by Dee Garcia
I have to.
Succumbing to the tidal wave is not an option.
We’ve made it onto the grassy path when the door flies open behind us. "Where are you going?" Tigerlily's voice rings out, stopping us in our tracks.
Tavi does nothing but spare her a glance over his shoulder, his hand tightening around mine. "To Soren's.”
That’s all he offers before we’re off again, passing clusters of cabins amidst tall, magical trees and vibrant greenery. It’s gorgeous and wondrous, the perfect distraction from the mess around me, but it’s not enough to drown it out in entirety.
Not when the world starts to spin.
"Hold on a second." I yank on his grip to stop him, breathing in a heap of air as my entire body tenses.
"Wendy? What's wrong? Are you okay?" He’s adamant on an answer, standing stock still as I hold onto him for dear life.
"Cramp, but I'm…I feel so lightheaded.”
"You need to eat something, you've lost a lot of blood."
"Not that much, don't exaggerate. But I don’t think I can eat. I literally have zero appetite," I admit honestly, relaxing my shoulders as the pain ebbs off.
Tavi tucks me into his side, gentle fingers tilting my chin up to meet his stare. "Just a little. I just need you to eat a little, and after that, I’ll take you to Ward's, okay?"
If only you could see him right now—he’s a combination of distress and determination, and I nearly melt against his able form, obliging with a meek nod.
“Come on, we’re almost there, little wolf.”
I must zone out the rest of the ways because one minute we’re trudging through the grass, and the next we’re climbing the steps of another porch. My head rests against Tavi’s chest as he knocks on the door and all I can think to myself in my semi-hazed state is that I don’t want to lose this.
Him.
I want to go home, but I don’t want to lose him.
♫ Cold - Aqualung & Lucy Schwartz ♫
Soren must’ve still been sleeping, because it takes a couple of minutes before his footsteps resound within the house and he opens the door.
In nothing but boxers.
Auburn hair standing up in all different directions.
"Dude, seriously? What the fuck?" I bark. “No one wants to see your tiny dick.”
"Shut the fuck up, man—it’s too early for your shit. You’re lucky I even put these on. I sleep butt-ass naked.” He rubs the sleep from his eyes as I flip him the finger.
"Can we come in?"
"Oh, yeah, of course.” He steps aside, holding the door open. “I'm guessing you talked to the old man?"
"Yup." I pop the P, ushering Wendy toward the kitchen.
"Didn't go well?" he hedges.
"Not. At. All. Even told him I had to take her to Ward and nothing."
"Are you surprised?"
Pulling out a chair for her at the small table, I shake my head. "Not even slightly."
Soren doesn’t seem surprised, either, as he shuts the door and stalks over. We take a seat on either side of Wendy, exchanging a silent look of understanding.
I need your help, man.
“You guys can crash here,” he states evenly, bouncing his amber stare between Wendy and myself.
"That's what I was hoping you'd say.” I breath out a small sigh of relief.
Soren’s always willing to help wherever he can, but I don’t like to assume shit.
"You should know you don't have to ask me shit like this, Tav."
"Yes I do. It’s your house."
"Doesn't matter. You're always welcome.” He waves me off, leaning forward onto the table. “Now, can we rewind for a second? Why do you need Ward?"
I can feel her eyes on me before I so much as cast my gaze on her. She’s so hesitant to tell me what’s happening as if I’ve not seen something similar in all my years. Again, I don’t like to assume, never have, but Ma went through this once. I know what this looks like. Without Ward, though, we won’t know for certain, and so for that reason I’m letting her have her moment.
Wendy clears her throat when she realizes I’ve left it up for her to explain. "I—um...I woke up bleeding."
Soren’s entire expression widens. "What?"
"It was pretty bad, brother,” I chime, swallowing down lingering remnants of that vision. “I was honestly terrified when I saw it. Luckily, I was able to get her into the house and in the shower before my dad woke up."
"You think he's going to rat you out?" he questions.
"Oh, one-hundred percent, and quite honestly, I don't really care. Hook can come for me. Like I told my dad—I'm not afraid of him. He took something that didn't belong to him."
Wendy’s hand falls to my wrist, turning my attention on her wilting form. "Can we eat now? I'm seriously ready to pass out."
I can tell. Small beads of sweat have begun accumulating at her brow, her face paling whiter than a ghost.
"There’s plenty to eat. Help yourself,” Soren states graciously. “Tav, you gonna show her your fancy ass cooking skills?"
"Your kitchen, bro,” I toss back. “That’s all you.”
“She’s your girl, though.”
Silence.
Both Wendy and I go rigid, prompting Soren to smile exaggeratedly as he rises from his seat.
Yeah, dick, thanks a lot.
“Anything specific you’d like, Wendy?” he asks, shuffling into the kitchen.
“I’m not too hungry but it’s clear I need to eat something. Toast and fruit, maybe?”
“I’ve got both. Some juice might be good for your blood sugar levels, too.”
“Sounds good,” she agrees, releasing me from her grip.
I don’t even want to look at her after Soren’s nonsensical commentary, but those blues of her beckon me, dragging my gaze up to her angelic face. Her lips quirk with this bashful smile as she holds my stare, and the first thing that pops in my head is mine.
Takes everything in me not to groan aloud at the wayward direction my thoughts keep going. Doesn’t matter how much I try convincing myself otherwise, ever since I rescued Wendy from that dark hole last night, it grows louder and louder, more prominent.
Because instincts aren’t mediocre thoughts.
And yet, they are when you have no business feeling them.
Wendy can never and will never be mine.
She has a life outside my world, and while I could get used to having her at my side day in and day out, we all know that’s not going to happen.
She wants to go home, and that home doesn’t include me.
"We'll be back later,” I holler at Soren from the front door.
After breakfast, he hopped in the shower to get ready for the day. Today’s one of his shifts at the port, meaning I’ll be down a man on the build until later this afternoon.
"Door’s always open! Just come in!” he hollers back.
Motioning for Wendy to head out first, I shut the door behind us and follow her down the steps. Although I still catch her wince every few minutes or so, I’m pleased to see the color in her face has returned. The sweats are gone, too.
She looks better, oddly beautiful in my sister’s dress, though I’m sure she feels anything but.
“It’s so nice out today.” She takes in our surroundings as we tread the overused trail carved in the land.
It is quite nice. Blue skies, a slight breeze to counteract the sunshine. Some of the foliage has begun shedding its leaves as the cooler months approach.
The better part of this scenery?
Her.
“Enjoy the sunshine while you can, little wolf. Autumn and winter are pretty gloomy around these parts.”
Wendy whips her dark head toward me, an equally dark brow arching in question. “You guys have seasons here?”
“Of course,” I chuckle. “We may not be a part of the human realm, but we’re still a realm in the world no less. Our seasons aren’t parallel with yours, though. They work a bit different.”
<
br /> “How so?”
“Well, for starters, we’re a season behind, so it’s summer here—”
“But it’s fall back home,” she finishes.
“Exactly.” I nod. “Certain weather isn’t specific to certain terrains, either. Your hemispheres and the how the world tilts on its axis doesn’t apply here. For instance, our mountains aren’t the only place that sees snow. Even Hook’s Cascade gets blanketed by the white stuff during the winter months.”
"How is that possible?" She's astounded, earning her another chuckle.
"Magic." I shrug.
“So the vegetation isn’t affected?”
“Nope.”
“Wow,” she whispers, craning her head back to catch the tops of the trees. “This place is just—Oof.” Her footing stalls then, hand flying to her abdomen as she bends forward.
Just like mama.
“Shit,” I hiss, dropping to my haunches before her. “You okay?”
Wendy gives a little nod, eyebrows cinching together as the wave seems to intensify. “I will be in a few. Just have to breathe through it.”
"I should've run into town and requested Ward come to us. Fuck.” I feel like a giant asshole, shaking my head at my damn self. “I'm sorry, Wendy."
"Don't be.” She reaches out for me, forcing a smile. “Some of these cramps are more painful than others, that's all."
"Scale of one to ten, how bad?" I press.
"The bad ones are a five, maybe a six."
Yup, just like mama.
I’ve not even risen to full height before I’m whisking her off her feet. "I'm carrying you the rest of the ways."
Wendy squeals and locks her arms around my neck as I double the tempo of my strides. "Tavi, c'mon—you don't have to do that. Put me down! I can—"
"Nope,” I shake my head, “I'm carrying you, end of discussion. If I let you walk, we won’t make it to town until this afternoon."
"This is humiliating," she grumbles.
"Is there an audience watching that I don't know about? Because from what I can see, it's just us out here."
"Shut up,” she shoves my chest, “you know what I mean. I'm not an invalid."
"Never said you were, little wolf. Just trying to ease your pain."
Wendy’s stubborn expression softens. I can see it from the corner of my eye. "You know, I haven't even thanked you yet."
"There's no need to thank me. Any sane person would do the same."
"No, seriously.” Fingers at my chin, she forces my eyes on her. “Thank you, for everything you've done for me. You didn't have to do any of it and yet—"
"I had to, Wendy.” Anxious, I tighten my hold on her. “I wasn't lying when I said hearing your screams rocked me to my core. It was all I could focus on while everyone else milled about me. I remember standing there wondering how it could be possible that I was the only one hearing them."
"I don't just mean for getting me out of there. I mean everything. Every little thing.” Her thumb caresses the back of my head, a simple touch I want to yield to.
"Don't thank me, I mean it. I'd do it all over again if I had to."
Over and over again, including the part where I’ll have to let her go because she’ll be free—and that’s what this lost girl deserves to be.
"Miss Darlington," Doctor Ward's affable voice calls. "I'm ready for you in here, dear."
Wendy rises to her feet and shuffles over to the door he's holding open. I’m out of my seat, following suit behind her, but before I can so much as make it to the threshold, she's spinning around, giving me the same look she offered in my bathroom as she sets a hand to my chest.
"Stay out here, okay?"
My head nearly snaps off my neck. "What, why?"
Her face falls more than it was while we waited for the good doctor to set up. "You don't want to see this, trust me."
"Wendy,” I grit—as calmly as possible—tamping down the impulse to voice how I’m already certain I know what’s happening.
"Tavi, please. For me?" Her lip trembles, eyes welled with unshed tears.
Half of me wants to give in, to let her have her way. But the other half feels like I need to protect her from this, to protect her from another onslaught of awaiting emotions she’ll need to process when Ward utters the words.
Setting my hand over hers, I beg her with the fiercest stare likely known to man. Please let me be there.
For the briefest moment the possibility she might concede hangs thick in the air, but all too soon she’s denying me with a meager shake of her head. "Please, I have to do this alone. I swear to you, once this is all over, I'll tell you everything. From start to finish and everything else in between."
I can’t disprove her again, regardless of how much I may want to. I respect her far too much for that. Her body, her decision. "Fine." A sigh shoots free from my throat as I release her and watch her retreat into the room.
“I promise,” she mouths silently, and then Ward’s nodding reassuringly, shutting the door in my face.
Just walk away. Walk away. I’m forced to repeat it like a mantra, taking deep breaths as I turn on my heel and head back into the waiting area. Planting my ass back in the stiff seat, I cross my arms and take a look around the small office. Despite living here all my life, I haven't been here much. Mama preferred a more holistic approach to anything in the medicinal field so Lil and I rarely ever saw Ward. Everyone may not agree on that, but hey—my sister and I are still alive, right?
Not that what Ward does is any less honorable or valued—dad's needed him a few times in recent years, and if it wasn't for him, I suspect there might be bigger issues at hand now.
I sit there for God only knows how long, memorizing every golden frame hung on the wall, the colors of the pinstripe wallpapering, counting how many clocks he has running down the length of the hallway. I count all the books on the shelf, how many windows surround me.
Until finally I hear the door open and out comes Wendy. I’m scooting to the end of my seat in a nanosecond, heart free-falling when I note she's been crying. It's clear as day from the glassiness of her eyes, the slight blush heating both her cheeks and nose.
Mine.
Grinding my jaw tightly, I thrust the idea aside yet again and latch onto the armrests. It’s the only thing keeping me from rushing her and taking her in my arms.
The good doctor relays some information to her in a hushed voice, seafoam green irises cutting to my form from over her shoulder. Wendy nods and thanks him in an identical hushed voice, and then she starts for me.
Only she doesn’t stop to wait for me.
She hustles right out the door into town, the bell above chiming in her wake.
I’m literally scrambling out behind her, thanking Ward over my shoulder. “Wendy! Wendy, wait! What happened?"
She doesn't answer me, just keeps stalking the way we came with determined strides, each step somehow echoing against the cobblestones.
"Wendy, c'mon. You promised," I remind her, trying to ignore the questioning looks we're receiving from some of the townspeople.
I’m sure they’re wondering who the hell she is and why the hell the Chief’s son is chasing her down.
"Tavi, please. I'm exhausted," she sighs, stare trained straight ahead.
The fact she won’t look at me—tied in with her refusal to bring me up to speed—sends a primitive burn rushing through my veins. Whipping a hand out, I catch her by the arm and spin her around with a quickness, hurling her towards me.
Compelling her to engage.
"I know you are. I am, too, but you promised me—you promised you'd tell me once you saw him, and now you did, so tell me. What is going on with you? Are you at least okay?"
She isn’t fearful, but the shock of my sudden outburst blazes in her gaze. "I-I..."
"You, what?" I hedge, ignoring the dozens of eyes watching us.
"God,” she glances around us nervously, “I don't even know where to start."
"From t
he beginning." I’m moving, hauling her with me and away from prying busybodies. If that’s going to get her to talk…
"Can't we do this later? Please?" Her tone is so beseeching that every molecule within me demands my attention.
Another quivering lip awaits me. "Oh, no. That lip is not going to work a second time. I let you have your way back there, I respected your decision. If nothing else, Wendy, at least do the same for me. I don’t want to pry, I just need to know you’re okay."
And it’s the truth.
All I want to know is that she’ll live to make it home. That she’ll live to have a happy and healthy life.
"Tavi, please." Wendy whimpers, shaking her head, evoking another outburst.
Hands flying at her, I cup her face, bringing her dangerously close. "Just tell me. Nothing you say is going to change a goddamn thi—"
"I miscarried!" she croaks, tears spilling over her cheeks. “I miscarried, okay? That's what the bloody show was.”
I was right.
“Oh, Wendy.” Dropping my forehead to hers, I close my eyes, wishing I could suffer this grief for her. She’s been through enough. “I’m so sorry, little wolf.”
“Don’t be,” she whispers, clenching the front of my white t-shirt in a death grip. “I didn’t know I was pregnant.”
"Was it..."
"Peter's?”
I nod.
“Unfortunately."
Right there, in that moment, I’m devoured with this feral sense of propriety. I’ve not felt even a quarter of this in my entire life. Everything burns hotter than the wildest flame, vision tunneling in that way it does before a shift. If I were actually in my wolf form, the hair lining my spine would be stiff, canines exposed through a snarl.
That depraved, incestual halfling impregnated her. He put his hands on her, had the privilege of loving her.
"Why do you say it like that?" I grate, easing back with that maddening image now seared in my mind.
"Because Peter wasn't the man I thought he was,” she whispers, holding my stare. “I haven't mourned him, not the way a woman in love should have. Then again the truth often tends to hurt, right? Yes, Tinksley and Hook took me without reason, but at least I finally learned the truth. Had they murdered Peter without any explanation at all and left me behind to pick up the pieces, I'd be neck-deep in grief right now. I'd probably still be pregnant, too. Ward says the shock of everything is at probable fault for the loss."
