by SR Jones
“Jesus, yes.”
“Even if I don’t end up with you?”
“Yes,” he says without hesitation. “I want us to have a chance at something, Dasha, I can’t lie about that, but I want you safe. More than anything.”
“There is a way you could help me. Do you know any influential people? Maybe not even good people, Bohdan. Jasper has a lawyer. He’s brilliant, but he’s also feared because some rumors say he’s a mob lawyer, so I can’t find a lawyer willing to take on Jasper and his man. I’ve tried. If you could help me find and fund a lawyer then that would be a huge help, and I’d pay you back every penny once I got on my feet.”
He starts to laugh.
“What’s funny?”
“Mob lawyer you say?”
“Yes, that’s what the rumors are.”
“I think I know someone who can help with that,” he says mysteriously.
I glance at him and smile.
“Let me make a call,” he says.
He takes out his phone and dials, while I look out at the river and the beauty that is Paris, and I wish I could feel how beautiful it is instead of simply observing it coldly.
“Hey, K. How are things?” Bohdan says to whoever is on the other end. “Got a solid to ask. Can you find me a lawyer who would be willing to go up against the husband of the woman I’m watching at the moment? It’s complicated, but this guy is no good. No.” He frowns and nods as if the man on the other end can see him. Then he carries on his side of the conversation. “Yes, she’s here with me now. I know you said no more mob stuff, so I have to warn you this lawyer is allegedly working for them here in Paris.”
There’s a long pause, and I can faintly hear the gruff voice of the man on the other end of the phone, but I can’t make out easily what he’s saying. I only pick up the odd word.
“Yeah, that would work,” Bohdan says. “I owe you one; thank you.”
“Okay.” Bohdan pockets his phone. “My friend K is one scary motherfucker, and he has a lawyer friend who might help out with this. He is based in the UK but does work all over Europe, and he’s a total shark. He’s gonna send me his number, so we can call him tonight.”
“Thank you.” I go to him and give him an impromptu and brief squeeze. “I really appreciate it, and as soon as I’ve managed to get myself out of this mess with Jasper, I will pay you every penny back.”
“I don’t want it back, Dasha,” he says. “I only want to know you are okay.”
“I insist. I’ll only talk to this guy if you promise me you’ll take the money back.”
“In that case, I promise.”
We walk, close but not touching, and I wish I could hold his hand. I can’t, though. Anyone might see us here. Instead, I get as close to him as I can and lean into him smelling his scent. Today he’s got the ocean scent that I love, and I ought to ask him what it is so I can get some and splash it on me to remind me of him when this is all over, because it will be over one day. He won’t wait forever, and I’m too damaged and messed up to start anything right now.
Hating the sad thoughts, I push them away and turn to Bohdan. “Have you seen the Eiffel Tower?”
He shakes his head.
“Want to?”
He nods at me, and so I veer off to the right and indicate for him to follow me as I head in that direction. “It’s not that great, I don’t think. It’s so famous, and to me it’s just this metal tower, but the fountains and sculpture near it are gorgeous. I suppose it is one of those things you should definitely see while in Paris.”
I take him to Le Trocadero et son esplanade, which is about the best place to view the Eiffel Tower. It’s even better at night, but today, with the sun high in the blue sky it’s a good second. “We can go up it if you want?” I say to Bohdan as he looks at it with a smile on his face.
He turns to me, his eyes as blue as the sky in this light, and shakes his head. “Don’t let my secret out, but I don’t like heights.”
He doesn’t? I don’t remember him mentioning that as a kid.
“Erm, you used to live in a high apartment,” I say.
“Yeah, but I never went out on the balcony much. I’m fine with heights indoors, or on a plane, but I don’t like them outdoors. That looks far too much like an outdoors height situation to me.”
I laugh at his words. “Yes, it is an outdoors height situation.”
Then I remember something. We were once in the woods, and all the other boys were climbing this big old gnarly tree, but Bohdan didn’t. I guess he has always hated heights then.
I know so many things about this man. I know his father let other men touch Bohdan inappropriately so he could blackmail them and get loans from them. I don’t know how far that went, but I know it happened because he told me. He also told me that his father beat him so badly, he could barely walk for a week due to the pain in his back, and his uncle killed his father for that.
I’ve never spoken about it with him since he came back into my life, but I do now.
“You know, Bohdan, as much as I was hurt by seeing you with that woman, I would never have told on you and your uncle. I’d not have wanted to come between that relationship. I know exactly what your uncle must have meant to you, and I know what he did for you. I couldn’t do it.”
He nods, his eyes still on the tower in front of us. “I really am sorry for what I did with her,” he says.
“It’s okay,” I reply. “You were young and probably far too horny, waiting for me to turn eighteen.” I laugh softly. The memory does still hurt but less and less these days.
“It wasn’t that,” he says. “I was simply off my fucking head. I don’t think I was in a fit state to say no to be honest. I’ve haven't had any drugs since.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, really. I don’t like being out of control.”
“Me either. Although I do seem to be somewhat out of control around you.”
“Ditto.” He smiles, and it lights up his face.
“If this lawyer can help me get away from Jasper, maybe at some point we can meet, perhaps at your place on Corfu? Mother and I can come for a holiday?”
“Yeah, sounds like a plan.” He smiles at me, turning away from the view to look right at me. “I really would hope you’d come visit.”
We spend the rest of the day walking around the sights of Paris. I ask Bohdan if he wants to go to the Louvre or the Musee D’orsay, but he shudders and says an empathic no.
“You don’t like art?” I ask, surprised.
“I like art fine,” he says. “Last time I was here, though. When I saw you. I went to the Musee D’orsay with the man I work with, and his partner got stabbed.”
“What?”
“Yeah. Random attack. No one knows why the guy did it, except he was high on drugs and paranoid.”
“Holy crap.”
“Yeah, it’s put me off for life.”
We meander and walk, enjoying the buildings, and for the first time, Paris becomes truly beautiful to me. I see it how all those young, romantic couples in love must see it. Not that I’m in love I tell myself. That would be crazy.
By the time we get back home, it’s late.
“Long practice session,” my mother says acidly as we walk into the house. I had hoped she’d have decided to go home.
“Yes, well the show starts in a short time, so I need to make sure I’ve got everything right.”
I do too, and I should not have played hooky today, but I enjoyed it so much. I feel light. Happy.
It doesn’t last long. My phone goes, and it’s Jasper. I head upstairs to answer it, my stomach sinking at his voice.
“Guess where I am?”
“Not in the mood for games,” I snap.
“I’m at your mother’s house.”
“She’s not there,” I say. “She’s here.”
“I know that. I have a key though, and I let myself in. Thought I’d do some investigating. Something has been bugging me ever since that guard of ours turned up.
The way you look at one another, well, a person would have to be blind not to notice it.”
“Not this again, Jasper.”
My heart is pounding, though. Why is he at Mother’s house? Has she said something?
“Anyway, I’ve been looking through things, and I couldn’t find anything of interest. I remembered, though, your mother telling me, a long time ago, that she’d left Russia partly to get you away from some nasty types you’d fallen in with. A boy, in particular.”
My mother and her big fucking mouth.
“I looked through her photo albums, but there weren’t any pictures of you with any boys.”
There wouldn’t be. There are hardly any pictures of me as a kid full stop.
“Then I rummaged some more, and do you know what I found?”
“No.”
“Diaries. Lots of diaries from you when you were a lovelorn teenager. Talking about some Bohdan character and describing him in depth. He sounds an awful lot like our new protection.”
“I told you,” I hiss. “I said, he looked like a boy I used to know. That’s the boy. He died.”
I pray there isn’t anything about Bohdan out there in public for Jasper to find. There could be for all I know.
“I thought you were away on business.”
“I was. I came back early and went to talk to your mother, but when she wasn’t there, I did some investigating.”
“You mean snooping,” I say.
“I want him gone, Dasha.”
“Fine, get rid of him. I don’t care. You damn well hired him.”
I hang up, but I’m trembling. I’m in for a beating. Jasper isn’t stupid, and he knows there’s something going on. He’ll talk to Mother, and I don’t think I can trust her to keep her mouth shut.
I need to talk to Bohdan. Tell him he’ll be sacked soon. I wonder who Jasper will pay to protect me, if anyone?
There’s still a threat out there.
Shit, everything is falling apart. All of it.
I open my bedroom door to see Bohdan at the end of the hallway, pacing up and down in a tight circle. I hang back and listen for a moment. He looks livid.
“I owe you one,” he says. “Thanks for fronting the money. The transfer will hit your bank in a day or so.”
There’s a pause and then I hear, “I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do with her.”
Does he mean me? Am I safe with anyone?
He hangs up and punches the wall, making me gasp. He is so caught up in his own head, though, he doesn’t seem to hear me and turns to race down the stairs. I follow, knowing something major is up. He hits the landing and storms into the living room, me on his heels.
Mother looks up in shock as Bohdan rushes to her and hauls her up by her arms roughly.
“Bohdan,” I exclaim.
“Why did you fucking do it?” he demands.
My mother shakes her head, her eyes wide.
“Do you know you could have gotten me killed?”
What the hell is he talking about?
Mother shakes her head again. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I know, you fucking bitch,” he says.
That’s enough. I cross the room to him and shove him hard. “Let go of her.”
“She’s the one who did it.”
“I haven’t done anything,” Mother says, and I know. Whatever this is about, she’s lying.
“Don’t fucking lie!” Bohdan shouts. “I just found out for sure that you told Igor what my Uncle Roman and I were doing.”
He takes his trousers down, and I have no idea what he’s doing. He takes hold of Mother’s chin and forces her to look at his thighs. “Take a good look at your handiwork. I hope you’re damn proud of yourself.”
She pulls her chin out of his grasp and storms out of the room. A moment later I hear her on the phone. “Jasper, come now. The man you hired isn’t who you think he is; he knows Dasha, from before.”
She hangs up and storms into the room with a triumphant smile.
“You don’t know what you’ve just done,” I say, shaking so hard my teeth chatter. “Mother, seriously, Jasper will send Bohdan away, and then he’s going to kill me.”
“Don’t be dramatic.”
“I’m not! I’ve got to get out of here.”
I head to the door, heart pounding, as I think what I’ll need for a few nights in a hotel. Bohdan says he can get me a lawyer; well, I need him right now. Before I exit the room, I pause and look back at my mother. “How could you?”
She purses her lips and clenches her small hands into fists. “He broke your heart and would have dragged you down into the gutter with him. I did it for you.”
“No, you didn’t. No matter what Bohdan did to me, I’d never have wished that on him.”
Bohdan has fastened his trousers, and he’s staring at my mother with pure hatred. I know, though. Deep down in this moment, I know he won’t harm her despite her evil act. It seems there are people I trust after all, to a degree at least.
“You’re lucky the woman I’ve always loved is your daughter,” is all he says as he brushes past my mother. At the door he adds, “In my world we kill for less.”
I hear him slamming about in the room next to mine. I don’t knock; I just walk in. “What are you doing?” I ask.
“Packing,” he says. “I suggest you do the same. And fast.”
My heart sinks. Although I keep telling myself that I need to be away from Bohdan, the way he’s simply decided to fuck off and leave me hurts. I can’t lie.
“Will you see if you can speed things up with that lawyer?” I ask. “I might need new protection.”
He stops, turns to me, and shakes his head. “You’re coming with me, Dasha.”
What?
“You’re not safe otherwise. Not remotely. I won’t leave you alone to your husband’s tender mercies.”
“Coming with you where?”
“To Corfu. Where my friends are, and where I can keep you safe. And because I’m soft as shit, your Mother can come too. She might think the sun shines out of Jasper’s fucking ass, but we both know he’s going to take it out on her if you’re gone.”
“I don’t think she’ll come,” I tell him.
“Then that’s her choice, isn’t it?”
I can’t simply go to Corfu with him, can I? As the alternative hits me, either staying here for the beating of my life, or hiding in a hotel, terrified every day that this will be the day Jasper will find me, I decide I can. I will.
“Okay, I’ll pack, but we have minutes. He’ll be here any moment.”
“I know,” he says. Bohdan doesn’t seem scared or worried about that, but I am.
As it happens, I’m only halfway packed when heavy footsteps pound up the stairs. Jasper bursts into my room. “What the hell are you doing?” he asks. His face is red, and his breathing is hard.
“Packing. What does it look like?”
“Where the hell do you think you’re going?”
“She’s coming to Corfu. With me.” Bohdan appears in the doorway, and Jasper barks out a surprised laugh.
“I take it you are the mysterious Bohdan from the diaries and not Daniil?”
Bohdan simply shrugs.
“Answer me! You fucking work for me,” Jasper spits.
“Not anymore.” Bohdan smirks.
“Oh, you think she’ll pay you? Guess what? She has no fucking money; it’s all mine.”
Bohdan walks into the room, his steps menacing as he nears Jasper who shrinks back. “I don’t want her money.”
“What do you want then?” Jasper looks between us, and I see the moment it hits him; the understanding of what’s been going on. “Oh. I see.” He laughs. “Well, if you want her dried up, infertile, useless body, you’re welcome to it,” he sneers at Bohdan and then turns hate-filled eyes on me. “Don’t think for one moment you’re getting away with this, you witch. I made you what you are. You’ll have nothing. You’ll be a dried
-up old has been, nothing but an empty husk.”
On the word husk, Bohdan ploughs his fist straight into Jasper’s gut. My husband bends over, gasping for air, and I find I don’t care. I don’t give a shit. Even his vile words don’t really hurt me anymore.
Bohdan picks him up and throws him across the room, and Jasper smashes into an antique desk I’ve always hated and splinters the legs.
Jasper explodes! He grabs one of the legs and jabs at Bohdan with it as if he’s trying to stab him. Wow, it took his precious desk breaking to make him fight back. Not me, or me leaving, but his stupid antique fucking desk.
Bohdan laughs and dodges out of the way as Jasper parries, trying to stab him with the pointy end of the broken leg.
“You want to joust? Or is it fence? I don’t know what these posh games are you foppish types play, but I’m down for a bout.” Bohdan dodges again and grabs the other leg, ripping it from the desk like it is made of paper. He puts one hand behind his back and waves the leg in front of him with a flourish. “En guard.”
Jasper falters. He can clearly see that Bohdan doesn’t give two shits about being hurt or hurting Jasper in return, and fear creeps across his face. Something primal within me stirs, and I smile at seeing him like this.
He jabs at Bohdan again, and Bohdan grabs the leg, pulling it out of Jasper’s hand easily. He waves the legs in front of Jasper’s face. “Now what? Do I kill you or is that impolite, what with you not having a weapon now?”
“Fuck you,” Jasper screams.
Bohdan hits him hard on the thigh with one of the legs, and Jasper cries out. “Does it hurt?” Bohdan asks, all solicitous. “Want a doctor?”
“You’re dead.” Jasper turns to me, his eyes burning with hatred. “I mean it, Dasha. You are dead.”
Bohdan throws the wooden legs to one side and grabs Jasper in a neck lock, arm tight around my husband’s throat. “You better hope not. You better get up and pray every single day that nothing happens to your wife because if it does, then I’m going to make it my mission to track you down and kill you. If she gets hit by fucking lightning and I witness it myself, you’re still dead. Comprende?”
Jasper splutters and chokes, and I think he tries to eke out a yes. It’s hard to tell. A gasp has me turning to the door, and I see my mother looking on ashen faced.
