“Holy fuck, man.” Dr. Soulstone’s shock when materialized next to me was almost comical. “The system locked you up for two hours while it recalibrated for your arms. The appendages caused Nik to throw a fit.”
“Who is Nik?”
“He is the Artificial Intelligence running the game. He’s a bit of an asshole, but takes care of everything around here.” Dr. Soulstoner looked away from whatever screens he had pulled up. His finger stopped in mid-air. “There is a [Mutant] race, but they live out in the Gamanges. That is a mountain range at the very end of this realm. Most [Mutants] have minor defects, but four arms? That’s a first. Nik is editing a ton of system files and databases to adjust gear and weapons for you. I honestly apologize. The system builds your 3D model based on body scans, and I never thought it would take those useless nubs as arms.”
“It is fine,” I told him, and it was true. Using four limbs simultaneously should have felt weird, but they moved accordingly to my whims and just felt right.
“Ok, if you are sure. If not we can delete this character and start again with a manual selection. You can only do this while I am still here. Because afterward there is no restarting for you.”
“I’m sure. I’ve been a freak most of my life. The extra arms don’t even register as strange and feel natural. I was a little shocked at first, but I’m glad.”
“Well, Nik is our evil AI overlord, but he knows his job.”
“Seriously?”
“Oh, I don’t know. I’ve never seen the man funding all this, so Nik could be for all I know.” Dr. Soulstoner was laughing. “Anyway, I am only allowed to grant you a general account, so you only have the eight base classes for selection. Warrior, pugilist, mage, summoner, cleric, druid, rogue, or ranger are your choices. I’d suggest fighting classes with your four arms.”
“Can I change classes later?”
“Other than unique classes, you can acquire any class provided you know how and meet the prerequisites. Pro tip—there are over a thousand. Some are similar. There are some rules about switching, but you’ll see when you do it. Anyway, I recommend choosing [Pugilist]—that should have caused a note card to appear at the bottom right of your vision. Whenever a term comes up related to the game, an option appears for you to click it and learn more.”
I did see it, Pugilist and Mutant were both down there. Click on them revealed an information browser that gave more in-depth explanations. “That is handy.”
The doctor snorted, and it took me a second to realize what I’d said. “Okay, last thing, you might come across options to change your race. I’d avoid that for now. I admit seeing a High Elf Mutant with four arms sounds entertaining, and those uptight assholes would blow a gasket.”
Choices were a luxury I was rarely afforded. My brain froze trying to process them all, and in the end decided to go along with the doctor’s choice. His logic was sound. “I will go with the [Pugilist].”
“It’s what I would have chosen for you, given your choices. [Monk] is in the Platinum accounts, and I think is a much better fit for you. However, don’t worry about that, I have an idea. Just say or think ‘status’ if you want to see your current setup.”
Status. I thought to no one in particular
[Character Status
Race: Mutant (R)
Class: Pugilist (C)
Profession: Handyman
Level: 1
Auras/Stances (Equipped: 1/1):
Brawler’s Stance (Active)
Feats (Equipped: 1/3):
Mutant Strength (U): +4 Strength, +3 Constitution, -2 Agility
Class Skills:
Pummel (C) - Novice (1)
Beat Down (C) - Novice (1)
One Time Message (OTM): If you wish to see your general skills, think ‘General Skills’ or ‘All Stats.’ Common class skills will become General Skills if you switch classes. Uncommon, Rare, Legendary, or Unique class skills will be disabled.
One Time Message (OTM): Skill descriptions will appear only once. You may change this in your settings.
Brawler’s Stance - While active, all unarmed combat damage is increased by 5%
Feat: Mutant – This is a Rare feat and cannot be removed. This feat evolves with the [Author]. Your mutation grants you four arms, increased strength and constitution while penalizing your agility. While not explicitly stated, Mutants start with low charisma. Every other turn, this feat grants two unassigned attributes, one strength, and one constitution.
Skill: Pummel (C)
Skill Rank: Novice (Next Rank: 15 AP)
Acclimation Points (AP): 1
Type: Activated (Cool Down: 30 seconds)
Effect: You strike your opponent with your fists 15 times in quick succession.
Special: Due to your four arms, the number of strikes doubles.
Skill: Beat Down (C)
Skill Rank: Novice (Next Rank: 15 AP)
Acclimation Points (AP): 1
Type: Activated (Cool Down: 60 seconds)
Effect: You strike your opponent knocking them to the ground.
Effect: Stuns opponent for 5 seconds and interrupts their current action.
*Grounded opponents receive 5% more damage from physical attacks. ]
Those skills looked like simple brawler based skills. The Mutant Feat was pretty awesome, but I’d have to find a way to improve my agility. Or just a speed increase, so I could get in range of my opponents to strike them. The tradeoff was that if anything was in reach of my arms was probably going to get destroyed. Still, I’d have to look for something for ranged fighting. There was another alert, so I pulled that open too.
[ You can choose Silent Stepper or Quad-Wielder for your second Feat. Or you may look through the generic Feats and ignore these rare ones. Which do you prefer? ]
“Quad-Wielder,” I said without hesitation and pulled up the details to look it over.
[Feat: Quad-Wielder
Effect: Removes all penalties of using all four arms to attack.
Restrictions: This Feat is a combination of Dual Wielding and Ambidextrous, so you may not use either of these Feats while this is active.]
“That’s OP as hell man, but it's fine. The system gave it to you, so it balanced it in some way. Now, I promised you some aid, so I have a choice of three quests. Each will potentially lead you to a new class depending on how you do. It's the best I can do without getting flagged. I have Way of the Shaman, Way of the Clan, or Way of the Mortal Combatant.”
“Oh hell no. I want the Way of the Mortal Combatant.”
[Quest: Way of the Mortal Combatant
Task: Enter Goro’s Lair and defeat the boss.
Bonus: Kill the boss with a finishing move.
Reward: A Feat based on how you fought and whether you completed the bonus, and 1,000 Gold.]
“Shit tits, this is awesome.”
“It is a chain request, but putting you in dangerous scenarios will assist me. This is my way of rewarding you too. Completing the quests are going to give you amazing awards, and again, do not tell anyone about any of this.”
“I get it, man. Zip it or die. Not that the threat holds much water, I’m dead either way.”
“You are very cynical, but a realist. These traits will help you when I reveal that I haven’t been completely honest with you. I do need you to sync with the game to the max setting. My research has moved past trying to keep the organic material alive. There is a decay rate.”
My heart thumped twice and paused, waiting for the darkness of death, but it didn’t come. Strange, my heart stopped beating way longer than was normal, but it eventually started again. Shaking my head, I refocused on the doc. “What does that mean?”
“Without a body, the brain dies. We’ve slowed the decay, but the inevitable truth is they will become like the others, eventually. Your brain will not end up in a jar because I am going to upload you into the game. The syncing process is dangerous, but I need you to reach a ninety-five percent sync.”
“I th
ought you said that could kill me permanently.”
“It can, but only if you are weak and succumb to it. The harder you play, the more neuro channels we can activate and sync until we transfer you.”
“Okay.”
“Okay?” The doctor’s voice nearly squeaked.
“I’m dying, man. The brain in a jar prolongs that, but this sounds like a chance at immortality. A game world is way better than dying or living with a broken body. By the way, what happens if I die here?”
“I turned off your death penalty, so nothing. Typically it depends on your Piety level, which is a hidden stat. If it goes too high one way or the other, you might end up in the Celestial or Hell realms. The time in these realms depends on your Piety,” the doc explained. “If your Piety level is in the acceptable range, you will reappear at the closest altar or graveyard. As an example, player killers will end up in Hell if they die for at least thirty minutes and a maximum of twenty-four hours. Piety resets after twenty-four hours. You won’t lose gear or levels when you die and will respawn instantly at your bound location.”
“Won’t that get you noticed?”
“Nope, you are considered disabled. We have a program for terminally ill people like you.” Dr. Soulstoner reached into his pocket and pulled out a bag. “This can get me in trouble, so as far as anyone is concerned, this doesn’t exist. Understood?”
“Yes, but what is it?”
“A 1,000 slot [Bag of Holding]. And here is another pro gamer tip for you—everything inside this bag is hidden, even from Nik. I gave you a lot of resources and gear, but use it sparingly, and never tell anyone about it.”
“Why give this to me?”
“Because I don’t want you spending days or weeks mining ore, or plants, or whatever. I have noticed that fighting helps the sync process out a lot more than resource gathering. But just so we are clear, if you tell anyone about any of this, I will erase your futching brain. You won’t remember who the futch you are.”
“That might have been more dramatic if I knew what the hell ‘Futch’ meant.”
“Ah futching hell. One sec.” He replied, and I just watched him fiddling with settings I couldn’t see. “There, that should do it. Fuck, fucking, fucked, fuck you. Ok—there—now it works. No time like the present to push you out of the nest because I got some things to do. I doubt you’ll see the labs again. Welcome home. Shit, forgot about your name, what should we call you?”
“Deuce Bigbelow,” I replied, and I heard the doc snorting.
“All sorted. Last thing. Do you see that button right there?” Dr. Soulstoner pointed at a spot near my left shoulder, and my eyes shifted towards it. Sure enough, a red button was floating at the peripheral vision. “That is to warn me if your pain levels get too high. Remember, reaching high sync levels will make the pain you feel more real and painful. Hit that button, and I’ll drop pain levels to zero instantly. Abuse it, and I’ll abuse you.”
The doctor disappeared, and I found myself standing on stone stairs in front of an altar. The altar was low to the ground, with only five steps leading up to it. At the top, a two-meter tall crystal radiated warmth. Stepping up to it, I placed my hand on the stone and felt the power emanating from deep within. Once my hand touched the warm stone it revealed more details about it and the town.
[You have discovered the Altar of Shreddit.
You are bound to the Altar of Shreddit.
You have discovered the town Shreddit.
History: Shreddit is a town governed by the free people in the Realm of Gama. The Father rules with a heavy hand in the name of the Goddess of Games, and Shreddit has dared defy him. He once belonged to the council, but every night citizens disappeared, murdered for speaking out against him. His attempted coup failed, and he was removed from the council and stripped of his rights within the town. The council wanted to hold him accountable for his actions, but they could not afford to risk the wrath of the Goddess. Instead, he was exiled.
Welcome to Shreddit, do not cause trouble, and we hope you enjoy your stay. ]
“Move it you four-armed newbie freak,” a plated warrior said pushing me to the ground.
“Shit tits! What the inferno is wrong with you asshole?” I yelled at his retreating back. The walking tin can turned around and stomped towards me.
“Do you know who I am?”
“Who gives a shit, how about dickhead or asshat? Yea, definitely an asshat.” Never have I felt the power of having a healthy body, but the mouth I’ve always had.
The warrior lifted a massive two-handed hammer that probably weighed more than he did. “I am Devan ‘The Pretty’ Hurdam. Most call me BanHammer. I am an enforcer of the Father, and you are an insignificant piece of shit next to that man.”
“So he is a significant piece of shit?”
“You will not defile his name.” BanHammer growled.
“Shut up, asshat,” I sighed. “Please kill me, anything is better than your puppy love adoration crap. You are going to make me puke—wait, did you say your name was The Pretty?” A grin replaced my grimace. “You are so pretty and witty and—”
“BanHammer!” The hammer struck swiftly, and when I exaggerate the story later, I might tell people I deflected the blow or put up a good fight, but the truth is I died the moment the hammer struck me.
[You have died.]
I respawned in almost the same place and had a sickening moment where I was staring at the corpse of my recently deceased body. The BanHammer douche was still standing there and looking at me stupidly.
“It’s a good thing your pretty, that stupid look isn’t doing you any favors.” I couldn’t help it—my mouth likes to get me in trouble. Swear it has its own personality and everything.
“BanHammer!”
[You have died.]
“What the hell?” BanHammer growled. “How is this possible?”
“The Goddess blessed me. She made a proclamation, the bigger the hammer, the smaller the dick. Repeat after me, com - pen - sating.”
“BanHammer!”
[You have died.]
I popped up again, standing among my corpses. A sigh escaped me.
“Quite the conundrum, did the Goddess talk to me? I mean if she did, she told me that if you kill me again, your Piety will go negative and your class will change to the Fallen.” I grinned at him as I saw doubt in his eyes. “So does the loser with the overly large hammer risk killing me again? I mean how does a someone like me even know what Piety is?”
“Get lost newb. Everyone ends up at the Kongdom Proper eventually, and I’ll be waiting for you.”
“I think you are the one that needs to leave,” I said nodding behind him at the guards charging in our direction. “Pretty sure you are not allowed to kill [Authors] inside the city limits—at the altar no less.”
BanHammer said nothing to me and turned to face the guards rushing towards him. His hammer twirled like a baton, with streamers of light coming out of the ends. Reminded me of those girls I saw in the old American films. Just needed some white sneakers and a short skirt to go with his pretty hair.
The BanHammer slammed the ground with his hammer creating a shockwave that blasted the guards back several feet. His attack wasn’t even over before he closed his eyes and prayed. The [Paladin]’s armor and hammer glowed with an otherworldly light that I assumed was a [Blessing].
The guards were in danger, so I ran forward and threw my considerable weight into his back. The BanHammer stumbled in surprise and put out a hand to the ground to prevent from falling on his face. Not letting him recover, I triggered [Beat Down]. Energy infused my arms, and for a brief second, I could almost feel my muscles rip with the force of their flexing. All four of my fists crashed down on his back and not even his hand could stop him from falling forward. The attack probably didn’t damage the [Paladin], but the guards arrived seconds later and helped detain him.
“You will regret this,” the man hissed at me, before triggering a scroll and disappearing.
“Thank you for the assist.” One of the guards nodded towards me but ignored all my corpses. “We know BanHammer, and he would have likely killed us. Take this for warning and saving us.”
[Hidden Quest Complete: Warn the guards of BanHammer’s approach.
Reward: 10 Gold & 30 XP ]
“You are welcome. Hey, can you tell me where [Goro’s Lair] is?”
“Go through town to the south gate, follow the road until you reach the forest and when you reach a fork in the road, go right. It’ll take you right there.”
Chapter 4
Location: Shreddit
Shreddit almost pulled me away from my quest a few times. The town was busy with a lot of layers, and I imagine once I started exploring it would trap me within its walls for days. I’ve never played anything with the level of detail this place had. Truthfully, the game mechanics, while more realistic, hadn’t change all that much.
Passing through, I realized that Shreddit was massive, but it was subtle. It did not feel crowded, except the Market District, which had people swarming the stalls and the shops. Not that it overly mattered to me because they were merchants. They sold shit, what else did I need to know about these rich boring assholes. It was not until a merchant tried to buy my [Bag of Holding] that I even remembered it was there.
“Shit tits,” I muttered under my breath and briefly wondered if that was my compulsory still or if I just got used to using it.
[Inappropriate Outbursts +1]
Is that a real skill? I wondered and swiped the message away. My bag had stacks of every type of metal, and most I had never seen before. I also spotted a shield, a sword, a dagger, and a metal fist gauntlet thing. The metal fist intrigued me.
[Item: Mister Fister
Details: This item is for unarmed combat, and the user wearing it is not considered armed. The entire glove is one seamless piece of metal, but it is enchanted to resize to the user. Just grip the handle inside the glove, and it’ll close around your fist. The fingers will not bend, and once your hand is in the only way to get it out is to use the safe word Fisting.
Item Type: Magic Weapon - Rare
The Land of Trademark Online Page 2
