by Beth Wiseman
Dedication
To Sharon and Sam Hanners, with love and appreciation
Contents
Cover
Title Page
Dedication
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Epilogue
Discussion Questions
Acknowledgments
Glossary
About the Author
Acclaim for Beth Wiseman
Other Books by Beth Wiseman
Copyright
Chapter 1
Natalie pulled her coat snug as she crossed the yard, hurrying toward Mary and Levi’s house. She was anxious to get inside the warm home as she eyed smoke billowing from the chimney. The heat had gone out in her SUV over a week ago, but her class schedule hadn’t allowed time for repairs yet.
Her teeth chattered as she knocked on the door. Lucas wasn’t here yet, but the icy weather might have slowed him down. Natalie had offered, more than once, to pick up her Amish friend and drive him to Mary and Levi’s house for their Friday night dinners—or supper, as the Amish called the last meal of the day—but Lucas always declined and insisted on making the drive from Orleans to Shoals in his buggy.
“Ach, hurry, get inside.” Mary held the door wide so Natalie could step over the threshold. “You still don’t have the heater fixed in your car?”
Natalie rushed to the fireplace, where orange sparks shimmied upward. She pulled off her black gloves, held her hands close to the glowing embers, and breathed in the smell of freshly baked bread. “Not yet, but hopefully soon.”
“Lucas isn’t here yet. I’m sure you noticed his buggy isn’t tethered outside.” Mary took Natalie’s coat when she was finally warm enough to slip out of it and hung it on a peg by the door.
Natalie pulled off her boots and carried them to the area by the front door where other shoes were lined up against the wall. “Oops.” It wasn’t the first time she’d forgotten to remove them upon entering the house. She’d worn thick socks, knowing Mary and Levi didn’t wear shoes inside. Or socks. “Aren’t your feet frozen?”
Mary grinned as she walked barefoot toward the kitchen, motioning for Natalie to follow. A loaf of bread cooled on a rack next to a plate of chocolate chip cookies.
“You’ve asked me about my feet every Friday since it got cold.” Mary shrugged. “We grew up going barefoot all year long, so I guess our feet are conditioned to the cold.”
Natalie walked to the stove and lifted the lid off a simmering pot. “Oh, wow. Mashed potatoes.” Mary made the best potatoes on the planet. Natalie wasn’t sure if it was the amount of butter, the seasonings, or a secret ingredient that made the difference, but they were awesome.
Friday night supper at Mary and Levi’s house was the highlight of her week. The food was great, and Mary and Levi were her closest friends. Along with Lucas. He was her best friend—and Levi’s older brother. Natalie and Lucas had hit it off a few months ago when she went with Mary to visit Levi. Lucas had slipped Natalie his phone number when no one was looking. It was a surprise since their family was so conservative compared to most Amish in the area. Many used cell phones, but she wouldn’t have thought anyone in the Shetler family would have one. Mary had even stowed hers when she married Levi, compromising with her husband that it would only be used in an emergency. When Natalie asked, Lucas had admitted he kept the phone hidden.
Natalie and Lucas kept their friendship quiet for a while, mostly talking on the phone before they started meeting at the library. Their love of books had drawn them together, but Lucas was also helping Natalie learn about God in a way she could relate to.
“I wish you’d let me bring a dish or something for our meals.” Natalie poured herself a glass of tea as Mary waved off the comment, the way she always did when Natalie offered to contribute. Levi and Mary had both encouraged her to feel at home here, and she did. The three of them had nursed her cousin, Adeline, in this house, taking turns caring for the older woman until she died a few months ago. Adeline blessed them all when she left her house to Levi and Mary in her will.
She also left all of her money to Natalie to use for college. As it turned out, their elderly friend didn’t have much money when she died. Mary and Levi had sold the Steinway piano that came with the house, and they graciously gifted the proceeds to Natalie so she could pay for college. None of them had any idea the piano would provide enough to support Natalie through four years of school. She had argued that Levi and Mary should keep the money, but her friends wouldn’t hear of it, saying Adeline’s intent had been to help Natalie with school. And besides, instruments were forbidden in Mary and Levi’s world anyway.
Smiling, Natalie glanced around the kitchen and recalled so many fond memories. A lot of meals had been prepared in this room, mostly the best chicken salad sandwiches she had ever eaten. And she couldn’t look at the kitchen table without remembering the times she, Mary, and Levi had worked on a jigsaw puzzle with Adeline. Natalie missed their friend but believed she was kicking up her heels in heaven with her husband, Percy. Maybe she even runs into Mimi Jean sometimes. Natalie was sure her grandmother and Adeline would have been friends here on earth if they’d known each other.
She was thankful God had brought their little group together. First it was just Levi, Mary, and Natalie, always meeting on Friday nights for supper. But it wasn’t long before Lucas joined them. He and Levi were the closest of their siblings, so it worked out well for all of them.
Mary reached for her own glass of tea, and she and Natalie took their seats. Mary always set a beautiful table—white china that had been her grandmother’s, white cloth napkins with silver holders that had belonged to her aunt, and always fresh flowers in a vase. Levi bought them for his wife every Wednesday during the winter months. Natalie practically swooned the first time Mary told her the flowers were a weekly thing. So romantic.
“Levi is showering and running behind schedule.” Mary paused and took a deep breath. “Maybe this is a gut time for us to talk, before Lucas gets here.”
“What’s wrong?” Natalie studied her friend, whose eyebrows had narrowed into a frown.
Mary let out a breath and her facial muscles relaxed, but her expression remained sober. “You know how much Levi and I love you, ya?”
Natalie nodded as she wondered where Mary was going with that kind of introduction.
“And we’ve noticed that you seem to be developing a closer relationship with Gott.” Mary nervously ran a finger around the edge of her glass. “We’re so happy about that.”
“Lucas has taught me a lot about God. We even read the Bible together sometimes, and he explains the things I don’t understand.” She paused, trying to read Mary’s expression, but her friend wasn’t giving much away, just staring blankly at her. “If there is something you want to say, it’s okay. Just say it.” She leaned back in the chair and smiled, hoping to ease whatever tension Mary was feeling, but also wondering why she looked so serious.
“You and Lucas have been meeting here on Friday nights for weeks. And we lieb having you here. Lucas is Levi’s bruder, and I consider you like a schweschder.” Mary took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. Whatever was coming couldn’t be good.
“Mary, what is it?”
Her friend locked eyes with her. “Levi and I have
noticed the way you and Lucas look at each other. You’ve also mentioned that you meet for lunches or at the Bedford library.” She reached across the table and put a hand on Natalie’s. “We’re worried that this is becoming more than friendship.”
Natalie was surprised it had taken Mary this long to broach the subject. “I’ve been expecting this—questions from you and Levi about me and Lucas. Yes, we spend time together, and we’re super close. But we know that’s as far as it will ever go.”
Mary raised an eyebrow. “So, you’ve discussed your relationship?”
Natalie tucked her blonde hair behind ears that still felt frozen, as she avoided her friend’s inquiring expression. “Well, no. I mean, we haven’t talked about it.” She shifted her weight in the chair. “We don’t need to talk about it. He’s Amish. I’m not. I’m planning to be a vet, and he will meet a nice girl in Orleans and eventually get married.”
Mary began twirling the string of her prayer covering, something she did when she was either nervous or in serious thought. “I know you’ve said you’re just friends, but sometimes we can’t control who we fall in love with. It’s obvious that you and Lucas care about each other. How do you know this friendship won’t evolve into something more?”
“Because we won’t let it.” Natalie sat taller and shook her head.
Mary let go of the string on her prayer covering and placed both palms on the table. “Ya, okay. But for the sake of argument, let’s just say that you and Lucas did fall in love.”
Natalie slouched into the chair and sighed.
“Just hear me out. You know how differently you and I live. And even though Levi and I are both Amish, we lived very different lives before we were married. I come from an Amish community that isn’t nearly as conservative as the one Levi and Lucas are from. Our bishop is more forgiving and lenient, and our interpretation of the Ordnung isn’t as strictly enforced as it is in the Orleans community. Levi and Lucas come from a world far different even from mine.”
She waved a hand around the kitchen, brightly lit with lanterns on the counter and hanging above the table. “I have propane to fuel our stove and refrigerator, a luxury Levi and Lucas’s family doesn’t approve of.” She leaned over the table, closer to Natalie. “Don’t you remember the compromises Levi and I had to make in order for us to be happy? And I was already living an Amish life. We adopted some of his ways and some of mine. I take my cell phone with me when I go to town sometimes, to charge it, but otherwise it stays turned off in the drawer of my nightstand. I agreed not to use it unless there’s an emergency. We only use drivers in emergencies, too, as opposed to asking someone to drive us to the market in the rain or snow. Can you even imagine what an overhaul it would be to your life or Lucas’s if this friendship progressed into something more?”
Natalie held up a hand to gently shush her friend. “I know all of this, and you’re worrying for no reason. The Shetlers are very conservative. And I respect that. Even though we’re just friends, Lucas and I are never alone together.” She looked over her shoulder to make sure Levi wasn’t coming, then spoke in a whisper. “We don’t kiss or anything like that, Mary. We are just friends.”
“It’s still dangerous. And reckless.” Mary spoke with an authority Natalie didn’t think she’d heard her friend use before. “We talked about this when you two first started becoming friends a few months ago, and your friendship has grown. Someone is going to get hurt.”
Natalie was quiet for a while. The thought of Lucas in another woman’s arms stung a little, but it was something she tried not to think about. “You, Levi, and Lucas have told me that everything that happens is God’s will. I’m choosing to rely on God’s will for my life. And for whatever reason, my friendship with Lucas is part of my journey. I will keep listening to God and following His lead. If I step onto the wrong path, I’ll know.” She paused as she recalled the trauma she’d gone through with her parents’ divorce. “Even if Lucas wasn’t Amish, I’m not in the market for a romantic relationship. Not now, and maybe not ever.”
Mary cringed. “Don’t say that. You will fall in love someday. The right person will come along, and you won’t be able to think straight. True love will knock you off your feet. And I’ll say it again—you can’t control whom you fall in love with. Yes, I believe that all things are Gott’s will, but He also gives us free will.”
They were quiet as Natalie pondered Mary’s comments about God and free will, knowing they must be intertwined. The God she was getting to know wouldn’t put her in a situation that would hurt her or Lucas.
A few moments later, they heard the clip-clop of hooves approaching, and it wasn’t long before a knock sounded and the door opened slightly. “Wie bischt? It’s me.”
“Come in,” Mary said as she and Natalie stood.
After the door closed, heavy shoes fell to the floor next to the others. Lucas crossed the living room in his socks and met them in the kitchen, smiling. “Smells gut.”
Natalie took in Lucas’s broad shoulders beneath his dark blue shirt. He reminded her of a lumberjack. She loved the way his dark hair fell straight against his square jawline, and when he smiled, his cool and confident green eyes twinkled. Lucas was one good-looking guy. But men and women could be great friends without including the complications of a romantic relationship, even if there was a physical attraction. God had blessed them with a wonderful friendship that Natalie cherished.
Love came in many forms. Natalie loved Levi and Mary, she loved her brother, Sean, although she didn’t see him much, and she loved her parents, despite what they’d put her through—and what they’d done to each other. She was capable of loving Lucas the same way she loved Levi and Mary. Maybe Mary was right and Natalie would fall in love someday, but it would be a long time before she trusted her heart to romantic love. And that made her relationship with Lucas feel safe, not dangerous or reckless as Mary had said.
* * *
Lucas said hello to Natalie and his sister-in-law, and Levi came into the room a few minutes later.
“Wie bischt?” Lucas shook Levi’s hand, then went to where Mary was standing by the oven and gave her a hug before he sat down. Lucas had never hugged Natalie, even though he felt closer to her than anyone in the room, including his own brother. He was certain God had sent Natalie into his life to help her find her way to Him. Natalie had a hunger for knowledge about God and the Bible and faith, and Lucas loved watching her grow and learn.
It didn’t hurt that she was easy on the eyes with her long blonde hair and eyes as blue as a cloudless sky. He’d never had a friend quite like her. They weren’t encouraged to interact with outsiders unless necessary, but Lucas believed their friendship was necessary for her spiritual growth. She’d recently started attending Oakland City University in Bedford, a faith-based college, but she still had a lot of questions she wasn’t comfortable asking her teachers or the other students.
After they bowed their heads in prayer and filled their plates with roast, mashed potatoes, carrots, and buttered bread, Levi wanted to know how things were at home. He and Mary had only been married a few months, so having a house of his own probably still felt new. He asked about the family weekly. It was a twenty-mile ride in the buggy from Orleans to Mary and Levi’s house in Shoals, so they didn’t see the rest of the family often.
“Ach, well, it’s the usual chaos. Not much has changed since you asked me last week.” Lucas chuckled. “You’re barely missed.”
Levi scowled until Lucas grinned again. “I’m kidding, bruder. Mamm misses you the most.”
Lucas’s brother rolled his eyes. “Probably because I’m the one who took her everywhere in the buggy.”
“Ya, Eli carts her around most of the time now, and sometimes Miriam.” Lucas sighed. “I think Miriam is seeing someone. I’ve seen her sneaking out of the haus. Daed will go ab im kopp if he finds out.”
Lucas reached for another slice of bread and noticed everyone was quiet. Mary’s eyes were cast down, and he sud
denly felt like a louse. “Sorry, Mary. I-I probably shouldn’t have mentioned anything. Is Lydia doing okay? How are she, Samuel, and the new boppli?”
Last year, Mary’s sister had been sneaking out of their house in Montgomery to meet a guy named Samuel, and she’d gotten pregnant. Their parents insisted they be baptized and married right away, even though Samuel and Lydia weren’t happy about it. Lucas prayed Miriam didn’t fall into the same kind of trouble.
Mary pushed food around on her plate but looked up at him. “I think they are okay, adjusting to married life and being parents. It’s hard to know for sure. I don’t see them as often as I’d like.”
Samuel had worked for Lydia’s father at the time, but he’d accepted a different job after he and Lydia married. Lucas wasn’t sure if it was because of the awkward situation or a better job opportunity.
He glanced at Natalie as she took a drink of her tea, then looked at Mary. “They don’t live far from my mom, and I try to see her once a week.” She spooned more potatoes onto her plate. “I know it’s quite a trek in the buggy. I can take you to see them if you ever want me to.”
Lucas knew about Natalie’s mother, who was a bit on the needy side since she and Natalie’s father divorced last year. Looking out for her had taken a toll on Natalie and her relationship with her mother, but she’d said recently that they were making more of an effort to regain the good relationship they once had.
Mary glanced at Levi, then back at Natalie. “I appreciate that, but don’t forget the rules. No rides from the Englisch unless it’s an emergency, remember?”
“Right. Sorry. I still forget sometimes . . . I hate when you refer to me as Englisch.” Natalie set down her fork. “It makes me feel like an outsider.”
Levi laughed. “You are.”
“Hey. Take it back.” Natalie’s mouth took on an exaggerated pout, but it wasn’t long before she scooped more potatoes onto her fork.
She looked five years old when she rolled her lip under the way she did sometimes, but it was cute. Lucas grinned as he waited for his brother to respond.
