Eleanor & Park

by Rainbow Rowell

  Richie shouted again – ‘my house’– and Eleanor and the cat both jumped. Something crunched beneath her.

  She reached under her leg and pulled out a badly crumpled comic book. An X-Men annual. Damn it, Ben. She tried to smooth the comic out on her lap, but it was covered in some goop. The blanket felt wet, too, it was lotion or something … No, liquid makeup. With little bits of broken glass. Eleanor carefully picked a shard out of the cat’s tail and set it aside, then wiped her wet fingers on his fur. A length of oily-brown cassette tape was wrapped around his leg. Eleanor pulled it free. She looked down the bed and blinked until her eyes adjusted to the dark …

  Torn comic book pages.

  Powder.

  Little pools of green eyeshadow …

  Miles of cassette tape.

  Her headphones were snapped in half and hanging from the edge of the bunk. Her grapefruit box was at the end of the bed, and Eleanor knew before she reached for it that it would be light as air. Empty. The lid was ripped almost in half, and someone had written on it in bold black marker – with one of Eleanor’s markers.

  do you think you can make a fool of me? this is my house do you think you can hore around my neighborhood right under my nose and i’m not going to find out is that what you think? i know what you are and its over’

  Eleanor stared at the lid and struggled to make the letters into words – but she couldn’t get past the familiar spill of lowercase letters.

  Somewhere in the house her mother was crying like she was never going to stop.

  CHAPTER 47

  Eleanor

  Eleanor considered her options.

  1.

  CHAPTER 48

  Eleanor

  do i make you wet?

  She pulled back the soiled blanket and set the cat on the clean sheet underneath. Then she climbed from the top bunk to the bottom. Her bookbag was sitting by the door. Eleanor unzipped it without getting off the bed and took Park’s photo out of the side pocket. Then she was out the window and on the porch and running down the street faster than she’d ever run in gym class.

  She didn’t slow down until she was on the next block, and then only because she didn’t know where to go. She was almost to Park’s house – she couldn’t go to Park’s house.

  pop that cherry

  ‘Hey, Red.’

  Eleanor ignored the girl’s voice. She looked back at the street. What if somebody had heard her leave the house? What if Richie came after her? She stepped off the sidewalk into someone’s yard. Behind a tree.

  ‘Hey. Eleanor.’

  Eleanor looked around. She was standing in front of Steve’s house. The garage door was mostly closed, propped open with a baseball bat. Eleanor could see someone moving inside, and Tina was walking down the driveway, holding a beer.

  ‘Hey,’ Tina hissed. She looked as disgusted with Eleanor as ever. Eleanor thought about running again, but her legs felt weak.

  ‘Your stepdad’s been looking for you,’ Tina said. ‘He’s been driving around the neighborhood all goddamn night.’

  ‘What did you tell him?’ Eleanor said. Did Tina do this? Is that how he knew?

  ‘I asked him if his dick was bigger than his truck,’ Tina said. ‘I didn’t tell him anything.’

  ‘Did you tell him about Park?’

  Tina narrowed her eyes. Then shook her head. ‘But somebody’s going to.’

  suck me off

  Eleanor looked back at the street. She had to hide. She had to get away from him.

  ‘What’s wrong with you anyway?’ Tina asked.

  ‘Nothing.’ A pair of headlights stopped at the end of the block. Eleanor put her arms over her head.

  ‘Come on,’ Tina said, in a voice Eleanor had never heard before – concerned. ‘You just need to stay out of his way until he cools off.’

  Eleanor followed Tina up the driveway, crouching to get into the hazy, dark garage.

  ‘Is that Big Red?’ Steve was sitting on a couch. Mikey was there, too, on the floor, with one of the girls from the bus. There was hessian music, Black Sabbath, coming from a car up on blocks in the middle of the garage.

  ‘Sit down,’ Tina said, pointing to the other end of the couch.

  ‘You’re in trouble, Big Red,’ Steve said. ‘Your daddy’s looking for you.’ Steve was grinning from ear to ear. His mouth was bigger than a lion’s.

  ‘It’s her stepdad,’ Tina said.

  ‘Stepdad,’ Steve shouted, throwing a beer can across the garage. ‘Your fucking stepdad? Do you want me to kill him for you? I’m gonna kill Tina’s anyway. I could get them both in the same day. Buy one, get one …’ He giggled. ‘Buy one, get one … free.’

  Tina opened a beer and shoved it into Eleanor’s lap. Eleanor took it, just to have something to hold. ‘Drink up,’ Tina said.

  Eleanor took a sip obediently. It tasted sharp and yellow.

  ‘We should play quarters,’ Steve slurred. ‘Hey, Red, do you have any quarters?’ Eleanor shook her head.

  Tina perched next to him on the arm of the couch and lit a cigarette. ‘We had quarters,’ she said. ‘We spent them on beer, remember?’

  ‘Those weren’t quarters,’ Steve said. ‘That was a ten.’

  Tina closed her eyes and blew smoke at the ceiling.

  Eleanor closed her eyes, too. She tried to think about what she should do next, but nothing came to her. The music on the car radio switched from Sabbath to ACDC to Zeppelin. Steve sang along; his voice was surprisingly light. ‘Hangman, hangman, turn your head a while …’

  Eleanor listened to Steve sing song after song over the wet hammer of her heartbeat. The beer can went warm in her hand.

  i know your a slut you smell like cum

  She stood up. ‘I’ve got to get out of here.’

  ‘God,’ Tina said, ‘relax. He won’t find you here. He’s probably already at the Rail drinking it off.’

  ‘No,’ Eleanor said. ‘He’s going to kill me.’

  It was true, she realized, even if it wasn’t.

  Tina’s face was hard. ‘So, where you gonna go?’

  ‘Away … I have to tell Park.’

  Park

  Park couldn’t sleep.

  That night, before they’d climbed back into the front seat of the Impala, he’d taken off all of Eleanor’s layers and even unpinned her bra – then laid her down on the blue upholstery. She’d looked like a vision there, a mermaid. Cool white in the darkness, the freckles gathered on her shoulders and cheeks like cream rising to the top.

  The sight of her. She still glowed on the inside of his eyelids.

  It was going to be constant torture now that he knew what she was like under her clothes – and there wasn’t a next time in their near future. Tonight was another fluke, a lucky break, a gift …

  ‘Park,’ someone said.

  Park sat up in bed and looked around dumbly.

  ‘Park.’ There was a knock at the window, and he scrambled over to it, pulling back the curtain.

  It was Steve. Right behind the glass, grinning like a maniac. He must be hanging from the window ledge. Steve’s face disappeared, and Park heard him fall heavily onto the ground. That asshole. Park’s mom was going to hear him.

  Park opened the window quickly and leaned out. He was going to tell Steve to go away, but then he saw Eleanor standing in the shadow of Steve’s house with Tina.

  Were they holding her hostage?

  Was she holding a beer?

  Eleanor

  As soon as Park saw her, he climbed out the window and hung four feet from the ground – he was going to break his ankles. Eleanor felt a sob catch in her throat.

  He landed in a crouch like Spider-Man and ran toward her. She dropped the beer on the grass.

  ‘Jesus,’ Tina said. ‘You’re welcome. That was the last beer.’

  ‘Hey, Park, did I scare you?’ Steve asked. ‘Did you think I was Freddy Krueger? You think you was gonna get away from me?’

  Park got to Eleanor
and took her arms. ‘What’s wrong?’ he asked. ‘What’s going on?’

  She started to cry. Like, majorly cry. She felt like herself again as soon as he touched her, and it was horrible.

  ‘Are you bleeding?’ Park asked, taking her hand.

  ‘Car,’ Tina whispered.

  Eleanor pulled Park against the garage until the headlights had passed. ‘What’s going on?’ he asked again.

  ‘We should get back to the garage,’ Tina said.

  Park

  He hadn’t been in Steve’s garage since grade school. They used to play foosball in here. Now there was the Camaro up on blocks and an old couch pushed against the wall.

  Steve sat at one end of the couch and immediately lit a joint. He held it out to Park, but Park shook his head. The garage already smelled like a thousand joints had been smoked in here, then put out in a thousand beers. The Camaro was rocking a little bit and Steve kicked the door. ‘Settle down, Mikey, you’re gonna knock it over.’

  Park couldn’t even imagine a turn of events that would have led Eleanor here – but she’d practically dragged him into the garage, and now she was huddled against him. Park still thought maybe they’d kidnapped her. Was he supposed to pay ransom?

  ‘Talk to me,’ he said to the top of Eleanor’s head. ‘What’s going on?’

  ‘Her stepdad is looking for her,’ Tina said. Tina was sitting on the arm of the couch with her legs in Steve’s lap. She took the joint from him.

  ‘Is that true?’ Park asked Eleanor. She nodded into his chest. She wouldn’t let him pull far enough away that he could look at her.

  ‘Fucking stepdads,’ Steve said. ‘Motherfuckers, all of them.’ He burst into laughter. ‘Oh, fuck, Mikey, did you hear that?’ He kicked the Camaro again. ‘Mikey?’

  ‘I have to leave,’ Eleanor whispered.

  Thank God. Park backed away from her and took her hand. ‘Hey, Steve, we’re going back to my house.’

  ‘Be careful, man, he’s been driving around in that shit-colored Micro Machine …’

  Park bent to clear the garage door. Eleanor stopped behind him. ‘Thank you,’ she said – he would swear that she was talking to Tina.

  This night couldn’t get any weirder.

  He led Eleanor through his backyard, then around the back of his grandparents’ house to the driveway, past the spot by the garage where they liked to kiss goodbye.

  When they got to the RV, Park reached up and opened the screen door. ‘Go on,’ he said. ‘It’s always unlocked.’

  He and Josh used to play in here. It was like a little house, with a bed at one end and a kitchen at the other. There was even a miniature stove and refrigerator. It had been a while since Park had been inside the RV – he couldn’t stand up now without hitting his head on the ceiling.

  There was a checkerboard-sized table against the wall with two seats. Park sat on one side and sat Eleanor down across from him. He reached for her hands – her right palm was streaked with blood, but she didn’t seem to be in pain.

  ‘Eleanor …’ he said. ‘What’s going on?’ He was pleading.

  ‘I have to leave,’ she said. She was looking across the table like she’d just seen a ghost. Like she was one.

  ‘Why?’ he said. ‘Is this about tonight?’ In Park’s head, it felt like everything must be about tonight. Like nothing that good and this bad could happen on the same night unless they were related. Whatever this was.

  ‘No,’ Eleanor said, rubbing her eyes. ‘No. It’s not about us. I mean …’ She looked out the little window.

  ‘Why is your stepdad looking for you?’

  ‘Because he knows, because I ran away.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Because he knows.’ Her voice caught. ‘Because it’s him.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Oh God, I shouldn’t have come here,’ she said. ‘I’m just making it worse. I’m sorry.’

  Park wanted to shake her, to shake through to her – she wasn’t making any sense. Two hours ago, everything had been perfect between them, and now … Park had to get back to his house. His mom was still awake, and his dad was going to be home any minute.

  He leaned over the table and took Eleanor by the shoulders.

  ‘Could we just start over?’ he whispered. ‘Please? I don’t know what you’re talking about.’

  Eleanor closed her eyes and nodded wearily.

  She started over.

  She told him everything.

  And Park’s hands started shaking before she was halfway through.

  ‘Maybe he won’t hurt you,’ he said, hoping it was true, ‘maybe he’s just trying to scare you. Here …’ He pulled his hand inside his sleeve and tried to wipe Eleanor’s face.

  ‘No,’ she said. ‘You don’t know, you don’t see how … how he looks at me.’

  CHAPTER 49

  Eleanor

  How he looks at me.

  Like he’s biding his time.

  Not like he wants me. Like he’ll get around to me. When there’s nothing and no one else left to destroy.

  How he waits up for me.

  Keeps track of me.

  How he’s always there. When I’m eating. When I’m reading. When I’m brushing my hair.

  You don’t see.

  Because I pretend not to.

  CHAPTER 50

  Park

  Eleanor pushed her curls out of her face one by one, like she was gathering her wits by hand. ‘I have to go,’ she said.

  She was making more sense now, and more eye contact, but Park still felt like someone had turned the world upside down and was shaking it.

  ‘You could talk to your mom tomorrow,’ he said. ‘Everything might look different in the morning.’

  ‘You saw what he wrote on my books,’ she said evenly. ‘Would you want me to stay there?’

  ‘I … I just don’t want you to leave,’ he said. ‘Where would you go? To your dad’s house?’

  ‘No, he doesn’t want me.’

  ‘But if you explained …’

  ‘He doesn’t want me.’

  ‘Then … where?’

  ‘I don’t know.’ She took a deep breath and squared her shoulders. ‘My uncle said I could spend the summer with him. Maybe he’ll let me come up to St Paul early.’

  ‘St Paul, Minnesota.’

  She nodded.

  ‘But …’ Park looked in Eleanor’s eyes, and her hands fell to the table.

  ‘I know,’ she sobbed, slumping forward. ‘I know …’

  There was no room to sit at the table next to her, so he dropped to his knees and pulled her onto the dusty linoleum floor.

  Eleanor

  ‘When are you leaving?’ he asked. He pushed her hair out of her face and held it behind her head.

  ‘Tonight,’ she said, ‘I can’t go home.’

  ‘How are you going to get there? Have you called your uncle?’

  ‘No. I don’t know. I thought I’d take the bus.’

  She was going to hitchhike.

  She figured she could walk as far as the Interstate, then she’d stick out her thumb for station wagons and minivans. Family cars. If she hadn’t been raped or murdered – or sold into white slavery – by Des Moines, she’d call her uncle collect. He’d come to get her, even if it was just to bring her home.

  ‘You can’t take the bus by yourself,’ Park said.

  ‘I don’t have a better plan.’

  ‘I’ll drive you,’ he said.

  ‘To the bus station?’

  ‘To Minnesota.’

  ‘Park, no, your parents will never let you.’

  ‘So I won’t ask.’

  ‘But your dad will kill you.’

  ‘No,’ he said, ‘he’ll ground me.’

  ‘For life.’

  ‘Do you think I even care about that right now?’ He held her face in his hands. ‘Do you think I care about anything but you?’

  CHAPTER 51

  Eleanor

  Park said he’d
come back after his dad got home and his parents were both asleep.

  ‘It might be a while. Don’t turn on the light or anything, okay?’

  ‘Duh.’

  ‘And watch for the Impala.’

  ‘Okay.’

  He looked more serious than she’d seen him since the day he kicked Steve’s ass. Or since her first day on the bus, when he’d ordered her to sit down. That was still the only time she’d heard him use the F-word.

  He leaned into the RV and touched her chin.

  ‘Please be careful,’ she said.

  And then he was gone.

  Eleanor sat back down at the table. She could see Park’s driveway from there, through the lace curtains. She felt tired suddenly. She just wanted to lay her head down. It was already after midnight; it could be hours before Park came back …

  Maybe she should feel bad about involving him in all this, but she didn’t. He was right, the worst thing that would happen to him (barring some terrible accident) was that he’d be grounded. And being grounded at his house was like winning the Price is Right showcase compared to what would happen if Eleanor got caught.

  Should she have left a note?

  Would her mom call the police? (Was her mom okay? Were they all okay? Eleanor should have checked to see if the little kids were breathing.)

  Her uncle probably wouldn’t even let Eleanor stay once he found out she’d run away …

  God, whenever she started to think this plan through, it all fell apart. But it was already too late to turn back. It felt like the most important thing now was to run, the most important place to be was away.

  She’d get away, and then she’d figure out what to do next.

  Or maybe she wouldn’t …

  Maybe she’d get away, and then she’d just stop.

  Eleanor had never thought about killing herself – ever – but she thought a lot about stopping. Just running until she couldn’t run anymore. Jumping from something so high that she’d never hit the bottom.

  Was Richie out looking for her now?

  Maisie and Ben would tell him about Park, if they hadn’t already. Not because they liked Richie, though sometimes it still seemed like they did. Because he had them on leashes. Like the first day Eleanor came to the house, when Maisie was sitting on Richie’s lap …