by Vawn Cassidy
‘Well, you know I’ll help any way I can,’ Nat tells her earnestly.
‘I know you will.’ She smiles at him warmly as she pats his arm. ‘But for now, take the day off tomorrow too. I’ve got to go through all the books and inventory.’
‘You sure you don’t need any help?’
‘I know where to find you if I do.’ She smiles.
‘Do you need any help with dinner?’ Nat asks.
‘No, love, everything’s almost done, but thank you for asking.’ She pats him again fondly. ‘Come and meet the girls.’
They head into the living room with me following silently behind. Joss is sat cross-legged on the floor, with a basket of pocket-sized mewling fur balls beside her, which must be the kittens she’s fostering for Jesse. He came across a pregnant stray a few weeks ago. Unfortunately, the mother didn’t make it, leaving the pair of them to try and hand rear the babies. Joss is totally on the same wavelength as Jesse when it comes to animals. She’s determined to become a vet, so she and Jesse run the practice together.
‘Joss,’ Mum calls to her as she glances up, a tiny grey and white tortoise shell kitten in one hand and a bottle of milk in the other. ‘Where’s Juni?’
‘She’s outside, setting the table,’ Joss replies as her gaze snags on Nat, flicking to me before going back to study him.
‘Joss, this is Nat,’ Mum introduces them as she heads toward the door. ‘I’ll just go find Juni.’
Once she disappears out onto the back deck, Nat turns to Joss, leaning down and offering his hand.
‘It’s nice to meet you.’ He smiles, his eyes widening when Joss simply deposits the kitchen carefully in his outstretched palm and hands him the milk bottle. ‘Oh… er, what do I do?’ he asks sinking down to the floor and sitting comfortably cross-legged, mirroring her pose and placing the bottle back in the kitten’s mouth gently.
‘Lift the bottle a bit, she’s swallowing air.’
He does as she instructs, and she watches him for a moment before picking up a tiny ginger kitten from the litter and another bottle. Although it may seem like all her attention is focused on the kittens, I know my sister too well. Joss has a very simple ethos in life. She doesn’t trust anyone who’s not kind to animals.
She watches as Nat smiles down softly at the precious little fur ball in his big palm, gently cradling her fragile body as he makes sure she’s feeding. There’s a sweet smile on his face, and he’s so careful with her.
He looks up and locks eyes with Joss, smiling widely. ‘She’s so tiny,’ he whispers.
Joss watches him assessingly for a moment before smiling and nodding. ‘You’ll do.’ She decides. ‘Welcome to the mad house.’
It’s as simple as that with Joss, I leave Nat with her and the kittens, heading outside into the bright sunshine. The garden is huge, sloping downward, and although we’re a way back from the beach, the house was built on the top of the incline giving a panoramic view of the bay.
There’s a decked area and sun terrace, covered with a vine enshrouded pergola, which is also twined with fairy lights. There’s a huge, heavy wooden banquet table and benches, which my dad built when we were kids. My parents have always loved big rowdy family affairs. Georgie and her parents were always a permanent fixture at our house, as well as Ryan and Deacon.
That’s something that hasn’t changed since Dad died. Our world may have got a bit smaller, with Georgie’s parents traveling the world, Deacon trying to win every boat race ever devised and my dad gone, but all through our mourning, we’ve kept up the Sunday dinners with everyone crowded around the table. I think it was something we all needed, and I’m grateful for it.
‘Hey.’ A small pair of arms wrap around me, and I feel a warm body press against my back.
‘Hey, Juni.’ I smile, turning and wrapping my arms around my other sister.
‘So, I hear you’ve got a massive crush on the new chef.’ She grins.
‘Oh, where could you have possibly heard that I wonder?’ I glance across at Georgie who just grins unapologetically as she places a covered dish of potatoes on the table.
‘You don’t need anyone to say anything.’ Ryan appears with Jesse beside him. ‘The guy is hot as fuck. Beck’s tongue practically rolls out like a cartoon character whenever he looks at him.’
‘No, it does not.’ I frown.
‘Sorry, bro.’ Jesse grins. ‘But Ryan has a point. I can almost see the little love hearts in your eyes.’
‘Fuck off,’ I growl.
‘Language, Beck.’ Mum steps through the door carrying more covered dishes of vegetables with Quinn following behind her carrying a platter of carved roast pork.
Jesse smirks, and I flip him the finger as soon as Mum’s not looking. I guess some things never change no matter how old you get.
‘Juni, go get you sister and Nat.’ Mum gives the table the once over, checking she has everything. ‘And Jesse, you go get the gravy.’
Within minutes, Joss and Nat appear, and we all take out places with Mum at the end of the table, and the rest of us lined along the long sturdy benches either side. Nat is pressed into my side, and I can feel the heat of his thigh against mine. I can feel myself breaking out in a light sweat, and I’m sure it’s just the fact we’re sitting outside in the sunshine rather than the thought of skimming my hand up his thigh beneath the table and stroking the long hard length of his…
‘Beck.’ Georgie smirks from across the table as she hands me the platter. ‘Pork?’
I give her a tight smile and take the offered platter.
‘Hey, guys, sorry I’m late,’ a familiar voice calls from the doorway. My oldest brother steps out onto the deck and rounds the table dropping a kiss on Mum’s head. ‘I see we’ve got a newbie.’ He smiles warmly as he sees Nat leaning over the table and offering his hand. ‘I’m Reed.’
‘Nat,’ he introduces himself.
‘Ah, the new chef.’ Reed nods as he slides into the vacant space next to Mum and starts loading up his plate. ‘You look like you’ve had an interesting morning,’ he chuckles as he nods to the aquarium sticker Nat had forgotten to remove from his T-shirt and the baseball cap I’d bought him, that he’s still wearing.
‘Oh.’ Nat blushes. ‘Beck took me to the aquarium while we were in Newquay this morning.’
‘So, I see.’ Reed smiles. ‘Beck always loved that place, even when we were kids. Dad actually had to stop him from climbing in the tank at one point because he wanted to swim with the turtles. It hadn’t occurred to him that it was also filled with sharks.’
‘Well, this time it wasn’t me getting into trouble,’ I reply as I pick up my knife and fork. ‘Nat got us banned from the giftshop.’
‘What?’ Jesse snorts. ‘What happened?’
‘It wasn’t my fault,’ Nat replies sheepishly. ‘Beck started it.’
‘Yeah, but you finished it.’ I grin.
Nat pouts adorably. ‘How was I supposed to know that water canon was full. I mean, who puts a fully loaded super soaker on display? That’s just asking for trouble, so really it was their fault when you think about it.’
Ryan laughs loudly in delight. ‘You know what? I’ve got just the thing for the occasion.’ He scoots up from the table and disappears into the house, returning moments later with a crate of jangling beer bottles.
He hands them around the table, and I watch as Nat stares down at the label. ‘Tastes Like Bad Decisions,’ he reads aloud. ‘Is that its name?’
‘Yeah.’ Ryan grins as he leans over the table and cracks the lid off Nat’s bottle before picking up his own.
‘Ryan has just started up his own microbrewery,’ I explain. ‘He makes his own craft beers.’
‘Really?’ Nat stares down at the bottle, this time seeing the Callahan Craft Beer Co. above the ridiculous name of the beer. ‘I’ve never been much of a beer drinker,’ he muses as he sniffs it experimentally. ‘I’m used to wine.’
‘Go easy then,’ I warn him. ‘Craft beer is muc
h stronger than regular beer, and that particular one is one of Ryan’s strongest. It’s like forty percent alcohol.’
‘Well, as you’re so fond of saying, Beck.’ Nat shrugs and smiles as he lifts the bottle, ‘What’s the worst that can happen?’
‘That’s a great name for one of my beers,’ Ryan muses as he taps Nat’s bottle with his own in a toast, and they both raise the bottles to their lips.
What’s the worst that can happen? Quite a lot apparently.
Chapter Twelve
Beck
Doing the right thing sucks…
‘Oh, the stars are so pretty,’ Nat slurs as he leans back tilting his head so far back, I almost lose my grip on him as we weave down the street.
‘Yes, they are,’ I laugh, trying to get him to walk somewhere in the vicinity of a straight line.
We left the others at Mum’s, and they weren’t in a much better state than Nat. Ryan, Quinn and Georgie were attempting to play a rather drunken game of Twister, and Jesse was snoring, passed out cold on one of the sun loungers. Reed had stuck to water as he was on call at the hospital, so he was stone cold sober. I’d had a couple, and I was only slightly buzzing, but I was still over the limit to drive.
‘You can never really see them in London because of the light poll…un…ution,’ he mumbles, stumbling as he tries to pronounce the last word.
‘Pollution?’ I supply helpfully.
‘That’s what I said pollynution.’ He nods in agreement.
‘God, you’re so fucking irresistible,’ I mutter under my breath.
‘What?’ He blinks owlishly.
‘I said what part of London do you come from?’
‘Oh, um…’ His eyes squint, and I can almost hear the grinding in his brain. I swear this is the last time I’m letting him drink anything of Ryan’s. ‘My parents have a townhouse in Knightsbridge,’ he hiccups.
‘Knightsbridge?’ I reply in surprise. I always knew he probably came from money, but Knightsbridge is literally one of the most expensive places to live in London.
‘That’s where Pia and I grew up,’ he adds.
‘Pia?’ I cast my mind back over our previous conversations. ‘You mean your sister, Sophia?’
‘Thass right.’ He nods. ‘But sssh.’ He puts his finger over his mouth exaggeratedly. ‘We’re not allowed to shorten our names, it’s vulgar… apparently.’
‘What?’ I frown in confusion.
‘Mother doesn’t like it. My sister’s Sophia and I’m Nathan, and we’re not allowed to shorten our names. So, it’s our secret. She’s Pia and I’m Nat, but only when we’re on our own.’
I notice that he refers to her as mother not mum.
‘What’s she like?’ I ask inquisitively.
‘What, Pia?’ He frowns.
‘No.’ I smile. ‘Although, I’d love to hear all about her. I mean your mother.’
‘Oh, Mother,’ he snorts. ‘Well, she’s nothing like your mum, your mum’s lubbly.’
‘Lubbly?’ I grin. ‘Do you mean lovely?’
‘Yes, that’s what I said… lubbly.’ He swerves slightly again, and I wrap my arm tightly around his waist, with his arm draped across my shoulder. ‘You really should listen, Beck. It’s rude not to listen.’ He swallows and blinks. ‘What was I saying?’
‘You love my mum,’ I remind him helpfully.
‘I do,’ he sighs, leaning his head comfortably on my shoulder, and I try not to think about how right it feels. ‘Your mum is everything a mum should be. She’s funny and sweet, she’s interested in each one of you. I watched her tonight. I saw the way she looked at all of you. She enjoys being your mum, and she smiles, like… a lot.’
‘Doesn’t your mum smile?’
‘No,’ he scoffs. ‘But then, to be fair, I’m not sure she can with the amount of Botox she has in her face. Also, I don’t think she’s capable of feeling anything so it’s probably a moose point.’
‘A moose point?’ My mouth twitches.
‘Umm hmm.’ He nods emphatically. ‘Moose point. Anyway, my mother is like a Harp Seal, an... I know that you’re thinking that sounds cute right? Wrong… the Harp Seal is the least maternal creature in the amnial kingdom.’
‘Animal kingdom?’
‘Thass right, amnial kingdom. I mean, it will literally abandon its young weeks after it’s born. You know what, Mother could even be one of those species that eat its own young, except you know… if it wasn’t for the calorie content.’
I actually, at this point, don’t know whether to be amused or absolutely horrified at the description of his mother.
‘Do you still live with them?’
‘What? Noooooo.’ His eyes widen as if the thought is too horrifying to comprehend. ‘I have my own place in Chelsea.’
‘Chelsea?’ I blink slowly.
‘Umm hmm.’ He nods. ‘I might sell it though. I don’t like Chelsea. I don’t like London. I don’t like Nathan. Nathan was so unhappy, not like Nat. Nat’s a lot more fun.’
It’s hard trying to keep up with his scattered thought process and slurred speech, but I think I’m understanding the general gist of what he’s trying to tell me.
‘How did you end up here?’ I ask as I try to steer him toward the B&B, but he shakes his head.
‘Nope, I want to go down to the beach. I don’t want to go back just yet. It’s too quiet all on my own. I’m always on my own.’
My heart gives a helpless little thud at that quiet admission.
‘Okay, Nat,’ I reply softly. ‘We’ll go down to the beach for a while.’
He beams at me, and my stomach does that stupid, weird swoopy thing, the same as it does every time he hits me with that smile.
‘So, how did you end up in the bay?’ I repeat my earlier question as we head down the hill toward the grassy dunes at the edge of the beach.
‘The rabbit made me do it,’ he replies.
‘The rabbit?’ I repeat slowly.
He stops suddenly and reaches into his pocket, rummaging around for a moment, then exclaims in triumph as he drops a little silver object into my hand. I lift it up in the dim streetlight and see it’s a fifty pence piece, only it’s one of the ones from the Beatrix Potter collection, which has Peter Rabbit stamped on the front.
‘You tossed a coin?’ I realise what he means.
He nods. ‘I was at Paddington Station, staring up at the departures board with no idea where I was heading, then I found this coin on the ground. I tossed for it. North or South. I could’ve ended up in Edinburgh, but instead, I was heading for Penzance when I got on the wrong bus, and then you pulled me out of the sea.’
God, he’s so cute when he’s drunk.
‘Your mum says everything happens for a reason,’ he says as he stares at the coin in my hand. ‘I’m really glad you were there that day on the beach.’ He looks up at me.
‘Me too,’ I whisper.
He grins suddenly. ‘Last one to the beach has to skinny dip.’ He whoops loudly and takes off over the dunes. I shove the coin in my pocket, cursing as I chase after him, and damn, he’s fast. By the time I get to the beach, he’s standing by the water in almost exactly the same spot as when we first met. He’s stopped laughing and is staring out at the dark waves, listening to the soothing boom and crash of the surf.
‘Beck, can I ask you something?’ he says quietly.
‘Sure.’ I watch him in fascination.
‘When did you know you were gay?’
Of all the things I thought he’d say, his question takes me by surprise, but still I answer honestly. ‘I don’t know. I guess, like most kids, when I hit puberty. I suppose it helped that my brother and some of my friends felt the same way, so I had people I trusted to confide in.’
‘Jesse?’
I nod. ‘And Ryan. Deak too, although he’s bi. I think maybe that’s why we formed such a tight group of friends because we each knew what the others were going through. It created a bond.’
‘You’re lucky,’ Na
t sighs.
‘What about you?’ I ask. ‘When did you know?’
‘I had some pretty intense feelings for Freddie Sinclair.’ Nat smiles beatifically. ‘We were fourteen, and I used to sit next to him in my science class. He played on the school football team, and the first time I saw him all sweaty and covered in mud, I nearly swallowed my tongue. After catching a glimpse of him in the showers after P.E, I had some pretty hot and heavy dreams about him, but he was more interested in Bethany Hall, who was in our French class. Rumour had it, she kissed with tongue…’ he says theatrically, in a loud mock whisper as if he were imparting some kind of secret. ‘Anyway, I was pretty confused for a while, everyone seemed so interested in what Bethany was doing with her mouth, and I was more interested in what parts of Freddie I wanted to lick.’
‘When did you figure it out?’ I smile in amusement.
‘By the time I was fifteen, I knew I liked boys, and I had a really big thing for Harry Styles.’
‘Harry Styles? Really?’
‘Yup, uh huh.’ He nods ’I think it was all that hair.’ He eyes me up, his fingers tangling in my long hair. ‘Hey, maybe I’ve got a type.’
I swallow tightly, trying not to arch into that touch. ‘How did your family react when you came out?’ I ask instead.
‘They didn’t.’ He drops his hand.
‘I don’t understand.’
‘I never came out.’ Nat frowns. ‘Nathan wasn’t allowed to be gay, but Nat is very, very gay.’
‘Nat,’ I whisper not really sure what to say. ‘None of your family know? So, you what? Hook up in secret?’
‘No.’ He shakes his head. ‘I don’t hook up.’
‘What?’
‘I’ve never hooked up with anyone,’ he replies quietly, his words still slurred. ‘I’ve never had sex with a man... or you know what... never even kissed a guy.’
