by Beth Wiseman
“I love you, too, Dad.” She paused. “You’re sure you’re okay?”
“Yes, I’m fine.”
More uncomfortable silence.
“Well, okay.”
“I’ll talk to you soon.” He hung up.
Normally, Natalie would have rolled her eyes and figured that wasn’t going to happen, but after this call, she began to worry even more about her father, which she hadn’t done in a long time. She’d focused on nurturing her mother during and after the divorce.
It wasn’t long before she snuggled back into the covers and started to cry. More than ever, she needed one of her best friends. Mostly, she wanted to talk to Lucas, but she wasn’t going to call him. She’d even accept a little love from her mother at this point.
* * *
Cecelia rolled over and stretched, lifting her arms high above her head as she welcomed beams of sunlight pouring into her bedroom. She was awake much earlier than usual. Coffee sounded good this morning.
Her phone dinged as she walked to the kitchen and began filling up the coffeepot. She read Natalie’s text and noticed the battery was almost dead. She reached for the charger cord she kept on the counter and plugged it in, deciding she’d call Natalie later, after her phone charged a little bit more. Right now, she wanted a cup of coffee and a few minutes on the back porch so she could reflect on the lovely evening she’d had with the cowboy.
They’d talked about their marriages and the many differences in the ways they lived. But one thing was universal. Love. It doesn’t matter if you have electricity, use a cell phone, or travel by horse and buggy, the human spirit feels love the same way. Cecelia had been surprised how easily she and Moses fell into conversation. Either he was an exception to her thoughts about the Amish, or she’d labeled at least some of them unjustly. It had been quite apparent how much Moses loved his wife, and he seemed to genuinely understand how divorce felt like a death in many ways.
As she settled in on the back porch, she realized she felt different this morning. She had a job, and even though she hadn’t had it long, it gave her a sense of self-worth. Her boss was a kind and caring person. His flirting was just part of his charisma. She had a new friend, and she was looking forward to going to work on Monday.
When she walked inside to refill her cup, her phone was ringing, and she answered Natalie’s call.
“I thought you’d be glad not to have me bothering you all the time,” she said, then chuckled.
“Mom, did it ever occur to you that for once I might need you?”
Natalie was crying, and Cecelia almost dropped her coffee cup. “What’s wrong? Tell me.” Her daughter rarely cried. Adeline’s funeral a few months ago was the last time Cecelia could recall Natalie shedding tears.
“Everything is wrong. Can I come over?”
Cecelia’s pulse picked up. She could feel Natalie’s pain, whatever was going on. “Of course you can. Are you okay to drive? I can come to you if you want me to.”
“No. I’ll come there.”
After ending the conversation, Cecelia scurried to get dressed. She prayed that her daughter would be okay. Praying wasn’t something she did a lot of. But she’d bowed her head when Moses did the night before and thanked God for the meal. Spirituality had become important to Natalie lately as well. Cecelia didn’t know much about God, but she felt like He might want her to get to know Him.
* * *
After Lucas attempted to eat some breakfast, he’d left quickly and gone straight to the barn. He hadn’t had much of an appetite this morning.
He sat on the stool in front of his workbench, thankful for some time alone to think before the others joined him. He’d tossed and turned all night, wondering who messed up the worst, him or Natalie. She’d said the words they’d both veered away from, and he had kissed her, which was off limits too.
He hadn’t called or texted her after she left, and she hadn’t attempted to contact him either. A clean break would be the easiest, and that’s what he would keep telling himself, even though he felt like his heart might never recover. He missed her already. But he worried that things would only get worse if they stayed friends. He would always want to be with her in a way he shouldn’t. The kiss added a new layer of temptation. They both needed to find someone else.
As tears gathered in his eyes, he mourned the loss of their friendship. He’d questioned God repeatedly, even though he was taught to accept all things as the Lord’s will. By morning, Lucas’s thoughts had been set. Natalie needed a way to find God, and Lucas had been the person to help her build a relationship with the Lord. Now, his relationship with her needed to end. Levi had been right. Lucas was meant to be with Natalie for a season. He needed to accept that God doesn’t always set us on a path that will be easy. What would have happened to Natalie if Lucas hadn’t befriended her or shown her how wonderful a life of faith could be?
A tear trickled down his cheek, and he quickly brushed it away. He needed to pull himself together before his brothers finished breakfast and came outside.
* * *
Natalie fell into her mother’s arms the moment she opened the door. After she’d had a good cry, they walked to the couch, and Natalie told her mother what happened with Lucas. She was sure she’d get a big dose of “I told you so,” but she craved nurturing, and there was a time when her mother fit that role when Natalie needed her.
She’d detached from the friends she used to have due to their lifestyle choices. But right now, she wished she had made more of an effort to get to know some of the people at school. She only had her mother and her Amish friends. And she wasn’t sure where she stood with Levi, Mary, and Lucas. That left her mother, who seemed to be improving but was still on shaky ground emotionally.
“I’m sorry that happened, baby.” Her mother tucked her legs beneath her on the floral couch, where they sat side by side. It was ten in the morning, and she was already dressed and on her third cup of coffee. Natalie was glad to see her mother out of her robe, which hadn’t been happening by this time of day for a while.
Natalie waited for a lecture about her actions, how she never should have gotten close to an Amish man. Instead, her mother only repeated what she’d said before, that she was sorry about what happened.
They were quiet for a few seconds, then Natalie asked, “So, where were you last night? You said you were out late.”
Her mother set the coffee cup on the end table and cleared her throat. “I was having dinner with my new boss.” She waved a dismissive hand in the air. “You know, just getting to know him.”
Then why are you blushing? “Um, yes . . . I heard your new boss is Amish.” Natalie nudged her mother with her shoulder. “That’s surprising since you’ve never wanted anything to do with the Amish.”
“He’s my boss, not a love interest.”
Natalie took a couple moments to recover from what felt like a jab, knowing her mother didn’t mean to be insensitive. “Well, just be sure it stays that way.”
Her mother laughed. “Oh, trust me. Strictly business. I’m just happy to have a job.”
This was music to Natalie’s ears. She forced a smile, even though a knot was still in her throat and she was afraid of crying again. Her mother sounded so positive this morning that Natalie decided not to tell her about the phone call with her father. That would only drag her down again.
“I’m proud of you for getting a job.” She smiled genuinely at her mother. “He breaks horses, right?”
“Yes.” She brought a hand to her chest as she stiffened. “But I don’t have to be around the animals. You know how I feel about all things four-legged.”
“Oh, I know.” Natalie stared at her mother and saw a reflection of their past. Cecelia Collins was a beautiful woman, but she’d been broken for so long that her grief had taken a physical and emotional toll on her. This morning, she resembled the mom Natalie remembered before the divorce. And as awful as Natalie felt about her own situation, she was happy to see her mother sta
rting to make some positive strides. She felt like she understood her mother a little more today—the devastation that follows a broken heart. Maybe she’d been too hard on her. Her parents had been together a lot longer than Natalie and Lucas had been friends.
“I don’t have classes Monday.” She’d stay home and cry all day if she didn’t make some plans. “Maybe I can come visit you at your job and meet your new boss.”
“That would be fantastic.” Her mother patted her on the leg. “I don’t make a lot, but over time, I think I can get myself financially straight. As it turns out, I did learn a few things being married to your father. I ran the household, which included accounting and paying the bills. That’s basically what I’m doing for Moses. Can you believe he still handwrites everything in a ledger? And his office supplies are antiques.”
“Moses, huh? Before, you called him ‘the cowboy.’” Natalie still hadn’t lost the urge to cry, but having a normal conversation with her mother was helping. She’d waited a long time for her mother to start recovering. This conversation felt like a turning point in that direction.
Her mother grinned, shrugging. “I figured you would give me a hard time if you knew he was Amish, considering my opinions about them.”
“You’ve always said they were odd, but I wouldn’t have given you a hard time. I’m glad you found a job you enjoy.”
Her mother was quiet for a few moments. “Moses seems different from the rest of them.”
“Mom.” Natalie drew her eyebrows into a frown. “Be fair. You haven’t really made an attempt to know any other Amish people.”
“Okay, I’ll give you that. But I still think Moses is different. He doesn’t seem as stuffy.” Her mother tapped a finger to her chin. “So . . .” She picked up her coffee cup and ran her finger around the rim. “Back to you and Lucas . . .”
Natalie thought she’d covered it all. She’d told her mother how she blurted out that she loved him, how he kissed her, and how she felt out of the circle with her three closest friends right now. Natalie’s head throbbed from all the crying and the attempts to analyze her situation. “What about me and Lucas?”
“You said you were crying, you told him you loved him, and he kissed you. But you never said why you were crying.”
Natalie lowered her head and chewed on her bottom lip for a few seconds. She was going to have to tell her mother sooner or later. “Mary and Levi had just found out their cat is diabetic, and Levi thought I could give the cat his insulin shot, as practice.”
“Makes sense.” Her mother kept her eyes on Natalie, her head tilted slightly.
“I couldn’t do it.” She pulled her hair in front of one shoulder, twisting random strands. “I panicked. And I can’t stand the sight of blood, and I don’t see how I’ll ever be a good veterinarian. It just all caught up with me, I guess, since I hadn’t said anything to anyone.”
“Honey, you’ve never liked the sight of blood. Do you think these are things you could get over as you go along?”
Natalie had already thought about that, months ago when she first realized she was having problems with the animal biology class. She whispered, “I don’t think so, Mom.”
Her mother nodded. “I’m surprised, but not shocked. Moses seems to think I can get over my fear of horses, but I don’t see that happening.” Her mother scowled. “I wish I could, but I think I’ve held on to it too long to push beyond it.”
Natalie expected her mother to continue talking about herself, pushing Natalie’s concerns aside. And, for once, that was okay. She really didn’t want to talk about this right now.
“But you’re young, so I think you have a better shot at moving past your fears. If you want it bad enough.” Her mother stiffened. “You’re not quitting school, are you?” She brought a hand to her chest. “Is it because of me, the money I’ve had to borrow?”
Natalie knew the money she’d given to her mother wasn’t a loan and she wouldn’t get it back. Even though her mom had secured a job, it was part-time, and she wasn’t making much. Natalie would be happy if her mother could just function on her own, both emotionally and financially.
“No, Mom,” she finally said. “If I decide to quit school, it won’t be about the money.” A partial version of the truth. She had gone through a lot of it by going to school full-time. She should’ve kept her job at Rural King and taken fewer hours. If she’d done that, she wouldn’t have had to use Adeline’s money to pay for rent, car insurance, her phone, and other necessities.
Her mother stared at Natalie long and hard. “I thought Adeline wanted you to go to college.”
“She did. And I know you and Dad do too.” She shrugged. “I just don’t know what I want to do with my life.” A tear slid down her cheek and she quickly swiped it away. “Right now, all I can think about is me and Lucas.”
“Pray about it.”
Natalie raised an eyebrow.
“Yes, Natalie, I pray.” Her mother frowned, but only briefly before a smile filled her face. “And I think God listens.”
This admission warmed Natalie’s heart. Her mother was growing on so many levels. “I believe God listens too.” She nodded over her shoulder at the door. “I heard a car door shut. Someone’s here.”
Her mother went to the front door and returned with a huge bouquet of flowers. And whether she realized it or not, she was beaming from ear to ear.
“Natalie, don’t make a big deal about this.” She set the vase on the coffee table, and Natalie wasn’t sure about the grin on her mother’s face. “I just happened to mention to Moses that I like flowers. This is probably his way of welcoming me as an employee.”
Natalie slouched into the couch and sighed. Her mother said there was no way she’d get involved with an Amish man. “Yeah, well, spin it any way you want.” She pointed to a small envelope. “You might want to read the card.”
Even as Natalie’s heart was breaking, she loved seeing her mother bubbly like a teenager. But Mom was walking into a hornet’s nest, even if she didn’t think so. She was going to get stung if she wasn’t careful. Just like I did.
“I’m sure that’s all this is.” She was still smiling as she took the card out of the small white envelope. “Just an employer sending his new employee flowers.”
Natalie rolled her eyes. “Yeah, okay.”
The envelope slid out of her mother’s hand and floated to the floor as her mom held the card at arm’s length, squinting. And she wasn’t smiling anymore.
“It’s not what you thought, is it? It’s more than an employer welcoming his employee, isn’t it?”
Her mother blinked a few times as she continued to stare at the card.
“Whatever the card says, don’t get involved with Moses.” Natalie’s voice cracked as she spoke, but her mother didn’t seem to notice her daughter’s emotions rising again. She kept her eyes on the card, then slowly handed it to Natalie.
Hi CeCe, I miss you. Love, Tom.
Natalie loved watching reruns of The Twilight Zone. And she was sure she’d stepped into an episode in the past twenty-four hours. As she handed the card back to her mother, she wondered if this correspondence would be a step back for her mother.
Would she forgive the affair? Would she take Natalie’s father back, if it came to that? And where was Olivia? They weren’t split up when Natalie talked to her father this morning. He’d mentioned that she was sleeping and he was in the laundry room.
Natalie remembered all the fighting between her parents prior to her father leaving. Since then, her mother had done nothing but stay upset about how she’d never love anyone else, how her life was destroyed. Until recently. The new job seemed to give her hope. Natalie wasn’t certain how much the changes had to do with the new job or the boss, but either way, her relationship with her mother seemed to be getting back on the right track too. She didn’t want that derailed, and she wanted her mother to be happy.
Her mother was still fixated on the card, then she slowly looked at Natalie and smi
led before she ripped the note to shreds and tossed it in the air.
Laughing, she said, “Pigs will fly before I take that man back.”
Natalie’s jaw dropped. Was her mother infatuated with Moses? That seemed the most likely reason for this change of heart, because before this new job, Natalie always thought her mother would take her father back, despite his cheating and the hatred they’d spewed at each other. She wasn’t sure reuniting would be healthy for either of them, but it was their lives and their decision.
Natalie’s thoughts drifted back to her own situation. And the fact that Lucas hadn’t called or texted. Her journey seemed to be at a crossroads.
Chapter 9
By Monday morning, Cecelia had bitten her nails to the quick, an old habit she thought she’d shed. Moses was out in the arena with the horses when she arrived, and he’d waved and motioned for her to go on in the house. As she stared at the piles of bills, she took deep breaths and tried to focus, even though her thoughts were all over the place.
She’d had time to think on Sunday and was proud of herself for tearing up Tom’s note, resolved that she was closing that chapter in her life. But the more she considered the possibility of reuniting with her husband, the more she wondered if she didn’t owe it to herself to hear what he had to say. She’d pulled up Tom’s number in her contacts list a few dozen times since she received the flowers, but she hadn’t called or texted, even though he’d texted her twice asking to talk. Where was his girlfriend—soon-to-be wife, she’d thought? Had he ditched Olivia?
Despite her bitterness and Tom’s cheating, Cecelia always thought she’d take him back if the opportunity presented itself, that she would forgive her husband and they would begin rebuilding the life they once had. Now that the prospect seemed real, Cecelia was more confused than ever.
When heavy steps crossed through the den and rounded the corner to the sewing room, Cecelia turned to see Moses. Smiling, he took off his hat and rubbed his sleeve against his sweaty forehead.
