I looked up into the crowd. There were many capable people who were great with raids. I could take one of my cousins with me. I knew that Michael was out of the question. After all, I had just broken his nose. I continued to survey the crowd for a likely candidate. Then I found him. I saw Randy chasing the kids around the square acting like one of the undead. I loved to watch him play with the children. It was one of those moments when our world seemed normal for a short time. I hated to interrupt his fun time, but business is business and this was business to be handled.
CHAPTER NINE
I stood from my seat on the stairs and made my way across the street.
“Randy? Got a minute?” I called out.
“Sure.” he replied. “Hey kids, Uncle Randy has to talk to the boss lady. You guys run along.” he instructed. Randy came walking toward me.
“What can I do for you Commander?” he asked with a sly grin.
“Shut up.” I replied as I smacked him on the shoulder.
“I think it suits you.” he said referencing my identity in the village.
“Yeah, well, I think it’s kind of growing on me.” I answered.
The children came running back by us, with Alex and Jarred hot on their heels, acting like zombies.
“It looks like they found new play mates.” I said with a smile as I watched my brothers play their roles in the childish game.
“Yeah, Alex is as good with them as I am, and your other brother looks like he may be a natural himself.’ Randy said.
“So what can I do for you Amber?” I tried to find the words to explain to Randy what was on my mind. I decided the only way to approach the issue was to be blunt.
“My father and I were talking and we’ve decided it’s time for Tara and Tyler to learn how to raid.”
“Amber, please tell me you are kidding.” He replied.
“No I’m not. They are almost fifteen. I think it’s time they learn the ropes. Something could happen and they could end up all alone or only depending on each other. I want them to know how to do that.” I said. I was still struggling with the idea, but I didn’t want Randy to see that.
Randy walked over and took a seat on the steps where I had been sitting earlier.
“Amber, I know how old they are, but they are just kids. They couldn’t handle a full blown raid.” Randy said.
“I don’t want to take them on a full blown raid, not for some time. But I do what them to learn how to survive. I want to take them on practice raids, kind of like training missions. That way if something happens, they can take care of themselves.”
Randy looked into my eyes.
“This is more of your father’s idea than yours isn’t it Amber?” he asked.
“Yes it is, but I agree with him, no matter how difficult it may be. I want you to take us.” I said trying to stay on task.
“So you will be going too? That’s a relief. Tara can be pretty defiant at times. I believe if I was taking them alone, I would have my hands full.”
“Oh how well I know. I will admit taking her worries me, but I think the walking dead around the store will motivate her.”
“It sure motivates us huh?”
“Yes it does, but they don’t move as slow as they do in the movies.”
“Yeah, no kidding.” Randy replied.
Randy remained silent for a moment.
“Ok Commander, let’s whip those kids into shape.” he finally said.
“Thank you Randy. You know there aren’t many people I trust with my children.” I replied as I hugged him.
“You know those kids mean the world to me. I love them like they are my own.”
“I know you do Randy.”
I wasn’t crazy. I knew how Randy felt about my children. I knew how he felt about me. I could see the love and devotion in his eyes every time he looked at me. I couldn’t say that I felt the same way. Then again, I couldn’t say that I didn’t either. With survival being the number one priority in everyone’s life, I just didn’t see where there was any time for romance.
I often thought about Randy at night. Some nights I even longed to feel his body lying next to mine. Some mornings I even woke up wishing that I could look into his eyes, or see his smile. Still, when those moments came about, I pushed them away. I wasn’t sure about falling in love again before the planes flew over, and I damn sure didn’t make it a number one priority now.
Love is a difficult topic when the world as you know it ceases to exist. I always worried about those closest to me, my kids, and my family. I lost one husband to death already. I guess I am afraid for it to happen again. Perhaps that is why I won’t allow Randy to get any closer to me than he already is. If I were to admit that I was in love with him, it would kill me if I lost him. I guess it is better this way. At least if he is killed, it shouldn’t hurt as much.
I realized the hug had lasted too long. I let go and pulled away from Randy.
“It means a lot to me Randy. I really appreciate it.” I said hoping he hadn’t felt the chemistry between us.
“You know that I will do whatever I can for you Amber.” he replied.
“I know. Bright and early in the morning ok?”
“Bright and early. I will prep the truck tonight. Do you want to take the Tundra?”
“Yeah. Like I said, it’s a training mission. Pack some straps for the shopping carts just in case they surprise us.”
“Got it. Do you want me to be with you when you tell them what we are doing tomorrow?”
“No, I can handle it. Just get the truck and the packs ready.” I instructed
“You got it. See you guys in the a.m.” Randy called out to me as I walked off into the crowd.
I sat alone in our apartment waiting for the kids to come in. I didn’t have watch duty tonight, and I was glad. I had to mentally prepare for intentionally putting my children in danger tomorrow. I wanted to be prepared for any argument Tara might raise because I knew that she would raise plenty. I decided quickly that I didn’t want to focus on that. I stood from my seat and went to the window.
I looked down upon my village. Despite our difficult times, everyone seemed to be so happy. I watched the survivors in my camp dancing around a fire in the center of our little village. Some mingled together off in a corner, talking and laughing.
I looked over to the walls made out of over turned school buses and barbed wire. Everything was quiet on that side. Each gunner was kicked back just taking it easy. It was a calm night, a good night and I was about to ruin it by arguing with my daughter. I looked down into the street and saw my father walking the kids home. I was somewhat relieved given the fact that my father could help get our point across.
I heard the door open, and my kids were laughing.
“Wow Pawpaw, I can’t believe you ran up the steps faster than me.” Tyler said.
“How do you like being out done by an old man Tyler?” Tara asked.
“Hey! You are only as old as you feel at heart.” my dad added.
“Hi Mom.” Tara said as she came in.
“Hi Sweetheart. Did they wear you out Daddy?” I asked, trying to avoid getting straight to the point.
“Oh it’s alright. I missed the hell out of these kids. Your mom is tuckered out though.”
“I hope the train depot is comfortable for you guys. We are thinking of up grading soon.”
My dad took a seat on the worn out sofa.
“It’s just fine baby girl. How did y’all get all those beds?” I walked over and took a seat beside him.
“We conducted a special mission to raid all the houses around. It took us about a week, but we stole every bed in town I believe. We took blankets too so we would have plenty.”
“Smart baby girl. Real smart.”
“Thanks. It was my idea. I wanted to prepare a place where survivors could gather.” I informed.
“Hell girl, you are doing better than we are. We had twenty-one people living in a barn and a house in the mountains.” Dad s
tated. I had wondered where they all had been sleeping.
I knew I couldn’t avoid the subject anymore. I walked over and took a seat beside my father. I instructed my children to sit on the love seat. Once they were seated, I shared the plan my father and I discussed.
“Ok guys, your pawpaw and I were talking and we decided it was time for you two to learn more about survival. So tomorrow morning, Randy and I are taking you two on a raid.”
“Yeah!” Tyler exclaimed.
“Why in God’s name would you want to do that?” Tara asked.
“You two are getting older. You are practically adults. It’s time for you two to grow up and start acting like it.” I informed. My father nodded.
“But those things are out there.” Tara stated.
“So we kill them.” Tyler answered.
“Well, you may like being covered in zombie juice, but I don’t.” Tara replied.
“You are such a girl.” Tyler commented.
“You are so gross.” Tara snapped back.
“Hey, hey you two cut it out. This isn’t going to get us anywhere.” I stated.
Tyler and Tara stopped arguing. Thank God for small favors. I looked at my father.
“Dad, will you help me make them understand. This was your idea in the first place.” I stated. I didn’t see why I should be the only target for Tara.
“Well kids,” my dad began as he sat up, “you two aren’t kids anymore. We don’t know how long our lives will be like this. We don’t know if life will ever be what it was. What we do know is we gotta keep on living. Now, in order to do that, we have to take what we need. This village just grew by twenty-one people. That’s twenty-one more mouths to feed. We will work with your mom to organize training missions for all the teenagers, but we are starting with you two.”
I was glad I let my father take the floor. Hell, I didn’t even know about the training missions. I knew who I was adding to the village council when I got back tomorrow.
“I’m all for it Mom.” Tyler said.
“I knew you would be son.” I replied.
“I’m not, but she is gonna make me do it anyway so what does it matter?” Tara commented.
“Your problem is you are too spoiled. You need to work more. Now I love you baby doll, but this is just the way it is.” Dad informed. I was glad I had him at my side for this.
“Ok off to bed. We have an early day tomorrow.” I said.
CHAPTER TEN
When morning came, I climbed out of bed. It was barely daylight outside. I went to the window looking out over our parking lot. Randy wasn’t with the truck yet. I decided to have myself a cup of coffee before waking Tyler and Tara for the day. I wasn’t happy with what was about to take place in a couple of hours so I wasn’t in a hurry to wake them. Truth be told, I wanted so much for them to stay in bed; stay within the safety of the village walls.
I took my lighter from my pocket and lit the Coleman stove that rested on the counter in my kitchen, then I lit a cigarette. It was one of the few luxuries we still had, though the smokers in the village learned to smoke sparingly. We weren’t sure how long we could keep up our bad habit before we were out for good. I smoked as I waited for my water to get hot enough to dissolve the instant coffee grounds.
When the water was ready. I extinguished the flame on the gas camping stove. I poured the water into my coffee cup and stirred. Once the granules had dissolved, I took a sip, holding the liquid sanity in my mouth so that the flavor consumed every taste bud. Coffee was so relaxing to me; another small pleasure in life. I opened the front door to the apartment, and went out to sit on the balcony.
The summer morning air was a bit chilly and a lot refreshing. I inhaled the fresh air deep into my lungs.
“Beautiful morning isn’t it?” I heard Randy ask.
“Yes it is. It is almost beautiful enough for me to call off the raid.” I replied. Randy took a seat beside me, took my coffee from my hands and helped himself to a drink.
“You don’t really want to do this do you?” he asked.
“No I don’t.” I replied.
“Then why are you doing it?”
“Because my father thinks it’s a good idea.”
“Do you always do what your daddy tells you?” he said with a smile.
I smiled at him. He had a special ability to make me smile.
“I quit doing everything my daddy said a long time ago.” I answered.
“Then why do this?”
“Because I agree with him. It’s one of those hard decisions a parent has to make.”
“I agree that they need to learn Amber, but why does it have to be right now?” Randy asked.
“I don’t know why it has to be right now? I guess it’s because if I don’t do it now then I will never do it.” I answered.
“Yes you would Amber.” Randy assured me.
“Would I? I have spent almost fifteen years doing things for them, protecting them, caring for them. The past seventeen months I have lived with the fear that they would become a meal if I didn’t do everything exactly right.” I said.
It was true. I was so afraid of losing my children that I did absolutely every dangerous thing there was to do. I gathered all of their food and clothes on raids every week. I gave them jobs to do, but they were jobs in which their lives were not in danger. I knew that once they learned how raids operate, it would be no time at all before they had to go on raids just like the rest of the team.
My children were growing up fast, and the condition of the world had forced them to grow up even faster. It seemed as though fifteen was the new twenty. It was a time in which my children should transition into adults. I could see my son making that transition very well, but my daughter, I was certain, would get herself killed, and that was something I tried with every breath in me to prevent. I sheltered them both, but I knew they couldn’t be sheltered anymore.
“You can’t protect them forever Amber.” Randy said to me, pulling me away from my thoughts.
“Yes I can, but then they won’t know how to do it themselves. My father said it right last night. We don’t know how long our lives are going to be this way. I need to teach them how to survive as though this life is permanent.”
Randy slid over closer to me, and put an arm around my shoulder.
“Amber, you always do what you think is best, and I always stand by you. I will stand by you now.” Before I knew what was happening, Randy leaned in and kissed me. I wanted to pull away because a part of me didn’t want to kiss him; that part of me that wants to keep everything in my life strictly about survival. However, there was the other part of me, the human female part that wanted more.
This wasn’t right. I couldn’t allow this to continue. I quickly pulled away from him, realizing who I was and what my position in this life should be.
“Randy, I am sorry, but I can’t. “ I said quickly.
“Amber, wait a minute please.” I heard him say. “Why won’t you let me near you?” he asked.
“I can’t Randy, I just can’t. I have to bet the kids ready for the raid.” I quickly stood up and rushed inside of the apartment.
I closed the door and pressed my back up against the door as if I was trying to keep him out. In a way, I guess I was. I didn’t need this right now, not at this point in my life. Now was not the time for love. Things needed to be better, more stable. We needed to relocate to be in a better position before love was even thought about.
I needed something else to focus on. I decided it was time to wake Tyler and Tara. Suddenly, I looked forward to the raid. It would give me something else to think about. I had to get Randy and the kiss off of my mind. I suddenly wished he wasn’t going. It was too late now. The plan was already in place. I had to stick with it.
I made my way across the apartment to Tyler and Tara’s room. I opened the door and went inside.
“Ok guys, it’s time to get up. Let’s go.” I called out. Tyler jumped out of bed.
“Yeah!
I’m ready to go!”
“Slow down tiger. You have to eat breakfast. Tara, get up girl. It’s time to get ready to go.”
Tara rolled over in bed and covered up her head.
“Ok my God, I can’t believe you are making us do this.” she grumbled.
“We have already had this discussion. You are going so get up and get ready.” I stated, standing my ground. I couldn’t believe that in the middle of a zombie apocalypse, my child still found a way to be defiant, but that it teenagers I guess.
I left the room and went into the kitchen. Once again, I lit the Coleman stove to heat some water. I removed a box of apple and cinnamon oatmeal from the cabinet. It was Tara’s favorite. I decided not to give her another thing to complain about Lord knows she was going to do enough of that for all of us. Part of me was dreading taking her on this training raid. If it wasn’t so vital for her to learn how to do it, I would leave her behind. No doubt that would make both of us happy.
The water began to boil. I turned the eye off and poured the water into the bowls of oatmeal. I stirred it until the consistency was right. Just as I finished mixing the third bowl of oatmeal, the door to the twin’s room opened and Tara came out. She was dressed in black clothes. That is what anyone doing a raid would wear. It allows us to hide in dark corners if we need to. I was surprised she paid that much attention to a task she had never performed. Tyler came out of my room, also dressed in black.
They both took a seat at the bar.
“Ok guys, here’s breakfast. Eat up fast.” I instructed as I sat the bowls down in front of them. I retrieved three bottles of water and placed them down beside the bowls of oatmeal. No one said a word as we ate. I expected as much from Tara, but I thought Tyler would be all talk. I guess he knew that his sister wasn’t thrilled with the idea, and it would be cruel to rub it in her face. I was thankful for the silence. It gave me time to think about the raid. I needed to be mentally prepared. After all, I would be carrying some precious cargo on this run.
The Fall: The Apocalypse Diaries Page 6
