Unable to take the silence anymore, I said, “I’m not angry at you.”
“Okay.”
“I’m not.”
“I understand.”
A low growl came from my throat. Cat laughed softly. I scowled, but this conversation had made me think. Mom would never come back. She wouldn’t live here, or help him run the cavern. And I had a career in California. Grandpa needed company. He needed someone. Mom and I had made our choices. He’d found Cat, and I could understand why he wanted her around. I couldn’t hold that against him. Something about the conversation, and the dim light, about the way we worked without looking at each other, about the way she reacted to me, and how she didn’t know I was famous, made me say, “My mom left my grandpa. That’s why I wasn’t around. It wasn’t my fault.”
Her hands paused in their work, but then she resumed replacing the battery, casual as ever. “Why did she leave?”
“The first time? Or the second?” I asked.
“Well, either, I guess.”
“You haven’t heard the stories?”
“I try not to hear stories. Unless they’re firsthand, I don’t trust them.”
The smallest of smiles emerged on my face. It felt foreign. I hadn’t smiled much lately. I didn’t think I was going to tell her. Part of me wanted to let the moment pass. But the sound of the water was soothing. The methodical, practiced way her hands moved was comforting. “She left the first time because she loved my dirtbag father.”
“Dex Morgan.”
“So you have heard the stories.”
She tossed some used batteries into the cardboard box labeled need charging. “Otto told me that part. They were married, right?”
I ran my fingers through my hair. Why was I telling her all this? “Yeah, they got married. Dex was in that motorcycle gang that used to come through town sometimes, because one of the leaders had family here. Do they still come around?”
Her eyes widened, and she shook her head. I expected her to ask about the gang, but instead she said, “Why do you call him Dex instead of Dad?”
“Because he’s a dirtbag.”
She nodded thoughtfully. “And Otto didn’t want your mom to be with him, so she felt she had to choose between them. And when she chose Dex, she felt she had to leave your grandpa behind? Is that how it happened?”
“Pretty much.”
“Why’d she leave the second time?”
“Same thing. She chose Dex. Again. But I was a kid. I wasn’t involved in their discussions.”
“Now that you’re an adult, have you talked about it with your mom?”
“I try not to upset my mom.”
She nodded. “I get that. I do the same with my mom. She’s so anxious all the time. She worries about everything. We all try to keep things as easy as we can for her.”
Something about the easy way she told me this confidence, about the easy way I’d confided in her, too, made me uncomfortable. “Can you finish these on your own?” I asked.
“Sure, but don’t you want to come on the tour? See the cave?”
I backed toward the hallway where we’d entered. “I’ll see it some other time.”
I left then, leaving behind her protestations about leading me out and never being in the caves alone. I kept my distance the rest of the day, by heading up to Grandpa’s house. I stayed in my room, trying not to think of James. Of my mom and all she’d been through. Of caves. Or of Catherine.
At six o’clock, certain Cat would be gone for the day, I walked back down to the cavern to find Grandpa. I’d thought I wanted to be alone, but suddenly I couldn’t take that, either. I wanted to be alone with someone, that was what I wanted, and what only Grandpa could give me.
I walked into the gift shop to hear strange whoops and hollers coming from the cavern. What in the world? I walked to the opening, concern making my heart race and my hands tense in preparation for whatever I might find. Peeking into the room, I saw my grandfather and Cat with their hands cupped around their mouths, hollering nonsense noises up into the void of the cavern. Their voices rose from their mouths and echoes fell around their heads. I waited until it quieted, their laughter ringing through the cavern. Grandpa saw me standing there, and beckoned me over. “Come holler with us, Jesse.”
“No, thanks.”
“Come on, let loose a little,” Cat said. Then she cupped her mouth and shouted into the void, “Jesse’s afraid to look stupid.” She grinned as her shout returned to her.
I wasn’t. Being an actor had cured me of that long ago. I simply wasn’t in the mood to let loose. I wasn’t even sure I could.
“That’s alright,” Grandpa said, “he doesn’t have to make an echo.” They walked toward me and I turned to walk back into the gift shop.
“You excited for my spaghetti?” Grandpa asked.
I turned to answer him, to see he was asking Cat.
“I don’t think I’ll stay tonight, Otto,” she said.
“You always stay for dinner when I make spaghetti, on account of how it’s impossible to mess up.”
“You always have energy to walk the caves,” she teased pointedly.
He laughed. His laughter hurt me. That they had dinner traditions hurt me. Everything hurt me these days, though, so I didn’t allow myself to wallow in it.
“Stay. Please. Keep us boys company.”
She glanced at me quickly, before looking back to Otto and putting a hand on his arm. “I’ll stay another time.”
I fought the disappointment that tried to rise in me. Why should I be disappointed? This woman made me crazy. You like it, my brain whispered to me. Well, I shouldn’t like it that she made me feel anything at all. I was here to sort myself out, not tie myself in even more knots.
Cat kissed Grandpa’s cheek. “Bye Otto.” She gave me a slight wave and a tentative smile. “Bye, Jesse. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Her words lit a flame in me—small, but warm. I’d toss and turn for hours in bed tonight, grieving hard and unable to rest. But when morning came, and the sun rose again, Cat would be back.
Chapter 7
Cat
I walked into the kitchen, where my family was gathered around the island making ice cream sundaes.
“You’re just in time for dessert,” Audrey said, and held out the ice cream scoop.
My family ate earlier than Otto, so I’d missed dinner. Ice cream for dinner sounded about right for the day I’d had, so I let my backpack slide to the floor by the door and stepped up to the counter. There were two places in this world where I could be totally and completely myself. Where I didn’t worry about being liked or accepted, where I didn’t feel I had to put on a mask and work to fit in. Those two places were Alden Caverns and with my family. But now, with Jesse in the caves, maybe I had lost one of those places.
I didn’t like to admit it to myself, but that was another reason I hadn’t gone to college. Leaving would mean packing up my car and driving away from both of those places. I wasn’t afraid of much, but I was afraid of that. Now, even though I’d stayed, I may have lost one anyway.
“Tell us about your day,” Mama said and pushed a container of sprinkles toward me.
I shifted from foot to foot and scooped myself a huge pile of ice cream. “Otto’s grandson is visiting.”
“That’s lovely,” Mama said, her voice brimming with joy for Otto.
I looked at the back of my hands. “Yeah.”
“I detect from your tone it’s a mixed bag?” Dad said.
That was exactly what I needed to free the words. Maybe I needed to unload the thoughts to move past them. “I’m glad for Otto, I really am. But his grandson is the absolute grouchiest person I’ve ever met,” I began.
Audrey wrapped her arm around all the bottles of syrup and other toppings and slid them toward me. “Fill that bowl to the brim, and vent away.”
I squeezed a puddle of chocolate syrup on my ice cream. I wanted to tell them that Jesse had the audacity to say to me tha
t I stole his grandfather, even though he was the one who stayed gone all these years. That he didn’t seem to understand that Otto and I loved each other. But then I thought about his eyes. They were beautiful, yes, but they were sad. So sad. Something was bothering him. I could sense that he wasn’t behaving rudely because he was a rude person, but that something was wrong. It was probably why he was in Alden in the first place.
Feeling strangely protective of Jesse, I only said, “I think he’s going through something, and he’s here to be with Otto while he deals with it. He’s curious about the caves, so that’s good.”
“Is he cute?” Valerie asked, licking her spoon.
They all laughed at Valerie being Valerie, but I ducked my head, hoping she wouldn’t see the blush rising on my cheeks. But of course she did. She set down her spoon and lifted my chin with her freezing cold fingers. “Catherine Jane Sparrow. You think he’s cute.”
“It doesn’t matter if he’s cute.”
“Of course it matters.” Her eyes sparkled with laughter.
She was teasing me, so I decided to surprise her. “Okay, I’ll admit it. Jesse is quite good-looking.”
For a second, she looked satisfied, then her eyes widened. “Did you say Jesse? As in Jesse Relic?”
Mama, quietly enjoying our banter this whole time, put in, “No, he’s Otto’s grandson, Val. Remember his mom ran away with Dex Morgan? His name is Jesse Morgan.”
Valerie tapped her chin and chuckled lightly. “I guess I’m just jumpy. Even I can admit it’s ridiculous, but I can’t help it. A celebrity in Alden! It’s exciting.”
Audrey patted her twin’s hand. “I love the way you get caught up in things that excite you.”
At Audrey’s words, Valerie brightened. “I heard Jesse Relic went for a run through town this morning. Destiny saw him from her front porch. It would have been the same time I was helping Aunt Glory weed her front flower bed. How is it Destiny finds herself everywhere he seems to be? And why can’t I ever cross paths with him?”
As Audrey murmured her response to Val, Dad nudged my foot with his. “Not a fan of this movie star?”
I smiled at my dad. He had such a comforting face—wide, curious eyes, a salt-and-pepper mustache that always needed trimming, and a ready smile. One look at his face, and I felt everything would be okay. “I don’t even know who he is.”
“I wonder if I know who he is,” Dad said.
Valerie turned toward him. “I think you do. Remember that move we saw in the theater last November? It was called Rough Night. That was Jesse.”
They continued talking, but something tickled the back of my mind. I closed my eyes, ice cream melting on my tongue, and thought until I zeroed in on it. Jesse Morgan had gone for a run today, too. He’d seen me beside my car, and he’d seen Keaton helping me change the tire. It would have been about the same time Jesse Relic was running, if Destiny was right. I shook it off. My Jesse had run through the back roads, and Jesse Relic had run through town. My cheeks heated again, as though my family might have been listening to my thoughts. My Jesse. He wasn’t my Jesse.
After we finished eating and cleaned up the kitchen, I headed to my room, unsurprised that both Audrey and Valerie followed me. We settled in our usual spots in my room—me on my bed, Audrey on the floor leaning against it, and Valerie at my desk.
Valerie nattered on about Jesse Relic’s upcoming movie, wondering when the release date would be, while I opened my laptop to check if I had any messages from Matteo. There was one. He was going to visit a cave in northern Missouri that he’d never been to. I was thinking up my response, trying to figure out how to be excited but not too excited, when Audrey said, “Cam Gardner asked me out today.”
Valerie squealed. “Cam is so cute!”
“I know,” Audrey said.
This was an interesting development. Audrey wanted her first kiss as much as I wanted to spend every day in a cave. She was a true romantic. She loved love stories—books, movies, anecdotes. She’d never had a boyfriend, partly because she was so shy and partly because everyone seemed to assume she would be with Keaton sooner rather than later. Truth be told, I think he already told everyone he was her boyfriend, so the boys would stay away. But Cam had taken a chance. I put aside my laptop and moved to the floor to sit in front of Audrey.
Valerie hopped off the chair and sat on her other side. “Do you like him?” she asked.
“It doesn’t matter. We’re not going out.”
Valerie and I shared a look. Audrey was like our precious little kitten. She was the best of all of us, so selfless and kind, and we would do anything to protect her. We’d been trying for ages to get her to speak up for herself around others the way she did around the two of us. If Cam Gardner had done anything to upset her, he’d receive a visit from Val and me tomorrow. “Why not?” I asked, keeping my voice free of judgment.
Audrey started to giggle.
Valerie’s eyebrows shot up. “Tell us the story.”
Audrey covered her mouth with her hand, and when she stopped laughing, she took a deep breath. “It was this afternoon. We were standing outside Betsy’s Dress Shop.”
“What were you doing there?” Valerie asked, hungry for every detail.
“I was walking past on my way home, and he ran out of the shop to say hi. He was picking up a package for his grandmother. We talked a minute, and he asked if I’d like to go to dinner with him on Saturday night.” She buried her face in her hands.
“What did you say?” Valerie asked, leaning close.
She lifted her head from her hands and said, “Not one word. I clutched my purse tightly so I wouldn’t drop it, and took off running down the street.”
After a stunned pause, the three of us collapsed into giggles on my bedroom floor.
Valerie wiped her eyes. “Audrey. You have to actually talk to boys if you want your first kiss.”
“I know,” Audrey wailed. “I do want it. I am so curious I could die. But I want it to mean something. I want to really like the guy, and I don’t even know how I feel about Cam.”
“You might find out if you talked to him,” Valerie said.
Audrey laughed a little, but then sighed. “It’s so scary.”
“Kissing isn't scary, it’s fun. Right, Cat?”
“I wouldn’t know,” I said, shrugging like it was no big deal. It wasn’t, not to me. I’d never found anyone I wanted to kiss. I blinked hard to clear the image of Jesse’s mouth from my mind.
Valerie gaped at me. “Are you serious?”
“I’m serious.”
“You could have been kissed a million times over.”
“Maybe, but I haven’t been.” In spite of being known as Cave Girl in middle school, by high school the nickname had mostly faded. I’d been asked out quite a few times. Nobody had ever floated my boat, as Dad said. I figured I’d leave the dating to my sisters. They seemed better suited for it. And someday, if a guy I actually liked came along, then maybe...
Valerie narrowed her eyes at me, likely upset that I hadn’t told her this. To her, it was likely a very important tidbit of information. “We’ll circle back to this topic, but for now, back to Cam and Audrey.”
Audrey groaned. “There is no Cam and Audrey. I’ve seen to that. Besides, Keaton’s the only guy I know pretty well, and I don’t think I feel like kissing him. What if it’s always like that? What if I get to know a guy, and as soon as I know him, I lose all interest in kissing him?”
Valerie shook her head. “No. That’s not how it is. Sometimes you feel a huge spark for someone. Being near them is like you’ve been thrown on a charcoal grill—it’s all sizzle.”
Audrey and I laughed, as if we didn’t know what she was talking about, but my mind flickered back to that handshake with Jesse this morning.
Val held up a finger to silence us. “But then it fades. Maybe it will take a couple weeks, maybe a couple months. Other times, you don’t think there’s much electricity, but when you kiss, it’s there.
And look at Mama and Dad. They’ve been married twenty-four years and they still have that spark. What I’m saying is, this is the time to explore, Audrey. The time to play, to figure it out, to not take it too seriously. Not every guy has to be a potential boyfriend.”
Audrey twirled her bracelet around her wrist. “I think that’s right for you, Val. I think you can handle that. But for me, I like taking it seriously. I know you don’t plan to be exclusive with anyone until college, and that’s great. But I can’t picture myself kissing someone and not feeling deeply for them. And I don’t really want to wait until college for my first kiss.”
“Well, I can’t picture myself kissing anyone at all,” I said. My sisters laughed and pleaded with me to tell them more, but I shooed them out of my room and went to brush my teeth. As I lay in bed that night, I thought that if I were going to kiss someone, I’d like it if he had lips like Jesse’s.
Chapter 8
Jesse
I sat on the edge of my bed staring out the window toward the cavern, phone in hand. Just make the call, Jesse. Get it done. I tapped my phone on my knee. I needed to call my mom. I needed to assure her I was okay. I wasn’t okay, but there was nothing she could do about it. I was in the right place, for me, but it was the one place she didn’t want me to be and wouldn’t visit.
Mom usually called me every few days to chat and check in. Since the accident, since I left, she’d called at least ten times a day. Most of the time I left my phone on the dresser, so I wouldn’t have to feel the guilt of ignoring her calls. I sent a text when I arrived telling her I was okay, but she kept leaving messages, the last one at six this morning—which would have been three in the morning California time—and she was crying.
I pressed the call button and held the phone to my ear.
She answered on the first ring. “Jesse,” she breathed.
“Hey, Mom.”
“Are you okay?” Her voice was thin. She was holding back tears.
“I’m okay.”
“You’re still at Dad’s?”
Broken Hollywood (Sparrow Sisters Book 1) Page 5
