Chapter 5
Separation
(Mason)
I am exhausted, but having Olivia’s body tangled up with mine makes it impossible for sleep to claim me. Both my body and mind are begging me to give in and rest, but I know this is a rare opportunity I would be a fool to squander. So I hold her quietly, breathing in her scent as I contemplate her last words.
Denying that what she said sent a rush through my body would be a lie. I know she didn’t mean it like I want her to, but hearing her say that she will love me even if I am some kind of freak… alien… whatever I am, means more to me than she will ever understand.
I freeze as Olivia shifts, crossing her leg over mine and snuggling even closer. It takes a moment for my heart to stop racing. The desire to turn my head enough to press my lips against her forehead is very nearly too much. Lying in my bed with her is pure torture, anything more and I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from waking her and admitting how much I want her.
But I know how that would go over. Seeing an expression of disbelief or disgust on Olivia’s face as she tries to comprehend her “brother” telling her he’s in love with her is not something I want to experience.
That thought alone is depressing enough to make me reconsider sleep. My eyes close, but a sound in the hallway snaps them back open. Memories spring up uncontrollably, flashing back to that day. My arms tighten around Olivia’s body. I am ready to scoop her up and run if my fears prove true.
The sight of Olivia’s dad shuffling down the hallway sends a shot of relief through me. I laugh at myself for being so paranoid and relax my grip on Olivia. A second later, panic sets in that he will realize Olivia isn’t in her room and is in fact sleeping with me. Olivia may only see me as a brother, but her dad saw the potential for something more from the first day. Before I can wake Olivia and warn her, her dad appears in the doorway calling Olivia’s name softly.
It takes me a moment to remember that he can’t see me. All he can see is Olivia sprawled awkwardly across my bed. In a moment of desperation, I opt for rolling away from her and pretending I am still asleep. I quickly decide to let Olivia figure a way out of this.
“Olivia,” Olivia’s dad calls again as he crosses the room, more awake now. “Olivia.”
She doesn’t stir until he reaches down and gently shakes her. Slowly, her eyes blink open. “Dad?”
She pulls away from me as her dad sits down on the edge of the bed. I am working hard at pretending to be asleep, yet I can’t help but notice that Olivia doesn’t even seem embarrassed at being found in my bed. Grimacing, I realize that the thought probably never crossed her mind that something more than her comforting me was going on.
“Olivia, what are you doing in here? Is everything okay?” her dad asks.
Rubbing her eyes, Olivia mumbles, “Yeah, Mason was having nightmares again. They were pretty bad. He woke me out of a deep sleep.”
Olivia’s dad puts an arm around his daughter, ruffling her already mussed hair. “Sorry, kiddo. I wish I could hear him. I feel bad that you’re always the one who has to get up in the middle of the night to help Mason. That should be mine and your mom’s job, not yours.”
“I don’t mind,” Olivia says, and I know she means it. Not smiling in response to her kindness is a challenge.
“Is Mason okay?”
Olivia shrugs. “I don’t know, Dad. I’m worried about him. Tonight’s nightmares were really bad. I’m scared that Mason thinks something terrible is going to happen.”
Rather than brushing off her fears as nothing, her dad considers what she said. His nose scrunches just like Olivia’s always does. “Mason has nightmares all the time. What made these different?”
One of the things I love about Olivia most is her honesty. She knows how to keep a secret when it’s absolutely necessary, but she prefers to be open and up front about what is going on in her life. She tried to tell her whole family about me the day we met. No one believed her, but she kept trying. She knew she needed help, and she doesn’t believe in prolonging a difficult situation by being stubborn or keeping secrets. Olivia handles my nightmares in the same way.
The concern in her voice is clear as she tells her dad not only about my nightmare tonight, but about Robin and everything we learned from her today. Her dad listens thoughtfully, carefully considering everything. As I quietly eavesdrop on their conversation, I marvel at their closeness. They are so alike, it’s no wonder they have always turned to each other when they needed support or someone to laugh with.
I listen raptly, waiting for one of them to come up with a solution. When Olivia speaks next, I am not prepared for her question.
“Dad, do you think Mason’s nightmares could be more than dreams? Premonitions?”
When Olivia’s dad doesn’t immediately discount the idea, my breathing stops.
“What makes you think they aren’t just dreams?”
Olivia shrugs. “I don’t know. Nothing, I guess. It’s just that, well, Mason is special. He’s amazing and unique. He’s invisible. Obviously there’s something we don’t understand about him. What if he has abilities we don’t know about?”
Silently, I hope that he’ll just brush off her theory. I can’t stand the thought of anything I saw tonight being even mildly close to reality. Sweat begins to bead on my forehead. Please, I beg, tell her it’s a ridiculous idea.
“I can’t say whether his dreams are more than that or not, but I think you’re smart to be wary. Mason is very special, and it wouldn’t surprise me at all to find out he has abilities beyond the average person.”
Clearly, that wasn’t the answer Olivia wanted to hear, either. The way her shoulders bunch up and her arms tighten around her slender body prove the idea terrifies her.
“Dad, I don’t want Mason’s dreams to come true. I don’t want to lose him.” A quick sniff and brush at her eyes makes my chest constrict. She leans her head against her dad’s shoulder and he pulls her in tightly.
“Olivia, I’m not saying that his dreams are real. Most likely, they’re just dreams brought on by meeting Robin. But even if they are real, don’t you think that if Mason has one special talent, he may very well have others, too? I don’t think you need to start worrying yet.”
Turning just enough that I can see her profile, Olivia smiles weakly up at her dad. “I’ll try not to.”
He kisses her forehead. Having reassured her, he moves as if to leave, but stops and settles back onto the bed. The turning of his head toward me forces me to shut my eyes and feign sleep just in case Olivia’s gaze follows. My ears, however, stay open and ready. Olivia senses something has changed. The feel of her shifting to a more wary posture on the bed makes me even more nervous. Maybe she wasn’t as unconcerned about being found in here as I thought.
“Olivia, since we’re talking about the future, I need to ask you a question. I’ve been meaning to talk to you for a while, but we’ve both been so busy I can’t ever seem to find the time,” her dad says.
“A question about what?”
Olivia’s dad shifts for a moment, not speaking right away. Eventually, he says, “Olivia, this is your last year of high school. I know we’ve talked about colleges and majors, but …”
“Dad, do we really need to talk about this right now? I’m still thinking about what I want to do. I won’t even apply anywhere until next semester, and even once I start college, I can take all my Gen Ed classes if I’m still not sure about a major.”
Patting her leg, her dad waves off anymore arguments. “That’s not what I was going to ask you. Take a breath. You have plenty of time to decide all that.”
Confused, Olivia asks, “Then what?”
“What about Mason? Has he talked to you at all about what he wants to do after high school?”
It is an innocent enough question, but it makes me go cold. Not only does Olivia seem stumped by the question, I am floored. I have to admit that I haven’t thought
about it for even a second. It never occurred to me that Olivia graduating might change things. Being separated simply isn’t an option.
The sound of Olivia’s voice startles me. Suddenly, I am hanging on every syllable.
“I guess I really haven’t thought about it, and I don’t think Mason has either. He hasn’t said anything to me, anyway,” Olivia says. She fiddles nervously with the bedspread. “I just figured he would come with me. He could study whatever he wanted, but we would still be together. That’s what’s important, right?”
Her dad doesn’t answer right away. He glances back at me again before turning back and speaking. “I know you and Mason are very close, but this is something you both need to talk about, something we all need to talk about. It won’t be as simple as you and Mason just going off to college.”
No, it won’t be that simple, I suddenly realize. Where would we live? If Olivia decides on a college away from home, she’ll be housed either in a dorm or an apartment. Either option would require a roommate. Roommates will be a problem. How would Olivia explain her live-in invisible friend? I don’t think either of us could stand having to pretend I didn’t exist that often.
The other obvious problem is that even though I am invisible to the majority of the world, I still need a bed, food, and the occasional shower. Explaining an empty room that definitely looks lived in, but never has an actual tenant would be a problem.
The only real option would be sharing Olivia’s room. That thought is staggering as I consider the unlikely possibility of having Olivia in my arms every night. Olivia’s dad’s voice seems distant as he spells out all the same problems that just ran through my mind. Paying attention seems too difficult. I can feel my skin flushing as fantasy takes over. There is no way that Olivia would remain oblivious to how deep our connection could go if we spent that much time together being that physically close. I have no delusions of my limits. It wouldn’t take many nights for me to breakdown and admit everything. It is a thought that both terrifies and excites me.
I think I might have spent the rest of the night entertaining such thoughts, but Olivia’s voice pulls me back to reality.
“Dad, none of that stuff matters. All that matters is that me and Mason stay together.”
The thrill her words send through me is hard to describe. Her dad doesn’t seem to appreciate the sentiment.
“Olivia,” he says wearily, “you’re not being realistic. It’s one thing to have you both living here, but the two of you going out and living together is completely different.”
“Why is it so different?” she argues. “We manage well enough now.”
“Because we have rules here. You have separate rooms, boundaries. Plus, we all know about Mason. He can come home and he doesn’t have to hide. You won’t have that at college in the dorms.”
Folding her arms stubbornly, Olivia stares her dad down. “Then I won’t live in the dorms. I’ll get an apartment off campus.”
Olivia’s dad raises a finger to interrupt, but Olivia powers over him.
“I know the budget. I’ll get a job to pay the difference not having a roommate leaves me with.” She refuses to back down. “I’m not leaving Mason behind, and I’m not letting money stop me. Mason deserves to have as normal of a life as he can possibly have.”
If anyone had inexplicably asked me for my thoughts in that moment there is no way I would have been able to express how much Olivia standing up for me meant. After Robin’s comments today about not having other Aerlings around and the companionship I was missing out on, my frustration at being the family “problem” has been weighing on my mind even more. Clearly it has been bothering Olivia as well.
Her dad has other problems on his mind. “Olivia, I appreciate your willingness to make sure Mason has a place to feel at home. I’m glad you’re thinking about his feelings, but that isn’t really the main problem.”
When Olivia’s nose crinkles in confusion, it manages to deflate my mood quite a bit.
“Olivia …” Her dad rubs his forehead, obviously not sure how to proceed. “Honey, I know you and Mason have been together for a long time. You’re closer that a lot of siblings are, but the fact is… well, Mason isn’t your brother. It wouldn’t be appropriate for the two of you to live together.”
“It’s not like anyone would know,” Olivia says quietly.
Her dad sighs. For once I don’t want to join him. The slightly guilty quality of Olivia’s voice gives me hope that she at least thought of where living together might lead.
“Honey, your mom and I would know. We’re not comfortable with you and Mason living together on your own.”
“Why not? We’ve never done anything to warrant you not trusting us,” Olivia argues. “I’m trying to make sure Mason has an opportunity to get on with his life. You can’t possibly expect him to stay here at home forever.”
Olivia’s dad pats her shoulder in an effort to calm her down. He shushes her quietly, glancing in my direction. Once he’s sure his daughter won’t start yelling at him again, he continues. “I am not saying that I don’t trust you and Mason. You are two of the best kids I know. It’s just that… well, things could change when you’re off on your own.”
“Dad,” Olivia whines, embarrassment creeping into her voice. “Mason is my best friend. Can’t we just leave it at that?”
“I’m afraid not.” Her dad’s hint of a smile lingers for a moment. “Look, I’m not saying we have to figure this out tonight. But I do want you to think about it. Ask Mason what he wants to do. He may have a completely different idea of what he wants out of life after high school. I just want the two of you to think about it.”
Olivia flops back against the headboard. I am once again forced to pretend total unawareness. That isn’t easy considering that Olivia’s knee is pressed against my shoulder.
Sighing, Olivia gives in. “Ugh, fine. I’ll ask him later, okay?”
“Thank you,” her dad says.
Ready to head back to bed, Olivia’s dad stands and holds his hand out to Olivia. “Come on, let’s get some sleep.”
Olivia’s dad and I are both surprised when Olivia hesitates. I can’t stop myself from flinching when her hand brushes over my shoulder. My breathing is stalled as I wait for her answer.
“Dad,” she asks, her breathing quicker than it was a second ago, “would it be okay if I stayed in here tonight?”
I don’t have to open my eyes to know the look on her dad’s face. After the conversation he just had with Olivia, concern and just a bit of disapproval are a foregone conclusion. The agitated sigh only confirms it. I am sure he’s about to order Olivia back to her bed, but she speaks up before he can speak the command.
“This isn’t about relationships or whatever,” she argues. Her hand strokes back and forth across my shoulder. “Dad, Mason really scared me earlier, and he was pretty freaked out, too. I’m afraid that if I leave, he’ll have another nightmare. You said you trust us. Let me prove I can live up to that. I just want to make sure he’s okay.”
As much as I hate to believe that is Olivia’s only reason for wanting to stay with me, I know her dad can hear the sincerity in her voice as much as I can. When I hear him sigh, I know she has won.
“Fine, but …” He doesn’t finish the thought. Instead, he kisses Olivia’s forehead. A second later I can hear his slippers shuffling out of the room.
I start to relax, knowing he has left the room, but right after his departure I feel Olivia lie back down next to me. I don’t expect much other than having the comfort of knowing she is so close by. When her hand slides across my body and closes around my hand, I am too stunned to react. I don’t know how long I lay there frozen. Olivia’s breathing slows to the regular pattern of sleep before I regain control and tighten my fingers around hers.
“Mason,” Olivia whispers, startling me into gripping her even tighter.
“Yeah?” I say, knowing it is a risk to admit I am still awake.
Olivia’s quiet chuckle surprises me. “I knew you were awake.”
Embarrassed, I mumble a quick apology.
“You heard everything Dad said?”
“Uh, yeah.”
There is a moment of quiet as Olivia gathers her thoughts. “Don’t worry about what he said,” Olivia says softly. “I’m not saying you have to go to college with me… I mean, I want you to, but whatever you want to do after high school, I’ll make sure Mom and Dad go along with it.”
“Thanks.” It’s a simple answer despite the complex mixture of emotions swirling around inside of me.
“Um, so, do you know what you want to do?” Olivia asks.
There is so much that begs to spill out of my mouth. I have to bite the inside of my cheek to keep myself in check. It takes me a minute to give her an answer. “I want to go to college with you.”
Again, Olivia is quiet for a while. After several long minutes, she says, “We could make it work, right?”
Whether Olivia has any inclination of ever looking at me as more than her brother or not, I have no intention of discouraging her. “Yeah, we can make it work.”
This time Olivia is the one to pull closer to me. Her head rests against my back, and suddenly everything else takes a backseat to the simple pleasure of having Olivia pressed against me. I want to take the peace she inspires into my dreams, but as sleep begins to claim me, fear of returning nightmares threatens to overpower. Even more, fear that my dreams are more than what they seem, that Robin’s arrival has set off a series of events I have no control over, tightens every muscle in my body. Olivia backed me up with her dad, but I can’t shake the feeling that sometime soon, I will be the one protecting her from a separation more permanent than college.
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