by Lane Hart
“I’m leaving,” I tell him loud enough that he can hear over the music or read my lips when I start to the door.
“Joanna!” he calls out, but I don’t stop.
This place is insane! Do people only come here to get drunk and have sex with each other? “Joanna!” Phillip says again before I escape out the door.
I drink in the cool night air that feels good on my arms and legs since my skin is overheating from anger or from how awkward I felt inside.
“Joanna, wait!” Phillip says when he jogs to catch up with me just as another man’s voice says, “Everything okay out here?”
“We’re fine, Preston. Go back inside,” Phillip answers without turning around, like he knows the man.
“Hunt didn’t want her out here alone.”
“I’m with her. And if she’s leaving, then I am too.”
“Okay, man. Good to see you healthy,” Preston says before he goes back inside.
“Are you sure you want to leave? I thought you might want to stay and catch up with your old friends!”
“I only came tonight because you and Casey insisted on coming, remember?” he says, which has some of my anger deflating out of me.
Still, the women in the bar, the ones hanging all over him, are just the reminder I needed that I shouldn’t be so quick to trust him or care about him after just a few nights together. I need space, distance, before I lose more of myself to him than I should.
I hurry to get my keys out of my purse; but before I can open the driver door, Phillip is suddenly there, blocking it with his much bigger body.
“Is Casey ready to leave too?” he asks me.
“No.”
“And you’re just going to leave her here with no way home?”
“Casey’s a grown woman. She knew what she was getting into when she decided to come,” I tell him, annoyed with her and with Phillip. “Did you sleep with those women who came up to you?”
“Yes,” he answers immediately. “The night I got shot. I was actually fucking one of them when I got shot.”
“Oh.”
I had expected him to deny it, not admit to everything and share so much information.
“But I barely remember anything but their names,” he goes on to add. “We were drinking and having fun until the shooting started. I was only one of two of the original Aces that was single.”
“Really?” I say in surprise. “The others have serious relationships?”
“Yep.”
“Serious enough that they don’t sleep around?”
“Hardly any girls even come around the pool hall or the gambling cruise anymore because they’re all settled down hard. It was one of the reasons I was glad to come over here for a party a few weeks ago with a bunch of women who actually wanted to fuck me.”
Again, that’s more honesty from him than I expected.
“You don’t have to leave with me if you don’t want to, Phillip,” I tell him.
“Did you hear what I said in there?” he asks as he places both of his hands gently on my hips. “I told them you’re my girlfriend, and I meant that. At least that’s how I feel about you, even if you just see me as a fuck buddy.”
“I don’t think of you as a fuck buddy. How could you say that?” I ask him.
“Because that’s all I’ve ever been to any woman.”
“That’s sort of sad,” I tell him.
He shrugs. “It’s true. I’m good at fucking and that’s about it.”
“I liked being with you before we ever slept together,” I remind him.
“Yeah?” he asks with a smile that glows in the night.
“Yes. But I should also confess that I did kiss you when you were recovering.”
“I knew it!” he exclaims, his fingers tightening on my waist. “I woke up feeling your lips on my forehead, my cheek, then my lips.”
I lower my eyes in shame. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that, but you were just so…handsome, and I wanted you to wake up and get better.”
His arms wrap around my back, and then he dips down all that height so that his lips are suddenly buried in my neck as I rest my chin on his shoulder and pull him even closer.
We hold each other like that for a long time, until Phillip breaks the silence. His words are muffled since he doesn’t try to pull away. “Will you come with me Sunday?”
“Sunday?” I repeat.
“I want you to meet Sierra and Asher.”
“If you’re sure?”
“I’m sure,” he says, finally pulling back to look down at me.
“I love kids,” I admit to him.
“Yeah?”
“Yes.”
“Most women wouldn’t want to date me because I have two kids with two different women.”
“Then most women are stupid,” I tell him with a smile.
Chapter Twenty
Fiasco
“I hope the women don’t give you any grief,” I tell Joanna as she drives us to the playground.
“Why would they?” she asks.
“That’s just how they are. Don’t take it personally if they do, okay?”
“Okay,” she agrees.
God, she’s so easygoing no matter what, which is not something I’m used to from the women I sleep with. Most are demanding as shit, especially Katrina and Giselle, the mothers of my kids. They don’t make anything easy, and I always feel like it’s a huge burden on them to meet me every Sunday afternoon at two for an hour.
“I’m pretty fucking lucky they agree to give me one hour a week,” I grumble aloud.
I didn’t say that they only conceded that time because it’s when I bring them money. I’m not stupid, but I know it’s what Joanna is thinking too when she frowns while she watches the road.
“Would you like to see more of them?” she asks, stealing a quick glance at me.
“I’ve tried, but they won’t budge. Besides, they have their own lives. I can’t ask them to take more time out of it to babysit me with them.”
“You’re their father. They don’t need to babysit you with them, Phillip.”
“That’s not what they think.”
“Forget the mothers. Do you want more time with your son and daughter?” Joanna asks more sternly.
“Of course I do, but it’s a lost cause. Trust me, angel, I’ve tried.”
“I’m not promising anything, but maybe I could help you when you have them, not because you need my help, but because I would like to help.”
“Really?” I ask. “You haven’t even met them yet. You might think they’re annoying little brats.” I think they’re the sweetest two people to ever walk the earth, but I could be biased since they’re mine.
“I doubt that,” she says with a smile.
“Then, yes, I would like to have more time with them and with you.”
“So, if I have a chance today, would you let me try to talk to them for you?” Joanna asks.
She glances over, and I give her a smile before she looks back at the road. Needing to touch her, even though it’s only been a few minutes since the last time, I reach over and place my palm on her closest knee to give it a squeeze. “I would let you do anything you asked, angel.”
“Anything?” she repeats with her own teasing grin.
“Yep. Anything, even put a finger in my ass, and my ass is usually off limits to everyone.”
Joanna laughs out loud, and it’s one of the most beautiful sounds in the world. And I know she’s not laughing at me like most people do. For some unknown reason, she actually thinks I’m funny.
“Your ass is safe from me. I promise.”
“I really love being with you, Joanna,” I tell her honestly and give her leg another squeeze. “You make me feel really damn good, like maybe I’m not a complete waste of space like everyone’s told me my whole life.”
“Oh, Phillip,” she says sadly, covering my hand on her leg and driving with one hand on the steering wheel. “That’s not true. You are a str
ong, kind, loyal, hardworking, handsome, and incredibly sexy man. Don’t let anyone let you think otherwise.”
And for the first time in my life, I start to think maybe she’s right and the rest of the world is wrong.
Joanna
When Fiasco and I pull up to the park on Sunday, I can immediately see his two children running around on the playground. Their blond hair is shining in the sunlight, the same way their father seems to always glow angelically. As we begin to cross the grass, the children come running over to greet us, both of them overjoyed at the sight of their dad.
Asher and Sierra stand still for about two seconds while Phillip introduces me to them, and then they’re off, running full out and screaming like a horde of zombies are chasing them as Phillip sprints behind the young pair.
I glance over at the bench where their mothers are sitting. Both of them are scrolling on their cell phones, intentionally not looking at me or Phillip. I guess this is the usual Sunday play date, since the kids and Fiasco seem unperturbed.
When I walk over, I tell them, “He’s really good with them, the kids.” They may be sitting on the same bench, but they are as far apart as they can get. I’m guessing they’re not exactly friends.
“Yeah, because he’s just a big kid himself,” the one on the right says with a grin. I believe Phillip said her name was Giselle. She’s tall and lean with long strawberry blonde hair that I think may be natural since she’s Sierra’s mother and they look so much alike. Her model-like beauty makes me feel a little insecure. At least she’s not dressed for the runway this afternoon. Instead, she’s wearing a pair of black yoga pants and a plain white t-shirt with sneakers.
“I’m glad to get a chance to meet you all,” I say in the silence that follows. “I don’t know how much Phillip told you about me…”
“Phillip?” the mother on the left says in confusion — Katrina, if I remember right. She’s shorter and curvier than Giselle and me both, almost on the overweight size with burgundy hair that can’t be natural curled in soft waves. She’s not as pretty as Giselle, but I’m guessing men wouldn’t care because of her other attributes spilling out of her V-neck top and filling out the back of her skinny jeans.
I point my finger at the man running around the swing set with his daughter now on his shoulders, chasing his son. “He’s the father of your children, and you don’t even know his real name?” I say in disbelief. Then a thought hits me. “Didn’t you put his name on the birth certificate?”
“No,” both of them say at the same time, which is odd.
“Has he ever taken a DNA test?”
That earns me two very similar glares. “Who the fuck do you think you are, showing up here and sticking your nose in our business?” Katrina asks while sweeping her hair back over her shoulder.
“Calm down, Trina,” Giselle says softly. To me, she says, “Yes, we both have had DNA tests done, but nothing was ever formalized. Court shit is expensive, and Fiasco has always been good about paying us every week.”
“Except lately,” Katrina mutters as she eyes me like it’s my fault he’s not giving her every penny he has.
“Have either of you ever been to Phillip’s apartment?”
They both shake their heads no.
“He gives everything he has to those two kids and barely keeps enough to buy himself food or pay rent. And the reason he hasn’t been earning as much lately is because he was out of work recovering from two gunshot wounds! Speaking as the nurse who saved him, he should’ve been out at least six weeks or more, but he went back to work sooner than he should have. He could have killed himself going back so early, but hey, he’s here with the money, right?”
“You’re a nurse?” Giselle asks.
“Yes,” I answer, forcing myself to calm down. Yelling at them won’t get them to like me. “I work at Masonboro General. I love children; and even though I haven’t known Phillip long, I care about him a great deal. If you would both agree, we would really like to have Asher and Sierra over to my house for a playdate one afternoon.”
“I don’t think so,” Katrina says while Giselle silently considers it.
“You could come over beforehand and inspect my place, make sure it’s kid safe. I can show you my credentials from the hospital. I’m sure you both have a ton of things to do or could just use the time alone for yourself. Think of it as a free babysitter for a few hours.”
“I’m in,” Giselle agrees with a smile. “Tell us when and where.”
“You don’t speak for me,” Katrina huffs.
“Oh, come off it, Trina. Joanna and…Phillip are just as trustworthy as the teenager you let stay with Asher while you go out on dates.”
“Can you watch him one night while I go out?” Katrina asks me.
“Of course. And maybe once you feel comfortable with them coming over to play, they could have sleepovers.”
“Girl, do you know the last morning I slept past seven?” Giselle asks, and I shake my head with an answering grin. “Before Sierra was born!”
“Asher sleeps until eight,” Katrina says. “But never a minute later.”
“Then a sleepover is something we can all hopefully look forward to in the future.”
“I don’t think Fiasco…Phillip has ever had a girlfriend before,” Giselle tells me.
“I know. That’s a shame.”
“I never expected him to end up with someone like you,” Katrina mutters, and I’m not sure if that’s an insult or a compliment. Giselle just looks at me and rolls her eyes with a smile, so I don’t think too hard about what the other woman thinks about me.
Chapter Twenty-One
Fiasco
“Thank you so much for doing this,” I tell Joanna as I wrap my arms around her, trapping her arms by her side to kiss her cheek from behind.
“It’s the least I can do,” she says. “As much money as you pay in child support, you should get to see them whenever you want.”
“Katrina and Giselle wouldn’t agree to that, but I’m happy that they are letting them come to your place and play for a few hours. I don’t think they would leave them with me if they saw my apartment.”
“How is it that neither of them know where you live or your real name?” she asks.
I let go of her arms to spin her around to face me, then place my hands on her hips to pull her closer. “Have you ever had a one-night stand?”
“No,” she responds and looks embarrassed.
“I didn’t think so. And that’s not a bad thing. I just meant that first names are about as much information as you get before you fuck someone. If Giselle and Katrina hadn’t gotten pregnant, I probably wouldn’t have seen either of them again. And nobody uses my real name except for you.”
“Not even your family?”
“Especially not my family,” I agree.
“That’s just sad.”
“I’ve gotten used to Fiasco,” I say with a shrug. “But I’m glad you call me Phillip.”
“I’ll try to break others of calling you Fiasco too.”
“You don’t have to do that, angel. They only know me as Fiasco, and that’s what I’ll always be to them.”
“Fine,” she says with a sigh. “But if it bothers you, you should tell them to stop, even if they’re your friends or family.”
“I’ll think about it,” I assure her.
“Good.” She leans in for a quick kiss and then says, “Now, I need to get Ace and his things moved to the bedroom before they get here.”
“What? Why can’t he stay in the living room? The kids will love him,” I tell her.
“Because they’re kids, and Ace is a stray. Until we know how he acts around strangers and kids, we shouldn’t let them play together.”
“He’ll be fine with them. I’ve never met a sweeter dog…” I say but realize that’s a lie. “Well, I have, but that was a long time ago.”
“The puppy your mom’s boyfriend killed?” Joanna asks, and I nod as I swallow around the knot in my th
roat that’s always there when I think of how I couldn’t save Rosie or her puppies.
“What he did was incredibly cruel, and I’m so sorry.”
“Me too,” I agree just as I hear a knock on the door. “They’re here!”
“Give me a hand with Ace?” Joanna asks.
I bend down and scoop him and his bed up in my arms. “I’ll take him to your bedroom and come back for his food and water if you want to get the door?”
Joanna
Sierra and Asher love playing with the new Legos Phillip and I picked up yesterday for their visit along with a few coloring books. If we’re going to make this a recurring event, then we’ll need to have even more toys on hand. And I do hope they get to come back. I can see how happy Phillip is to be with them. Seeing him happy makes me happy too. Besides, his son and daughter are at that incredibly sweet age before they learn to talk back or be mean. They’re actually sweet to each other.
“I hear a doggie!” Sierra says when Ace lets out a bark from the bedroom.
“He must need to go outside,” I tell Phillip as I get to my feet.
“You want me to take him?”
“No, you stay with the kids, and I’ll be right back.”
I get Ace’s leash from the wall next to the back door and take it to put on him, then sneak out that way before the kids can see him. Phillip is right, Ace is a sweet dog, but we don’t know the type of home he came from. Some animals don’t do well with children.
When we come back inside, though, both kids come running. “Can we see the doggie?” Asher asks.
“Wow,” Sierra says as she looks up at Ace with bright, excited eyes.
“Sorry, they heard you come back inside and wanted to see him,” Phillip says with a wince.
“Okay,” I say with a sigh. “But you have to be gentle with him, okay?”
“Okay,” the kids both agree.
I sit down on the sofa with Ace taking up all of my lap so they can pet his head. His tail starts wagging like crazy, and then he’s trying to give them kisses. Both Sierra and Asher squeal happily, and then Ace tries to jump to the floor. I lower him down gently so he can keep the weight off of his bad leg.
