by Dee Garcia
Now he’s looking at me like I’ve lost my entire mind, and who knows, maybe I have. “I’m gonna have to disagree, Tav. That apology was likely for show. I don't think Tinksley would go out of her way to help Wendy at the ass crack of dawn."
"She's gone,” I drone, breathing through the storm of realization. “You read the note, it’s there in black and white. What part of that don't you get? I feel it, right here in my fucking heart, man. The warmth I felt when she was here, it's gone, too."
"T, c'mon, don't do that. We’ll find her. We’ll get the boys and head out stat. With all of us out, we’ll cover more ground."
“Dragging them into this is pointless. Wendy isn’t in Rosewood anymore, I’m telling you.”
“Don’t say that, Tav. For all we know, she’s at the beach, or in town, or at the lake. She could literally be anywhere.”
“She’s. Not. Here, man! How many times do I have to repeat that to you for you to understand! My girl is gone!"
“Breathe,” he reminds me, unfazed by my outburst. “You need to breathe. Look, if it were Kimi I’d be spazzing out, too, okay? But you gotta get a grip on it, brother. Reign in the rage. Nothing good comes from a fire this erratic.”
And yet, erratic is exactly how I feel. Every part of me is either dizzied by the abrupt turn of events or asphyxiated by each emotion briskly taking its hold.
“Why the fuck would she fucking do this?” My voice cracks anew as I sink to my haunches, hands fisting my hair.
“Because she’s scared. What she’s going through—what she’s gone through—it’s a lot,” Soren relays softly, dropping down in front of me. His gentle hand meets my shoulder, providing what’s meant to be a grounding squeeze.
But it does nothing. I’m far from grounded in this moment.
"She had me,” I grate. “She had me and she fucking knew it."
“And that could very well be part of what has her so scared. Your relationship evolved almost overnight, Tav. Think about it. That’s a lot for anyone.”
I know he meant well by what he said, is speaking nothing but the truth, but it plucks a nerve. A huge nerve. “Overnight? The fire was there all along, building and building into a goddamn forest fire from day one, when I found her in that dungeon. The minute those pale blues met mine, she had me, and I didn’t act on it. I waited and waited and waited.”
“Exactly, and you probably had her, too. Put yourself in her shoes and think about how that would make her feel amidst her less than ideal situation. You tried taking it slow until slow wasn’t working anymore, and then you both jumped in headfirst. There was no going back after that, only forward.”
“So then why did she go back!” I spring onto my feet. “This is bullshit! This is fucking bullshit! Afraid or not, she had me!”
“Tav, breathe,” Soren demands, rising to full height.
Something about his tone and the way his chin lifts as he holds my stare flips the switch.
I have to get out of here.
Throwing the note to the ground, I take off for the front door, ripping it open with the most volatile growl I’ve ever heard resound from my chest. Then I’m springing into the air, clearing the porch as I make my shift, paws touching down on the grass. I’m bolting after that, weaving around my people and their homes en route to the edge of the forest.
Even in this form, tears blur my vision, but I shake them away. I don’t have time for this. I don’t want to have time for this, don’t want this shit in my head. The ache in my chest. I just want my girl.
Want her to still be here so I can tell her everything is going to be okay and that she. Has. Me.
Scenery whipping past me, I focus on the trail that’ll lead me to the portal. I don’t know what I’m hoping to find there—I know she’s gone—but I couldn’t stay in that house with Soren any longer.
Not after he said she could be afraid of us.
Why?
Why would she be afraid?
Because she was always meant to leave. You were an unexpected distraction from her desire to go home, until she finally woke up.
My subconscious seems to be no holds barred today. That reality right there? Painful because it’s one-hundred percent probable. Wendy wanted to go home and I became a distraction.
Which poses the question I’m not ready to ask myself, one that stops me in my tracks, bursting an agonized howl from deep within.
Was Wendy’s heart truly ever mine?
♫ I Ran (So Far Away) - Hidden Citizens ♫
Location: Bloomsbury, London
"Well, this is me," I tell Tinksley as we come to a halt outside of my old building.
I almost can’t believe it. Just a day ago I was treading the vibrant green lands of Rosewood, wrapped up in its simplistic beauty, and now I’m here, surrounded by glum skies, miles upon miles of buildings, and the obnoxious sounds of traffic.
Kind of crazy what a few months away from modern civilization will do to a girl. My ears ache from all the ruckus, shoulders swallowing my head every time a horn blares. My heart does, too, but for an entirely different reason.
"Trust me, I remember,” Tinksley sighs, craning her head back to take it all in. "Are you sure you really want to go in there?"
"I mean, this was home.” Was home, as in it doesn’t feel as such anymore. I begged her to bring me back, though, so now I have to put on a brave face and deal with it despite feeling like I’ve made a grand mistake. “Hopefully, it still is. For all I know, the landlord already sold all of my belongings and rented it out to someone else."
"You think Hook was right?" she asks, dragging my gaze on her with an inquiring brow.
"Right about what?"
"About you possibly being a...what did he call it? Person of..."
"Person of interest," I finish, stomach roiling at the reminder.
"Yes, that. Do you think maybe he's right?" She’s staring at the building again, dark hair whipping behind her with the autumn chill, adding to the unnerving vibe hanging over my head.
"I doubt it. London has seen this before. It's what scoured the news when Clara was found dead and Peter was nowhere to be found.”
Clara also wasn’t found with a cock down her throat and her head cut off.
The thought nearly leaves me choking, one I barely manage to swallow down as I return my attention to the building and focus on breathing.
“You can always come back, you know,” Tinksley adds after a beat. “If this doesn’t go as planned or you find yourself wanting to go back to Rosewood, you can.”
“How?” I’m all too eager to ask, a fact Tinksley doesn’t miss.
“Just find the witches and tell them you need to locate the Sacred Six. They’ll know exactly who you speak of and what to do.”
“And then what?” I hedge, jotting all of this down in my memory banks.
“Once Persia passes along the message to me, Hook and I will come get you,” she says matter-of-factly.
Like I should know she’d be so willing to help.
“You would really do that?” My query comes in a diffident whisper. Tinksley may have brought me here, but that doesn’t mean I’ve fully instilled my trust in her. That I’ve forgotten what she did to me. Truce or not, she hurt me, something I’m still working past.
“I’m a sucker for love, Wendy,” she shrugs, “and I know you love him, even if you won’t admit it.”
I do.
Took me crossing that portal to realize it, once it was too late to go back, but I do. I love him, miss him already with every fiber of my being. That dream, though, the message was loud and clear.
I don’t belong in Rosewood.
Don’t belong with him.
“It’s better off this way.” I bow my head, staring at the concrete of the sidewalk. “Now he doesn’t have to worry about me.”
“I highly doubt he sees it as having to worry about you, Wendy. Given all he’s done, I’d say it’s possible the Alpha loves you, too.”
He probabl
y hates me now. My eyes mist at the possibility. "I've got too much baggage, Tinksley. Everything revolving around Peter, including the miscarriage. He had to sit there while I dealt with that. Had to sit by while I've gone through episode after episode of these maddening nightmares."
Her hand reaches for mine, squeezing it sympathetically. "If he loves you, I'm sure what matters to him is getting you happy and healthy."
"And like I said, now he doesn't have to." A lone tear trails down my cheek, a warning of the dam on the verge of eruption.
"I was serious, by the way. If you ever want to come back, just find the witches," Tinksley repeats.
"You make it sound so easy.” I scoff a laugh. “I wouldn't even know where to start."
“Covent Garden, that’s where they are.”
Noted.
"Thank you again.” Pulling my hand free from hers, I offer her the best smile I can manage in my current state. “It was late and you didn't have to bring me but—"
"You needed help. I couldn’t send you back to Tavi’s like that. I still don’t think here”—she motions around us—“is the answer, but you have to do what’s right for you. Just take care of yourself, okay?"
"I’ll try.”
A quick hug, another uncertain glance, and then she’s gone, flashing away out of sight.
“Well…” I stare up at the top of the building one last time. “Home sweet home.”
Up the steps on semi-wobbly legs I go, then through the front door. I’m pleased to find the inside as quiet as always, but an immediate eeriness follows. Swallowing deeply, I make my way to the lift and smash my thumb into the up arrow, glancing around nervously as I wait for the cart to arrive.
The signaling ding leaves me gasping like an idiot, my hand flying to my chest. Not a soul emerges, allowing me to swoop in and shut the doors right behind myself. I hit the three, then retreat to the back wall, hands gripping the steel railing for support. I keep my stare downcast, too, not wanting to see my reflection painted all around.
You shouldn’t be here, a whisper in my mind. You need to leave.
It’s not the same whisper from my dreams, but it chills me to my core no less, barreling me out into the corridor upon the second ding, hands rubbing at the goosepimples spreading beneath the coat Tinksley gave me.
Everything is going to be fine, we’re fine, I try convincing myself as I amble down the corridor. It’s going to be fine.
Only...it’s not.
The bright yellow notice taped to my door proves as much.
Pulse galloping wildly, I pad up the rest of the way and glaze over the words, growing sicker with each passing line. What sticks out most? ...is still part of an on-going investigation.
That can only mean one thing.
The dream was right. Hook was right. I can’t be here, can’t be seen here. They think I did it. If just one person recognizes me, just one, this could end badly. I could be arrested, thrown into prison.
One half of my brain hollers for rationality, for me to look at this from every angle before jumping to conclusions.
But the other half blares for me to flee. There’s no need to rationalize the obvious, not with the way they found Peter.
They. Think. I. Did. It.
As quickly as my legs will allow, I fly my terrified arse down the corridor, then back downstairs with the lift, out the front doors and onto the sidewalk, before looking both ways and crossing the street.
I’m sweating, hands shaking, each step made in trembling fear. Where the hell am I going to go? What am I going to do?
I can't be seen.
Pulling up the hood on the coat, I shield my face as best as possible and start along the concrete back the way I came. I have no family to turn to and what friends I had would never help me now.
The park is my only option. There's bridges I can hide beneath until I figure my life out. Not that I know where to start. I mean, I don't even have much money. Hook gave Tinksley a small pouch to pass along to me. It's in my pocket, but I've not counted how much is in there. A few pounds maybe? It's all pence for sure, no notes.
Fuck.
This is bad. Really bad. I was so frantic and scatterbrained after waking up that I focused solely on finally making my way across the portal. On getting away from Rosewood, thinking that was the answer to my problem. Tinksley was the only person I knew would help me.
And now I wished she hadn't.
With every person who passes me by, I grow more and more paranoid as this new reality sets in deeper. My heart's lodged in my throat, eyes sifting every which way from beneath my hood. They think I'm a killer, that I'm the one who hurt Peter.
The fucking cunt bastard.
That's what he is, was, a cunt, a vile bastard. And here I was, so in love with him, so eager to pick up where we left off, and all along he would only ruin my life.
Tears sting my eyes but I force them down and focus on the task at hand—getting to the park. There isn't time for me to succumb to weak Wendy. I have to be brave Wendy, even if brave is the last thing I want to be when the man who taught me to be brave is probably sitting at home losing his mind.
Because I ran away.
Far away.
What will likely—aside from Peter Pan—be the greatest mistake of my life.
One-hundred pounds even.
That's what's in the red velvet pouch Hook gifted me. A sweet gesture, but that's not going to get me much except food for the next few days.
Beneath this bridge will just have to do.
It's not like I could get a hotel room anyway. I'm sure my picture's been everywhere just like the dream warned.
Tucking the pouch back into my pocket, I bring my knees up to my chest and wrap my arms around them. It's not too chilly, but the temperature will drop as the night goes on.
This is going to suck. I could be in a nice warm bed, snuggled up with my big, bad wolf, and yet here I am, curled up into concrete, under a park bridge, like some homeless person.
Not even homeless.
Lost.
I didn't belong in Rosewood and I don't belong here, either.
I really am a lost girl now.
Those tears I was holding back? They fall then, in a raging current, a reminder of how royally I’ve fucked everything up. I never should've left, never should've trusted that damned whisper. That thing did nothing but terrorize me in the weeks leading up to the grand finale last night.
Stupid, girl. You stupid, stupid girl.
And now it's too late.
I’ve made my bed and now I have to lie in it. Alone, in the cold, heart shattering as the loss of my wolf sinks its claws into my soul.
My wolf.
♫ Here Without You - 3 Doors Down ♫
The ocean is calm today, so are the skies.
A stark contrast to the devastating sense of turmoil riling inside of me. Since shifting yesterday morning after completely losing my shit on Soren, I haven't shifted back, and I don't want to. I feel less this way. Don't misunderstand me, the gaping hole in my chest is still there, but it's easier to ignore when I'm in my wolf form.
"There you are." My sister’s voice rings out behind me.
I’d say I’m irritated that she’s found me, but it’s not like I’m actively hiding. I’ve been laying in the same spot all day, right at the cliff’s edge.
Moments later, she’s at my side, swinging her legs over the ledge. Her gentle touch meets my head, smoothing down the ebony fur.
Hey, Lil.
"I've been looking for you everywhere." I was expecting more of a chastising tone for my disappearing act, but that’s the last thing I hear. The most prominent? Sympathy, and I fucking hate it.
Sorry, I deadpan.
Her strokes continue, fingers sifting through the thickest part of my coat. "I know it's stupid to ask if you're okay, but..."
Please don't. I really don't want to talk about it.
"You have to at some point, Tav. It's unhealthy to keep all of that b
ottled up. I don’t want you to end up like Pa was all those years ago."
It's better than the alternative. The alternative being me going on a rampage.
"I'm sorry," she whispers.
Sorry for what?
"That you're having to go through this. I feel so stupid for believing her, for truly thinking she was sincere when she told me she wanted to stay."
She was, but it looks like fear finally got her and she couldn't turn it off. She took the tea last night, Lil, I watched her down it. Whatever that nightmare was about, it was powerful enough to still claw its way into her mind.
“That’s not an excuse, Tav. She flat-out told me she had nothing back there, that she loved it here. She had you—she’s had you since day one.”
Doesn’t make me enough. Besides, she may be right for all we know. What if her going home is the remedy?
“I doubt that, highly so, but whatever. All I know is, I could kill her for doing this to you. I warned her,” she growls, the bubbling of her blood unmistakable.
Don’t start with that crap. No one is killing her. I freed her from that cell, remember? She was free to leave whenever she wanted.
“She was also free to not fuck with you in the process. She’s self—”
Enough, Lil. Just drop it, I warn.
“But—”
Just drop it! My entire body tenses beside her around my order, shooting her hands up in surrender.
“Okay, okay, fine. Jesus Christ, Tavi, I’m just saying.”
I don’t respond to that. I have nothing to say in regards to it because what was about to come out of her mouth is utter bullshit. Wendy isn’t selfish. I don’t care what anyone says.
"Dad's worried about you,” she says after a beat.
Is he worried about me, or is he worried that I won't be stable enough to help him solve his Kimi problem?
"Actually,” she drawls. “Kimi already solved her own problem."
That uncertain lilt in her voice says it all, perking my head up. What?
"She's in a lot of pain, but she claims the gene has been made dormant. Something about the witches—"
