look at him in the showers, during the day, or in any way at all. It also took considerable effort on my part to block out certain biological reactions to seeing someone that I found insanely attractive. Rory poked my leg with his foot.
“Who is it?”
“Danny Malahi,” I muttered.
Why did I say that? What in the world had possessed me to say something that dumb? I mean, I had just come out to my two best friends not five minutes before and then I go and let loose that little nugget of information. Luckily, neither one heard as they leaned in closer to me.
“Who?” Tab asked. “We didn’t hear you.”
“Do I have to say?” I remarked in exasperation. “I mean… I dunno if I am ready to tell anyone yet.”
“Danny Malahi,” Tab said with a nod. “That’s my guess.”
My jaw dropped open in shock, which caused both Rory and Tab to break into wide grins. I have no idea how he knew that. There was no way that he could have heard me and I was damn sure that I didn’t let my gaze linger on Danny’s compact and powerful form any longer than a straight guy would. Then again, a straight guy probably wouldn't be looking at all.
“Really?” Rory asked, looking over at me. I was sure that my face was turning a previously undiscovered shade of red. “Dude, I think that you’re right!”
“Kill me now,” I moaned.
“Ha!” Tab said, pumping his fist up and down in the air. “I knew it! I totally knew it!”
“How could you know that!” I snapped. “You just found out that I was gay!”
“Because Danny is hot,” Tab answered with a shrug of his shoulders. “Everyone knows that.”
“Is there something that you need to tell us?” Rory smiled, nudging Tab with his shoulder.
“No way, dude. No offense, Henry, but everyone knows that Danny is hot. I can totally see that, though, dude has the best abs on the team… wait, are abs even a thing for you?”
I blushed again. “Um, yeah, I guess.”
“What about butts?”
“What is your obsession with asses?” Tab exclaimed, looking over at Rory. “Are you sure that you don’t have anything to tell us?”
Rory shrugged noncommittally. “I can admit it when a guy has a cute butt. Yours, for example.”
&nbs
p; I let out a bark of laughter and watched as Tab turned red.
“What the hell are you talking about, man?” Tab snapped.
“Your butt, it’s cute, all the girls say so all the time. They also say that Henry has cute one too. Maybe when you let them down you could redirect them our way,” Rory suggested. “Though, for the record, I think that Henry’s is better than yours.”
I shook my head and laughed. It felt good to share in some humor with them, especially after the bombshell that I just dropped. After all, as much as I wanted to believe that they would stand by me I had this horrible vision of the whole thing going completely sideways in my head. But as usually the case, my dad was right. I should have had more faith in my friends.
“I’m glad you told us,” Tab nodded. “You shouldn’t have to go through this alone.”
“He’s right,” Rory agreed. “Coming out like that takes balls, man.”
“Thank you.”
“Are you coming out at school?” Tab asked.
“Um, I’m not sure. I talked about it with my mom and dad and they said it was my choice.” I sighed. “To be honest, I really hadn’t thought all that much about it.”
“Franklin has some decent anti-bullying rules,” Tab added. “I mean, if you are worried about that and stuff.”
“I sort of wanted this year to be a clean slate,” I admitted.
A part of me wanted to keep this whole thing under wraps, at least until I was slightly more comfortable with it. But there was another part of me that was being annoyingly persistent that I just be myself.
“No offense, man, but that rumor that you might be–”
“Gay,” Rory said, interrupting Tab. “It’s ok, we can say it… I mean as long as we are using it correctly. Like Henry is gay and not ‘that’s so gay’, right?”
“You might be the most annoying human being in the world,” Tab grumbled, shooting Rory an annoyed look. And then Tab realized what Rory had said at the end of the sentence.
“Oh shit! I’m so sorry, Henry!”
“What?” I asked, looking quizzically at Tab.
“I’ve said that’s so gay before. Like, a lot. I totally didn’t mean it like that, dude!”
And I found myself laughing again and I had no idea why. Like, that kind of laughing you do when you see something absurdly funny and just double over at the waist. Rory and Tab looked at me for a second before joining in. Truthfully, I had no idea why I was laughing other than the mortified look that had been on Tab’s face.
“But if people are already talking about it, maybe it might be better just to come out and say it,” Tab added.
I shook my head. “Look, I’m not sure I am ready for all the attention, that’s all.”
“No problem, dude.” Rory nodded. “Your secret is safe with us.”
“Totally.” Tab nodded.
“Thanks, guys.”
We sat there in silence for a few moments before Tab’s phone chirped. He looked down at it before rolling his eyes and shoving it back in his pocket. “Dad wants me home for something. Drunken idiot probably forgot how to work the dryer again. Anyways, thanks for telling me, Henry, really, and it changes nothing. You’re still my friend.”
I nodded and stood up as Tab got to his feet and then promptly wrapped me in a bear hug. “Glad that you came out, bro, and even more glad that you could trust me.”
“Thanks,” I wheezed. “Can’t breathe, though.”
“Oh, right,” Tab said. “I’ll talk to you later, cool?”
I nodded.
Tab headed out of my room.
“Do you ever worry about him?” I asked, looking over at Rory.
“Tab?”
“Yeah.”
Rory shrugged. “Sometimes. I never know if he is serious or joking about his dad and the drunk comments. I’ve never seen his parents at meets or anything.”
“Do you think that we should ask him about it?”
Rory shook his head. “If he wants to say something, then he’ll say something.”
“I guess you’re right.”
Rory looked down at his watch. “I gotta go, man. Are you going to be okay?”
“Yeah, I think so.”
“Cool, and I’m glad that you told me.”
“Nothing weird between us?”
“No way,” Rory said, shaking his head. He clapped a hand on my shoulder and gave it a squeeze. “I’ll talk to you later tonight and we can talk tomorrow.”
“Sure,” I smiled.
And then Rory headed out of my room. I flopped back down in my desk chair and let out a deep breath. Life as I know it had not ended. Rory and Tab did not flip out, and I started to think that maybe, just maybe, this wasn’t going to be as hard as I imagined. After taking some time to gather my thoughts, I went downstairs to where my mom was working on dinner.
Our happy little family lived in a two-story house on a cul-de-sac. It was complete with a two car garage, brick exterior, charming red shutters, and a wrap around porch. My mom was a self-confessed antique nut (though to be fair, I found myself following in her shoes) and had our house decorated in warm rustic charm. She looked up from the stove the minute that I entered the kitchen and plopped down at the long, reclaimed wood table. She turned from her place at the stove and gave me an expectant look.
My mother was not a tall woman, she stood at 5’7 with short brown hair and blue eyes. Despite her constant remarks to everyone, she was not a large woman and as far as I could see, did not need to lose any weight.
“Well, neither of them went screaming from the house,” she said, giving me a smile. “That has to mean something, right?”
“No, I guess they didn’t.”
“Don’t you feel better about yourself, honey?” she asked.
“Ugh, not really.”
Well, that was sort of a lie. It did feel good to finally tell my friends about the real me, though I was still concerned they were going to get home and suddenly realize what I had told them, freak out, and then ignore me the next day at school. Yes, I realize those are completely irrational thoughts, but I’m a teenager, half of what I do is based on irrational thought. The other half might be motivated by hormones – that’s just a fair bit of warning for you.
“You mean to tell me that you wanted to lie to them?”
I shook my head. “Not really. I just… I dunno, saying it to them made it all the more real.”
“Of course it’s real,” my mother said. She went back to stirring the soup on the stove for a moment. “I know it seems scary right now. It’s scary for us too, you know.”
Now, that was surprising to me. “What do you and dad have to be scared about?”
My mother stopped stirring and looked over at me. She wasn’t crying, at least not yet, but I had seen that look enough times in my life to know that the tears were on the verge of starting.
“You, honey,” she said, sighing. “The world is changing, but there are still people out there who aren’t as open-minded as they should be. There are still people that are going to call you names, maybe even try and hurt you for just being who you are.”
“Mom, I can take it. I promise. Plus I am pretty sure that I can bench more than the entire football team.”
“As a parent, all you want for your kids is for them to be happy and to have a fulfilling life. You being gay is going to make it harder for you in some cases. People are going to assume things about you.”
“Let them assume.” I shrugged, standing up. “You and dad always taught me to be who I am, so that’s just what I am going to do.”
“Even at school?”
Now it was my turn to sigh. “I don’t know about that yet. You know how people can talk at Franklin. I just came out to my family and my two best friends. I’m not sure if I am ready to show the whole world yet.”
Yes for everyone reading this, I am well aware of how ironic that is, considering my previous statement.
“You just need to be you,” my mom said.
“And the rest of the world will love you just like we do.”
I felt myself blush. “Thanks, mom. Do you need any help?”
“No thank you, I have it under control. Why don’t you go wash up for dinner.”
I nodded and made my way back upstairs, stopping to poke my head in Davis’s room. “Dinner is about ready.”
Davis just nodded but otherwise said nothing. I sighed and stood there for a moment, wishing that I could come up with something to say to him. He had already turned back to his tablet, ignoring the fact that I was still standing in the doorway. I shook my head and then made my way back to my room. Although my and my brother had never been close before, we certainly hadn't gone a whole week without talking. I was starting to get worried.
I went to the bathroom and washed up before heading back downstairs. I wish I could tell you that dinner was some big eventful thing, but it wasn’t. Davis barely said two words to me the entire time, despite prodding from both my parents. After dinner, I went back to my room and made sure that I had everything ready for school tomorrow. I spent the remainder of the night trying to psyche myself up for my first day of high school. I started to rummage through my closet to try and find something to wear, preferably something that did not make me stand out in any way.
I wanted to blend in this year. I wasn’t looking to be that one out gay kid at school, I wasn’t looking to be a perfect student. I just wanted to get through my sophomore year without someone slapping a label on me. If only it were that easy, right?
CHAPTER 2
“Peace comes from within
Do not seek it without.” ~ Buddha
I hate mornings. I’ve hated them for as long as I can remember. To make matters worse, my mother absolutely loves mornings. I have no idea why. Personally, I blame the obscene amounts of coffee that she ingests before the ungodly hour of six am. She’ll come bursting into our rooms and start saying ‘Good morning, good morning, good morning’ in this annoyingly cheerful singsong voice that made me want to scream.
To her credit, however, it’s a great motivator for getting both me and Davis up and out of bed. Despite her age, the woman is extremely good at dodging whatever it is that I try to throw at her.
It's on Us Page 2
