‘And what?’ he murmured softly, fingers stroking her hair.
‘There’s so much you don’t know about that night, some silly, inconsequential stuff that contributed to me leaving, but also …’ she sighed. ‘My brother, Marcus, died that night.’
Jesus. He’d been pining over some missed opportunity to kiss her whilst her world had fallen apart. ‘Oh, Jess, I’m so sorry, I had no idea.’
‘I know.’ She curled on her side on the bench, head still resting on his thigh. He lowered his hand to rub her back, trying to comfort her, and knowing it could never be enough to fill the terrible void she must carry inside. ‘I didn’t tell anyone at work because I was ashamed. Not about what he’d done, but because I hadn’t been able to help him. He’d had an addiction problem for a while, and it wasn’t the first time he OD’d’ her voice hitched on a breathy sob. ‘… but it was the last.’
‘I don’t know what to say.’ Sorry seemed pathetic, but what else could be offer her?
‘Marcus and Steve were best friends, and it broke him almost as much as it did me. If it hadn’t been for him, I’m not sure how I would’ve got through it, and it was the same for him.’
The pieces started slotting into place. The change in personality he’d put down to her wanting to avoid him after his clumsy pass had in fact been nothing to do with him. The sudden appearance of a new boyfriend on the scene no one had heard of before and her subsequent marriage. ‘That’s how you ended up together.’
‘Yes.’ It was barely a whisper. When she spoke again, her voice was stronger; steadier. ‘We needed each other, to survive, and eventually to heal. Grief drove us together, but that’s no foundation for a healthy relationship, and as time passed we realised we didn’t need each other anymore. I loved him, and he loved me, and I’ll never regret bringing our two wonderful boys into this world, but Steve’s not my happy ending.’
As he stroked her back and listened to her soft breathing, Tristan swore in his heart that when the time was right he wouldn’t let her get away again. Prince Charming and Cinderella he’d called them that long-ago Christmas. And, damn it, he wasn’t too old to believe in fairy tales.
Chapter 13
That stolen hour beneath the stars with Tristan marked a turning point in their relationship. Though the big questions remained unresolved, there was a tacit understanding of the connection between them. When they’d parted at the bottom of the stairs leading to the nursery, he’d lifted his fingers to stroke her cheek before bidding her good night. A ghost of a touch which had left things inside her shivering more than even a kiss might have done, and she went to sleep with a smile on her face and the possibility of them wrapped around her like a blanket.
She didn’t have long to dwell on it when she was startled awake, what felt like five minutes after closing her eyes, by a screaming cry through the monitor on her phone. She was staggering across the playroom when Elijah came running to tell her Isaac was poorly. Dispatching Elijah with a quick hug to snuggle down in the warm patch she’d left in her bed, she spent the rest of the night trying to soothe her youngest who’d come down with the same bug which had laid Elijah low. His little body seemed to take a worse dose, and the next twenty-four hours were attritional. Eventually, Jess reached the point of wondering if she should just leave Isaac in the bath as she seemed to spend most of her time washing off the results of his latest mishap. One of the washing machines was in constant use thanks to her multiple trips downstairs with sheets, towels and pyjamas.
How could such a tiny body produce so much vomit, she wondered as she yanked off her T-shirt and chucked it into the sink alongside Isaac’s latest pair of soiled pjs. ‘Oh, I know, I know, my poor baby,’ she crooned as she rocked the poor little mite against her shoulder.
‘Mummy, Tristan’s here.’
The bathroom door swung open to reveal her half-naked state not only to Elijah, who’d had to stay home from school for forty-eight hours as per their rules, but Tristan a few feet behind him at the threshold to the playroom.
‘Oh! Oh, bl— imey I’m sorry,’ he said, turning his back to her offering her a view of his shaggy hair tumbling over the collar of a perfectly crisp, clean cotton shirt.
She glanced down at the bright red lace bra she’d put on that morning because her two favourite everyday bras were lurking in the bottom of her washing basket, her own laundry needs neglected in the face of the mini disaster area in her arms. If that wasn’t bad enough, she hadn’t had the time – or the energy – to wash her hair and it was currently scraped back off her face in a greasy knot. Ah, well, if he was serious about wanting to be with her, best he learnt sooner rather than later the reality of life with two small boys. Especially, she thought, as she turned her gaze to Elijah who was grinning up at her, when one of them was hellbent on mischief. ‘Why don’t you make yourself useful, Eli, and fetch Mummy a clean T-shirt?’
‘I can do that for you,’ Tristan said, sounding desperate for an excuse to get away. ‘I only popped up to see how Isaac was.’
‘Thank you. There should be one in the second drawer of the dresser in my bedroom.’ As soon as she said it, she remembered the state she’d left her room in. She hadn’t even had time to make the bed, and there were a least two dirty mugs on her bedside cabinet waiting for her to have a minute to catch up on the washing up. Perhaps there was such a thing as too much reality, but it was too late now to call him back.
Ignoring what couldn’t be helped, she tugged a towel from the warmth of the radiator and wrapped a shivering Isaac up in its soft heat. ‘Who’s Mummy’s brave boy?’ she asked him as she sat him on the closed lid of the toilet and ran a flannel under the hot tap. Crouching down she wiped his sweaty face with the wet cloth, then brushed his straggling fringe from his forehead. ‘Feeling any better, darling?’ He gave a sad little nod then stretched his hands up towards her. Gathering him up, she carried him out of the bathroom towards his bedroom.
A stack of clean laundry, dropped off earlier by the wonderful Mrs W sat on top of the dresser and Jess soon had Isaac bundled up in a onesie and a pair of cosy socks. ‘Do you want to lie down for a bit?’ Another little nod. ‘Okay, darling, here you go.’ She settled him in bed, coaxed him to take a sip or two from his cup of very weak squash, and sat with him until his sooty little lashes fluttered closed. He was exhausted, and she hoped he might sleep for an hour or two. When she was sure he was fast asleep, she picked up his almost empty cup to take it back to the kitchen for a refill. She stepped from the bedroom to find a grey jersey top sitting in a neat square next to the door. Shrugging into it, she couldn’t help but sigh. Soft and loose, it was an old favourite, and she immediately felt better for wearing it.
Padding on her bare feet into the playroom, she found Tristan knelt on the big rug beside Elijah as her son explained the complicated hierarchy of the various superhero action figures laid out between them. He raised his head long enough to give her a ghost of a wink before returning his attention to the relative merits of Thor vs Iron Man. Both she and Steve had thought Elijah too young for the movies, but not all the parents of his classmates had agreed, and awareness of the toys had been all pervasive at his old school. Elijah didn’t seem bothered about not having seen them, happy to make up his own adventures with the various characters.
Thankful for a moment to not have to worry about either of her boys, Jess hurried into her room to find that not only had the mugs been removed, but the quilt had been straightened on her bed, the curtains drawn back and the top window opened an inch to let a bit of brisk, fresh air in. In the kitchen, the two mugs had been properly washed and set on the draining board to dry. Such a simple thing, but the sight of them made her stomach flutter. Some men bought you roses; some washed up your dirty mugs. She knew which she preferred. Having washed Isaac’s cup and fixed him a fresh drink, she took the time to pour a glass of milk and arrange a couple of chocolate biscuits on a plate for Elijah. He’d been so good – not a single murmur of complaint about
being kept home from school and cooped up in the nursery while she looked after Isaac – he deserved a little treat.
Balancing the two cups and the plate, she set down Elijah’s treat on one of the little desks in the playroom. ‘Snack time, Eli.’
Abandoning Tristan mid-conversation, Elijah scrambled up from the rug and hurried over to take a seat at the desk. ‘Thanks, Mummy!’ She rested her hand on his head for a moment before heading back to check on Isaac.
He was properly out, thank goodness, and Jess crept around, putting his drink beside the bed then setting the tablet nearby so she would know the moment he stirred. She inched the bedroom door closed, freezing when the latch clicked, but there were no sounds from inside. Turning away, she almost bumped straight into Tristan. ‘Oh!’ She clapped her hand over her mouth.
‘Sorry,’ he whispered. ‘I didn’t want to worry Elijah by talking in front of him. How’s he doing?’
She shook her head. ‘Not great. I’m really hoping he can sleep it off for a bit, but he’s hardly kept anything down. If he doesn’t show any sign of improvement when he wakes up, I think I’ll have to call the doctor.’
Tristan touched a thumb to her cheek. ‘You look exhausted.’
‘Gee, thanks.’ But she didn’t resist when he put his arms around her and tugged her close. It was so nice to give herself up to him, even if it was only for a matter of seconds. ‘I needed that,’ she said, easing back from his hold.
‘I’m here to serve.’ His fingers pressed her hips for a moment before falling away. ‘Look, why don’t you go and grab some rest while Isaac is sleeping? I can take Elijah downstairs with me or bring my laptop up here if you’d prefer. I’ve got a couple of emails to sort out, but other than that I’m mostly twiddling my thumbs until we can start the set up for the winter festival next week.’ He gave her a grin. ‘You might be doing me a favour, actually, as I could do with a distraction.’
Her hand went to her head conscious of her greasy hair. ‘I should have a shower first.’
‘Sleep first, shower later.’
God, had there really been a time when she’d found this bossy side of him unattractive? Right now – if she hadn’t been almost dead on her feet – it would be pushing all her buttons. Still, she couldn’t quite allow herself to give into it. ‘Give me five minutes to have a shower and I’ll be right as rain.’
A look of frustration creased Tristan’s brow. ‘Why is it so hard for you to let someone take care of you for a change? You need sleep, I’m happy to sit with Elijah to allow you to rest. How is this a drama?’
She was sure she had a point, but right at that moment her brain was too addled to find it. ‘Okay, if you’re sure you don’t mind? I’d rather you stayed up here. I’d sleep better knowing there was someone else to listen out for Isaac.’
‘Then it’s a done deal. Give me two minutes and I’ll be back.’
Jess finally surfaced from her nap four hours later. It was pitch dark beyond her half-open curtains and it took her a moment to orientate herself. Slipping from her bed, she padded into the playroom area to find Tristan and Elijah sprawled side by side on the rug watching something on Tristan’s laptop. A pair of dirty plates sat on one of the desks and she noticed that Elijah was wearing his favourite Spiderman pyjamas. ‘Everything all right?’
Leaving Elijah absorbed in his film, Tristan came to greet her. ‘All good. Isaac woke up earlier. He seemed a lot better, but he said he was thirsty, so I gave him a drink and he went right back to sleep.’
Jess rubbed her eyes, trying to get her groggy brain to catch up. ‘I didn’t hear him.’
‘Probably because I snuck into your room as soon as you were asleep and took your phone from the nightstand.’ If the expression on his face was supposed to be guilty, it missed by a country mile.
‘You had no right!’ God, what if she’d been snoring, or drooling, or both?
‘Well, I claimed that right anyway, so you’ll have to get over it. Next you’ll be cross because I gave Elijah his dinner.’
The look he gave her said he thought she was being ridiculous, and she had a feeling he might be right. ‘I’m sorry, I’m being ungracious. It’s a bit of a shift in gears and my brain hasn’t quite woken up. I’m sure he’s fine, but I just want to look in on Isaac.’
He stopped her with a gentle hand on her arm. ‘I’m just trying to take care of you, Jess. I can’t do that without taking care of the boys, and I wouldn’t want to.’
‘I know.’ She raised her hand to cover his fingers. ‘I’ll get better at this.’
‘Me too.’ His smile warmed her all over. ‘I should’ve asked before I took your phone, but by the time I thought about it you were already crashed out.’
‘It’s okay.’ And it really was because he hadn’t done it because he didn’t think she couldn’t cope with looking after her children, he was simply saying she didn’t have to do it on her own. ‘If you’re happy to keep Eli company, I’m going to grab that shower once I’ve checked on Isaac.’
‘Of course. We’re watching Wreck-It Ralph. I can’t believe how many great animated films I’ve missed out on. I’ve got a lot of catching up to do.’
Isaac was dead to the world still, but he seemed to be sleeping easily and that horrible clamminess to his skin had gone. Feeling like the worst had passed, she paused by the door to turn on the night light in case he woke up, then headed for the bathroom. Showering in peace was a rare luxury so she decided to take Tristan at his word that he was happy to look after Elijah and she took her time. After washing her hair twice, she took the time to massage in a deep conditioning treatment and shave her legs and underarms.
When she finally emerged from the fragrant steam, she felt more like herself than she had in ages. Swathed from neck to knees in a thick cotton robe with a towel wrapped around her wet hair, she returned to the playroom to find it empty. Tristan’s laptop sat in the middle of the rug still, so they couldn’t have gone far. As she headed towards her bedroom, she heard a murmur of conversation from the little kitchen. She stopped outside the door to listen.
‘How about PAW Patrol spaghetti shapes?’ Tristan was asking.
Elijah giggled. ‘No, silly, those are mine’ Jess rested her head against the wall, smiling at the easy way her son responded to Tristan.
‘Hmm. Peppa Pig, then? Is Mummy a fan of Peppa?’ Tristan was trying hard to sound serious, but Jess could hear the humour in his tone.
‘Those are for Isaac. Mummy doesn’t eat sketti. She likes soup.’
‘Soup it is then.’
Leaving the pair of them pottering around in the kitchen, Jess tiptoed past to her room to get dressed. Stealing a few extra minutes of me-time, Jess slathered herself with cream from a set of toiletries she’d been given by her former in-laws the previous Christmas. It smelled of cherry blossom and felt like silk sliding over her skin. She dug out a pair of soft yoga pants that matched her grey jersey top then unwound the towel from her hair. Drying it felt like too much effort, so she wove it into a loose plait. The moment she left her room, the smell of chicken soup filled the air, sending her tummy rumbling.
‘What’s all this, then?’ She asked, walking into the kitchen to find the little table in the corner had been set with a single place.
‘We’re making you dinner.’ Elijah skipped over to give her a hug. ‘You smell yummy.’
She laughed. ‘Why, thank you, and thank you for taking such good care of me and making my dinner. What a lovely surprise.’
Elijah tugged her over to sit at the table, hopping from foot to foot in excitement. ‘I set the table.’
‘You did a grand job, too. Well done.’ Jess waited until he glanced away to flip her spoon the right way around.
Tristan placed a steaming bowl in front of her. ‘Here you go.’ He returned to the counter to retrieve a plate holding a couple of slices of buttered bread. ‘If you want anything else, just let me know.’
Jess couldn’t help but smile at his propriet
ary air. He’d really made himself at home. ‘This is perfect, thank you.’
‘My pleasure.’ He held out a hand to Elijah. ‘Time to help me with the washing up.’
As she ate her soup, she watched as Tristan placed the other kitchen chair in front of the sink and helped Elijah to stand on it. With his arms around the boy to stop him from falling, the pair made a big performance of washing up the saucepan and wooden spoon they’d used. She liked how patient Tristan was with her son, how he kept his voice soft and encouraging. Even when he corrected Elijah’s scrubbing technique, he did it with lots of warm praise and she could hear how it boosted Elijah’s confidence in the way he chatted freely.
‘Talk about a dream team,’ she said, bringing her empty bowl and plate over to the sink.
‘Put it in the water, Mummy, and watch me.’ As Tristan held the bowl steady for him, Elijah whirled the scrubbing brush around and around until every inch of it was clean.
‘That’s amazing, Eli. You’re getting to be such a big boy. I’m very proud of you.’ She lifted him down off the chair with a hug and a kiss then set him on his feet. ‘Now I think it’s time you thought about bed.’ He pouted but didn’t say anything when she held up a warning finger. ‘You’ve got school in the morning, remember? Now say good night to Tristan and thank him for looking after you today.’
‘No need to thank me,’ Tristan said, hunkering down to give Elijah a quick hug. ‘I had a great time. Night night, buddy.’
‘Night.’ Elijah returned to Jess. ‘Night, Mummy.’
She stroked his hair. ‘Do you want to sleep in with me, so we don’t disturb Isaac? My tablet’s beside the bed so why don’t you go and snuggle down and find yourself a story and I’ll be in soon.’
Happy now he was getting the treat of staying in her room, Elijah skipped out to do as she’d suggested.
Tristan straightened up and turned back to the sink to empty it and rinse away the bubbles. ‘No need to do that,’ she said. ‘You’ve done more than enough, already.’
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