by Diana Kane
“Because you treated me so well,” I retort, instantly ready to say forget it and go home.
“I,” she begins, but her jaw quickly snaps shut, cutting off whatever argument she was about to make. “You’re right. I have no room to criticize her,” she defeatedly admits. “I apologize. Can we forget what I said and try to have a nice evening while we wait out the storm?”
“Sure,” I answer after taking a deep breath to calm myself. I pick up my slice of pizza and resume eating, the silence slowly engulfing the room, broken up only by the sound of the wind gusting outside.
“You’re going to go home, aren’t you?” Olivia quietly asks after a few minutes pass.
“Not unless you want me to,” I answer with a lift of my shoulder. “We knew it was going to be bumpy sometimes. We’ll figure it out.”
“We will,” she agrees before polishing off her slice. “Big holiday plans?” she asks as she grabs another piece of pizza. I guess some things never change. To this day her long legs seem to be receptacles for her food intake.
“Well, there’s the usual party with Uncle Eddie and Uncle Ryan, which I’m sure you’ve been invited to. Other than that, I’ll head to LA the day after Christmas to spend some time with Addison. What about you? Everyone coming here?”
“No. I told Kurt I’d travel out there. It’s easier since they have the kids and I only have Lexa. I’ll be gone Christmas Eve and come back Christmas night. I trust my staff, but I’d like to get them all some time off over one of the holidays,” she pauses as she takes another bite of pizza. “Are you full already?” she asks with a hand over her mouth.
“Not uncomfortably, no. I think I’ll pace myself, if that’s all right.”
“Of course,” she answers with a grin. “Anyway, does Addison ever come here?”
“Not often. This is a bit more rural than Addison prefers, although she did say she was going to try to make it to Uncle Eddie and Uncle Ryan’s party. Aside from that, she’ll visit her parents, and we’ll meet up in LA. She has just over a week off from filming, and she likes her place there. I won’t mind getting away from the colder elements for a bit though.”
“Another week of appearances planned by her PR guy?”
“It’d better not be, or I’ll be on the first flight back. We have some A-list New Year’s Eve function to attend, but the rest of the week is not supposed to be a PR tour by any stretch of the imagination. That doesn’t mean we won’t be photographed without our consent; I just don’t want to live life according to some itinerary.” Olivia’s eyebrows elevate slightly as she listens to me prattle on while she polishes off another slice of pizza.
“I can understand that,” she begins, pausing to take a drink. “When I was following Véronique around, I got a glimpse of what her life is like. The chaotic schedule, needing to be in so many different places in the span of a few days, being stopped for pictures and autographs. I knew I never wanted those things. I don’t think the paparazzi are quite as bad there as they are here, or that Véronique is even on the same level of celebrity as Addison, but there were still photos and trash articles that surfaced. One even insinuated that she and I were having an affair because someone snapped a picture of her with her arm around my shoulder the first time we went shopping after I got out of rehab. What really happened was that I was feeling overly stimulated from all the people around us and had a mild anxiety attack.”
“Were the two of you ever an item?”
“No!” she emphatically answers. “I can freely admit that she looks great for her age, but she and Antonie are like my adopted family. I felt bad for him after that article was published. He’s a good man. He didn’t deserve that, even if he never believed a word of it.”
“It’s not easy living under a microscope. Admittedly Addison and Gavin have it far worse than I do, but I know what they go through.”
“How have Kira and Gavin managed to keep their thing under the radar? I mean, I assume they are still doing whatever.”
“As far as I’m aware they are. I haven’t pressed either of them for the details. That said, it is possible to keep things off the radar if you want to. Gavin does a pretty good job at maintaining a certain degree of privacy.”
“Does that mean that Addison doesn’t care if she gets caught?”
“Addison,” I begin, but buy time to organize my thoughts with a drawn-out sigh. “Truthfully, Addison enjoys the attention. When you’re as big of a star as she and Gavin are, your name and face become a brand in a way. Gavin doesn’t care for it, but Addison, she thrives on it. You have to understand, it’s difficult for her to poke her head outside her front door without someone taking a picture. I think she decided she had to choose between letting it get to her or embracing it. While she’s not an out of control wild child, she enjoys going out and having a good time. So she chose to embrace it, and everything that comes with it. She was never going to be America’s sweetheart because of the lesbian thing, so I don’t think she ever felt like she had to worry about what she’s caught doing at any given moment. Could she do a better job at hiding certain indiscretions? Absolutely. But I think she finds the whole idea of hiding offensive.”
“I can understand not wanting to hide or filter who you are,” Olivia eventually responds before going quiet again.
“But?”
“No but. It’s just…” Olivia’s silence causes my eyebrows to lift, knowing that whatever she’s thinking, she’s worried it is going to set me off. “I mean…okay. You like your privacy, and she enjoys the spotlight. You like living here, in the middle of nowhere while she enjoys life in the city. I’ve only ever known you to date one woman at a time, while she seems content…well, you know. I guess I’m wondering, what do you have in common?”
“Were you afraid to ask me that?”
“No, not afraid. I was nervous about how you would react though. I feel like you tend to get defensive whenever someone brings up your relationship with Addison,” she shrugs before pushing out her breath; like she had been holding it while waiting for my reaction.
“It’s a fair question,” I admit, knowing that I’ve been asking myself the same thing with increasing frequency. “I know we don’t line up on some of the larger items, but there are ideals that we share. She’s exceedingly intelligent, she has a good heart, she’s generous, she has a wicked sense of humor…I could go on.”
“Those are qualities she posses that you like, not things you have in common,” Olivia quietly observes.
“I know,” I concede, lowering my eyes to the can housing the last few sips of soda. I know because while Addison possesses many qualities that draw me to her, the truth is I’m finding we have less and less in common. “Anyway,” I managed before clearing my throat, “what about you? Any prospects that have captured your attention?”
“Sadly, du Pays is my mistress. It’s taken so much of my time that I haven’t had much of a social life,” she admits with a slight smile and a shrug.
“What about at your meetings? No one piques your interest there?”
“No. Plus, it’s not a very good idea, getting involved with another addict.”
“Do you consider yourself an addict?”
“Deep down, not really. I think I just lost my way after mom died. I was looking for any means possible to dull that pain. I don’t crave either one.” She pauses, but her contemplative expression gives me the sense that there’s more she wants to say, causing me to remain quiet while she collects her thoughts. “I know that I was depressed. You have to understand; coke makes you feel invincible. Like you’re the queen of the world and no one can fuck with you. It enabled me to function from day to day, when all I wanted to do was find a dark hole and crawl into it. It made me feel alive,” she shares with a halfhearted laugh. “I’m not in that place anymore. I don’t need that crutch, nor do I want it. Do I miss having a beer every now and then? Absolutely. But I don’t miss getting drunk or being hungover the next morning. Alcohol is something I can live
without. So, to answer your question, no, I don’t consider myself an addict. But, that doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t check in from time to time and offer support to those struggling with substance addiction.” We silently stare at one another across the table as I let her words sink in, their full impact causing me to reach out and grasp her hand.
“I’m glad you’re okay,” I admit as I give her hand a gentle squeeze. Truthfully, I am happy that she’s okay. I can’t imagine what it would have been like to learn Olivia had overdosed. How would I have reacted if the worst case scenario had occurred? My eyes drop as I consider this, bringing our still joined hands into focus. My mind flashes back in time, remembering when I held her hand in a similar fashion, causing me to retract my hand perhaps a bit too quickly. “Anyway,” I manage but fail to continue.
“Yeah. Enough of this serious stuff. Weren’t we supposed to be trying to have a fun and relaxing night?”
“I do seem to remember that being the goal,” I confirm with a smile. “Guess we’re going to have to try a little harder. Any suggestions?”
“Music, movies, board games, and binge eating a bunch of unhealthy foods,” she suggests, her smile back in place. “It’ll be like we’re teenagers again,” she finishes as her smile morphs into her trademark grin. “Can you even imagine?” she asks, causing me to laugh at the thought.
“Not really, no. I wouldn’t mind having my old metabolism back though.”
“You and me both. I like the benefits of running and yoga, but sometimes I miss the days when I could eat whatever I wanted and didn’t have to worry about it.”
“Not to mention the whole adulting thing and all the responsibilities associated with it.”
“Yeah,” Olivia answers as her smile fades and she goes quiet. “It wasn’t all bad, was it?”
“No. There was a lot of good. We had a lot of fun and made a lot of memories,” I reply, knowing it’s the truth, even if I did refuse to think about them for years. I watch as Olivia’s smile returns. I try to match it but am uncertain if I succeed. “Anyway, we seem to be failing when it comes to staying away from those serious topics. Why don’t we get one of those board games out?”
“Monopoly?” Olivia suggests with a fiendish grin.
“Scrabble?” I quickly counter.
“Oh no. I’m am not foolish enough to take you on in Scrabble. You can pull the Z, Q, X, and Y tiles and still manage to get some insane triple word score out of the lot,” she manages through her laughter.
“Oh and you never displayed the same dominance at Monopoly?”
“Fair point. Well, there’s always Sorry, Clue, Life, Aggravation, and a few others in the closet. We’ll find something.”
“I’m sure we will,” I answer as I rise from my seat intending to start cleaning up. Olivia matches my movements, only the ringing of my phone stops us both. “It’s Addison,” I inform Olivia as I look across the table at her. “Do you mind?”
“Of course not. You take your call while I clean this up. I’ll meet you in the living room when you’re finished,” she says with a smile.
“Thanks,” I manage as I swipe the answer button and bring the phone to my ear. “Hey Addy,” I greet her as I make my way to the sitting room, the sounds of Olivia cleaning up following me down the hall.
Twenty minutes later I make my way from the sitting room to the living room to find Olivia sitting on the floor with her back against the couch, a stack of board games on her left and Lexa on her right, soaking up the heat from the fireplace. Beck’s Where It’s At quietly floats out of the Bluetooth speaker that sits on the coffee table that Olivia has shoved to the far side of the room. “Addison says hello,” I share as I enter the room. “It’s going to be a night full of nostalgia, isn’t it?”
“Why not?” she inquires as she lifts her head and opens her eyes. She smiles as she pulls her legs in from their sprawled out position and corrects her posture. “You okay?” she asks, making me realize that I haven’t moved since I entered the room. “You’re not still upset because Beck won the Grammy over Tori are you?”
“Tori should’ve won,” I remind her as I sit a few feet away from her on the floor. “And I’m fine, thanks.”
“Is it hard?” she asks, causing my brow to furrow as I wonder if she’s talking about the floor. “Never seeing Addison,” she clarifies.
“It is what it is,” I respond with a shrug. “Aside from when we were filming the series, it’s how it’s always been. I’m used to it.”
“Was it that easy for you when it was us?”
“No,” I immediately answer. “That was different though. I knew what it was like to see you every day, to fall asleep next to you every night and wake up next to you each morning.” I loved you with every fiber of my being. Something I’ve never allowed to happen again, I add in my head. “I’ve never had that with Addison, so I’m less aware of what I’m missing.”
“I suppose that makes sense,” Olivia responds after thinking about it. “For the record, you did everything that you could and more. I know it wasn’t easy sacrificing sleep and skipping going out so that we could talk on the phone or chat over IM.”
“It wasn’t easy, but it was worth it. Conversing via email just isn’t the same as having a real conversation.”
“And I’ve done it again,” Olivia says as she swipes her hair away from her eyes.
“Yes, you have,” I answer with a chuckle. “Pick a board game Bradley and let’s get on with it.”
“So demanding,” she answers with a sigh as she reaches over and pulls Clue from the top of the stack. “Would you grab the chips, guacamole, and salsa from the coffee table while I set this up?” I stare at her as she unboxes the game, wondering how in the hell she could possibly be hungry again. “Or you could just pull the coffee table over here,” she adds without looking away from the task of setting up the game. I shake my head and quietly release an amused laugh as I rise to my knees and reach for the coffee table. Maybe she isn’t as much of a stranger as I thought, I think as I pull the coffee table closer to us.
Chapter 20
“I’m starting to think we should just tackle this place one wing at a time and pull the car around to each wing entrance,” Uncle Eddie whines as he hands another bag to Uncle Ryan to carry. Why Uncle Eddie is feeling over encumbered is beyond me, he’s had Uncle Ryan playing bellhop the entire shopping trip thus far.
“Look around you Eddie,” Dee informs him through her laughter. “It’d never work. This place is swamped. We’d be lucky to find another parking space.”
“We can always make a trip to the car,” Uncle Ryan suggests, his voice laced with that calming tone he could use to sell hypnosis recordings.
“I’m happy to help,” I quickly offer when I spy Uncle Eddie shooting Uncle Ryan the don’t use that tone of voice on me glare. Uncle Ryan smiles at me, not realizing I’m happy to escape the third rendition of Jingle Bells that’s playing since we arrived. “Why don’t you and Dee grab us something to drink and we’ll meet you in the food court in a few,” I suggest as I grab the few bags Dee is holding.
“Thanks for the save,” Uncle Ryan whispers as we walk towards the entrance we parked outside of.
“We’ve only been through a quarter of the mall. How can the two of you have this much last minute shopping left?”
“It’s not last minute,” he protests. “I’ll have you know that today is December 22nd.”
“How is that not last minute?” I argue.
“December 24th is last minute. We’re just cutting it close,” he informs me with a grin.
“Can you imagine what this place is going to look like on Saturday?”
“No, and I’m happy for that,” he says with a chuckle. “I noticed you haven’t bought much.”
“That’s because I did most of my shopping online and had stuff conveniently delivered to the house. Anything I pick up today is either for me or is an impulse gift.”
“Nothing wrong with treating y
ourself,” he admits as we exit the mall, both of us increasing our pace as the frigid winter wind lashes at our faces. “So what did you end up getting your mom? She’s impossible to buy for.”
“I booked them on a cruise. She loved the one she went on that one year with her girlfriends and lord knows she’s overdue for a vacation,” I conclude with a shrug as Uncle Ryan opens the rear hatch on his Tahoe. We both quickly dump our bags before scurrying back towards the entrance, the bitter cold more than either of us wish to loiter in.
“Leave it to Eddie to make friends with some stranger in the 10 minutes we’ve been gone,” Uncle Ryan observes as we look around the bustling food court for the other half of our shopping foursome. I follow the direction Uncle Ryan is pointing and quickly locate them.
“I’m pretty sure that’s Olivia they’re talking to,” I inform him. “Overdue for an eye exam?” I jokingly question as I elbow him in the ribs.
