Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Girls in a Dungeon? On the Side: Sword Oratoria, Vol. 11

by Fujino Omori

  “What’s Lefiya on about?”

  “I think she’s just happy about Argonaut leveling up!”

  Tione looked puzzled as Lefiya held the paper in front of her face and quivered at high speed while Tiona laughed loudly. The elf had been worried about Aiz, and the Amazon was mistaking her current mood, assuming she was feeling less down. Ignoring the Amazon’s misunderstanding, she felt the shock as it made her quake.

  “—I see you are all here.”

  Suddenly, Riveria appeared. They were in the manor’s dining hall.

  There had been an announcement that there was important news to be shared, so almost everyone, from the elites down to the lowest-level members, was gathered there. Aiz was the only one absent.

  “We’ve ironed out all the pieces of the strategy for the attack on Knossos. Make sure you don’t miss anything I’m about to say.”

  Finn was busy gathering all the necessary pieces, which was why Riveria stood before everyone in his stead to share the details of the plan. The familia members listened closely with serious, almost menacing looks on their faces.

  “Riveria, when is it going to start?”

  Tiona raised her hand and asked without reading the vibe of the room.

  Riveria nodded.

  “The operation will begin—in ten days’ time.”

  CHAPTER 3

  THE TRUE FACE OF A GOD

  A single god and his follower were sauntering down a path in the morning fog. He was an attractive, handsome god with golden-blond hair. His follower was a young elven girl with long raven-black hair and scarlet eyes. The god was holding several bouquets. The bunches of large white flowers were trembling.

  There was a figure waiting for them up ahead.

  “…Loki?” Dionysus murmured.

  “Yo,” Loki responded, raising a hand. Lefiya was standing beside her as a guard.

  “Come here often?” Loki asked, watching the god from behind as he bent over to set the flowers down.

  Accompanied by Loki, Dionysus and Filvis had come to the city’s southeast quarter’s First Graveyard—better known as the Adventurers Graveyard. It was a cemetery set aside for adventurers who had lost their lives. Rows upon rows of white headstones lined the ground. That early in the morning, there was not a soul around, save the four of them. It was serene.

  “Yes…From time to time, I come here so I don’t forget this feeling.”

  Dionysus stood up from where he sat with several headstones in front of him, markers indicating the resting place of the remains of none other than his own followers.

  They had been lost more than four months ago, likely because they had happened to witness something related to the vividly colored monsters. He had joined forces with Loki to avenge them.

  “…”

  As a goddess, Loki knew that leaving a tribute to them had no meaning. Those children’s souls had already returned to the heavens. A lump of withered flesh was all that was left buried beneath the headstones. There was no one there whose regrets needed to be soothed. No one there to be repaid. All Dionysus was doing was emulating the custom of the residents of the mortal realm.

  But she did not think that the act itself was entirely without meaning, either. Because Loki had lost some of her beloved children in Knossos, too.

  “What did you say?”

  “An apology. Nothing else.”

  The only feelings the gods who stayed aboveground could express to their children were those of apology. Loki started to emulate him but stopped herself. She decided that she would not do something sentimental until she had weeded out all the evil that had robbed her of Leene and the rest. Lefiya lowered her eyes in the goddess’s stead, and Filvis closed her eyes to avoid showing her feelings.

  “Loki, I said it before. As far as I’m concerned, every god and goddess in this city is a suspect. Any one of them might be my children’s enemy,” Dionysus said as he kept staring at the graves.

  “…Yeah.”

  “I will have their vengeance. I’m going to make sure that retribution finds the deity who devised all of this,” he declared with his eyes fixed on the graves, as though announcing a vow he had sworn in his heart.

  “Loki, shall I take a stab at what’s on your mind? You think my familia would be a hindrance. You have no intention of letting us participate in the plan to attack in the near future.”

  “…”

  “But I’m going to go out on a limb and ask: Let us participate in your plan.” Slowly turning around, Dionysus’s eyes locked straight onto Loki’s.

  She widened her eyes as she met his gaze.

  “I heard what Ouranos is doing on his side. That the secret they were hiding had nothing to do with the truth that I’m after. In the end, I was just a fool stirring up trouble. I know you’ve no reason to trust me…However, even still, I would like you to bring me along.”

  His words resembled an entreaty, a supplication. Dionysus was always hiding behind a sweet mask, evasive in his speech to never reveal his true feelings. To have him unveil a strong will was a big deal. He did not raise his voice at all, but each and every word was packed with force.

  “This isn’t just about defeating the remnants of the Evils and that corrupted spirit. We must unmask the one going by the name Enyo.”

  “…True. As long as we don’t crush the root of everything, this will just keep happening again.”

  “Exactly. And a god is required to pass judgment on a god…That’s far too heavy a burden to have a child carry.”

  “…”

  He left it unspoken, but what Dionysus was saying was that he was going to join the attack. It was the ultimate taboo for a mortal to “kill” a god—a mortal sin. If Enyo turned out to actually be a deity of some sort, then it was entirely possible that they would be able to get away if Loki’s followers hesitated in the face of such a task. Because of that, they would need gods to accompany them.

  Lefiya and Filvis looked up in shock at his request. There was a determined look on his face.

  “Until all masterminds are uncovered and destroyed, I won’t be able to complete my objective…Please, Loki. I beg of you.”

  A ray of morning sun started to shine on the corner of the graveyard, beneath the shade of the towering city walls. Loki stared into his glass-colored eyes for a while as he made no attempt to look away. After a few seconds, she opened her mouth.

  “…I understand.”

  Leaving the Adventurers Graveyard, they returned to the town. The four of them walked through the neighborhood as people started to bustle around, signaling the start of a new day.

  “When will it begin?”

  “We haven’t decided on a specific day. But be ready to go at a moment’s notice. This time, we’re not just borrowing Fil-Fil. We’re going to need the help of all of Dionysus Familia .”

  “Understood. We’ll start preparing immediately. If you don’t mind, I’m going to let my whole familia know the details. That okay?”

  The two gods discussed the plan as they walked.

  Behind them, Lefiya’s elongated ears twitched listening to their conversation. “Huh?” Her head tilted a bit in confusion. Noticing that Filvis, who was walking beside her, looked disheartened that Loki had settled on an uncouth nickname—“Fil-Fil”—she rushed to comfort her.

  “Look! It’s Lord Dionysus!”

  “It really is! What a nice way to start the day!”

  All of a sudden, a pair of demi-human girls walking past called out, mainly to Dionysus.

  “A date this early in the morning? And with three different girls!”

  “Or are you coming back after a night out? How naughty!”

  “W-wait a minute! Wait just a minute there, cuties! Don’t go countin’ me in this dumbass’s harem!”

  “Ha-ha-ha, it would be nice if that was the case, but unfortunately, I don’t have that kind of relationship with them. And besides, one of them is a rather unfeminine goddess who’s difficult to handle.”
r />   “I’ll tear your leg off and shove it up your—!”

  As Loki half groaned and half shouted, Dionysus stopped and flashed the pair a sweet smile. The girls shrieked excitedly, and after they had their share of squeals, they reluctantly continued heading to work. Lefiya was bewildered but let out a short, muffled scream as she noticed Filvis glaring daggers at her patron god’s back. Dionysus displayed a will of iron, ignoring the looks from his follower as he waved back to the girls.

  “Hey! What just happened?”

  “What do you mean? Some acquaintances. I’ve often gone to buy flowers at the store at which they work.”

  “Oh, piss off…”

  “It’s inevitable, Loki. I am a god, after all. And I’m just a little bit more gentlemanly than the other goofy gods, which means I end up looking attractive to them. That’s all it is.”

  “Screw you, acting like hot shit! You sleazeball!”

  “What’s with the correction? ‘Hot shit’ wasn’t harsh enough for you, Loki?”

  Loki started cursing him with a straight face as he elegantly ran his hand through his hair.

  However, that was not the end of it. The residents who passed by spoke to Dionysus. If it had just been women, Loki would have called him out, saying, You poseur, quit mistaking shadiness for mysteriousness! but—

  “Oh, Lord Dionysus! It’s been a while!”

  “It sure has, Gondo. I see you’re hard at work, even this early.”

  “Thanks to you! Oh, that reminds me. Why don’t you try a glass! I was experimenting with a method of making it in a larger vat like they do in the country of Gizia, and the results were fantastic!”

  “Oh really? Well now, I’ll have to try some, then!”

  “Lord Dionysus! Make sure you come by my store, too!”

  —Dionysus was popular with men, too. Particularly humans and dwarves with deep voices and thick bodies. Loki was taken aback, stopping in her tracks, confusion steeped on her face.

  “…I’m surprised. Lord Dionysus is popular…”

  “Popular, huh…? I mean, it’s all just acquaintances he’s made through wine, though…”

  As Lefiya blinked in shock, Filvis sighed with a blank look on her face. Before them, Dionysus’s eyes twinkled as he held a glass of wine, letting it play across his palate. He gushed over the wine, and his excitement was more palpable than when he spoke with the girls. His joy was almost childish. Surprised by this side of Dionysus that went beyond her expectations, Lefiya stifled a little giggle.

  “What’s this? Lord Dionysus is coming by?”

  “Hey, Jenna. How are Sue and Holly? Aren’t they almost five now?”

  “What…? You remembered?!”

  “I would never forget a winemaker who makes delicious wine, nor his family.”

  “You’re too kind! Sue, Holly, come here!”

  “Ah! Lord Dionysus!”

  “Hey! Hey! Let us join your familia!”

  They were on a shopping street lined with stone buildings and tiled with cobblestones hosting a wide array of shops. Many of them were apparently run with the help of their owners’ families. It was an idyllic image of a working-class neighborhood, with children running around, playing in the streets, and adults occasionally scolding them good-naturedly.

  And on that street, warm voices kept calling Dionysus’s name—from those young and old, men and women of all races. It was clear everyone loved Dionysus. With her mind blown, Loki moved beside the god who had finally broken free of the winemaker’s family.

  “…I honestly never would have pegged you for this.”

  “That I’d have this kind of a relationship with children, you mean? As the patron god of a more medium-sized familia, I try to stay active in the area.” Dionysus shrugged. “And besides…this is one of the charms of the mortal realm, right?”

  Respect was evident in the second half of his response. His eyes sharpened, observing the lively shopping street.

  “This is a blessing, what we see before our eyes. But there are people who wish to destroy this happiness, who are trying to incite an orgia .”

  Another word from the language of the gods.

  “Orgia …A feast of madness, huh?”

  If the lid on the Dungeon, Babel, was destroyed, and Orario along with it, monsters would begin to disperse aboveground again—just like in the ancient times when everything was overrun. If that happened, it certainly would be a frenzied orgia : Men would become pitiful sacrifices to the monsters as women and children desperately fled in tears, attacked from behind by claws and fangs.

  The cries of pandemonium would be interspersed with blood as reason and order disappeared from the mortal realm.

  Dionysus watched over the scene before his eyes with a sort of righteous indignation.

  “…Well, that aside, I can’t say it’s easy to stomach you being so popular around town. Who were those cute little girls? They looked like they had bright futures ahead of them! ‘I want to join your familia when I get older!’ The only thing nicer than that would have been, ‘I want to marry you when I get older!’” Loki tried to poke some fun at him.

  “Not to be rude to them, but I’m the one who decides who joins my familia…especially given the current situation.”

  Dionysus’s reaction was heartless, a complete reversal of the smile he’d shown those children earlier. He was entirely pragmatic.

  Loki did not think it was unfeeling, though. Being duplicitous and hiding behind appearances weren’t actions limited to gods. In fact, it was far more godlike to engage in this behavior. It would be more suspicious to have gods who were always smiling, filled with love, and never harboring any hidden intentions.

  “Gaaaack! I’m gonna be late for my job?!”

  …Well, there were always exceptions.

  “Noisy as ever, aren’tcha…Itty-Bitty?”

  “Gah…Loki?! Running into you at this wee hour…W-were you waiting here to laugh at me for being late?!”

  “Who has the time for that kind of crap?”

  “This was supposed to be my first day helping out at the sisters’ shop! Of all things, coming to laugh at me here…? You demon! You loafer!”

  “Don’t go explaining things I don’t wanna hear! Like I care!”

  Wearing the uniform of the Jyaga Maru Kun stand, the goddess Hestia was filled with love. She did not have a secretive bone in her body. Though whether it was a smile or rage on her face as she called Loki out was debatable.

  “Hmph! Really? Aren’t you the incarnation of an idler just drinking the day away?!”

  “I can’t really deny the main point, but I don’t want to hear it from you, dumbass! I’ve been super busy lately! Getting wrapped up in a battle for the fate of the city, crazy busy day and night!”

  “What a load! If you’re going to lie, pick a more believable one, idiot!”

  “You’ve done it now, you damn cow!!!”

  Responding tit for tat, the two of them started to scuffle as if it was just the natural order of things. Loki was taking advantage of her height and pulling on both of Hestia’s cheeks—“Take that!”—while Hestia was trying to resist her, but in standard Hestia fashion, she could only let out a muffled screech as her cheeks were stretched and kneaded like dough. Lefiya desperately tried to stop them, but the goddesses’ quarrel did not stop. Filvis seemed exasperated by this display.

  With a surprised look on his face, Dionysus smiled and bowed to Hestia.

  “What a surprise to meet you here. Are you well, Hestia?”

  “Ah! Dionysus! Long time no see!”

  Because of her hostility toward Loki, she had not noticed anything else until she pressed on her swollen cheeks and finally saw Dionysus. Meanwhile, Loki and Lefiya were both surprised to see Dionysus of all people bow respectfully and nobly to Hestia.

  “Hey! Dionysus…What sort of relationship do you have with this shrimp?”

  “What? Our territories happened to be close in heaven. You could call it a neig
hborly relationship.”

  “Oh yeah…She’s from the same place as you, right?”

  “Yes, here stands the glory of Olympus.”

  Hermes was from the same homeland as Dionysus, too, as were Hephaistos, Demeter, and Ikelos, who had been cast out from the city the other day. And most famously, Zeus and Hera. It irritated Loki just remembering them.

  Thinking back, there certainly were quite a few gods and goddesses from Olympus residing in Orario.

  “Seriously?! Dionysus, you’re hanging out with Loki?! You should be more careful who you play with! Seriously! Like, really, really seriously!”

  “You rotten shrimp…” Loki trembled as she raised her fist at the little goddess overreacting in her protests.

  As the pair looked ready to start another scuffle, Dionysus laughed wryly and explained in order to smooth things over.

  “Hestia is a wonderful goddess. I’m one of many who have been honored to receive her affection. Words of gratitude cannot begin to repay the debt I owe her from back when we were in the heavens,” Dionysus explained in all honesty.

  Loki’s face drooped, as if the muscles in her cheeks were suddenly obliterated. In truth, it was a rather ugly look, the sort that a goddess should never show, even by mistake. Meanwhile, Hestia put her hands on her hips and thrust her chest out with pride.

  “At the time, our territory had a rule to select the Twelve Gods…our representatives. I despaired at not being able to take part, but…then Hestia lent me a hand.”

  In the heavens where gods resided, there were territories similar to the countries of the mortal realm. And those territories had their own rules. Apparently, in their area, being one of the Twelve Gods represented an important position without any comparable substitute. And Hestia had relinquished it without a second thought, giving it to Dionysus.

  “Yep! I let him trade places with me!”

  “You probably just wanted to hole up in your temple and relax all day.”

  “D-don’t be stupid!”

  Turning away from Loki, who had hit the bull’s-eye, Hestia seemed deeply moved as she looked up at Dionysus.