“So you’re asking me to hit you?”
“With your lips, yes,” I said, beaming at him.
Slowly, a grin spread across his face, his eyes lighting up mischievously.
“Well, I’ve never hit a woman before,” he admitted, which made my heart skip at least two beats. He was being honest, I could tell, and because of the way his brow wrinkled with concern, I’d have taken a bet right then that he most likely never would. “But maybe just a gentle tap?”
I reached over and grabbed his hand.
“Hit me with your best shot,” I whispered, laughing softly, as he moved closer, tilting his head and slowly closing the distance between our lips.
Brushing against mine, his lips were as gentle as a feather. I leaned into him, his warmth so tender and careful, tears sprang to my eyes. I closed them, kissing him back, letting the tears fall over my cheeks.
He pulled away and smiled again, his smile as gentle as his kiss. Reaching up, he wiped the tears away with his thumb, then cupped my chin, running his thumb over my bottom lip. The chemistry between us was electric, shooting sparks of desire through my belly, leaving me breathless.
He bent his head again, kissing me once more, the saltiness of my tears mixing with his heat in an intoxicating cocktail that left me trembling. His arms wrapped around me, pulling me into his chest, as his lips gently opened mine, the tip of his tongue darting in, a silent question. I opened my mouth in answer, moaning as I twirled my tongue around his, the heat between us igniting.
His hands ran along my spine, trailing down to the small of my back and back up, caressing me gently as he kissed me deeply. Slowly, he pulled away, peering into my eyes questioningly.
“Maybe I should go,” he suggested, the words hanging in the air. I knew he was right. I wasn’t ready for more.
But that kiss had been heavenly.
“Do you think you could stay? Just for a little while?” I asked.
“Sure,” he whispered, pulling me close. I laid my head on his chest and listened to his heart beat, slow, steady, strong.
Slowly, I inhaled the clean, spicy scent of him and wrapped my arms around his waist, allowing him to hold me close for a moment.
It took everything I had not to break down.
Other than a quick goodbye hug from Rocco, I hadn’t been touched or hugged by anyone since I’d left Nate.
I had no idea how much I’d needed it.
Chapter 33
DOVE
I didn’t sleep that night. My stomach tied up in knots, it was all I could do just to breathe. Nate slept in the bed alone, and I sat on a nearby chair watching him, Gigi at my feet, my mind torturing me all night as I imagined what he may have done with Crystalia.
I wanted to believe nothing had happened.
I wanted to trust him.
But when he rolled over and moaned slightly, his hair fell away from his neck and I gasped when I saw a hickey.
So, something had indeed happened.
I ran out of the room sobbing, my heart cracking into pieces.
An hour later, he woke up — and nothing was ever the same again.
Stumbling out of the bedroom, he blinked when he saw me sitting at the kitchen table, my eyes swollen and red.
“What’s wrong with you?” he sneered.
I waited a beat and then shook my head. “I want the truth, Nate.”
“The truth about what?”
“About last night.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he replied, with a dismissive wave of his hand. He turned towards the kitchen. “Did you make coffee? My head is pounding.”
“No.”
“Fuck,” he said. “Would it kill you to do one thing for me?”
I stood up and walked over to him, getting between him and the empty coffee pot.
“Move, Little Bird,” he demanded.
“No,” I said, hugging my arms around my chest. He squinted his eyes and ran a hand through his hair, the dark red hickey now in full view. “Maybe you should look in the mirror.”
“The mirror? I know what I fucking look like,” he snarled.
“Why are you mad at me?” I asked.
“Why are you fucking nagging me, Little Bird? Back the fuck off!”
He turned to walk away and I moved in front of him. “Nate, what’s going on? Where were you last night?”
“I already told you —.”
“I don’t believe you!” I cried, the words spilling from my lips. “I saw your text message from Crystalia! And you have a fucking hickey on your neck, Nate!”
He stilled, his eyes growing cold and angry.
“You looked at my fucking phone, Little Bird?” His words were slow and low and laced with anger.
“Not on purpose,” I said. “But why didn’t you tell me you were going out with your ex-girlfriend?”
His lips pressed together and his eyes dilated as he bent his head towards me.
“Listen to me carefully, Little Bird.” His tone was so menacing and dark, it sent a shiver of fear through my bones. “What I do is absolutely none of your business. Do you understand?”
“Screw you, Nate,” I cried. “This is over! I’m so done with your bullshit!”
I turned to walk away and he grabbed my arm — hard. He spun me back around, his grip tightening even more as he leaned into my face. Gigi jumped off the couch and started dancing around our legs.
“You’re not going anywhere, Little Bird,” he spat. “You’re mine. Do you understand?”
Attempting to shrug him off, I tried walking away again, but he wouldn’t let go.
“Nate, you’re hurting me!” I cried. Gigi growled at him, but he ignored her. Instead, he laughed and squeezed harder, grabbing my arms with both of his hands now.
“Shut up,” he said.
“I won’t shut up! I’m leaving!” I shouted, anger racing through my veins, as I jerked myself free finally. I took a few steps away and felt his fingers wrap around my bicep again, spinning me around to face him, almost knocking me off balance.
I didn’t see his other hand coming.
The sting of his slap sent me flailing onto the floor. My hand flew up to cradle my cheek and I looked up at him in shock. I’d never been struck by anyone in my life.
“You bastard!” I cried, tears filling my eyes, as I ran away to the bathroom, locking the door behind me.
“Fuck!” he growled. I heard his footsteps coming and knew he was outside of the door. He rattled it, attempting to get in.“Fuck, Little Bird, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to do that!”
Hot tears streamed down my reddened cheek as I looked in the mirror, watching the redness grow where he’d struck me. I’d never been hit by a man — or anyone, for that matter — in my life.
That was it. I was going home. I’d endured all of Nate’s shit so far — his mood swings, his bitchiness, his berating — but this was too much. Fuck him.
“Baby, please,” he shouted, his voice growing louder.
“Go away!” I cried at the locked door.
I stayed in the bathroom for an hour, ignoring him. I ignored his pleas until they died away and finally breathed a sigh of relief when I heard his footsteps again and the front door opening and closing. I waited another moment then opened the door, poking my head out and looking for him. Gigi jumped up from her spot and ran over to me, jumping up and licking my face.
“I’m okay, Gigi,” I said, petting her until she calmed down.
I walked straight to the bedroom and started packing.
He came home an hour later and I was waiting for him on the couch, my suitcase sitting near the front door.
“There you are,” he said, glancing at the suitcase and rushing over to me. He sat next to me, gathering my hands in his before I pulled them away.
“Little Bird, I’m so sorry, baby,” he said.
I shook my head.
“I can’t do this anymore, Nate. I’m sorry. I booked a flight back to Portland.�
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“No, baby,” he said, shaking his head, his eyes pleading with me. “I can’t live without you.” He tried to embrace me, but I pulled away. I sniffed the air, a waft of bourbon in the air. “Are you drunk?”
“I went to have a few drinks, yeah. I needed to clear my head.”
“Whatever,” I said, rolling my eyes. “Look. We need a break from each other, okay? Maybe after a few weeks apart —.”
“I said no!” he cried, standing up and towering over me.
Gigi jumped up and started barking at Nate, her eyes darting back and forth between us. Quickly, I stood up to face him. I wasn’t about to let him scare me again.
“You can’t tell me what to do, Nate. It doesn’t work like that!” I cried, heading for the door. “I’m so out of here,” I said, over my shoulder. “Gigi, come!”
He was on me in seconds, spinning me around like a top, before he hit me again, this time with a closed fist, sending me crashing to the ground. Stunned, I shook my head and tried to scramble away but he straddled me quickly, overpowering me.
Gigi jumped on his back, but he pushed her off roughly. She landed on her side, yelped, and then jumped back up and danced around us, barking and growling.
Nate turned back to me, hitting me again. I threw my hands up to protect myself, wrestling to get away from him, but it was no use, his blows rained down on me relentlessly until I lay beneath him, broken and crying and bloody.
Finally, he stopped, breathless and shaking, as he looked down on me, still straddling my body. Gigi growled from the corner and then jumped on him again but he pushed her back again, sending her flying and tumbling across the room, before leaning back into my face.
The words that dripped from his lips will forever be engraved upon my soul.
“Little Bird, Little Bird…who did you think you were fucking with? You’re mine, Dove. My little bird, my little love. You have to do what I say, and you have to be respectful. This is what happens when you don’t, babe. See what you’ve made me do? You’re not going anywhere. Not if you want to stay alive. Not if you want Gigi to stay alive. How about your Mom? Violet?” With an evil sneer, he shook his head, looking down at me with disappointment before going on. He pushed a bloody strand of hair out of my face as I stared up at him trembling in fear.
“Did you know that Aphrodite thought doves were sacred?” His eyes were wild and crazy, laced with anger as he went on. “So much so that during festivals, she would purify her alters with their blood. The blood of doves! Isn’t that cool? She sacrificed the being she worshipped, so she could be clean. Isn’t that fascinating?” He laughed, pushing himself up to his knees and then standing over me.
“You make me a better person, babe. Don’t make me sacrifice you, Little Bird.”
His footsteps vibrated on the floor, the vibrations thundering against my skin as he walked away.
“I’m exhausted. I’m going back to bed.”
The door slammed.
I cried out like an injured animal, folding myself into the fetal position as I sobbed violently, pain ripping through my body like a lightning bolt. Gigi ran over and curled up beside me, snuggling her head into my neck as I cried.
Chapter 34
NATE
Purity.
Cleanliness.
Is it possible to be absolved of your sins?
All these thoughts swirled around my brain, as I sat on the couch strumming my guitar.
“God sent you to me, a precious treasure…” My voice was quiet and soft, the only sound in the room as I worked out the new song I’d written last night. I’d changed all the lyrics, though, now that I was a little less inebriated.
I never believed much in a higher power. My conscience was never a thing that I struggled with. Even growing up, I’d found myself inwardly aloof and disconnected when someone else was upset or hurting. It was if I didn’t have the capacity to really care what another person was going through.
“I loved you with all of my heart…”
Watching Little Bird squirm beneath me that day — that day I went too far — I didn’t feel a thing. Maybe a slight ripple of anger. Well, let’s face it, it was a lot of anger. And indignation. Righteously, I believe.
You saw what she did.
How she yelled at me.
Accused me.
Invaded my privacy.
I couldn’t just let her get away with that, could I?
I’m Nate Nash.
“You turned my love into wings…”
If she knew me better, she’d know I didn’t let people fuck with me. Or walk all over me. Or be ungrateful, either.
My god, I’d given Little Bird so much. Taken her far. Showed her an entirely different life than she’d have ever known if I hadn’t come along and put her in my little cage.
I can’t believe she actually flew away.
“Now my heart sings with sadness…”
I need her back. Because, as much as she’d angered me, as much as she’d betrayed me, I still needed her to help me be a good man.
“And my world has been shattered…”
I know I’m not at my best right now. I wasn’t then and I’m still not.
But with Little Bird by my side, I was getting better.
Okay, I fucked up with Crystalia.
I’d dated Crystalia for a year long before Little Bird arrived in my life. And we were meeting with a movie producer, that much was true — but after that was over, we’d stayed at the hotel bar for a few rounds and once she reached down and grabbed my cock, suggesting we get a room for ‘old time’s sake’, how could I resist? The woman gave the best blow jobs I’d ever experienced. Saying no wasn’t really an option.
But Little Bird never would have known if she hadn’t been snooping in my private conversations. She deserved the pain she’d felt from what she’d discovered.
But I needed her back, to keep me pure.
I’d apologize, she’d apologize and take her punishment, and then it’ll all be over.
I’ll be clean again.
Just like Aphrodite — I’ll take her blood and do it for love.
“Fly home, Little Bird, fly home…”
Chapter 35
SAMANTHA
My sweaty palms gripped the wheel like a vise as I drove into work on Monday morning.
Dane was gone when I’d woken up and he’d left a note on my kitchen counter letting me know he had an early surgery. I was glad he’d stayed, but now that he was gone, I couldn’t stop thinking about the car that had followed us home. For the rest of the weekend, I only left my house to take Gigi on very short walks. I kept looking over my shoulder or out the window, expecting the car to be out there waiting for me.
But I didn’t see him again.
Until this morning.
I’d stopped to get gas and as I was leaving the gas station and pulling back into traffic, I could have sworn I’d seen the same car in my rearview mirror. Even though I knew I’d be late to work, I turned off onto a different street to get away. My adrenaline soared as the car followed me, turning behind me a few seconds later.
Stepping on the gas, I darted in and out of the stream of cars in front of me, then abruptly turned again, then again and again. I pulled over on the side of a neighborhood street, my heart racing as I watched my mirrors, waiting for the car to appear again.
Who was following me?
The realization that it could be anyone at all filled me with dread. Someone could have recognized me when I was out with Dane. Or even out walking Gigi. Maybe someone from work?
I’d been avoiding the internet and television like crazy the last few days because I didn’t want to have to look at Nate, and there were times when his face would just pop up suddenly, in a commercial or some gossip show. I wanted to put him behind me completely.
But maybe that was a mistake.
Maybe he’d posted more pictures of me.
Hell, maybe he’d found me. Maybe Rocco had betrayed me.
&
nbsp; Anything could happen, that was the maddening part of all of this. It was impossible to plan. Impossible to move on. Impossible to feel comfortable in this skin.
Impossible to not feel like I was being hunted.
The car that was following me never showed on the street, so I made my way to the hospital as quickly as I could, parking in the garage and checking my surroundings before I got out.
I was half an hour late and I tried to rehearse my excuse in my head in the elevator.
Mike was at the desk, his face in a computer, as I walked up.
“Hey girl,” he greeted me with a smile.
“Hey,” I said. “Sorry I’m late. Gigi decided to get into the trash just as I was leaving the house and I had to stop to clean it up.”
I hated lying.
All my life, I’d done my best to tell the truth. It was so much easier that way. And now, it seemed like my life had become just one big lie after another. I especially hated lying to my new friends, but since I couldn’t reach out to my old friends to tell them the truth, either, I just had to lie to everybody.
I shuddered to think what my Mom was going through by now — and Violet, too. To them, I’d just disappeared off the face of the planet. I’d be surprised if they hadn’t filed a missing person report by now. There most likely would be an investigation into my disappearance eventually, but Rocco assured me I would never be found.
I had no choice but to trust him.
“No worries,” Mike said, turning to me. “So, have you had any more dates with McDreamy?”
I laughed, thinking about the Kidney King. He’d been a perfect gentleman last night but I wasn’t quite ready to talk about all of that yet. I was still processing the fact that I’d actually kissed another man and enjoyed it. In fact, it was quickly becoming apparent to me that I might be ready for even more.
“Sorry, Mike, I don’t kiss and tell,” I winked.
“There was kissing?!” he shouted, his voice echoing down the hallway.
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