by Vawn Cassidy
‘Yeah,’ I tell her. ‘Beck and I surf every morning, well, every morning but today, and that was largely due to the amount of Jack Daniels we sank last night.’
‘Who are you?’ Pia shakes her head with a small smile.
‘You going up to Sully’s?’ Georgie asks.
‘In a bit.’ I nod, shading my eyes from the sun.
‘Bring me some tacos.’ She flutters her eyelashes at me.
‘Come and get them yourself.’ I grin. ‘I’m not your delivery service.
‘Aw, come on.’ She pouts. ‘Please? I did save you the best board.’
‘Fine,’ I concede. ‘I’ll get one of the wait staff to run it down to you.’
‘Thanks, hun.’ She blows me a kiss.
‘I think I should try these tacos everyone keeps raving about,’ Pia says.
‘You will.’ I nod. ‘I’ll take you up to Sully’s for lunch, but first, there’s something I need to do.’
‘What?’ she asks curiously as I take her bag and shoes and set them down in the sand.
‘This.’ I laugh, and I grab her, slinging her over my shoulder and running for the water.
‘No, Nat!’ she screams, laughing wildly. ‘You wouldn’t dare.’
‘Wanna bet?’ I grin.
‘No!’ she shrieks with laughter and everything inside me lights up. This is my sister; this is my Pia. Not the woman I’ve seen at boring society functions for the past several years. This is the wild fun girl I grew up with. I know there’s still so much unsaid between us, but I’m so happy to have her back.
I reach the water’s edge, but at the last-minute drop her to her feet so she’s only in the water up to her ankles.
She kicks her foot and sprays me with sea water, and I dance nimbly out of reach as she laughs again. We chase each other in and out of the water, laughing like idiots and playing like children. I pick her up and spin her around and around until she’s breathless.
‘You idiot,’ she laughs happily. Her hair is falling out and spilling over her shoulders untidily, her cheeks are pink and flushed, and her blue eyes are dancing merrily.
I look up and see Beck standing at the railing beside Georgie, watching us with a smile on his face, and I can’t help but stare at him, fortunately I manage to catch myself before I start sighing like a lovesick dickhead.
‘Not serious, huh?’ Pia huffs in amusement. ‘You two might as well have little hearts in your eyes and be running in slow motion toward each other along the beach to Celine Dion’s My Heart will go on.’
I glance at her sharply at the Titanic reference, wondering if she’s somehow accidentally seen the painting Beck did. Christ, I hope not.
‘Er, lunch?’ I offer as we head back up toward the swim shack.
I watch as Beck climbs over the railing and drops down from the promenade onto the sand easily. Picking up Pia’s bag and shoes as he hands her a pair of pink flip flops.
‘Georgie said to give you these,’ he says.
‘Thanks,’ she laughs. ‘I’ve never had a pair of flip flops before.’
‘You’re as bad as Nat.’ Beck shakes his head. ‘So… Lunch? Georgie mentioned tacos.’
‘You know, you’re really building my hopes up here. I hope I’m not going to be disappointed,’ Pia says as I sling my arm around her neck, and the three of us head up to Sully’s.
‘No, they really are that good,’ Beck replies.
‘We’ll see,’ Pia hums noncommittedly. ‘You didn’t have to try his first attempt at omelettes.’
‘I was nine,’ I protest.
‘Yeah?’ She raises her brows. ‘You weren’t the one throwing up for twelve hours straight.’
‘How was I to know the eggs were off.’ I wince.
‘Hmm,’ she hums suspiciously as we climb the steps to the restaurant, dusting the sand off her feet and slipping the flip flops on.
I watch as she pulls open the door and collides with a large male body. I’m about to rush forward to catch her, when I see two firm arms wrap around her to steady her, and then a familiar voice speaks.
‘Are you okay?’ Reed asks her as she blinks up at him.
For an long uncomfortable moment, she just stares at him mutely. ‘Um, y…yes, thank you.’ She clears her throat as she stands and smooths down her dress.
‘Pia.’ I step closer. ‘This is Reed, Beck’s older brother. Reed this is my sister, Pia.’
‘It’s nice to meet you.’ He takes her hand as they continue to stare at each other.
‘Awkward.’ Beck mouths to me, and I snort.
‘Uh, guys,’ I cough. ‘You’re blocking the doorway.’
They both blink and move aside as a little old couple shuffle out, sending them a knowing look.
‘Tacos,’ I say loudly, clapping my hands together to break the heavy tension and hustle Pia into the restaurant.
‘Weren’t you just leaving?’ I hear Beck say to his brother.
‘I can stay for a while.’ Reed’s quiet calm voice rumbles behind us.
‘Mel!’ I call across the restaurant. ‘Come meet my sister, Pia. Pia this is Beck’s mum.’
Mel sweeps over and hugs Pia warmly. ‘It’s lovely to meet you, sweetheart.’
‘Cornish people seem to be very huggy,’ Pia whispers to me.
‘Go with it.’ I laugh. ‘Seriously, you get used to it.’
‘Come, come.’ Mel ushers us all over to a large round table. ‘It’s a family reunion, so it’s on the house.’
It’s the perfect afternoon, surrounded by the people I enjoy most in the world, and as the icing on the cake, I now have my sister back. I sit watching her chat animatedly to the others with a small indulgent smile as she devours the tacos.
We talk and laugh, and I love seeing Pia smile. I didn’t realise how much of her had dimmed since she married that prick, Avery. I want to ask her about it, but I can’t. Having her back is so new, I don’t want to give her a reason to back off again.
But I don’t miss the way Reed watches her with calm, patient eyes, that remind me so much of Beck. Nor did I miss the way his gaze flicked to her platinum wedding band. I also don’t miss the way her eyes keep straying in his direction, or the pretty pink blush on her cheeks. Eventually, Reed’s phone rings, and he gets up and heads outside to take it as one of the waitress’s head over.
‘Nat, there’s a car outside for a Sophia Hamilton,’ she tells me.
‘That’s me.’ Pia nods.
‘Wait, you’re leaving?’ I say in disappointment.
‘I have to.’ She smiles despondently. ‘Avery’s flying back from a meeting in Paris tonight, and I have to be home before he gets back.’
‘Why?’ I frown.
‘I just.’ She shakes her head, leaving the sentence hanging and rises from the table. ‘It was lovely to meet you all.’ She smiles at Mel and Beck, and also Joss, who’d joined us.
‘I hope you come back soon,’ Mel tells her softly. ‘Nat just lights up when you’re here.’
‘I will,’ Pia promises.
‘I’ll walk you out,’ I tell her as everyone waves, and we make our way to the door. Once we’re outside, I see a sleek black Mercedes waiting in the carpark. ‘I wish you didn’t have to go,’ I tell her unhappily.
‘I know,’ she murmurs as she turns to face me. ‘But I will come back now I know where you are.’
‘Will you stay?’
‘I don’t know.’ She bites her bottom lip nervously. ‘A day is one thing; I won’t be missed, but overnight is too difficult to explain.’
I study her face silently. It’s been one of the best days I can remember in a long time. All the times we’ve seen each other over the past few years have been awkward and distant. I took that to mean we’d just grown apart and weren’t the same people anymore. But now, looking back on those times with a fresh perspective, it wasn’t because we’d grown apart or stopped loving each other, it was because I was desperately unhappy in my life, and I realise with a heavy feeling, so is she. Pia hasn’t
changed, not deep down. Today proved that she’s still the girl I remember, but when she’s with Avery, he dims that light inside her, and she becomes a different person, just like I did when I was around our father. There’s something about Avery that I’ve never trusted, and now, I find my dislike of him growing intensely. Red flags start going up, and I kick myself for not asking questions sooner.
‘Pia?’ I ask. ‘Is everything alright with… Avery.’ I force myself to use his name and not simply refer to him as ’that arsehole.’
‘Yes,’ she replies. ‘Of course.’
‘Pia.’ I bite the bullet and just ask. ‘Why did you marry him? You don’t love him, you never did, and I’m sorry but you don’t seem happy.’
‘Nat, don’t.’ She shakes her head. ‘There are things... things you don’t know, things I’ve tried to protect you from.’
‘You don’t need to protect me.’ I frown.
She glances back to the car. ‘I really have to go,’ she says worriedly. ‘Just... just promise me one thing, okay?’
‘What?’
‘Don’t come back,’ she whispers cupping my face gently in her tiny hands. ‘Stay here and be happy.’
‘Pia,’ I say again, worry churning in my gut as the Mercedes horn beeps.
‘I really have to go.’ She hugs me fiercely and kisses my cheek. ‘I love you, Nat.’
‘Love you too,’ I murmur, watching her scurry across the car park and climb into the back seat of the waiting car.
Turning back toward the restaurant, I see Reed tucking his phone back in his pocket. His eyes lock on mine and I wonder how much of that he heard.
Chapter Twenty-One
Nat
A very merry un-birthday to me…
July passes into August in a hot sweltering blur of tourists and blazing sunshine, and my life couldn’t be better. Although, I’m still worried about Pia, we call or text each other every couple of days now. She doesn’t talk about herself much, which is telling, but she inhales every little snippet of gossip about the bay and its residents. She’s very invested in Molly and Bernard’s rebellion, who seem to come up with daily ways to wind up their children and seem to be having a whale of a time doing it.
I’d worried for a while after Pia came to see me that our father would find out where I was and show up demanding I return to London, and for the next several days, I found myself nervously looking over my shoulder, but as the weeks passed, I convinced myself that he’d finally let me go. After what I did the day I left, I’d hoped he’d washed his hands of me. Slowly, I was beginning to believe that I was finally free.
Beck and I spend every day and night together now. We haven’t talked about it, but I’ve started leaving spare clothes and a toothbrush at his place. I still have a room at the B&B, but I’m never there. We surf together every morning, and I head back to his place every evening after the restaurant closes, and it’s as pretty close to perfect as I could’ve imagined.
I haven’t told him about Grace yet, or the circumstances leading up to me leaving London. There never seems to be a good time, and the more time that passes, the less important it seems. It’s my past, and I don’t want it to define my future.
I know Beck and I said it would just be a fling and we would walk away at the end of the summer, but that was when I didn’t know what I wanted and things were still confusing. The truth is, I know what I want now. I want to stay in the bay. I want to make my home here with Beck. I know something happened during his time in Florence to put him off relationships, but I can’t help but feel this is different. I know he cares for me; I feel it in the way he looks at me, the way he touches me, in the hundred little things he does for me every day that he probably doesn’t even notice, but every single one says he’s thinking of me, and he wants to take care of me.
I’ve never had that before, never had someone that was mine. We’re almost halfway through the summer, the clock is ticking down, and I’m not ready to lose him.
‘Hey, baby.’ Beck slides his arms around me and kisses the back of my neck sending a shiver down my spine.
At first, I thought I just reacted like this because a sexual relationship with a man was so new to me, but it hasn’t dimmed over the last month and a half, if anything it’s gotten better. I now realise that I react this way, not because the sex is off the charts, but because it’s him. The truth is I’m falling for him hard and fast, and I’m afraid there’s going to be nothing to break my fall.
‘Are you ready to head down to the restaurant?’ Beck asks.
‘Are you coming with me?’ I turn my head to glance at him. He doesn’t usually come down to the restaurant this early in the evening. Most times he’ll show up during the evening and wait for me to finish if he’s not working in his studio.’
‘Mum asked me to stop by.’ He shrugs.
‘Okay,’ I reply. ‘Well, I’m ready to go. We driving or walking?’
‘A walk might be nice.’ He drops a kiss on my lips. ‘Then on the way home tonight we can find a secluded corner of the beach and I can indecently expose you.’
I laugh against his mouth. ‘May I remind you what happened last time we did that?’
‘Fair enough.’ He grins. ‘We’ll wait til we get home.’
I can’t help the little bubble of happiness when he says home. Of course, he probably doesn’t mean anything by it, but part of me believes that maybe this could become something more permanent.
We head out of the door and walk down to the beach as the cool breeze comes in off the water, a welcome respite from the humidity. I love the summer, but the hot, sticky heat makes me feel like my brain has melted, and all day I’ve felt my mind wandering.
It’s my birthday today, but none of them know of course. I didn’t bother telling anyone. I’ve never really celebrated my birthday before, not really. I’ve always found it quite a stressful day thanks to my parents.
‘You look deep in thought,’ Beck says as he watches me.
‘I guess.’ I give a half-hearted shrug. ‘I don’t know. I was thinking about my father.’
‘Do you want to talk about it?’
‘I…’ I frown trying to articulate what’s going on in my head. ‘After Pia came to the bay last month, I don’t know, I guess I thought my father would show up and drag me back home.’
‘That really worried you,’ he replies. It was a statement, not a question, and when I just stare at him he continues. ‘You didn’t sleep properly for a week after, and you didn’t eat either.’
I continue to stare at him wordlessly, bewildered that he’d noticed.
‘Did you think I didn’t know how much the thought panicked you?’ he says softly. ‘I can’t even begin to imagine how complicated the relationship is between you and your father for you to think you had no other choice than to run away, and then be so scared he’s going to find you and force you to go back. It worries me, Nat.’
I stop walking and turn to face him, my belly an uncomfortable jumble of messy emotions and fears. ‘I know you probably think I’m a coward.’
‘I don’t think that at all.’ He frowns.
‘Any normal person would have just said no,’ I breathe, frustrated at myself. ‘Any normal person would have just stood up to him from the very beginning.’
‘There’s no such thing as normal, Nat.’ He strokes my arm comfortingly. ‘You were raised in a very strict environment with very little affection from what I understand. You’re too hard on yourself. Do you want to know how I see you?’
I stare at him, my heart hammering in my chest as I nod slowly.
‘I think you’re incredible,’ he says steadily. ‘You’re sweet and kind, funny as hell. So beautiful it hurts to look at you sometimes. You care about people, you take your time to get to know them and always make time for them, that’s why they gravitate toward you. You’re sexy and smart, and hot as hell in bed.’
I blush at the last one, and he chuckles.
‘You’re so much more
than you think you are,’ he tells me. ‘Nat, we’re not defined by our parents, and we sure as hell don’t have to live our lives by their standards. That’s what free will is all about. It took a lot of guts to walk away from everything you’ve ever known and to start over. The question is, are you going to build on that foundation or spend your life running from a man who doesn’t know you and will never understand you.’
‘Nat wants to,’ I tell him honestly. ‘But Nathan’s still afraid. My father casts a long shadow. Ever since I arrived in the bay, all I hear is people talking about your dad, the great Sully Ainsley. He was so loved and so respected. The thing I hear most often is people saying he had a larger-than-life personality. My father is nothing like that. He’s cold and aloof, he’s elitist and constantly looks down on people. He had this idea of who his son would be, he’d mapped out my entire life for me before I was even conceived. The more I tried to fight it, the tighter he gripped. He has this way about him, and he makes me feel so small. Whenever I’m near him, I can feel Nat disappearing until all that’s left is Nathan, and he’s so weak, he does whatever he’s told.
‘No,’ Beck replies firmly, his eyes flashing. ‘Don’t do that. I’ve heard you refer to yourself as two separate people the whole time I’ve known you and you’re not. Nathan is a part of you. It might be easier to blame him, but he’s the one who got you out. It was Nathan who got you out of London, it was Nathan who put you on that train, without him you wouldn’t be here. I think it’s time you forgave him. I think it’s time you forgive yourself. You’re a lot stronger than you think you are.’
‘Can I tell you something really pathetic?’ I say quietly.
He stares at me, those beautiful hazel eyes filled with patience.
‘I wanted him to love me,’ I whisper.
‘Oh, baby,’ he murmurs.
‘I don’t get it. He’s a horrible person, he’s cold and controlling, and mean. He’s a fucking homophobe for fuck’s sake.’ I blow out a breath in frustration. ‘But I still wanted him to love me, and it makes me ashamed.’
‘Nat.’ He tucks a lock of my hair behind my ear and tilts my face up to meet his. ‘Some people don’t know how to love, and that says less about you and more about him.’
