by Charley Case
Penny gave a thumbs up and stuffed another bite of waffle in her mouth.
“When should we head out to see her?”
Remmy checked the clock. “Probably not for another hour or so. She doesn’t get up until eight or nine most days.” The goblin gave her a toothy grin. “We could do a little sparring while we wait.”
Mila opened the waffle iron, pulled her waffle out, and began to butter it. “Let me eat first.”
Penny finished and returned to her room while Mila and Remmy cleaned up the kitchen. Once the dishes were in the cleaner and the iron properly stowed in the cupboard, Mila finally relented and led Remmy to the dojo area outside of her and Penny’s rooms.
They started with a few easy stretches to limber up. Mila was shocked at how flexible Remmy’s compact body was. The goblin looked like an incredibly muscular child. Her abs were as defined as a bodybuilder’s, and the veins stood out around her bulging arms and thighs. Mila had expected someone with that much muscle to be at least a little stiff, but Remmy was able to touch her forehead to her knees when she bent over, and Mila suspected she could go further back if her legs weren’t in the way.
When she had first met the goblin, Mila had expected Remmy to be square and boxy from Finn’s description of her. But all that muscle was still very much in a feminine form. Her hips were wide and rounded and tapered into a well-defined but still slender waist. Even though her shoulders were fairly wide with defined muscle, she still had a hint of an hourglass figure. Goblin legs and arms were short compared to their torsos, but not so much that Remmy looked out of proportion. The only thing that kept her from looking like a well-muscled child was the fact that she had breasts. Not large ones, but large enough that she couldn't be mistaken for anyone younger than a young adult.
The most impressive part about Remmy was not her muscles or her flexibility, but her tattoos.
Goblins on Earth had adopted a hierarchy in the absence of their traditional leaders, the dwarves, by marking their accomplishments on their bodies with intricate tattoos, and Remmy was the most tattooed goblin Mila had ever met. In the center of Remmy’s back, a starburst of intricate design designated her tribe. Radiating out from that starburst were tattoos that told the tale of her exploits, if you knew how to read them. Mila did not, but that didn’t take away from the fact that there were hundreds of separate tattoos that made up a vast canopy that covered her body from her calves, up the back of her neck, and out to her elbows.
“Ready?” Remmy bounced from foot to foot.
Mila nodded. “Ready.”
Remmy launched herself at Mila, arms and legs extended, and a snarl on her face.
“Fuck!” Mila put up a shield by reflex and Remmy slammed into it. The invisible barrier shimmered with golden light.
As she slid off the shield, Remmy sucked in a breath and vanished.
Mila spun in a circle, keeping her shield up and trying to find the invisible attacker. A small grunt alerted Mila that Remmy had somehow gotten behind her. On reflex, Mila poured some of her power into her body to increase her reflexes and strength. Her limbs glowed slightly with celestial light as she launched herself into a backflip.
Remmy appeared with a grunt, splayed on the ground where Mila had just been standing. She had tried to dive in and tackle Mila but missed and face-planted into the mat.
Mila landed behind the prone goblin, dove onto her back, and locked her arm lightly around Remmy’s neck. “Thought I was going to be a chump, didn’t you?”
Remmy laughed and tapped out of the fight on Mila’s arm. “Worth a try, boss lady. Let’s go again.”
Mila helped her opponent to her feet with a chuckle before setting up for another go. “Just remember, Finn taught me, too.”
Remmy’s eyes shone with mirth. “Good! My tribe already can’t keep up with me. It’s good to fight with people who are better than me. Makes me a strong goblin.”
“True, though I don’t know that I’m a better fighter than you.”
Remmy laughed again, true mirth coming through. “Boss lady isn’t even close to as good a fighter as me, but she is more powerful. Should be a good fight.”
“Well, I wouldn’t say I’m nowhere close—” Mila’s eyes went wide when Remmy disappeared, an evil grin on her face.
“Oh, shit!” Next thing she knew, her legs had been kicked out from under her.
She ended up on her back with Remmy squatting on her chest, fist raised to strike.
“See? Remmy’s good at fighting,” Remmy said with glee. She hopped off Mila and did a cartwheel. “Let’s do it again!”
Mila groaned and rolled to her feet. Had she known she was going to get her ass kicked by a gleeful goblin, she would have insisted they just do more yoga.
“Ready?”
Mila sighed and focused. No point in regretting past decisions.
“Ready.”
Chapter Six
Mila wiped the thin sheen of sweat from her brow with a gym towel, then chugged water from her Hydro Flask. There a sticker on the water bottle read Anthropologists Like to Watch with a cartoon drawing of a creepy nerd in a tree with a pair of binoculars at his eyes.
“We can call it a tie.” Remmy sprawled on the mat to catch her breath as she looked up at the ceiling.
Mila chuckled as she screwed the top of the bottle back on. “Sure. We can call it a draw.”
In reality, after the first couple of rounds, Mila had been able to reliably channel celestial magic into her body to enhance her reflexes, strength, and senses. Once she had that advantage, the fights became more one-sided in her favor. Remmy had still managed to get in a few good hits as she continually adapted her attacks to compensate for Mila’s growing power throughout the bouts.
Remmy flexed her stomach and kicked her legs, doing a kick-up onto her feet in one quick motion. “Wanna head over to Christine’s?”
“I should probably take a shower. We did just spar for an hour.” Mila sniffed her armpit, but all she could smell was her deodorant.
“Pish!” Remmy waved the idea away. “We’re going to have to walk through the sewers to get there. A little sweat isn’t going to make a difference. Trust me, no one will notice. We should get there soon. She’s always in a good mood after her first cup of coffee, but after that, her day consists of taking care of the glow worms, and she can get pretty busy. Best to catch her before she starts.”
“Do I need to put on street clothes, or will this be fine?” Mila wasn't sure what the etiquette was when meeting a naga, but she thought there might be a need for something more formal than tennis shoes, leggings, and a gray t-shirt.
“To be honest, you might be a little over-dressed. Most of the time, nagas don't wear anything—maybe a shirt if they have company over. Not going to lie, you’re probably going to see some naga titties.” The toothy smile on Remmy's face made Mila laugh.
“I have to say, Remmy. Getting to know you over the last year has been interesting. I could write a book on goblin humor alone.” Mila raised an eyebrow in consideration. “In fact, I might just do that. I’ve been thinking about writing a book while I’m on sabbatical.”
“Oh, I can do interviews for it! Being the subject of a Peabrain book would for sure get me another tattoo. I need to fill out my right arm some more.”
“Let me just tell Penny we’re leaving.”
Mila walked across the dojo to Penny’s door in the wall opposite the living room. Her room was right beside Mila and Finn’s but had two doors; a regular one and a Penny-sized door halfway up the wall with its own little landing for her to maneuver on. Mila knocked on the full-sized door and waited. After a few seconds, she knocked again and leaned in to listen, but she didn’t hear anything.
“Penny? Are you in there?” Mila didn’t hear an answer. “Are you okay in there?”
Mila bit her lip. She hadn’t noticed Penny leave her room while they had been sparring, but then again, she had been a little distracted. No, if Penny had come out of her roo
m, she would have made some snarky comment on their form or something. Penny was a sucker for snark.
Now Mila worried that something was wrong.
“Penny, I’m coming in.” She turned the knob and slowly opened the door.
The room wasn’t all that large by human standards, but for a faerie dragon, it was a multi-level apartment all on its own. Deep shelves had been built on all four walls of the room with three feet between each shelf and three shelves high. On each level, there were “rooms” that served many different purposes.
The bottom level had several workbenches with racks of materials and components Penny could tinker with to make who knew what. The second level served as the living area, with stacks of books and five large pillows that had been worked into lounging chairs for her small body. Beside each pillow chair was a desk lamp that served as a floor lamp for the apartment in miniature. Her bedroom took up the top level with a large nest tucked into a corner. It hung over the shelf by a few feet, but a net that had been attached to the walls and ceiling supported the overhang.
And in the center of it all brooded her growing hoard.
A pile of gold, silver, and gems stood a good two and a half feet deep in the center and spilled out into a dome that nearly touched the edge of the open door. They had done the math, and Mila knew there were several tons of precious metal piled in the room.
Mila snorted when she saw that on top of the hoard, Penny had fashioned a small throne out of Aztec gold bars from Finn’s first hunt. That was such a Penny move.
A quick look around told Mila that Penny wasn’t there. She started to back out of the room, then noticed Penny’s laptop. It sat on the second level in front of one of the pillow chairs. A sticky note with black writing in Penny’s small tight script had been stuck to the edge of the screen.
Mila skirted the hoard so she could get close enough to read the note.
Mila, I found the location of the witch family I told you about. Heading there now, and hope to be home by tonight, but I might be gone for a couple of days. I have my phone. Call if you need anything.
Love you, Penny
Mila glanced at the window and saw that it was unlatched but closed. She figured that was how Penny had left, so didn’t latch the window as Penny would need to it to come back in. Mila made her way around the hoard again, stepped out of the room, and closed the door behind her.
“She in there?” Remmy worked on her cool-down stretches.
Mila shook her head, then went to a side table where her corset holster had been laid out. “No, she’s out on her own adventure.”
Mila checked that Gram, her sword, was in its slot along with the Ivar pistol and two healing potions. She wrapped the glorified belt of black leather around her waist and fastened it up the front. She had learned the hard way never to leave the house without her corset and the weapons attached to it. Like Finn’s shoulder harness, she wore the corset with everything. It had become second nature to have it wrapped around her. “We can head out when you’re done.”
“I’m good.” Remmy followed Mila out into the living room toward the front door. She pulled her green hoodie from the coat rack. Mila decided that in the early morning chill a hoodie might be a good idea and grabbed her own black zip-up.
They stepped out into the hall, and Remmy pressed the button for the elevator. The door opened right away, and they stepped in. Halfway to the lobby, Mila suddenly patted the pockets of her leggings and hoodie.
“Shit.”
Remmy raised an eyebrow. “You lose something?”
“Forgot, actually.” Mila considered hitting the button to go back up to the condo. “I left my phone and wallet on the counter.”
Remmy tapped the very obviously phone-shaped bulge in the spandex pocket of Mila's leggings. “Isn’t that your phone?” Her voice had a tone of “I don’t want to alarm you, but you might be insane” to it.
“That’s my Valkyrie phone. It only works to call other sisters. If I need to get hold of Finn or Penny, I can’t.
“Eh, we’re just goin’ around the corner to the Market. Probably be back in an hour or so. Pretty sure there’s no emergency that’s gonna come up in that short a time. You humans are too attached to your devices.”
Mila snorted. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you not on your phone. This morning was the longest stretch I’ve ever seen you not playing a game of some kind on it.”
“We’re not talking about goblins and their phone habits.” Remmy stuck her sharp nose in the air. “But that is a good point. I didn't forget my phone. If there’s an emergency, you can just use mine.”
Mila nodded, feeling more comfortable knowing there was at least a way she could call out if she needed to. Maybe Remmy was right; she had felt a little dependent on her devices recently.
The door opened, and Remmy stepped out into the small lobby. “Give me a sec. Gotta put on my makeup.”
Mila raised an eyebrow. She had never seen the goblin wearing makeup before. The thought of Remmy in makeup intrigued Mila. Goblins weren’t ugly by any means, or at least the young ones weren’t. There were a few older goblins that looked like they had been hit with the ugly stick, several times. From what Mila could gather, the older a goblin got, the uglier they became, much like every species, but it was even more pronounced in goblins. Their pointed ears became very hairy, along with their nostrils, as the years passed by. It didn’t help that their ears, noses, and limb joints continued to grow their entire lives until they resembled the classic goblin from works of myth.
Young goblins, on the other hand, while not human-looking by any means, could be quite attractive. If it weren’t for their shark-like teeth and long pointed ears, they could pass for an “exotic” looking child.
Mila decided that Remmy would actually be quite attractive with a smoky shade around her slightly too large yellow eyes. Really make them pop. And maybe just a touch of lip gloss.
Remmy held out a hand, closed her eyes, and began mumbling a spell in Goblin. Like a veil dropping from her head and flowing down her body, a concealment spell formed to hide her goblin features.
Mila rolled her eyes at her own stupidity. She was so used to seeing magicals now that she’d forgotten most of them had to hide their natural features almost all the time. Danica used a concealment spell every day when she left. It didn’t change the way she looked, just covered her long ears and prosthetic arm.
Remmy transformed from a green-skinned goblin into a good-looking young woman with a tan. Granted, she was still only three and a half feet tall, but her features were perfectly human. Her hair was still stark white and her nose was still sharp and angular, but not so much that they looked alien.
As she blinked and probed her face with tan fingers, Remmy turned to Mila. “How do I look? Like your little sister?” She fluttered her eyelids and made a kissy face.
Mila saw that Remmy’s yellow eyes had turned a dark brown, and her cheekbones had become more pronounced, just like Mila’s. “Actually, you kind of do. Did you do that on purpose?”
Remmy smiled, showing rows of perfectly straight white teeth. “Duh, boss lady. It’s easier to pass as a kid if I have a big sister beside me. The hoodie hides my boobs, but being a child alone on the streets is its own set of problems.”
“Uh, speaking of…” Mila pointed at the bottom of Remmy's hoodie. It came down to mid-thigh on her, completely hiding her shorts and leaving just bare leg and tennis shoes. “Do you want to put some pants on? It looks like you don’t have anything on under that green hoodie.”
Remmy shrugged and headed for the door. “Nah. Only a perv would think I didn’t have pants on.”
Mila jogged to catch up. “Did you just call me a perv?”
Remmy flashed her a mischievous smile. “Well, the boss has told me what you two like to do on special occasions.”
Mila turned bright red and stopped in her tracks. Her shock instantly turned to fury. “That son of a bitch!”
Remmy’s jaw
dropped. “Oh, my god. I was totally kiddin’. He would never do that. Would he?”
Mila went from furious to confused to chagrined in the blink of an eye. She cleared her throat, felt the heat on her neck from her raging blush. “Right. He totally wouldn’t do that. Not that there’s anything to tell.”
The attempt at covering up her outburst was far too little, far too late.
“Oh, shit,” Remmy’s grin threatened to split her face in two. “How pervy are we talkin’, boss? Like on a scale from one to ten. It’s a ten, isn’t it?”
Mila screwed her mouth shut and walked past the grinning goblin, her back straight and her steps stiff.
Remmy caught up quickly and looked up into Mila's red face. “Oh. My. God. It’s an eleven?”
Mila didn’t look at her, just shook her head. “Not talking about it.”
“It’s an eleven.” Remmy nodded knowingly. “Don’t worry. Eleven is a good number. Strong number.”
They walked half a block in silence before Remmy couldn’t help herself. “You could even say that eleven is doubly phallic. A fitting number, really.”
“Nope.”
“I’m just going to assume it’s an eleven ‘til you tell me the real number, boss.”
Mila’s shoulders sagged in defeat. If there was one thing she had learned about goblins, it was that they were beyond tenacious. Remmy would never let this go.
“Six.”
Remmy’s eyes bugged out. “Six? Holy shit, boss. Good for you.”
“Wait,” Mila was confused, “a six isn’t all that high.” She narrowed her eyes. “What the hell do you consider a six—you know what, I don’t want to know. Let’s just leave it at that. I’m a six.”
They crossed the street and made their way down the next block in the cool morning air before Remmy spoke again.
“You must have it in a hidden room. Like behind a bookcase or something.”
“Have what hidden?”
“The sex dungeon.”
“We don’t…” Mila pinched the bridge of her nose and resigned herself to her fate. “Yup. It’s behind the bookcase. You figured it out. We have a secret sex dungeon right off the living room.”
