by Clare Ashton
‘I had an unlucky morning.’
‘Oh come here anyway.’ And her mother smothered her with an embrace.
‘What are you doing here, Mama?’ Pia said, half strangled and half delighted.
‘I thought I’d come to see where my lovely, talented daughter works.’ She rocked her from side to side. ‘And I thought you seemed very down so I wonder if you fancy some lunch today.’
Pia pulled back. ‘I shouldn’t today. I’ve made such a slow start.’
Her mother tried to cover her disappointment with an understanding smile, but it was enough for Pia to regret her refusal. ‘How about you stay for a coffee though?’ she offered. ‘I can show you around and you can meet Ed.’
Her mother’s beaming grin was her acceptance.
-
‘Sit here, Mama.’ Pia patted a chair by the kitchen window with a splendid view of Fleet Street below. She searched through the empty cupboards. ‘We’re out of coffee, and I don’t know where Denise keeps it. I’ll be back in a minute.’
She poked her head around the corner but the reception area was still empty. Pia walked through the offices, none with any sign of Denise. She was about to press the bell on the reception desk when the storeroom door opened. A giggling Denise tripped out, pinching her hair back into place. She was followed by Rafe, whose rosy cheeks and the fumbling with his fly left little to the imagination.
Pia blushed and turned up the corridor.
‘Shit,’ she heard Denise say. Rafe shouted, ‘Pia. Wait.’
His feet pounded along the floor behind her and he grabbed her by the arm. She tried to snatch it away but he forced her into his office. She fumed, indignant that Rafe had moved on so swiftly from Cate. It was galling that the man who’d kept them apart showed so little grief.
‘Rafe, it’s none of my business. I’m trying to find some coffee.’
She turned to leave but Rafe dragged her round to within a few inches of his face. His eyes were unfocussed and his breath stank of alcohol, which in all likelihood contributed to his rosy complexion as much as any activity in the storeroom with Denise.
‘Please don’t tell anyone,’ he slurred. ‘I don’t want people thinking I’m a shit.’
Pia tried to swallow away her distaste but repulsion still rippled her features. ‘Really Rafe, I don’t care and I won’t tell anyone. I have to get back to Mama.’
‘It’s over with Cate.’ He looked earnest. ‘I know you got on well and I want you to understand I’m not being unfaithful to her or anything.’
‘I’m sorry to hear it’s over. Please, I have to go.’
Rafe pawed at her. ‘You have to believe me. That’s the first time anything’s happened.’
Pia thought back to the karaoke at Rafe’s house and Denise’s inclination towards him. The liaison no longer surprised her and she stiffened with irritation that here was another person so fickle with their love.
‘Well that’s great. I hope you’ll be happy if that’s what you both want.’
‘Listen,’ he slurred. ‘Actually it’s not the first time.’ His head drooped with obvious guilt. ‘Please don’t tell anyone.’
‘I won’t. I don’t even talk to Cate anymore.’
‘She’s the one who left me. It was over before it started. Could you tell? Could you all bloody tell?’
‘No,’ Pia muttered, mindful of Rafe’s temper.
‘Did I look like a fucking fool parading her around?’ His chin jutted with wounded pride.
‘Rafe, I didn’t notice anything.’
‘It was obvious though.’ His face flushed and his voice trembled with angry bitterness.
‘You made a handsome couple.’ Pia wanted to placate him, although imagining them together made her feel ill.
‘I was stupid,’ he spat. ‘She didn’t want to get married. I should have let the bitch go.’
Pia was about to console him once again when she hesitated. ‘What did you say?’ A small involuntary spark of hope ignited within her, but she wasn’t sure that she’d heard correctly. She waited, trying to dampen down a rising sense of optimism. ‘What did you say, Rafe?’
‘I had to beg her to marry me.’ His lips curled in disgust. ‘It was fucking humiliating. Begging the woman I loved and who was meant to love me.’
‘When? When was this?’
‘On the morning of the wedding. The actual fucking morning. Can you believe it? She disappeared on her hen night. No-one knows where she went. She turned up in the morning and said she couldn’t go through with it.’
Fear chilled and numbed Pia’s limbs, while hope glimmered deep inside.
‘She said she met someone. On her fucking hen night. She said she couldn’t go through with it. That she didn’t feel the right way about me and she wasn’t being fair. I pleaded with her to stay. I told her it was stupid to leave for someone she’d just met. We had five hundred fucking guests waiting for us. I didn’t want to go out to tell them all.’
Pia stared at him.
‘Do you know the only sex I’ve had as married man has been with Denise? How fucking crap is that?’
A smile burst across Pia’s face. She gasped and covered her mouth. The hope that had glimmered now shone and she was filled with sudden joy. Cate hadn’t been able to consummate their marriage. She hadn’t been able to sleep with Rafe after meeting her.
He shook his head. ‘I haven’t been able to touch her. She’d hardly come near me.’
‘I’m sorry,’ Pia blurted out.
Rafe lifted his head up, his cheeks still full-blooded with anger. ‘Why are you sorry? It’s not your bloody fault.’
Pia opened her mouth but no words came.
‘What’s wrong?’ he said. ‘What do you know?’
She was breathing hard, unable to control her fear or the swell of love for Cate that filled her chest. ‘It was me.’ Her voice shook.
‘What? What did you say?’
‘She met me that night.’
It took several seconds for it to register at all. Then he shook his head in disbelief. ‘You? What would she be doing with you?’
‘We met in passing. It was a coincidence. I was near her flat when she left for the party.’
‘And? What?’ Incredulity was heavy in his voice, ‘You fell into bed by accident?’
‘Oh God. I’m sorry, Rafe. I’m in love with her and I have to go.’
She backed away. Rafe’s eyes never left hers, his expression still stupid with surprise.
As she reached the doorway, Rafe’s face darkened with fury. ‘You’re not fucking kidding are you? You’re telling me the truth.’
He started towards her. He swayed, uncoordinated with alcohol, but his angry energy carried him forward. ‘I don’t fucking believe it. It was you!’
Pia stumbled back, grabbing for the door handle.
‘You fucking bitch. You fucking lezzer!’
With a swift and terrified movement Pia slammed the door shut and clicked the key in the lock. Rafe’s fists pounded on the door. His yell was muffled but his desperate kicks reverberated around the office.
‘Open the door you fucking bitch!’
Pia stared at the door, her heart pounding with adrenaline, fear and love.
Chapter 26.
In an instant, Pia’s image of Cate changed. She was irresistible. Her warm smile. A flash of mischief in her eyes when she caught Pia unaware. The sensual curve of her body and the addictive allure of her soft skin, receptive only to Pia’s touch.
She remembered how adamant Cate had been when she promised she would be faithful to Pia. How hollow it had seemed when all Pia could imagine was Cate in Rafe’s arms.
‘Oh God.’ Pia put her hands to her face.
How badly she’d under-estimated her. How insensitive she’d been dismissing Cate’s depth of feeling for her.
‘Shit, shit, shit!’ She stumbled back into the corridor and straight into the bosoms of Ed and her mother.
‘You all right shortarse
? You look as if you’ve seen the second coming.’
‘Ed, I’ve fucked up.’
‘In what way dear? The times are too numerous to count.’
‘Open the fucking door, Pia!’ Rafe hammered his fists on the wall.
‘Ah.’ Ed flicked her gaze towards the door. ‘This would be about Cate then.’
Pia’s throat was too constricted with emotion to speak and she nodded.
‘I suppose he knows about your romantic interlude before his wedding?’
‘Pia!’ Rafe growled and he kicked the door with such force the office wall began to move.
Ed led them down the corridor to a quieter spot. ‘Tell me, what’s happened?’
‘I’ve really, really fucked up.’
‘Well we all know that dear.’
Pia appealed to her mother who stood close, but she shrugged in agreement.
‘She loves me,’ Pia said. ‘She loved me all along. But I didn’t give her time. Why didn’t I listen to her?’
Ed looked up in thought and suggested, ‘Pride, youthful stubbornness, naivete?’ She glared back at Pia. ‘You’re absurdly romantic, and frankly judgemental at times. Then there’s plain stupidity—’
‘OK. OK. I said I fucked up. But what am I going to do?’
‘Talk to her, mija.’ Her mother regarded Pia with a mix of sympathy, exasperation and tearful joy. ‘You need to talk to Cate.’
‘Well there’s an idea shortarse.’ Ed rolled her eyes.
‘But…shit.’ Pia snatched out her phone. She had no idea what she was going to say. But she really did need to talk to Cate now.
She tapped through to the last caller and listened to the silence of her phone attempting to connect. All she could hear was her own rasping breath, her heaving heartbeat pulsing in her ears and Rafe pounding the door.
A piercing beep broke the silence. ‘It’s engaged.’ Pia’s voice was strident. ‘She’s leaving for Paris and New York today. I think she’s already at the station.’
‘Calm down a minute.’ Ed took her by the arms. ‘Before you do anything absurd like running off to St Pancras station, are you sure you can do this? Can you love Cate after she married Rafe? With no reservations? No ifs, no buts, no recriminations of “this is just like that time you ran off with a minor royal”?’
‘Yes I can. It was over before it started. She hasn’t slept with him since the wedding. I should have seen it. It was written all over her face. Her head chose Rafe but her heart chose me.’
‘Hmm.’ Ed rubbed her chin. ‘Well oh dear.’
Pia’s mother came close and hugged Pia round her shoulders.
‘So she did want you all along?’ Ed sounded grave.
‘Yes.’
‘And you slept with her. Then said you never wanted to see her again?’
‘It wasn’t…I didn’t…Basically…Yes.’ Pia covered her face. Any jubilation she’d felt evaporated in despair.
‘And you’ve blown it so completely that she’s moving to a different continent.’
‘Oh God.’
‘There’s no way Cate would give you a chance now.’
Pia moaned distraught.
‘Not a prayer she’d want the woman she can never take her eyes off.’
Pia peeped through her fingers, choking with sadness, but also a little puzzled.
Ed grinned. ‘Nothing in the world would persuade her to take someone who gives her the same joy and amazement as seeing the first bloody sunrise.’
Pia’s mood began to lift. She looked to her mother.
‘Go on mija. Go get her.’
Pia swirled round but hesitated. ‘What about Rafe?’
‘Who gives a bunch of flying bloody monkeys about Rafe.’ Ed shouted. ‘Go!’
Pia patted her jeans pocket for her keys and ran down the corridor. The last she heard was Ed bellowing, ‘And for Christ’s sake don’t change your mind on the way.’
-
Pia clattered down the stairs. She skidded around the corners as she clung to the bannister. She burst into the street and sprinted to the bike rack. She lobbed on her helmet in a slick, well-practised movement, jumped on her Vespa, turned the ignition and scooted onto Fleet Street. And as she pulled into the main road, she remembered her ailing ride.
‘Oh come on!’ Her heart sank as the Vespa spluttered to a top speed of ten miles an hour. ‘Not today.’
Taxis, buses, cyclists hurtled by. It wouldn’t have surprised her if a pedestrian or two had overtaken her. She felt absurd gripping the handle bars tight with desperation as she whirred along in slow motion. Halfway along Farringdon Road, clouds of black fumes coughed out of the scooter’s rear. With a loud bang from the exhaust pipe and a whimper from the engine, her bike took its last breath.
Pia leapt off and pushed the heavy bike to the side of the road. For a moment she worried about securing it. Then she wished any joyrider luck and abandoned her helmet and old Vespa. She checked up and down the street trying to remember where the nearest Tube was. All she could see were houses, offices and the security gates to the Mount Pleasant mail centre.
She ran into the kiosk, red-faced, brown-chested and unable to speak. A security guard peered at her, amused, over his tabloid.
‘You all right love?’
‘Nearest Tube?’ she gasped.
‘No underground here mate, sorry. It’s at least half a mile to the nearest.’
‘Where?’
‘Right then. To the west, you’ve got Russell Square.’
Pia turned to look out of the window expecting directions to follow.
‘To the south you’ve got Chancery Lane and Farringdon,’ the security guard continued. ‘Barbican’s another option. Or Holborn come to think of it.’
‘Which. Is. Nearest?’
‘None of them are particularly handy.’ The security guard laughed.
Starting to cross the divide between desperation and insanity, Pia grabbed his paper and snapped, ‘How the bloody hell do I get to St Pancras?’
‘Well, you should have said love.’ He chortled. I’d run up the road. It’s as close as the Tube stations.’
‘Thank you,’ Pia growled and she turned to leave.
‘You might want to follow the diversion signs.’
She threw the guard an irritated glance.
‘Road’s blocked.’
‘I’m sure I’ll find a way through. Thanks,’ she said through gritted teeth.
‘If you say so,’ was the last she heard before she hurtled up the street.
Pia threw back her head and forced her legs on. Her lungs were raw and her thighs screamed. All the while she chanted in her head. ‘Diversion signs. Bloody diversion signs.’ Why would she follow diversion signs on foot?
She scurried along the curving pavement where it changed to the King’s Cross Road and bid adieu to the traffic that dutifully followed the black on yellow arrows a different route.
And then she saw it. A great lake where the road should be. Brown opaque water rippling across her direct path.
‘No. No. No!’ She slapped her hands to her head. ‘How can this be flooded in the middle of bloody summer?’
She approached the water’s edge. It was impossible to see how deep it was. She pushed her toe towards it.
‘I wouldn’t love,’ a voice from above said. She peered up to see the silhouette of a woman three floors up leaning out of a window. ‘It’s a burst water main, but I’d hate to think what it’s mixed up with to be that colour. Just earth they says. Don’t believe a word of it.’
Pia shaded her eyes and took a deep breath to shout. ‘Do you know where I can get through?’
‘It’s all over the next couple of streets. I reckon, your best bet, you know, is probably to follow—’
‘The diversion signs,’ Pia sighed. She shouted her thanks and waved her hand in the air before sprinting on her way breathing, ‘Bloody diversion signs.’
-
Pia was doubled over wheezing when, at last, t
he imposing gothic red towers of St Pancras rose above her. She clasped her side to rub the stitch that pinched there and jogged the last hundred metres. She lurched along, cursing every ornate arched window of the long railway station walls.
She was stumbling into the entrance when a Mini pulled up in the taxi rank. She was amused and confused to see Ed and her mother squashed inside. They burst out as the small doors opened.
‘What are you waiting for?’ Ed shouted. ‘Get inside.’ And she waved her on.
Pia’s face blazed from exertion as she jogged into the cathedral of St Pancras. The vast iron arches supported a cavernous space and Pia’s hope soon turned to defeat at finding Cate in such a vast place.
Panic set in and she dashed along an arcade of shops, towards signs that looked like train details. She scanned notices and realised they were all domestic lines and spun round in a state of mind approaching hysteria.
‘Where the hell’s Eurostar?’ she yelled.
Her answer was quick. Ed and her mother appeared around the corner and gesticulated back in the direction she’d just come from.
‘Lounge is this way,’ Ed yelled.
She was about to follow when she thought she heard something. She edged around and peered up to the mezzanine. Well-dressed passengers sat in booths along the length of the Champagne bar. Businesspeople huddled around laptops. A group of young women giggled over bubbling glasses. But one figure stared out. Pia’s heart tripped over a beat as she caught sight of Cate’s beautiful face, still and clear in the blur of the crowd.
Pia started to raise her hand to catch Cate’s eye, but Cate’s direct look speared her to the spot. Pia froze, fearful of her reaction. Cate seemed shocked, but her face began to twitch. Amusement curled at her lips and rose up her face. Hope sparkled in her eyes.
Cate checked towards the Champagne bar, where Lady Wynne sat, before walking along the balcony. Pia silently watched her all the way to the top of the escalator, and didn’t blink as she glided down to her level.
Pia’s mouth was still open when Cate stopped a foot away.
