GERRY: I hate vomiting in public places, it’s vile isn’t it? Because you want to put your hand on the toilet bowl but you can’t because its disease ridden and you’re all like (He mimes being sick and trying to not touch the toilet bowl.) It’s just not pleasant
DANIEL: When I came out… (Shakes his head.) when I came out she was…she’s paid this girl…this dancer…to give her a lap dance…and everyone was watching…laughing…and LJ just sat there with this look on her face…like she wasn’t even there…she was just staring at this girl and she looked over at me and I just… I couldn’t go over there…be part of it… I don’t even know what it was but it felt all wrong…felt like I needed a shower…or a hug…or a roast chicken dinner…something fucking…wholesome. I just ran and ended up across the road from her house. Michelle, that’s her name, she was in the sitting room at first so I just watched her for a while…watched her watching the telly and I felt…calmed…at ease…fucking…clean. (Beat.) And then she got up and turned the light off and moved into the kitchen and it wasn’t enough…that much time watching her wasn’t enough…so I followed her…she has this lovely garden…flowers…swings…a bench…she washed her dishes and even though she was on her own every now and then she smiled…just to herself…but part of me thought that she was smiling because she knew I was watching…and everything was fine until she finished and went upstairs… I could see her shadow in the window and even that was alright but then she switched the light off and everything was awful again… (Beat.) I didn’t break in because she hadn’t locked the window in the downstairs bathroom, it was open. The house…it smelled…fucking amazing…like a bakery mixed with a florist…like roses and chocolate cake…amazing. I was just going to stay for a minute…sit on her couch…maybe take a tea towel… I don’t know…but the thought of her upstairs. I went to her room and I stood there watching her sleep, watching the way she tucked her hand under the pillow and wore an old t-shirt ripped at the neck, I even thought about waking her up, and telling her, explaining how I felt. And then I saw him, her little boy, he was just standing there in the doorway. I didn’t know what to do, I just kind of lost it for a second, I couldn’t run for it ’cos he was in the way…and we just kind of looked at each other for a second and…and then I started to cry…
GERRY: You mean he started to cry?
DANIEL: No… I started to cry… I sobbed…huge sobs…shaking…tears rolling down my face and this kid is just staring…and then he walks over to the bed and I’m thinking…this is it…this is where it all ends…my career…my life…this is it…the minute he says the word ‘Mummy’ I’m completely fucked…but this is it right? He doesn’t say it, he doesn’t say a fucking thing he just stands in front of her, between me and the bed, like he’s protecting her, like he’s a fucking German Shepherd and not a six year old boy and I walk to the door and I leave
GERRY: And?
DANIEL: And that’s it (GERRY stares off into space, beat.) What’s happening to me? I don’t do things like this, I don’t, this is not the kind of person that I am (Long beat, GERRY is still staring.) Are you even listening to me? Gerry?
GERRY: Sorry?
DANIEL: Are you even listening to me? I come in here and I vomit all of this stuff out and you sit there and…because if you’re not… I mean if you’re not listening how can you help me? If you’re not even –
GERRY: I’m listening (Beat.) I did tell you this would be a slow process, I did tell you I couldn’t guarantee that that –
DANIEL: That you would listen to me?
GERRY: I am listening
DANIEL: And what do you think? (Beat.) Gerry?
GERRY: You know you kind of look like a young James Dean, anyone ever tell you that before?
DANIEL: I look nothing like James Dean
GERRY: I’m just trying to say –
DANIEL: Well try saying something useful, something fucking relevant…try that…
GERRY: (Beat.) You want me to tell you what I think?
DANNY: Why else would I be here?
GERRY: I think you’re suffering from post-traumatic stress
DANIEL: Yes
GERRY: And I think you’re also experiencing survivor guilt
DANIEL: Yes
GERRY: And I think you have chosen this woman as a tangible link to those who died in the accident
DANIEL: Yes. (He waits for GERRY to say something else.) So…so can you prescribe something for me?
GERRY: (Amused by this.) It can’t be prescribed for. There is no quick fix.
DANIEL: Well how do you usually treat people in my position?
GERRY: I’ve never met anyone in your position. (Beat, tired suddenly.) I think I probably could have helped you once but not anymore, not now (Beat.) I have done something I should not have done
DANIEL: Look I know all that, about the assisted suicide (GERRY looks at him.) LJ told me
GERRY: It doesn’t shock you?
DANIEL: No. Maybe. I don’t really know, you probably did what you thought was right
GERRY: I did. Exactly. I wanted to help her
DANIEL: Who?
GERRY: My wife
DANIEL: You killed your –
GERRY: I helped her, I wanted her to stop suffering, I wanted to make the pain go away, I thought it was the right thing but now…the feeling of it…of the guilt…
DANIEL: Is overwhelming…
GERRY: Like you’re drowning though you’re perfectly dry
DANIEL: Yes
GERRY: Like when sometimes silence is the loudest thing in the world and all you want is to hear a sound to break it
DANIEL: Yes.
GERRY: You and I Daniel, we are similar, we are. You remind me of me, of who I was, of the promise of who I could have been. (Beat. DANIEL, tired, stands to go.) Where are you going?
DANIEL: Home
GERRY: You could stay
DANIEL: Why?
GERRY: Because we are both suffering, both alone, both behaving in ways that we should not behave, both on dangerous ground… (Beat, DANIEL makes a further move to go.) Because guilt can kill you if you let it, if you want it to (Beat.) Do you know what I mean?
DANIEL: (He turns looks at him, almost whispers.) Yes… (He sits.)
GERRY pours him a drink. They sit.
SCENE TWELVE
DANNY’s flat, STEPH is trying on clothes. She pulls on a silver spangly top then takes it off again, then pulls on a pink one to match the pink skirt and pink shoes she’s already wearing. She looks at herself in the mirror then strikes a pose.
STEPH: It’s so nice to meet you, I’m Stephanie Wilson. It’s so nice… I’m charmed…really…yes… I’d like to sing for you today…no…today I’ll be singing for you gentlemen that classic iconic track ‘What a Feeling’. (She starts to sing and then the doorbell rings. She panics, pulls a cardigan over her top but she looks ridiculous. She exit, re-enters LJ follows. She is explaining her outfit.) I was just… I have this meeting coming up…need to look…punchy…you think this is a punchy look?
LJ: I’m not sure what punchy means…
STEPH: Kind of…on the edge…up and coming…Britney in her first video kind of…you know punchy…hit me baby one more time?
LJ: (Beat.) So…is Danny here?
STEPH: No he’s been out all day, don’t know where he is, thought he was with you maybe
LJ: No
STEPH: Oh (Awkward silence.) Well I’m sure he’ll be back any minute then.
LJ: I brought him somewhere… I think I shocked him…did he tell you?
STEPH: No
LJ: You’re lying, he told you
STEPH: He didn’t…honest… I’m not a very good liar so you’d know if I was lying
LJ: Right
STEPH: LJ…you know…you can talk to me if you need someone to talk to and you can’t talk to Danny. I’m a really good listener, I don’t say anything because I don’t really know anything about anything so I don’t…say anything so…if you wanted to
talk to me about anything…you know…you could…
LJ: Why would I want to talk to you?
STEPH: (Stung.) Yeah… I know… I mean…why would you? Sure….I understand… I just thought…but sure…sure…
LJ: (Long beat.) Sorry
STEPH: No…it’s…it’s fine
LJ: It’s not fine…you were being nice and I was just…cruel. (Beat.) I can be cruel sometimes I’m just…not used to…to…
STEPH: It’s fine
LJ: It’s not fine
STEPH: Really it is
LJ: Really it’s not…it’s not fucking fine (STEPH looks at her shocked.) If you let people treat you like shit then they will always treat you like shit and is that what you really want? To be treated? Like shit? (STEPH shakes her head no.) Then…it’s not fine, is it? What I said?
STEPH: No
LJ: What?
STEPH: (Louder.) No (Beat.) Thanks (Beat.) You want something to drink? A beer or something?
LJ: What’s the something?
STEPH: I’ll go and check (She exits.)
LJ wheels herself around and moves towards the couch. She is looking at the painting of the ship when KARL enters with a towel around his waist. He looks at LJ.
STEPH O/S: We’ve got vodka or rum and some coke to mix?
LJ: Vodka
STEPH O/S: Coke?
LJ: Straight is fine
KARL: Alright? (LJ stares at him. STEPH enters from the kitchen with a glass of vodka, they both look at her.)
STEPH: Here we are, oh, this is Karl, Karl this is LJ she’s a friend of Danny’s
KARL: Alright
LJ: Yeah
KARL: You an artist as well?
LJ: No…
KARL: That’s one of my best works you have there…what do you think? Picasso or what?
STEPH: (Handing her the vodka.) Don’t mind him, it’s one of Danny’s but Karl ruined it
KARL: Improved it so I did…wasn’t anything before was it?
KARL starts drying himself.
LJ: (Sips her vodka.) What time did he leave? Danny?
STEPH: This morning…early…he’s been out a lot actually…these days…guess he’s working on his show…hope he is…people ringing here all the time…he hasn’t told them what venue or what it’s going to be or anything…hasn’t even given them a brief
LJ: What’s a brief?
STEPH: I don’t kn –
KARL: You like what he did? With those bodies?
LJ: (Beat.) Yeah
KARL: Why?
LJ: I don’t know
KARL: Bollox
STEPH: (Trying to distract him.) So what you think of my outfit? (Taking off her shirt.) You think it’s punchy?
KARL: (Getting dressed.) Skirt is too long
STEPH: What?
KARL: Too long…not enough leg…need to show a bit of thigh to these guys…
STEPH: I can take it up I guess…not too much though… I don’t want them to think I’m that kind of girl
KARL: That’s exactly what you want them to think, sex sells Steph
STEPH: (To LJ.) What you think LJ? You think I’m showing enough l… (Realises what she’s saying.) leg? (LJ looks down, STEPH looks at LJ’s non existent legs.) I mean…it doesn’t matter does it… I mean it’s my singing that counts…that’s what sells records
KARL: You look familiar to me, have we met before?
LJ: No
KARL: Maybe we bumped in to each other somewhere, on a night out or something
LJ: No
KARL: How come you’re so sure?
LJ: I’m good with faces (Beat.) I’d remember you
KARL: Yeah… (Looks at her.) I know…maybe you came down my dad’s garage…he has a small tyre place on the North side… Digger’s…maybe you came down there one time had a tyre fixed
LJ: No
KARL: Just as well…he’s an asshole…never did an honest job on a tyre that I saw…people coming in…not much money ’cos that was the type came around ours…and he’d take money off them for a new tyre and just patch it up…so they’re back in a few weeks later…and again…’till they figure it out…that is not a contribution to life that is a burden (Beat, lighting a cigarette.) Parents are a fucking burden…if you could chose them…then maybe they wouldn’t fuck you up
STEPH: (Concerned.) Oh my God, your parents fucked you up?
KARL: He was an asshole…never one kind word for my mother and she was a saint…a fucking saint she was. You ever need a tyre fixed…don’t go there…
STEPH: (Nodding sympathetically.) Okay…though… I don’t have a car so…
KARL: (He drinks from a can of beer on the table.) You look familiar though
STEPH: (Trying to take the attention back to herself.) You know I think this is better than the silver top because there’s more unity in the top and the skirt matching don’t you think? I mean they say if you want to look slim you should wear the same colour up and down? (KARL and LJ are staring at each other.) Hey LJ you want to hear my audition piece? I could use the practise… (Beat, desperately.) LJ?
LJ: (Looks at her, beat.) Sure
STEPH: (Delighted.) Really…great…thanks…well I’ll just…just pretend… (Grabs the remote control.) that this…this is the microphone…and the crowd…the crowd is out there and they’re all cheering…really cheering… (KARL turns his back to us and drops his towel and pulls on his jeans, LJ watches him, STEPH tries to take the attention again.) And I’ll come in from back stage and my hairs all done and my make up and I look… I look… I look punchy you know? And then I start
She starts to sing, hesitantly at first but slowly she gets lost in it, as if she forgets the other two are there and singing to an imaginary audience. She is not bad, but not great, she will not become a star. As she sings, KARL gets dressed in a way which seems overtly sexual, like to watch him would be wrong and he is very aware that LJ is watching him, every button tied is an invitation, they lock eyes from time to time, LJ cannot look away. STEPH finishes the chorus and stops. She breaks the spell between the other two and LJ looks away embarrassed. STEPH looks at them both, desperate for them to say something kind. They say nothing.
So…what you think?
LJ: Huh?
STEPH: What you think? Of the song?
LJ: Good
STEPH: (Delighted.) Really?
LJ: Sure…
STEPH: Thanks… Karl?
KARL: Needs more practice
STEPH: Yeah… I can see that…yeah… I’ll do some more work on it…you know…later… (She sits dejected on the couch, takes off her heels.) I can see that… (Beat.) I can…need to do a proper warm up first…loosen my vocal chords…shouldn’t just be going straight into it
KARL puts his coat on.
KARL: I’m away
STEPH: What?
KARL: Have a meeting, I told you
STEPH: Oh about the…oh…great…well great…good luck…
KARL: (To LJ.) Was nice meeting you
STEPH leans in for a kiss but he exits without giving it. As he does DANIEL enters, KARL doesn’t acknowledge him.
STEPH: See I told you he’d be here in a minute, look Danny LJ’s come to see you
LJ: Hey
DANIEL: (He focuses on LJ, registers guilt.) Hey
LJ: Something wrong with your phone? I’ve been trying it all weekend
DANIEL: I’ve been busy
LJ: Apparently… (Beat, desperate.) Look I’m sorry I brought you to the club. I’m sorry but I just needed… I guess you think it’s weird that that would be anybody’s normality but it was mine. (Beat.) I’m sorry if I…if it shocked you
DANIEL: It’s okay
LJ: But at the same time I don’t know why it should shock you, most guys, most guys wouldn’t have found it so bad to be sitting in there watching the girls dance, it wouldn’t have been so…so shocking.
DANIEL: It wasn’t the girls
LJ: Oh…good then.
STEPH: (Standing.) I�
�m going to…you know…start dinner so…
DANIEL: Stay (STEPH looks uncertain.) Stay (STEPH sits.)
LJ: Why did you run out like that?
DANIEL: I couldn’t be there with you
LJ: What was wrong with being there with me?
STEPH: Yeah Danny?
DANIEL: (Beat.) Everything…sitting there beside you watching them…dance…and that man…and the way he looked at you…like…like…
LJ: Go on
DANIEL: Like you were…a freak (He doesn’t know what to say the unspoken word just hangs there, very uncomfortable. STEPH stands to go.) Sit
STEPH sits, she looks at each of them while they talk, stuck in the middle.
LJ: (Beat.) I didn’t ask you to… I never fucking asked you to…to…to feel things for me…to feel sorry for me…to pity me…my feelings and my…my fucking feelings are none of your business do you hear me? Do you?
DANIEL: I’m sorry… I just wanted… I’m doing the best I can but it’s…
LJ: Then do fucking better Daniel. Is that all I am to you? Someone that you can pick up and drop whenever it suits you? Someone you feel sorry for?
DANIEL: No but I –
LJ: I’m only in this fucking chair because of you. (She stops, STEPH and DANIEL look at her.)
DANIEL: What do you mean?
LJ: (She softens, she can’t look at him.) I saw you that day…on the bus…before it happened… I was supposed to get off two stops before but I was watching you. I remember you were smiling…looking at people…taking them in. I didn’t want to leave until you had taken me in…smiled at me…and at each stop I worried that you would get off. I didn’t want you to get off that bus and I didn’t want to get off myself and now look at us. (Beat.) Neither of us did. And you didn’t look at me until after, until I looked like this.
DANIEL stares at her, he can’t believe it, he backs away shaking his head and exits. STEPH stares at a crumbling LJ.
STEPH: He’ll be back in a minute, honest, he didn’t –
The Dark Things Page 6
