by Naima Simone
“Not just me, but yeah. It is all good. I’m proud of what we’ve accomplished.”
“You should be. Between the motorcycle rally, the building of the new elder and children center and this bigger Yulefest, you’re already one of the better mayors this town has had. And I’m not just saying that because you’re my brother.”
Cole nodded. “Thanks, man. That means a lot. Thank you.”
Wolf sipped more cider, eyeing his brother over the rim of the cup. “Should we hug now?”
His brother’s loud bark of laughter elicited a surprised squeal from the baby, which he immediately smoothed. Lightly bouncing the baby, Cole chuckled. “I’m going to pass. But what about Nessa?” He hiked his chin in the direction over Wolf’s shoulder, a smirk riding his mouth. “You been...hugging it out with her?”
“Really?” Wolf scoffed. “As mayor, aren’t you above gossip?”
“Have you met our family? No,” Cole said, arching an eyebrow. “And nice job trying to deflect. Not that it’s going to work. Is there something going on between you two?”
Wolf searched the crowds of people, and as if she were a beacon drawing his attention, located Nessa among them. She stood with Sydney, Leo, Cecille Lapuz, the owner of the ice cream shop, and Flo. Nessa had her head thrown back, laughing at something. The sight of that amusement and her uninhibited freedom in showing it had his throat tightening. Just a couple of weeks ago, she hadn’t been capable of displaying that carefree display of emotion.
No, he corrected himself. She hadn’t been willing to display it. Hadn’t felt safe enough to. But now, in this town, surrounded by his family and friends, she did. And it...it...
Fuck, he was scared to admit what it did to him.
It’d been a little over a week since she’d come to his cabin and they’d agreed to the terms of their temporary friends-with-benefits arrangement. Since they’d had sex. Since he’d told her about Raylon, and she’d comforted him.
And the last eight days had been—amazing. Not just the sex, which, God yes, was better than any he’d had. But it was more than that. She’d become his friend. He hadn’t been able to talk to his parents or his brother and sisters about Raylon and Carol. Yet he’d opened up to Nessa. About what happened with Olivia. About Raylon and his death. Maybe because she understood pain and loss. Maybe because of her no-nonsense manner, which invited honesty and didn’t allow him to lie.
Maybe because he trusted her in a way he’d found difficult since returning home from Iraq.
This woman called to his protective nature, his sexual side and his brokenness.
She made him want to...heal.
And she scared him more than Olivia ever had.
That fear of disappointing her, of failing her, haunted him like that proverbial shoe just dangling by the laces, waiting to drop.
Because the last decade had taught him that loving someone meant failing them.
And watching them walk away.
It was as inevitable as the sun rising in the east and sinking in the west.
“Wolf?”
Wolf jerked his head back toward his brother, who studied him with a small frown.
“Yeah?”
“You okay?” Cole glanced in the direction Wolf had been staring, catching sight of the small group of women. “I guess that answers my question.”
“What question?” he hedged.
Cole snorted. “You’re such a shit liar. You damn well know what question. How deep are you?”
Wolf sighed. “She’s not staying, Cole. She’s leaving after Christmas.”
“That’s not what I asked you.”
“That’s my answer,” he snapped, then dragged a hand down his face and beard. “Shit, sorry. We’re... We’re friends. Are we...involved? Yeah. But we both know it can’t go anywhere. She’s going back to Boston, and I’m—”
“And you’re too afraid to risk your heart again.”
Anger flashed through Wolf, lightning quick and hot. Before he could say anything, though, Cole chuckled.
“Yeah, I know. I’m a smug bastard and really don’t deserve to preach to you. But I’m the most qualified because I’ve been where you are. And it’s only fair since you tried to do the same for me. Payback is a bitch.” His smile faded, and his gaze searched Wolf’s. And try as he might, Wolf couldn’t avoid the concern in Cole’s eyes. Neither could he begrudge his brother that concern. Not when it came from a place of love. “I almost let Sydney go because of fear. Fear of what I could lose again instead of focusing on all that she could bring me. Love. Joy. A second chance. A family.”
Cole stroked a hand down Patience’s head, and Wolf didn’t need to be a mind reader to guess that his brother’s thoughts dwelled on another baby. One who’d died in childbirth along with his first wife. Yes, Cole had been blessed with another child to love, another opportunity to be a father.
“I don’t want to even think about where I’d be if I’d let her go. If I hadn’t decided loving her and Patience was worth the risk of being hurt again. Wolf, I remember how Olivia’s leaving hurt you. And I also remember how that was kind of swept under the rug by me, the family and you when Tonia and Mateo died. I’m sorry for that. All of these years, I never did get the chance to apologize for that. I’m sorry, because even though Olivia didn’t die, that pain...” Cole shook his head. “But I’ve watched you and Nessa these last few weeks. For the first time in years, I’ve seen something in you. You’re happy. And it’s because of her. I don’t want you to lose that shot at a future with her, at love instead of fear.”
Love.
Inside, Wolf shrank from that word like it hissed and rattled at him. No.
No.
“I appreciate the advice. No, I’m serious, Cole, I do,” he said when Cole frowned. “But you’re mistaken. That’s not the kind of—” arrangement “—relationship we have. It’s temporary. We went into this with an expiration date, so there wouldn’t be any misunderstandings or hurt feelings when she leaves after Christmas. Neither of us want more than that.”
“Wolf, I don’t—”
“Excuse me. I’m sorry to interrupt,” a gruff voice said.
Both Wolf and Cole turned and met the serious light brown gaze belonging to Garrett Adams. Surprise jolted through Wolf. The handsome older man wasn’t exactly a recluse, as he owned Little Bird Ski Lodge and enjoyed a brisk business, but he didn’t come down off his mountain into town that often. Especially to events like the festival, although the lodge hosted the Noel Dance every year. But even then, Garrett only made an appearance and then disappeared, letting his staff run it.
Cole extended his hand toward the older man. “Hello, Garrett. Good to see you.”
“Yes, you, too.” Garrett shook it, then repeated the gesture with Wolf. “Wolf.”
“Garrett. How’re you doing?”
“Fine.” The older man nodded, then looked at Cole. “Can I borrow you for a couple of minutes? I dropped by your office but forgot there was an event tonight, so stopped by here on the off chance we could speak. I promise not to take up too much of your time.”
“Sure,” Cole said. “Let me just hand off the baby to my wife and I’ll be right back. We can go grab a coffee and talk. Be right back.”
He strode off, and Wolf and Garrett watched as he approached Sydney and her group.
“Well, I’ll let you two handle your—”
“Who is that?” Garrett interrupted. Wolf glanced at him, a little taken aback at the abrupt tone. But Garrett’s attention remained focused on where Cole stood with the small circle of women. “The woman with Cole’s wife, your sisters and Mrs. Lapuz. Is she new in town?”
“Nessa?” Confusion swarmed Wolf at not just the question, but the intensity radiating off the other man. Why would Garrett Adams, of all people, care? “She’s a guest at Kinsale Inn. Her and her sister.
Why? Do you know her?”
“What?” Garrett jerked his gaze back to Wolf and blinked. “No. How could I?” He shook his head as if trying to clear it. “She just didn’t look familiar.”
Wolf studied Garrett’s face, but the man turned away to meet Cole, who strode over toward them.
“Ready?” Cole asked. “Wolf, we’ll talk later, okay?”
“Yeah, sure,” Wolf murmured, still unable to shake the unnerving sensation that he’d missed something here with Garrett.
Before he could figure it out or analyze it further, the two men walked off, leaving him alone. He stared after them for several more seconds before heading off toward the middle of The Glen and the Christmas Wishing Well, another Rose Bend tradition. From this night until Christmas Eve, people could throw their Christmas wishes into the well, and town legend had it that the wish would come true. When he’d been a kid, there hadn’t been one Christmas season where he’d missed tossing a folded piece of paper with a written wish into the well. A new bike one year. His own room the next. A kiss from Laura Haddock another. Some years he’d received his wish, and some he hadn’t.
The last time he tossed a note into that well had been the Christmas before he enlisted in the army.
Before he could question what the hell he was doing, he reached into his back jeans pocket for his wallet and drew out a scrap of paper and pulled a pen from his coat pocket. Quickly, he scribbled down a note, folded the paper and tossed it into the well.
How old am I again?
“I don’t think I’ve seen you do that since high school.” Olivia appeared next to him, peering down into the well before tipping her head to the side and smiling at him. “Feeling a bit of Christmas nostalgia?”
Wolf returned her smile, and for the first time since Olivia returned, it didn’t feel forced or stiff. Inside, he stilled, and waited for the familiar tightness that seized him when he encountered Olivia. That suffocating sense of failure. That grimy stain of unworthiness.
Yes, something deep within him twinged, like an echo, but mostly...nothing.
The curious sensation left him a little disoriented. But when a person existed with the heavy load of shame and resentment for so long, being free of the burden would leave him off balance.
“Maybe a little.” He shrugged a shoulder. “How’re you, Olivia?”
“Good, Wolf. Thank you for asking,” she murmured. “Do you have another piece of paper, by chance?”
He pulled out his wallet again, found an old drugstore receipt and handed it to her along with a pen. She accepted both and, turning her body just enough to shield what she wrote, jotted something down, folded the slip of paper and threw it in the well.
“Thanks,” she said, passing him the pen. He stuffed it back in his coat pocket. “I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours,” she offered with a small grin.
“Isn’t that supposed to make the wish null and void?”
“I think that only pertains to wishes on stars and birthday cakes.”
“Too many rules to keep straight.”
She laughed. “I missed this,” she softly admitted. “Us laughing together. Teasing each other. The easiness between us. I missed you, Wolf.”
“Olivia...” He needed to stop this before it went any further.
“No, Wolf, please.” She held up a hand. “Please let me finish. I’ve tried to respect your space and not press anything, because God knows I’m the one who broke us. I owed you that time. But the last few weeks, I have to be honest, I’ve been getting more and more scared that I’ve waited too long.”
Christ, he really needed to stop this. “Olivia,” he tried again. “You don’t want to do this.”
“I have to try,” she insisted. “Because I returned home for you. And I feel like you’re slipping through my fingers.”
She held her hands out, palms up, fingers spread wide. Even though alarm at her words crept through him, sympathy swirled inside him, as well. Because pain drenched her eyes, her voice. While she’d broken his heart years ago, seeing her hurt didn’t bring him any joy.
“Wolf, I left Rose Bend chasing a life I believed I wanted. And yes, Boston revealed some things to me. Mostly about myself. And I did enjoy my job and the city. In the end, I think I did need to experience it. But without the person I loved, it all seemed like shades of gray instead of living in full color. I convinced myself I’d get over you, that I could let you go. But I was fooling myself. It took me three years to gather my courage, to get rid of my pride and ask you to forgive me.”
Shock rippled through him, and he turned away from her, swearing under his breath. Three years ago, hell, maybe a year ago, he would’ve given anything to hear these words from her. To somehow grant him redemption and prove that he hadn’t failed in being enough for her. In being who she needed—a provider, a protector.
Yet, now... Now, he didn’t need that validation from her.
If he ever did.
A different, deeper level of shock ricocheted inside him, leaving him bracing his body before he stumbled backward, and his ass hit the ground.
He’d never needed her validation.
You’re not God, Wolf. You’re not all-knowing, all-powerful.
Why those particular words from his conversation with Nessa echoed in his head at this moment, he didn’t know, but they resonated in his chest, his soul. Who was he kidding? He knew why. Because all this time, when he’d been taking on the guilt of Raylon’s death, the blame for not protecting him and failing to bring him home to Carol, the shame of not being enough to keep Olivia here—all this time he’d been playing God. As if he, Wolf Dennison, sat on some celestial throne and determined life and death and free will. For all these years, he’d had a savior complex, when he was no one’s savior. Just a man. A fallible man who did the best he could.
He thrust his hand over his hair, knocking his hat off. He barely noticed it falling to the ground and didn’t bother picking it up. One couldn’t be concerned with such inconsequential things when one was having an existential crisis. The “one” being him.
The air he dragged into his lungs tasted clean, fresh...free.
For the first time in eight long years. And that scrap of paper he’d thrown in the well on a whim? It suddenly veered further from the realm of foolish wishful thinking into—possibilities.
“Wolf, are you okay?”
His head jerked, and he snapped out of his thoughts. Hell. He’d forgotten all about Olivia.
“Yeah, I’m good. And look, you don’t need to ask my forgiveness. You made a decision that was best for your life. Did it hurt? Yeah, but I couldn’t ask you to put aside your dreams for me. It wouldn’t have been fair. And you shouldn’t beat yourself up over it now.”
“You mean that?” she whispered, eyes glistening.
“I do. Not going to lie. It took me a minute to get there, but I do. Now, if you’ll excuse me...”
He took a step backward, the urge to see Nessa as soon as possible riding him hard. There was something he needed to tell her. To ask her.
Starting with I love you.
Yeah, that word he’d been afraid to think even minutes ago when Cole had mentioned it. The same word that had brought him so much heartache and pain, he’d shied away from it. But his brother had been right. He’d rather risk the pain for what they could have, for who they could be, than watch her walk away from him because he was too afraid to try.
Oh fuck.
He loved her.
“I love you.”
Shit, did I say that aloud? But staring down into Olivia’s expectant face, catching the nervous twisting of her gloved hands, he had his answer. Not him. Her.
His gut twisted. And sorrow punched him in the chest. Because he was going to hurt her. There was no avoiding this. At one time, he’d been on the receiving end of this rejection, and he took no p
leasure on inflicting that pain.
“I love you, Wolf,” she repeated, shifting closer to him and setting a hand on his forearm. “I’ll tell you my wish that I threw in. Part of it has already come true. You forgave me. But I want us to be happy again. Together. In love. With that family we always talked about. I want the happily-ever-after. With you.”
Before he could gently inform her that what she desired couldn’t be, that he loved another woman, Olivia gripped his arms, surged up on her toes and kissed him.
Icy wave after wave of surprise crashed over him.
Wrong.
It was so wrong.
It wasn’t Nessa’s mouth on him.
Precious seconds passed as the frigid talons of shock gripped him, paralyzing him, and Olivia softly moaned, pressing her lips harder to his. Parting hers...
“No.” Voice harsher than he intended, he grabbed her shoulders and set her away from him. “Olivia, no.”
“I—” She blinked, her fingertips lifting to her mouth, confusion and arousal gleaming in her eyes. “I thought you—”
“Wolf.”
He turned away from Olivia at the low murmur of his name, meeting his sister’s wide, solemn gaze. Leo shifted slightly, and Wolf glanced away from her, noticing the silent woman standing beside her.
Nessa.
Nessa had seen Olivia kissing him.
Fear clawed at him.
“Nessa, it’s not...” ...what it looks like. Fuck. He cringed as the words of every busted guilty man reverberated in the air. He took a step toward her, his hand outstretched. “Nessa.”
That shuttered, cold expression had terror and sorrow slicing through him, damn near cleaving him in half. He’d fucked up. It didn’t matter that he hadn’t kissed Olivia first or invited it. In his mind, he could picture what it had looked like. What those few moments of him being stunned had cost him.
And for a woman who didn’t trust easily, had been let down, hurt and abandoned by the men in her life, she wouldn’t grant him the benefit of the doubt.
She would just break off their arrangement early and cut her losses.
