I found myself nodding before I even thought about what I was agreeing to. “That will work.”
“Great.” His charming smile was back. “I look forward to spending quality time with you again this evening.”
“You’re looking forward to annoying Kade,” I corrected. “You take perverse pleasure in it.”
He didn’t as much as blink. “That, too. But don’t sell yourself short. I find you adorable.”
I rolled my eyes. “Has that line ever worked on anyone?”
“You’d be surprised.”
17
Seventeen
Once back at the circus grounds, I filled Kade in on the new plan. He was a go-with-the-flow guy, so he readily agreed.
“That was easy,” I noted.
“I bet they have good grub.”
I could picture that, too. “I’m heading over to the cemetery for a bit. I want to do some thinking, clear my head ... and maybe see if I can figure out where the banshees are holing up.”
He was instantly alert. “I’ll go with you.”
“That’s not necessary. Besides, you have things to do here ... including making sure our new refugees are taken care of. I’ll be fine. Banshees don’t attack during the day.”
“Luke says they’re not regular banshees.”
I frowned. “When did you talk to Luke?” And why did he always have to open his big mouth before I was ready to deal with things on my own timetable?
“I saw him when he got back. That’s how I knew you were on your way.”
Yeah, speaking of that ... . “You sent him after me, didn’t you?”
Kade was unruffled. “Sent him? I don’t know that I would use those exact words. I mentioned that you were about to embark on a difficult task and suggested that, as your best friend, he might be helpful. He did the rest himself.”
I was surrounded these days. “I was angry when I first realized he was there,” I admitted. “But he was a big help.”
“He didn’t give me much of an update on that,” Kade admitted. “I thought maybe you would tonight, when we have some down time.”
“There’s not much to say. She’s been holding a grudge about the way I disappeared for a long time. I can’t really blame her. If our positions were reversed, I wouldn’t be a happy camper. I feel guilty even though I know I didn’t have much of a choice at the time and I would do the same thing again. It is what it is.”
His eyebrows rose speculatively. “Wow. That was a lot to take in over one morning.”
“We were at a strip club to boot.”
“Yeah. I saw the search on your computer. Looked like a picturesque place.”
“That’s the real reason you sent Luke.”
“I didn’t want you to be alone, and I thought that was a weird outing for us to participate in as a couple. I didn’t want to be a distraction. I figured Luke would have a lot to offer when it came to strip club trivia.”
“He has seen Striptease about a hundred times.”
“There you go.”
“And Showgirls about a hundred and fifty.”
“That’s mildly disturbing.”
On a whim, I reached over and offered him a heartfelt hug. “I thought you were being a busybody, but I needed him so ... thank you.”
He returned the embrace, resting his cheek against my forehead. “I love you. I want to do whatever I can to make things easier for you.”
“I love you, too.”
“I said it first, so I get the credit.”
“We’re not playing that game any longer ... and I get double the credit because I whispered it to you before you woke up this morning.”
“I whispered it to you after you fell asleep last night.”
“This is getting sick.”
“Yeah.” He briefly tightened his arms around me and then planted a soft kiss on my lips. “I want to do what I can to help you here, but I’m trying really hard not to step on your toes. It’s a balancing act, and if I overstep my boundaries, I’m sorry. It comes from a place of love.”
I knew that before he said it. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.”
“I’m still going to the cemetery alone. I’ll be perfectly fine. They won’t move during the day.”
“I’m going to trust your judgment on that. But if I see anything hinky, I’ll be there like a shot.”
“Fair enough.”
THE CEMETERY WAS QUIET AS I strolled the well-worn paths. I took a circuitous route this time, because I was looking for a hidey-hole. It made sense that wherever the banshees were located was in the part of the cemetery where the first creature was killed. She was fleeing, hoping to hide. She might not have wanted to lead Redmond to her sisters, and that was the thought that fueled me as I walked the cemetery.
Was Madame Maxine right? Had someone created an entirely new breed of creature? I didn’t want to believe it, but the banshees didn’t act as they normally would. There was no doubt about that. Banshees were solitary creatures. They didn’t live in hives ... or think as one. That meant something else was clearly going on.
But what?
“This doesn’t look like a good place for a walk,” a voice called out.
I swiveled quickly, frowning when I saw Logan leaning against a mausoleum, his arms folded across his chest. He looked amused ... and curious. He’d also managed to sneak up on me, something that bothered me on a different level. I was supposed to be aware of my surroundings. Obviously I was off my game.
“What are you doing here?” I slowed my pace and regarded him with curiosity. “Do you have this place staked out or something?”
“Do you think I should?”
Definitely not. That would ruin any late-night excursions we were forced to make. “I don’t see why.”
“Neither do I. I’m actually here looking for you. Your boyfriend said you were here. He didn’t look happy to see me, by the way, but he didn’t give me any guff. I’m kind of glad about that. I’m trained, but so is he.”
That was a deliberate slip. He wanted me to know he’d researched the people I was closest to. The question was: Why? “He’s former military.”
“I know. He has an impressive record. I’m good, but I think there’s a legitimate chance he could take me.”
With the magic to call on, Kade could crush Logan. “He’s a good man. You don’t have to spend all your time crawling through his records. He’s not dangerous.”
“I wasn’t crawling through his records. I was simply ... making sure he was worthy of you. What? Don’t look at me that way. To me, you’ll always be the teenager who risked your life to take care of me. You sat vigil beside me for days, going without food yourself, and I appreciate what you did. That could’ve ended badly for you.”
“I never want anyone to die if I can help it. You were no different.”
“Probably not, but you could’ve called for an ambulance and wiped your hands of me with a clear conscience. You didn’t. You did what I asked — saved my undercover assignment in the process, although you didn’t know that’s what you were doing — and took care of me. I know that Creek wouldn’t have done the same if you weren’t calling the shots.”
“I don’t know if that’s true. Back then she was ... softer.”
“That’s a fair assessment,” he conceded, pushing away from the mausoleum and closing the distance between us. “I’ve seen her over the years. Her path was much harder than yours. She was never going to get out.”
He was right and yet frustration bubbled up all the same. “What makes her different from me? Why did I get a shot and not her?” I already knew the answer. It was the magic. Without it, Max would’ve passed by and never stopped. The magic called to him and united us. It still united us in a singular goal.
“You can’t think of it that way,” Logan chided, shaking his head. “You didn’t make it because she didn’t. You made it because you were always meant to make it. You’re a survivor.”
“So ...
what? Are you saying Creek was a throwaway from the start?”
“I would never say that.” He was adamant. “The thing is, you had everything working for you. She had nothing. Sometimes that’s the way things align and there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it. I’m sorry about if that upsets you, but it’s the truth. You weren’t ever supposed to be out here.”
That might’ve been true. I wouldn’t trade my time on the streets for anything, though. It helped mold me into the woman I am today, and I’m fairly proud of her ... at least most of the time. “I know what you’re saying makes sense. It still bothers me.”
“Why?”
“Because ... because we all should’ve had a chance to get out,” I replied finally. “I saw Creek today. I visited her at work. I wanted to ask her some questions about the missing girls. I thought she might still keep her ear to the ground. She kind of unloaded on me a little bit.”
“She blames you for her misery, huh?”
“How did you know that?”
“Because Creek was a bubbly kid who lost a little bit of hope every single day she was out there,” he replied without hesitation. “She had big dreams. The street didn’t beat those dreams out of her in a single day. It took years, and it was a thorough job.
“There’s probably a fixed point in Creek’s mind where she knows she crossed a line,” he continued. “My guess is it coincides with your escape. She’s linked the two things in her memory even though they’re not on the same level.”
“You’re pretty insightful for a former biker.”
He chuckled. “I minored in psychology and still take classes whenever I can with the Bureau. That’s another reason I was constantly checking on you after the fact. I could see what you were, that you would get out, and I wanted to make sure you actually made it happen.
“There was relief the day I showed up and heard you’d left,” he continued. “There was sadness, too. I knew I was going to miss your face and the way you used to pretend you were reading people’s minds for money.”
I kept my face neutral. “I still read people’s minds for money.”
“You’ve turned it into a lucrative shtick. I’m glad for you.”
He didn’t understand. He couldn’t. “I feel out of place here,” I admitted, circling the small clearing. “This was my home at one time, but it doesn’t feel like this was ever my life. Not really. I don’t know how to explain it.”
“Part of you originated here. Your roots, so to speak. You spread your wings and flew away. You made a new home with the circus, which I never would’ve believed was a viable option for anybody until I saw you with your friends. You’ve created a new life.
“I once heard someone say — and I can’t remember where I heard it, but I was impressed at the time — that to thrive, you need both roots and wings. When you were here, you didn’t have wings. With them, your new friends, you have both. You’ve done well.”
“I felt that way until I saw Creek.”
“You can’t take responsibility for her life. It’s not fair to either of you.”
“I know. It’s just ... I wonder what would’ve happened if I’d asked Max to bring her along. I was scared at the time, thought he would rescind the offer. I know now that he wouldn’t have done that.”
“And what would Creek have done with your circus?”
“I don’t know. She could’ve worked the midway or something.”
“While you were a headliner? That doesn’t sound like an arrangement she would’ve been happy with. Jealousy was always going to consume her where you’re concerned. You can’t see it because you’re too close. The seeds for her bitter discontent were already taking root even back then.”
I sighed. He had a point. “Yeah, well ... I still feel guilty.”
“You need to get over it. You’re living your best life. There’s no sense feeling guilty about that. It’s not necessary or right.”
“I guess.” I rubbed my forehead and sighed. “Were you looking for me for a specific reason?”
“Actually, yeah. I wanted you to know that we’re taking a contingent of agents into the shelter this afternoon. You can’t come, before you ask. There’s no way I can get clearance for that. I just wanted you to know that I would share information should I get it.”
“Why are you raiding the shelter?”
“Not raiding,” he corrected. “Beacon invited us in. The kids are terrified and he wants to put them at ease.”
That made sense ... in a way. “Won’t the kids balk at the Feds being on the premises? Won’t they run?”
“He searches them for drugs before they come in. He doesn’t let them turn tricks. The kids lucky enough to stay there are pretty clean. I don’t think they’ll run. If a few do, well, we’ll deal with it then.”
I hated to admit it — mostly because it seemed like an invasion of privacy for the kids — but it was a good idea. “Well, I wish you luck.”
“Where will you be if I learn anything?”
“At the fairgrounds. I still haven’t put my tent together – even though I’ve made the attempt about three times now. I need to hit that. We open tomorrow. I’ve been distracted. Usually I’m set the second day after arrival.”
“I think it’s okay to let momentary distraction seep in.”
“Yeah.” I rolled my neck “You can find me over there when you need me.”
“Okay. Good to know. We’ll be going in about an hour from now. I’ll keep you informed.”
“Thanks.”
I REMAINED SITTING ON ONE OF the ornamental benches after he left. I wasn’t done searching the cemetery, but I didn’t want him to know what I was really doing. I trusted him implicitly, but he was still a federal agent. He wouldn’t understand what we were doing and I didn’t want to be the one to shatter any illusions he had about the world he lived in.
“Hey.”
I sensed Melissa a few seconds before she spoke. My protégé had her own magic and was learning the ropes of the circus. She’d been quiet of late thanks to a scary event on the West Coast. She’d grown in leaps and bounds since then, though, and was finally starting to settle.
“Hey.” I cast her a sidelong look. “Are you watching me for Kade?”
She laughed at the notion. “Not exactly. He did send me over here to warn you that the Fed was coming. He didn’t want you to be caught unaware. Unfortunately for me, he was already with you by the time I found you. I couldn’t do anything but hide and wait.”
“And listen,” I surmised, smirking. “Did you hear anything of interest?”
“I would like to help with the research on the banshees.”
“Sure. Anything else?”
“Just one thing.” She looked hesitant as she licked her lips and shifted from one foot to the other. “The thing is, I don’t like that you feel guilty because you couldn’t save this Creek person. The Fed is right. It’s not fair to you.”
“I don’t think anything in this world has ever been fair to Creek.”
“Maybe, but have you ever considered that if you’d stayed behind because of her you never would’ve met Luke ... or Kade ... or me. Sure, Max would’ve been fine. Eventually Kade would’ve even joined him. Kade wouldn’t have stayed without you, though. You were his anchor.
“What about Luke? You’re the only reason he doesn’t float away sometimes because of his big head. You can’t tell me that he would’ve been the same person without you. What about me? You plucked me out of a festival in the middle of nowhere and gave me a new life. I would probably be dead by now if it weren’t for you.”
I didn’t believe that and yet I understood what she was saying. “Life isn’t one thing,” I mused. “Life is a series of actions.”
“Your choice to join the circus changed multiple lives, and all for the better.”
“Raven might not agree with that.”
“She would agree. You two drive each other nuts, but you’re both better for knowing each other. The thing is
, I can see your mind working even now. You want to find a way to fix Creek’s life. Not everything is fixable. Not everyone can be helped.”
“I still have to try.”
She exhaled heavily. “Of course you do. That’s who you are. You can’t let your self-worth hinge on whether you make it happen, though. She’s not your responsibility.”
“I can’t just forget about her. Not a second time. There has to be something I can do for her.”
“And what if she doesn’t want help?”
“I ... .” I wasn’t sure how to answer.
“You can’t force her to live the life you want for her. You need to prepare yourself for disappointment, because she’s not capable of being the person you need her to be. If you have one shortcoming, it’s that. You sometimes expect the impossible.”
“And you think this is one of those times?”
She was emphatic. “Yes.”
“Well, I’ll give it some thought. Until then, I need to search the cemetery and then get back to the fairgrounds. I still have to put the tent together.”
“I’ve already done that. You can stay here as long as you want.”
“Really?” I was impressed. “Thanks for that.”
“You saved me,” she repeated. “I wanted help, so I was willing to meet you halfway. If Creek won’t meet you halfway, you can’t do everything for her. It’s just not possible.”
With those words, she turned on her heel and left me alone with my thoughts. I had a lot of them.
18
Eighteen
My conversation with Melissa left me with a lot to think about.
She wasn’t always demonstrative, choosing to be stoic. If she felt the need to come out of her shell like she had, I realized I must be emitting a certain vibe ... and it wasn’t one that I was especially proud of.
I needed to think more about that if I wanted to fix it, but I didn’t have much time because everybody was bopping around and getting cleaned up for dinner at the Grimlock house when I returned. There was no way I could take all of them ... which meant making cuts.
Freaky Reapers (A Mystic Caravan Mystery Book 8) Page 17
