“Out. Everyone out!” Colton snarled and Alice jumped to her feet, ready to run away from everything. “Pru, Chance, if you will excuse us. Alice, please sit back down now.”
Surprisingly enough, Prudence’s fainting spell disappeared as quickly as it had come on her. She got to her feet, put her nose in the air and walked out of the room with all the dignity of an empress. Chance Redburn wasn’t far behind her. Colton began to shut the door only to hear Prudence’s gasp of outrage.
“Don’t close it- you need a chaperone!” she called out and Alice had to smother a nervous laugh as Colton let it close with a thud. He turned around, crossed the room and sat Jacob on the settee where Prudence had once been. Colton grabbed a chair, put it directly in front of Alice and stared at her for several uncomfortable moments.
“I want to know what happened today that required me to find a runner coming across the fields waving me down. I thought someone had died,” he said flatly. “Did someone die? Are you a maid or did something dreadful actually happen?”
“That is a horrible thing to ask a lady!”
“Then tell me what is going on.”
“It’s a long story…”
“And we aren’t going anywhere until I hear it. The longer we are in here, the worse both our reputations will be. I guarantee Pru is thinking that we are frolicking about in all sorts of sinful delights right about now.”
“With your son in here?”
“Alice- focus. Please.”
“Jacob, don’t chew on the fabric,” Alice said distractedly over Colton’s shoulder and then looked away from his piercing eyes. “I will not be a good mother to your boy.”
“Why is that?”
“I lost my temper today.”
“I’m close to losing mine,” he said quietly, his voice heavy. She saw him sitting there, his elbows resting on his knees, his hands clasped tightly. He did look quite upset, but it was in his eyes and the way he held himself.
“Mr. Farmer,” she said regretfully, and was surprised that he grabbed her hand, cupping it in his.
“It’s Colton – now tell me.”
The whole sordid tale came out in a rush of words. Alice stared at the tip of her boots to avoid seeing any condemnation in his eyes. His son had bit a stray cat under her watch. Instantly she wondered if the little boy would develop an illness from the cat. The fur had been quite matted and filthy, but had it been slobber or dirt?
Looking back now, she realized that perhaps she should have taken Jacob to the doctor to make sure he didn’t get ill from it. She truthfully hadn’t a second thought about going into the bar with Jacob because she knew her sister was there with her suitor and chaperone. Her sister was the maternal one, not her! If her sister was there, it must be completely innocent and above the board – or else Abigail wouldn’t have stepped foot inside. Taking a deep breath, Alice shut her eyes and sat back in a slump; her soul was worn out completely.
“If you want a different match, I understand – just please don’t pick my sister. I couldn’t bear it,” Alice whispered painfully. She blushed at the admission and how it sounded to her own ears.
“I love her and wish we could be close again, but I wouldn’t be able to deal with it… unless I just left town and never returned. You should have someone that could be a good mother to Jacob- and a good wife to you.”
“You know,” Colton began, his voice sounding strangely sympathetic. “This is not the first time Jacob has bit an animal, a person, or an object. He bit one of my chickens and I had to rescue him from being pecked to death.”
“What?” Alice exclaimed, her eyes flying open as she looked at Colton where he sat directly in front of her. His expressive blue eyes were full of laughter and understanding.
“People aren’t born being perfect parents. We all make mistakes and children are clever beyond words. The people who make good parents are so because they care.”
“He’s a sweet boy,” she admitted. “A bit vexing that he keeps biting everything, but utterly sweet.”
“He didn’t do that until my wife died. I think it’s his way of dealing with the loss. We’ve both had a tough time and part of the reason I wanted to remarry. I am lonely and need help at the farm.”
“I understand if you want someone else more suitable for you.”
“Do you prefer another suitor?”
“No,” Alice whispered, feeling painfully shy all of a sudden as she realized that he still held her hand in his.
“Good,” Colton muttered huskily. “Now, if we hurry- there is no chance that Jacob would collide with either of our heads this time if I try to kiss you again.”
“Oh,” Alice breathed as Colton leaned forward quickly and pressed his lips against hers. He was infinitely tender, releasing her hand and cupping her face as he kissed her. It was the stuff dreams were made of! All was right in the world in that moment…
The birds were singing…
The sun was shining…
And Jacob was gnawing her wrist sloppily.
Alice burst out laughing against Colton’s lips happily. He looked down between where the two of them sat to see the toddler and began chuckling. Resting his forehead against Alice’s, he smiled at her tenderly. She ruffled Jacob’s hair and smiled in return.
“I don’t want a different match,” Colton admitted. “And I don’t want you leaving town.”
“I’m glad.”
“Does that mean you’ll take us both?”
“Willingly.”
Alice was stunned to hear Colton’s solution to Prudence’s retelling of the day’s events. He’d listened raptly, sitting next to Alice and holding her hand the entire time. As Alice listened, she realized that the more it was told the worse the version became. It wasn’t that Prudence had a mean bone in her body but in her puritanical outlook, a single young lady spending an unknown amount of time in a bar with ‘drunkards and lecherous men’ was unseemly and beyond reproach – especially for a family member, no matter how distant it was.
“You are right, Prudence, and always on the lookout. I appreciate you having Alice’s best interest at heart and glad she had you to take care of her. Mr. Redburn, if you’ll fetch the preacher. I think the best solution for everyone would be to stop any gossip and for me to marry Miss Alice – if she’ll have me.”
She could not get married without Abigail. Alice immediately balked. Everything she said seemed to go unheeded. In her mind, if they had time to fetch the minister, then why couldn’t they fetch her sister? She was with Mason Stillwell and her chaperone, that much she knew – but were they missing? The preacher seemed to be in a hurry to get this done and Mrs. English was ordering everyone about. Not even Colton was listening to her.
“Where’s my sister?” Alice said weakly, feeling like her world was spinning out of control. “Where is Abigail?”
Someone pushed Alice towards the center of the room and she found herself standing by Colton suddenly. He took her hand and the preacher began speaking. This was not what she had dreamed about nor was it romantic. It was perfunctory and rushed. The vows had been said, yet it felt like nothing – making her feel even worse. It felt like a simple conversation, a gathering of adults with a quick cessation that was sealed with a perfunctory kiss.
Ten minutes and the deed was done.
She’d pictured her life evolving or blossoming into something wonderful- but she felt the same, if not lower than dirt. How could she ever get married without Abigail present? She was now Alice Farmer, a married young woman and a mother. Prudence had happily announced to the rest of the girls as they exited the parlor that Alice had married.
Part of Alice had wanted to celebrate this event, but another part of her felt bitterly empty. She’d always thought that her and her sister would have a double wedding someday. Yet here she was again, headstrong and causing another major life event. Would she and Abigail ever mend the gulf between them or was life always going to pull the two sisters in separate directions?
Chapter 9
Alice found herself being scooted out of the house as fast as possible. When she had returned to Mr. Redburn’s office to sign the papers, several of the women – brides and widows- were busily putting together a basket full of treats for them, and what little belongings she had were hastily bundled together.
Abigail stood near the front door with a surprised and mystified look in her eyes, making Alice catch her breath. Her sister had just arrived at Mr. Redburn’s home with Mr. Stillwell and her chaperone, looking confused by the flurry of activity around Alice. Her sister quickly put her arms around her and hugged her tightly. She couldn’t help the tears that suddenly sprang to her eyes as she clung to Abigail’s frame.
“I hope you find happiness and love,” her sister whispered in Alice’s ear.
“You too.”
“Don’t be a stranger, sister,” Abigail said gently, smoothing Alice’s hair back. “I am happy for you both.”
The lump in Alice’s throat was thick with emotion. She almost yanked her older sister back into her arms since it had been months since they’d truly held each other. She wanted to explain, to apologize that she’d married too quickly – that she’d never forgotten their dream as young girls and wanted to have a double wedding… but before she could open her mouth, her new husband was there.
“Come, Alice. We need to be getting Jacob home,” he murmured politely. Alice looked at him with stunning realization that she now belonged with this man – this stranger.
“No. Not yet,” she whispered, her heart felt lost and torn. She had wanted to have this man’s full attention, his smiles, his name – but here was the opening she’d waited for with her beloved sister. Surely he didn’t expect them to leave right now?
Colton didn’t say a word. He took her by the elbow and made their excuses as they walked out to his wagon. Mrs. English was walking behind them, gently nudging Alice along. Alice knew that the widow thought it was for a different reason completely as she whispered all sorts of ‘helpful’ things to Alice about how to be a good wife.
“Have his dinner ready when your husband gets home.”
“Make sure his coffee is strong in the mornings – men like that.”
“Read to him from the good book if he’s tired.”
“Try not to worry, he’ll be a good husband.”
“Endure your duties and it will be over quickly.”
Numbly, Alice nodded as Colton helped Alice into the seat and put Jacob in-between them. A flurry of linen handkerchiefs waved politely as they pulled away and headed down the road. Away from her sister. Alice had never been separated from her and with every turn of the wagon wheel, she felt like miles were between them. They would walk separate paths, live separate lives, and move on as individuals.
“Alice, please don’t cry,” Colton said quietly, staring straight ahead. The bridle straps dangled gently in his strong hands. Her husband’s hands. “Jacob doesn’t understand and he is sniffling now. We’d like for you to be happy and I think we can be once we all settle in together.”
She looked at the toddler between them both and wiped her eyes. She hadn’t even realized that she was still crying, quite heavily too! Plastering a false smile on her face, she ruffled Jacob’s hair and pulled him into a tight hug.
“Everything is okay, Jacob – I just get a little misty-eyed.”
They sat quietly, Alice’s arm around the little boy as he kept watching her. He looked so unsure of what it meant for her to be upset that it broke her heart. As they pulled up to the farm, Colton helped them both down. He then quickly moved to the back of the wagon, unloading the baskets and her things.
Alice just stood there, unsure of what to do.
Her new husband walked into the house and after several moments, came back out. Colton slapped his hat onto his blond head and almost walked past her but hesitated. Leaning down, she saw his jaw clench ever so slightly before his words chilled her.
“You don’t have to worry about your wifely duties that Prudence mentioned. Your things are in the spare room. Please watch Jacob, Alice. I’ll return at dusk.”
Before she could say a word or respond, Colton was gone – marching down the dirt path that ran along the freshly sewn fields. He didn’t stop nor look back. She looked down at Jacob, seeing the boy’s grin, and again at his father’s disappearing back. She’d just alienated a man she’d just married, a man that confused her to no end… and now she was well and truly alone except for the toddler who held her hand.
“Come now, Jacob. Let’s find something to occupy our time,” she whispered painfully, trying not to cry. The boy had gotten so upset earlier by her tears, it was time to put on a brave face and find something to keep her mind busy to prevent her from dwelling on the day’s events.
Taking a step onto the front porch, she opened the front door and stepped inside the strange house that was now her home. She only hoped that someday it would feel like she belonged and was welcomed here.
Colton felt himself wondering if he’d made a terrible mistake. He couldn’t bear Alice’s tears and the softly spoken ‘no’ she’d uttered after they’d exchanged their vows. Didn’t she want to be married to him? Had he read the signs incorrectly?
Jacob adored Alice and had begun trying to say her name, asking where “Awus” was constantly before they’d married. The ride home, she’d cried the entire way almost as if she was heartbroken. Was she afraid of the marital bed? Fine- he would leave her alone.
Was it him? Did he disgust her or make her feel unwelcome? If that was the case, he would just avoid her at all costs until she was ready, if she ever was. Could he survive in a marriage without affection? He wanted to be noble, to be self-sacrificing, but he was a man like any other man. He wanted to have a wife that desired him, not one that cried their entire wedding night.
Did she want to be married to someone else? he wondered and felt a flare of possessive anger burning in his chest. Did she leave behind a beau back East, hoping to find a better match out West? No, that was something he couldn’t handle, nor did he want to give her up. She’d married him and he wanted it to remain that way. He could give her as much space as she needed but he would never give her up.
She was his wife.
He needed her, but he would be patient and allow her to come to him. Until then, he would wait.
Weeks passed and Alice found herself more alone than ever. Each day she got up and discovered that Colton had left the house before her. Each night, he returned only after they’d gone to bed. The only signs of him were the dishes he left on the table – exactly where she’d left his supper for him. It was like being married to a ghost and she was left to pick up the pieces from his constant disappearance.
The only thing that kept her sane was Abigail checking on her occasionally. Alice didn’t want to let on to her sister that things were going badly between her and her new husband. She put on a brave face each time she saw her sister or someone in town, smiling broadly and praising her husband. Even at church, she felt alone, surrounded by people she didn’t feel she could confide in about the truth of her relationship.
She heard her husband enter the house in the evenings as she lay there in bed wondering how things could be so estranged between them. It was like she wasn’t being given the opportunity to befriend him. One night, she’d heard his footsteps in the house and they’d stopped right beside her bedroom door. Alice had held her breath for what seemed like forever, only to hear Colton walk away again- to his own room. They were strangers and it seemed like it would forever be that way.
Jacob was back to biting again. The little boy didn’t understand why his father was gone all the time and frankly- neither did she. Alice felt like maybe Colton had actually been upset or disappointed in her but felt obligated to marry her. Her husband hadn’t sugarcoated anything between them – he’d wanted a wife to help out on the farm and with his son. She was attempting to do both and failing miserably.
As Alic
e made the coffee that morning, she looked at the wreckage around her and sighed heavily. The house was a mess and she was at a loss on how to proceed in order to correct the obvious errors she’d made. Becoming a farmer’s wife took more ingenuity and skill than she currently possessed. It had been a week since she’d had her last disaster and thankfully, Colton hadn’t commented on it, even if Jacob had.
She’d taken it upon herself to try to make candles one morning in order to replenish the low count that Colton had in the house. Lamp oil was an extravagance and she felt guilty using it to stitch in the evenings alone in her room. She was embroidering their names on a tree. It was something that she’d begun to commemorate their wedding. He might not realize how important it was to her, but this was her first and only marriage. She wanted to be his wife- even if she had no idea what she was doing.
Heating the tallow and wax, Alice had felt like she was on top of the world. It melted evenly and she’d managed to keep Jacob occupied as to prevent him from getting burnt by his curious mind. He was smashing up berries into a bowl and laughing heartily, holding up the stained fingers for her to see. Alice planned on using the berries in muffins, cookies, or a pie as a treat.
She dipped each wick into the wax and noticed it was taking forever for the taper to really grow in size. The candles looked like toothpicks and it was taking dip… after dip… after dip to enlarge them. As she dipped, she realized that the bottoms were curling on the pan she was using- making them have a gnarled appearance. Alice lay the tapers down on the table and tried to straighten them, but only succeeded in burning her fingers with the hot wax. The tapers were odd colored and looked like broken fingers, making her stomach churn at the thought. Smelling something odd, Alice notice a faint wisp of smoke and gasped.
She’d set the hot pan down onto the wood table!
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