“And with all that, I’ve neglected the most important thing of all.” He stepped forward and reached for her. “You, Essie.”
Suddenly it was a dream come true, having Harlan here, so close, and in love with her once again. The air left her lungs as his fingertips grazed her arms, and then he pulled her close, his arms around her waist. His golden eyes, his handsome face, his lips were inches away and so overwhelming that she had to remind herself to breathe.
“I thought I’d lost you,” she whispered. “That you’d be moving off to Ohio, leaving me behind.”
“Never.” He nuzzled her ear and kissed her neck, sending a wave of warmth through her body that made her knees weaken. “I would never go off without you.”
“But you were being torn in two directions. You’re a good son, Harlan, and you don’t shirk responsibility.”
“I can be a good son and stay true to the path Gott wants for me. The bishop helped me see that, and I’ve explained it to my mem. It’s time for me to stand on my own two feet, and, Essie, I want you by my side. Please say yes. Say that you’ll marry me.” His words were like warm honey.
She cupped his face in her hands so that she could see the love light in his eyes. “I will. I want to be your wife.”
He kissed her lightly, then again, taking her deeper into the dreamy moment. When the kiss ended, he rested his forehead against hers. “Whatever else happens, good things and bad, I’ve realized that the most important thing in my life is for me to be with you. I love you, Essie.”
“And I love you.”
“Let’s get married soon. December . . . the first week?”
“But it’s so soon! And most of the money we saved is gone.”
“The time is now, and we know your mem has been preparing. We’ll work hard to make it happen if it’s Gott’s will. I’m sorry about the money, but the bishop will hold that land for us, and we’ll earn more eventually. You’re such a hard worker, Essie.”
“And you got that second job as a craftsman,” she said. “We’ll figure out a way to make ends meet.”
“Besides, I know you love December.”
“It’ll be like a Christmas wedding,” she said, enthralled at the idea of marrying near the celebration of Christ’s birth. “But it’s late for wedding season.”
“I already talked to the bishop, and he’s got no problem scheduling it the first week of December.”
“Then a December wedding it is.” She hugged Harlan close, and he lifted her off her feet and twirled her around the living room.
“You’ve made me the happiest man on earth!” They laughed together, enjoying the moment.
But one thing remained unresolved. Although love could move mountains, Essie knew it wouldn’t be so easy. “But your mem . . .”
“. . . is moving to Ohio, but I told her I’m staying here with you. Turned out she didn’t really expect me to up and move, but I’m going to have to help her. I might need to take her there on a bus once she’s healed enough to relocate. I’ll help her get settled in if she needs me, but I won’t stay long. This is my home. Here in Joyful River, with you, Essie.”
He folded her into his arms again, and Essie knew she had found the place where she truly belonged. Right here, at home, in Harlan’s arms.
* * *
Snuggled in Harlan’s arms on the couch, Essie was awakened by noise. The kerosene lamp was still burning, and the house was quiet but for a knocking sound at the door.
“What’s that?” Harlan asked with his eyes still closed.
“Someone’s at the door.” She extracted herself from his arms, kissed his cheek, and then went to the door.
Scout stood on the dark porch, his shoulders hunched as he rubbed his face. “I’m sorry to wake you, but I’m worried about Serena.” He peered into the shadowed house. “Is she here by any chance?”
“Nay. I thought she was with you.”
“She was. Then we had an argument, and she stormed off.”
Essie realized his shoulders were hunched in worry. “Come in.”
Harlan was on his feet now, questioning Scout. “What was it that upset her?” Harlan asked.
Essie held up a finger. “Let me get Megan,” she said. “She knows her twin well.” Her pulse raced as she hurried up the stairs, trying to keep her footsteps light to avoid waking everyone in the house. Although she knew it was wise to stay calm, the thought of her cousin out in the night alone scared her, and she said a silent prayer that Gott would protect Serena and keep her safe from harm.
Megan jerked awake when Essie whispered that Serena was missing, and they slipped downstairs quietly to learn the details.
“I didn’t mean to upset her.” Scout appeared worn-out as he faced the three of them. “It just sort of happened, and we both ended up saying things that . . . Well, we argued. I told her I’d take her home, but she got out of the truck and refused. We were at the riverfront park in town then. She was mad, and she sort of marched off.”
“And once she said no to the ride, there was no changing her mind,” Megan said.
“Exactly. I followed her with my truck for a while, but she pretty much told me to get lost.”
“She’s stubborn when she makes up her mind,” Megan said, raking her dark bangs out of her eyes.
“So I parked the truck and secretly followed her on foot into town. She went into the burger place, and then ended up hanging out with some high school kids. I don’t know any of them. It’s been a few years since I was in high school. They were passing around some booze and smoking. I kept my eyes on her for an hour or so, figuring I’d wait it out and give her a ride, but when the burger shack closed she got into some jacked-up car with some of the high school guys.”
“Who are these boys she went off with?” Essie turned to Megan. “Do you know?”
“You said it was a cool car?” Megan asked. “A Mustang in metallic blue?”
Scout snapped his fingers. “It was a Mustang.”
“It’s probably that Johnny guy,” Megan said. “Johnny Rotten, or something like that. He talks to us at school, but he’s kind of a jerk. He thinks he’s Elvis incarnate, but he’s really a big zero.”
Essie wasn’t completely following the details, but a young man named Johnny Rotten did not sound good. “Where is she now? We must get her home.”
“I tried to text her when I had service,” Scout said, “but she didn’t answer.”
“She’s out there on her own.” Essie felt a grave sense of responsibility as she looked toward the dark windows. “What if she needs our help?”
“Serena can take care of herself, but if she gets mad enough, there’s no telling what she might do,” Megan said, looking pointedly at Scout. “What did you say to make her so mad?”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” he said, looking down at the floor. “I’d never do anything to hurt her—never—but she was definitely mad.”
“We need to go after her,” Essie said. “Harlan will hitch the buggy, and—”
“No, my truck will be faster,” Scout said, “and safer at this time of night. Just tell me where you want to go.”
Everyone looked to Megan, who frowned, and then said, “The police station.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Although it seemed that Serena had walked for a hundred miles, she’d only been plodding along the road for an hour or so before a buggy carrying a young Amish couple had come along and spotted her. The guy called for the horse to stop, and the young woman asked her if she was all right.
The woman’s kind words made Serena want to cry, but she restrained herself, figuring it might scare them off if she burst into tears and began blubbering over her problems.
“I’d really appreciate a ride into town,” Serena said.
The woman invited her to climb in, and they were off, the horse trotting toward town. Up close, Serena was surprised to see that the couple was really young—like, teenagers. Were they on a date together? Ugh. Lately she had a
way of ruining people’s good times. The girl shared her blanket, tucking it over Serena’s legs, and the young Amish dude remarked on the cold night, and Serena thanked them profusely for helping her out.
As the horse trotted on, she realized the Amish kids weren’t the only ones she needed to thank.
Oh, thank you, God, thank you! In this clear, cold moment, Serena realized she really did believe in God, and although she would never become completely Amish, she also would never return to the life of rebellion that she’d led back in Philly. Somehow, when she hadn’t really been trying to, she had carved out her own path here in Joyful River. Sure, she’d had plenty of help from Aunt Miriam and Uncle Alvie, her cousins, her sisters, and yes, yes, Scout.
Another reason to cry.
But she had learned some things about herself and was moving forward in a good way.
She’d have to hold that thought until she got to the police station. Years of upbringing as a cop’s daughter had taught her that if you ever got in a fix, the police would help you. If she wanted to get home before daylight, she needed to bite the bullet and go to the police.
She dozed a bit along the way, and thanked Rosie and Eli when they dropped her off. Inside the police station, she told the officer at the desk, Officer Carlucci, that she needed help getting home. A middle-aged man with curly dark hair and a mustache, he squinted at her and snapped his fingers.
“Don’t tell me, let me guess. You’re Sabrina, right?”
“Serena Sullivan.”
“I was close. Your sister and her crew were just here looking for you. Twins, right? But she looks different with the short hair.”
“Megan was here?” The thought of her sister close by made Serena’s knees feel weak.
“You need to call her cell. She’s staying in cell range, driving around looking for you.”
Serena clutched the desk, grateful and relieved.
“Are you okay?” Officer Carlucci leaned closer. “You can use our phone if yours is out of juice. And I’ve got coffee and tea if you want.”
“Tea would be great.” Right now her legs and hands felt too cold and numb to shiver. She tapped Megan’s number and held her breath. Her sister picked up on the second ring.
“Serena. Where are you?”
“The police station.”
“We’ll be right there. Everyone’s been freaking out about you. Are you okay?”
“I will be.”
* * *
The sight of them filing into the police station made Serena cry. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she rose from the bench, and Megan rushed forward and crushed her in a hug.
“You’re an idiot,” Megan said.
“I know. Thanks.”
“Of course.”
It was that twin shorthand that communicated much in few words.
Essie hugged her next, telling her how worried they were. Harlan squeezed her hand, then said she felt like a snowman. Serena laughed through her tears.
And then she saw Scout. Were those tears in his eyes?
She swallowed over the knot in her throat. In that second she was ready to forgive him for all the mean things he’d said, ready to rush into his arms and hug him.
But the moment faded, like a soap bubble that popped in the air.
“We’d better get going,” Scout said, looking at the floor. “It’s late.”
And that was that.
The ride home was bound to be awkward. Scout’s truck couldn’t fit five people in the cab, so Essie and Harlan climbed into the back and bundled into two blankets that Scout kept in his rig. Scout climbed into the driver’s side, and Megan pushed Serena in first, saying, “You get the hump.” Serena tried to glare at her sister, but Megan turned toward the window and faced away the whole time, her way of offering privacy.
No thank you, Serena thought, folding her arms. Scout had told her not to talk earlier in the night, and she was determined to take him up on that.
Once they hit the outskirts of town, Scout opened up. “I know I shut you down before, but we need to talk,” he said without taking his eyes off the road.
“Don’t talk to me. I’m so mad at you right now if you say two words my head might explode.”
“I’m mad at myself, if that helps at all.” His eyes were shiny and more intensely blue than Serena remembered, but he stayed focused on the road ahead. “I should have never left you alone.”
“That’s not why I’m mad.” She groaned. “I can totally take care of myself, and you didn’t leave me. I walked out on you because I was so incredibly frustrated, and now you’re making it worse. You don’t get it. How could you not get that I care about you and I can’t stand to be pushed away. That’s why I’m mad.”
“Oh. I get that.”
“I don’t think you do, Scout. You’re so caught up in your own pride and your own fears that you aren’t aware of how people feel around you. It’s rotten that people let you down when you got hurt, and now you’re going to push everyone else away so that it doesn’t happen again. Except that when you push people away, you’re just as bad as your former friends.”
He rubbed his chin, thoughtful. “Okay, I actually followed all that, and you’re only half right. I know I push people away, but I’m no bully. I’ve had to end friendships to protect myself. There’s a difference.”
“If you care anything about me, you’re going to continue to be my friend. You can’t cut off a friend because you feel sorry for yourself over an injury.”
“You’re only looking at part of the picture. It’s not that simple, Serena. It never is. The truth is, I was in a dark place for a long time. When I started getting better, it took every ounce of energy I had to get out of bed in the morning. To put one foot in front of the other. To leave the house. Why do you think I know the stars so well? Because for a while nighttime was the only time I ventured outside. And my job driving the milk truck at night? I liked it because I could be alone and go for days and weeks without seeing any of the customers.”
“That doesn’t sound like you at all,” she said.
“But that’s how my life was after the accident. It got so bad at school that I finished through home schooling. That cut off a world of social connections, but I was okay with that. I became a hermit. You know the type. The fool on the hill, all alone and happy to be that way.”
Her throat grew tight as she tried to think of an argument, but in that moment she could only imagine Scout alone, cut off from his friends, feeling bad about himself and the world. “I’m sorry,” she said.
“Look, I’m not trying to get your sympathy. I just want you to know that the ‘me’ you’ve come to know is not a full picture. I got to a point where I could get out of the house. I accepted my scars, and figured out a way to keep them hidden. The fire and rescue squad and community college pushed me to be around people and make some friends. But it was all moving slowly. And then you came along, like an undiscovered star in the sky, sparkling and twinkling. I couldn’t say no to you. How could I? You just shot through the sky and lit up the night and . . . you’re a really great person, Serena. A shining star. I’m just not ready to have someone like you in my life.”
I think you are, she thought. Yes, you are. You are so ready for me.
But she couldn’t say the words. She just couldn’t.
* * *
Serena slept in the next day, and dragged through the afternoon, not wanting to process what had happened the night before. On Sunday night, she pulled herself together and headed out to meet the milk truck. Having spent the day in the woodshop, she’d had a lot of time to think.
One coat of jade paint had helped her see that things could be fixed. Wrongs could sometimes be righted. People could be forgiven for their mistakes.
The wax coating over a lavender end table reminded her that people (and wax surfaces) could be more resilient than anyone thought. Scout would bounce back from his vulnerable moment, and she had already shaken off the bad turn she’d taken, going
off with Johnny Oh-so-Rotten.
By the time she finished up in the woodshop, she felt like she’d progressed in life and with her furniture. Faith restored, she picked up the lantern and went into the house to wash up.
“You may want to get that green paint off your face,” Megan said as she passed her in the hall. She was already in her pajamas and headed off to bed.
“Yeah, it’s not the sort of paint that guys go for,” Serena agreed.
“Are you meeting Scout?” Megan asked.
“I’m meeting the milk truck.”
Megan nodded. “Good luck.”
Serena made her way into the bathroom, where there was a small, scratched mirror that cousin Sam used for shaving. Mirrors weren’t a thing for the Amish because they thought mirrors contributed to vanity. Now when Serena wanted to pluck her eyebrows or apply makeup, she had to turn on the selfie screen of her cell phone to make sure she was hitting her mark.
By the time she’d washed up, the milk truck was already pulled up at the door of the milking barn. Serena practiced what she was going to say as she walked across the lawn. But when she approached the truck she came face-to-face with an older driver with glasses and a big belly. “Good evening, miss. Everything okay?”
“I was looking for Scout Tanner. He’s our regular driver.”
He nodded. “Nice guy. Yeah, the boss asked me to take over his nighttime pickups this week.”
“All week?” Serena tried to swallow, but the knot in her throat made it difficult. Scout must really hate her if he’d give up his paycheck for the week.
“Yeah, it might turn into more of a long-term thing. The boss asked if I was available. I just take things one day at a time. Too much planning makes me feel trapped.”
“I get that,” she said, trying to keep it casual and hold on to her dignity. “I’m going to head inside. You take care.”
“Have a good night.”
She walked in metered steps, gravel crunching under her sneakers, until she was sure he was involved setting up the pump. Then, she took off. Her vision was blurred by tears, but she headed toward the dim lantern light in the front room, and ran like crazy.
Inside, the house was dark and quiet—too quiet. She couldn’t take it. She couldn’t handle this alone.
An Amish Homecoming Page 22
