by Naima Simone
Surprise flickered in her eyes, then she let out a short bark of laughter. Almost under her breath, she murmured, “I didn’t want to like you, Nessa, but I just can’t help myself.” She dipped her chin, as if silently making a decision. “Okay. Are you and Wolf involved? Is there something between you?”
All right, so Olivia had definitely gone for it, too.
Even though Nessa had suspected this question lay behind Olivia’s impromptu conversation, her eyebrows still winged upward. But right on the heels of her astonishment nipped an irritation and need to...to...what? Protect what she and Wolf shared? Which totaled a few conversations, an offer of help in the search of her father and a kiss.
An ark-of-the-covenant, melt-your-face-off kiss, but still, just a kiss.
But she was discovering when it came to anything having to do with Wolf, rationale took an extended smoke break while waving a middle-finger salute. Emotion captained the helm, and right now the instructions were to give up nothing.
Sigh. Apparently, Rose Bend was turning her into a drama queen.
“We’re friends,” Nessa said.
Not a lie. Not the complete truth either. At least, not on her part. Because she’d never fogged up the windows of any of her friends’ trucks with them before. But hadn’t Wolf made it abundantly clear that he didn’t desire a repeat? He’d apologized for kissing her like she was oxygen and he suffered from a collapsed lung. Apologized for holding her like she was the only thing anchoring him to that truck. Apologized for making her hot and wet and hungrier than she’d ever been for any man—even the one she’d loved.
Apologized.
God, that continued to sting.
So yes, friends it was.
She caught the relief that flashed in Olivia’s eyes, and that twisted the knife deeper in her chest. And it didn’t matter how many times or how often she reminded herself that Wolf wasn’t hers and that he didn’t want her—it still hurt.
“Truth?” Nessa asked.
Olivia nodded. “Yes.”
“If I’d said yes, that we were involved, would it have made a difference to you?”
This time Olivia’s smile carried a hint of sadness. “No.”
“Why did you leave him?” Nessa asked quietly. “I get it’s none of my business, and you don’t have to answer, but you obviously still have feelings for him. If he’s so important to you, why did you leave?”
Olivia sighed and shifted her gaze to the café’s window. “I don’t know all of what you’ve heard about my relationship with Wolf, but I loved him. God, so much. But his whole life was here—family, friends, career. Maybe if I had a family like the Dennisons, my view of Rose Bend would’ve been different, but I didn’t. My home life growing up was vastly...different. And as a result, this town...” She dropped her head, studying her fingers on the tabletop. “It was suffocating. I stayed as long as I did because of Wolf. I hoped, prayed, he could change things for me, make me see it the way he did. Love it the way he did. But every day, every year that passed, I felt like I was strangling. That if I didn’t leave, I would die. No, not physically. But my soul, my spirit. And one day, the man I loved with all my heart would be the man I resented with all of it.”
Whoa. She hadn’t expected that. An impossible decision—decide between the man you loved and yourself. Live for him or for you. How devastating that choice must’ve been for her.
“I begged Wolf to come with me, even knowing he wouldn’t. No, he couldn’t. He would’ve never been happy in a city like Boston. Away from family. Still, part of me hoped he would choose me. That I would be enough for him. But...” Olivia drew her arms, tucking her hands under the table, her lips turned up into another sad smile. “Here we are. Both of us living with our decisions and regrets.”
Before Nessa could reply—if she could say anything—Ivy appeared at their table, setting their drinks on the table. “Here you go, Nessa. Do you want your change?”
Nessa tore her gaze from Olivia, deliberately shoving down the surge of sympathy for the other woman into the hollow pit her stomach had become. Sympathy for a woman who’d admitted she wouldn’t let a hypothetical budding relationship prevent her from pursuing Wolf? Nessa should be hypothetically putting hands on her and instead she possessed the insane urge to...hug her.
She was losing her damn mind.
“Keep the change,” Nessa said to Ivy, forcing a dry humor into her voice that must be one of those Christmas miracles everyone in this town went on and on about. “Although, I already see a dollar bill sticking out of your pocket.”
Ivy shrugged, sipping her drink. “I’m an incurable optimist.”
Nessa snickered, then shifted her attention back to Olivia as she slid from her chair. “Olivia, it was nice seeing you again. We’re about to head out and get some Christmas shopping done.” Relief cascaded through her, and she eyed the front door of the café like a prisoner about to be released after a five-year stint. “See you later.”
“Have a great day shopping. It was nice to meet you, Ivy.”
“You, too.” Ivy waved the hand not wrapped around her peppermint mocha, and they made their way to the exit. “She was nice.”
“Yeah, she is,” Nessa muttered.
Ivy eyed her. “You don’t sound happy about it.”
Lord, the girl was too smart—and observant—for her own good. Just like Wolf had warned her. Damn, she had to stop. Thinking. About. Him.
Grinding her teeth, she reached for the entrance handle, but the door flew open before she could touch it. Both Nessa and Ivy drew up short, and she swallowed an undignified squeak.
Sydney appeared in the doorway, her gaze locking on Nessa. The other woman pressed a hand to her chest, and her lips moved in what might’ve been a silent prayer.
“Oh thank God,” Sydney mumbled, moving forward and shifting Nessa and Ivy back into the café. “I’ve found you. Moe told me you come here for coffee every morning, but I was afraid I’d miss you.”
“Why didn’t you just call?” Nessa patted her coat pocket. Found it empty. “Oops. I must’ve left it in the car. My bad.” She sipped her caramel macchiato. “What’s going on? You look...frazzled.”
“That’s one word for it,” Sydney muttered, running a hand over her curls. “I’m sorry, this is not your emergency, but I have a huge favor to ask you. My father owns the clinic here in town and one of his nurses called in today. Her mother-in-law had a stroke and they had to rush her to the hospital in the next town over. This wouldn’t be a hardship for the clinic if another of the nurses wasn’t already out on maternity leave.” She heaved a sigh. “Again, I know this is a big ask. But Leo mentioned right after we met that you are an ER nurse back in Boston. Would you be willing to help my dad and his partner out for today while they’re shorthanded? They have a packed schedule and that doesn’t even account for the walk-ins they’re bound to receive.”
Razor-edged panic flared in Nessa’s chest. The last time she’d been in the ER, she’d had a full-blown panic attack. It was the main reason her charge nurse had “encouraged” Nessa to take time off. It was one of the justifications she’d given herself for spending a month in a small town she’d never heard of.
But she hadn’t told anyone about the panic attack or being forced to take vacation from the hospital.
Nessa glanced down at Ivy, already shaking her head. “Listen, Sydney, I’d love to help, but—”
“I get it. You’re on vacation, and I feel like a complete jerk even coming to you. And I wouldn’t if my dad hadn’t specifically sent me to see if you would help him out today. That’s how I knew they were in trouble. Because him asking for help is right up there with Jesus turning water into wine. A miracle.”
“I really wish I could, but Ivy and I were just about to—”
“It’s okay, Nessa,” Ivy interrupted. “You can go help out Sydney’s dad.”
>
Nerves jangled in her stomach, twisting and clenching so hard she set her palm over her belly. “No, we had plans. I’m not going to flake on you.”
Yes, anxiety filled her at the thought of attempting to try anything work related. What if she froze again? What if...what if her issue had been less about her unresolved grief and more about her job? Here in Rose Bend, she’d been able to avoid analyzing those questions, those what-ifs, but she wouldn’t if she headed over to the clinic. So yeah, panic was twisting her into knots.
But also, she didn’t want to abandon Ivy. Just when they’d formed a truce, she’d be leaving the girl again. Shopping would be the first time they were spending together, just the two of them, since they’d arrived in town. She didn’t want to disappoint Ivy—or herself. Nessa couldn’t believe it—and even a week ago, she wouldn’t have—but she wanted to spend the day with her sister.
“Seriously, it’s okay,” Ivy insisted, tipping her head back and meeting Nessa’s gaze. “Sydney’s dad sounds like he really needs you, and we can shop tomorrow. Honestly, Nessa, I’m fine.”
Sincerity rang in the girl’s voice, and it loosened at least one of the knots inside Nessa. Still...
“What about the pageant auditions? I thought you needed me to drop you off there?”
“I can take her,” Sydney volunteered. “As a matter of fact, Ivy, if you want to hang with me until then, I’d love the company. Somehow, I let my husband convince me to help set up the theater for movie night. I’d love your help, and I’ll even pay you so you’ll have more money to shop with tomorrow.”
Ivy grinned at the words “pay you.” Barely managing not to roll her eyes, Nessa caved. It was either agree or explain why she couldn’t. And though she liked Sydney and even considered her a new friend, she wasn’t prepared to share about her meltdown in the ER.
“Okay, then. I’ll head over to the clinic now. It’s down the street, right? Next door to a dentist’s office?” Nessa pulled her car keys from her pocket.
“Yes, that’s it, and thank you.” Sydney slung an arm around her shoulders and tugged Nessa into a half hug. “I owe you one.”
“No problem.” Oh but there might be one. Especially if her chest started to feel like it was collapsing, and she couldn’t breathe. Foraging for a smile, she found one and pasted it on her face. “Ivy, I’ll come over to the middle school after I leave the clinic this evening to pick you up. If you want, we can do dinner at Sunnyside Grille and then head over to the movie theater.”
“Cool. If it’s okay with Moe, can the twins come?”
“Sure.” Nodding at Sydney, Nessa asked, “Since my phone is in my car, can you call your dad and let him know I’m on my way?”
“Sure thing.”
For a moment, Nessa hesitated, unsure whether or not to hug Ivy or squeeze her shoulder or wave. God, they all seemed incredibly awkward. Her arms—and heart—ached to be free to hug her without reservation as Leo and Flo did with Cher. But that wasn’t who Nessa and Ivy were—who they might not ever be. Fear crept beneath the yearning. Fear of Ivy stiffening or, worse, pushing her away.
Nope. Nessa wasn’t that brave. Not today when she already faced one potential hurdle in returning to work and possibly ending up a patient herself when the doctor had to treat her for a panic attack.
“All right. I’ll see you in a little bit.” Giving Ivy’s shoulder a nudge, she exited the café and exhaled.
She’d dodged the should-I-show-affection? bullet but now she had another one she couldn’t evade.
Part of her longed to drive back to the inn, run up that beautifully decorated porch and not stop until she burst through the door to her room and had the covers pulled over her head. She wanted to hide. But she couldn’t.
That other half that even now yelled I’m Evelyn Reed’s daughter! wouldn’t allow her to curl up in a fetal position and pretend the world didn’t exist. She had to know. And maybe starting at a slower pace at the clinic rather than at a much busier and hectic emergency room would be a way of dipping her toe back into work.
Her hand dropped to her coat pocket as if reaching for her absentee cell phone.
“Dammit,” she muttered, palming her keys and glaring at her car.
She didn’t bemoan her forgetfulness over the phone. No, she bemoaned who she wanted to call. Wolf. To confide in him about her insecurities and worries. He would listen without judgment and offer unconditional support.
And it was why she couldn’t call him.
She’d already allowed herself to lean on him too much, to become too close to him.
Time to start placing distance between them before it became too late.
Oh, that ship has not only sailed but is just a hazy shadow on the horizon.
Shaddup.
Yes. Yes, she was standing on a public sidewalk arguing with herself. This was what lust did to a person.
Mumbling under her breath, she opened her SUV and slipped inside. Moments later, she pulled out into morning traffic and headed toward the clinic.
She had this. She could do this.
Please, Lord, let her be able to do this.
* * *
SHE DID IT.
Relief and pride flooded Nessa as she changed out of her borrowed scrubs in the employees’ bathroom. And underneath those two emotions? A quiet but powerful joy.
Relief because she hadn’t crumbled. There’d been a frightening moment when she’d first arrived and another nurse named Jackie had handed her the scrubs. Nessa had frozen, her breath whistled in her head, edges of black and gold encroaching onto her peripheral vision. But after a few moments of dragging in deep, deliberate breaths, she’d beaten back the beginnings of anxiety and pushed through. And the rest of the day had been like slipping into familiar, comfortable pajamas. It’d been...fun.
Pride because she hadn’t allowed fear to conquer her.
And joy because she hadn’t lost her purpose. That had been another unspoken worry of hers. That maybe the reason for her panic attacks hadn’t been grief but an ambivalence toward nursing. Because after Evelyn’s death, she hadn’t enjoyed going to work; she hadn’t enjoyed anything. But no. Today showed her she hadn’t lost that happiness in helping and serving other people, the satisfaction in determining a diagnosis and seeing another person on their way to being healthy again.
Today showed her she wasn’t lost.
Unable to hold back her smile, she folded up her scrubs, slipped her purse strap over her shoulder and exited the bathroom.
“There you are, Nessa.” Dr. Luke Collins stepped out of his office, his partner, Dr. Kelly Prioleau, right behind him. Nessa had worked with the distinguished older man today, but had crossed paths often with the other stylish doctor, who rocked beautiful twists and gorgeous leopard-print shoes. “We were hoping to catch you before you left. Thank you, again, for pitching in today. You were wonderful and a perfect fit.”
“I heard so much about how kind and professional you were from patients,” Dr. Prioleau added. “You were amazing today for stepping in, Nessa. We have a check waiting for you at the front desk with a bit of a Christmas bonus added in.”
“Oh you didn’t have to do that—”
“Yes, we did,” Dr. Collins objected. “You rescued us today, and we appreciate you. Especially since it’s your vacation.” He offered his hand toward her. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. It was my pleasure. Really. I’m not saying I’m a workaholic, but I will say I missed this environment, being with patients, even charting.” Nessa laughed. “I never thought I’d say that.”
Dr. Prioleau chuckled. “Luke, if you ever hear me say that, call the cops. Someone has taken over my body, and I need to be saved.”
When Dr. Collins smiled, Nessa clearly glimpsed where Sydney inherited her lovely smile.
“I need to head out and meet my sister at
the middle school if you don’t need me for anything else,” Nessa said, holding up the scrubs. “I can drop these off in the hamper on my way out.”
“Keep them.” Dr. Collins waved. “Consider them another gift from us.”
Nessa grinned. “I love gifts. Thank you both for a great day. This being Rose Bend, I’m guessing I’ll see you around. Good night.”
Waving goodbye, she collected her check for a day’s work from the front desk and left the clinic. Glided was more like it. And any moment, she would stop smiling like a loon. It just felt so good.
After weeks—hell, months—of life being this cold, unfamiliar stranger, it was wonderful that it had finally decided to give her this gift. A small gift, but one that offered her hope that maybe things might start to look up for her.
Maybe Ivy would stop viewing her as the enemy.
Maybe she would discover the truth about her biological father.
Maybe when they returned to Boston, they would do so as a family.
Maybe she would now have a reason to stop working so much during Christmas.
Maybe.
Suddenly, that word didn’t seem like a profane curse.
Ten minutes later, Nessa parked in the middle school parking lot. After asking directions from a couple of kids who loitered outside, she located the auditorium entrance and pulled open one of the double doors. Shadows clung to the back of the cavernous room, crowded with rows of red upholstered chairs. Slipping into one of the seats, she removed her hat and unwrapped her scarf, her gaze trained on the front of the auditorium where about twenty or thirty people gathered. Heavy ruby-red curtains framed either side of the stage, and a piano occupied one corner. And in front of the microphone stood Cher...and Ivy.
Nessa slowly straightened, leaning forward, shock an electrical current running through her. The two girls—one taller with butterscotch corkscrew curls and the other a little shorter with dark, looser curls—held hands, and instead of looking out into the audience and at the guy standing in front of the stage with the clipboard, they stared at each other.
