"After that," I continued, "Ama knew exactly how much could slow someone down. She began selling her poison on the black market, secretive with no one the wiser, except for my family. The money she made went to help make more."
"Not to help you," Archer said, his voice edged with glass.
I went silent for a second, contemplating that fact for the first time ever. But not too much or I'd drive myself insane. No one had even brought up helping me, and I didn't even know if that was an option, then or now.
"No." I took a shaky breath, and then another to flush that thought away. "My parents fought all the time, but one time I heard Baba crying. In the nineteen years I've been alive, I've only heard him cry twice. That day and the day he got shot. I was maybe around ten when this happened, and I went to see if he was all right. He was in the barn, sobbing, and when I got there, Ama lost it. She started hitting him, hard. I didn’t know what was happening except Baba was…" My voice cracked. "Was crying. I had to help him get her off him, so I went for the tools I knew were hanging on the wall. I found the shovel and scooted it across the hay toward him. And after…I don't really remember. Just silence. No more crying. No more screaming. No more…Ama."
"Did he find out what she did to you?" Archer rasped like it hurt him to ask.
"I don't know. He didn't say a word. Hardly said a word to me for the next nine years. After that, he continued selling on the black market."
"I bet that's where Faust found him," Grady said.
I nodded, suddenly exhausted now that the weight I'd been carrying had centered itself inside me in order to be poured out. But I still felt it within me, raw and painful, as though my insides were now outside and it didn't change anything. Not really.
"Aika," Archer said, and I felt him slide closer and curl his fingers around my foot. "I'm sorry."
I shook my head, too tired and emotionally spent to tell him he had no reason to be.
He laid his head next to my foot with his hand still curled around it. I settled in to sleep, nuzzling my face deeper into Sasha's fur. The sound of the crackling fire faded as I drifted, but not so much that I didn't hear Grady shift on my right. Something light brushed against the top of my thumb pressed to Sasha’s fur—his fingers, I realized—and then Grady's voice came, only inches away.
"I'm sorry too." His hand folded around Sasha, his fingertips still grazing my thumb and shooting an unexpected hum through my blood and a sudden burst of warmth around my heart.
I fell asleep, touched, in every way possible, by wolves.
Chapter 14
We would take turns in Slipjoint Forest with Sasha while we each did our parts. This was what terrified me the most. Not the fire that Archer and Grady would start, not entering the brothel by myself to search for Jade and Lee, not even Ronin's rescue. Just Sasha all alone with me. If something happened to her…I would never forgive myself. Not after everything she and her guardians had been through. Just the idea made me feel sick and shaky.
While Archer and Grady prepared to leave the next morning, I could barely lace up my boots. We couldn't fail tonight. There was too much at risk. My fingers trembled as I tried to tie my scarf around my eyes, and I had trouble bending them since they were already numb with cold. Grady had long since put our fire out.
When I'd protested, he'd said, "You're going to be cold all day anyway. What's a little longer? Besides, it'll put hair on your chest."
I hadn't thought that was amusing, especially coming from a wolf shifter.
The scarf over my eyes was necessary since traveling here with three wolves I could see through, but had no control over who I was seeing through, had made my stomach do somersaults.
From outside, the sounds of Archer playing with Sasha couldn't even make a smile crack through all my worries. He was trying to get her to growl, but she just gave gentle yips. Adorable, but we could really use more growling.
Grady came in then, sounding as if he were smashing through the entire rickety cabin. "You're still not ready?"
"You're going to put a muffle on yourself tonight?" I countered. "Do you know how to sneak?"
"Never needed to. Here." He whipped my scarf out from between my fingers. "Since you're moving at the speed of ice."
"Hmm, I wonder why. Maybe it's because someone put out the fire."
He grunted, his usual response when he knew I was right. He pressed the scarf to my eyes and looped it around my head.
"Watch the hair," I warned. I'd already managed to put it up first thing so it would stay out of my face.
"Yeah, yeah." His breath feathered across my nose, a light caress so at odds to the yanking and pulling behind me.
"Are you scared?" I blurted.
"No. Are you?"
"What if something happens to Sasha?"
He pulled away, the scarf now in place. "If we stick to the plan, nothing will happen to Sasha. Or Ronin. Or Archer or you."
"You forgot to add yourself."
"I don't need to. I know my part."
"I do too."
"Then play it. Stop worrying about the what-ifs and start worrying about the aftermath. Because there will be one." There was an edge to his voice at that last part, one that scraped over my flesh and trailed goose bumps behind.
"Then all of us need to stay together to face it,” I said. “I go with you, and you go with me. We're connected now. We both had something taken from us. Now we're going to take it back, and I mean all of it—your land in the Crimson Forest, my family and our means of survival, not just what we take back tonight."
His gaze penetrated deep, searching every corner of my face despite my blindfold. The air flickered between us, and the size and strength of him flooded my awareness.
"You really mean that, don't you?" he said.
"Of course I do."
Something shifted. Not like an actual movement, but something that echoed like one, like a decision made with finality.
In the space between heartbeats, he closed the distance between us and put his hand on my neck, not squeezing, just an unexpected pressure.
“What are you—”
He slid it lower until he found my pulse, a rhythm that had gone haywire. Then something soft brushed my lips, softer than I could’ve ever expected from Grady. His mouth, I realized. A kiss.
“I’ll help you.” His words brushed against all my senses, all their jagged, coarse edges scratching an itch I didn’t even know I had.
“Help me…” I wanted to ask it as a question: Help me how? But I was too breathless, too overcome with curiosity, that it sounded like an invitation.
And Grady took it as one. He captured my lips in another kiss, this one hard and rough as the rest of him. His hand left my throat and wound around my waist, burning me even closer to him. The muscled expanse underneath his cold coat pressed closer and consumed the chill, leaving only his fiery heat. My healed shoulder hit the flimsy wall, and something started to unspool deep inside of me. Something I didn’t have a name for. A knot of control or maybe inhibitions—and Grady held the thread.
I moaned loudly, grazing my fingers up the back of his buzz-cut hair.
He broke the kiss, his breaths heavy, and brought his mouth to my neck where he licked and sucked. “Tell me to stop.”
“Don’t.” I clutched him tighter.
His low chuckle vibrated into me and sank down in rippling tingles, so powerful that I ground my thighs together and rolled my hips into him. He caught them, and both his thumbs played across the waistband of my baggy pants.
“It’s what I do to take the edge off of my nerves,” he rasped between kisses to my neck, and then he sank one hand down the front of my pants.
I gasped and flung my head back against the wall. His fingers found me instantly since I wasn’t wearing underwear, and he slicked one inside of me. I moaned again, but this time, Grady caught it with a deep, searing kiss. I unraveled faster now, my whole body responding to his touch. My back arched off the wall, every single cel
l inside me wanting more.
“Tell me to stop,” he said again and then added a second finger.
I held to his face and kissed him with everything I had, finding absolutely no reason to tell him to stop. He thrust deeper and deeper as I ground myself against the heel of his palm.
And then I snapped. The thread he held came to a wild end, one that didn’t really feel like an end at all. If he would’ve touched my pulse then, it would’ve been soaring just like the rest of me. I cried out into his mouth while he continued to work his fingers and his tongue in rhythm, seeming to draw the sensation out for as long as possible.
Then, with one last shudder wracking my spine, he pulled away, taking his hand with him, and left the cabin without a word.
I existed in stunned silence for a long moment. Um, what? That was…strange. Exciting, but strange. He’d said that was what he did to take the edge off his nerves. To himself. Well, he’d said he wasn’t nervous, so…
The thought of him doing that stirred my blood faster.
I followed after him on rubbery legs.
Outside, the cold air slipped in through my coat and scarves, bit at my nose and cheeks, but I barely noticed. I still felt Grady's touch lighting my whole being on fire.
Archer stepped up next to me and took my arm. "Ready?"
I nodded, listening to Grady’s steps on the snow just ahead and wondering what he was doing, what he was thinking right now. Had he liked touching me like that? Had I?
Yes, I answered myself immediately. Yes.
What would Archer say if he knew? One female sharing several males was how they did things, but I wasn't a wolf. I wasn't one of them.
Shit, now I was thinking about this instead of what was to come like I should have been. So much for getting rid of my worries, but my body did feel looser, my chest slightly more unlocked so I could draw easier breaths.
"I did a number of changes on the sleigh for you," Archer said, leading me toward it. "It's got a leather harness to keep you and Sasha secured to it."
"And if it flips? Will Sasha be okay?" I asked as I stepped up onto the sleigh, trying to keep my voice even. My knee knocked against the stack of our supplies, wooden crates full of food, clothes, and other items.
"Sasha will be fine, but she won't like being contained in the back part of the sleigh. I basically made that part into a wolf pup-sized box with a secure lid. It’s big enough for her and Ronin, and I lined the inside with blankets so they don't bounce around too much."
I smiled in his direction. "Sounds like you thought of everything."
"I doubt that,” he replied.
"We've wasted enough time. It's almost nightfall," Grady said, his voice rough and mean again, when minutes before it had been almost soft and touched with desire.
He came up behind me and wrapped a leather harness around my waist, tugging forcefully until it was secure. Then he tied it to the crossbar in front of me, the leather creaking in the cold. He acted like our kiss, the magic he'd done with his fingers, was nothing. Was it? He’d just left afterward, and I really wasn’t sure how to feel about that.
Now, he stepped away without a word, without a lingering touch.
I had no time to waste on this—or him—right now. Too much was at stake.
"Okay, I think we have everything." Archer came around to my side, his feet crunching the snow. "Remember, the way there was nothing last time. We’re a little farther north of Old Man’s Den than our old cabin, but it won’t take us too much longer to get there."
I nodded. "It was running for our lives out of there that gave us the most trouble." I had a funny feeling we'd be doing more of that tonight.
Archer stepped up onto the sleigh with me, cupped my face in his large hands, and kissed me deeply. So different than Grady but not any less talented. Archer kissed missing pieces back into my soul while Grady burned my soul to cinders.
He pulled away, his rough breaths steaming my face. "See you on the other side of Slipjoint Forest."
Paws hit the ground once he and Grady shifted, and soon they were pulling the sleigh. We were off at about the same pace as last time, even with two wolves, since we had more weight. Grady didn’t appear to be limping in his wolf state, but over the racket we made, I couldn’t be sure.
The air tasted wetter, heavier, like the sky could barely contain the white-out it would unleash on everyone in just a few hours when winter was officially here. If there was ever a time I hoped winter didn't come any earlier, it was right now. Our success tonight starting a raging fire depended wholly on if winter held off like it was supposed to. I had no reason to doubt that it would come when it always came, but my luck lately had been epically shitty.
My ears burned for any sounds of distress from Sasha behind me in her box, and I was certain Archer and Grady were too. But she stayed quiet, hopefully enjoying an innocent adventure. Me? Not so much. I was shivering cold by the time we stopped.
The two sets of paws in front of me quickly turned into two pairs of feet and strode toward the back of the sleigh.
"How's Sasha?" I asked, keeping my voice low in case we weren't where I thought we were.
A slight clatter behind me, and then Archer's chuckle sounded. "She's pissed. Hey, girl. Are you finally growling?"
Sure enough, a light buzzing noise came, hardly a growl, but ridiculously cute.
"Well," Grady started, taking supplies from our stack behind me, "I'm not sure you're going to scare anyone off with that, but it's a start."
"It's fantastic," I said with a laugh. I worked at the knot of the leather harness on the crossbar to free myself, an almost impossible task with gloves and numb fingers. "Don't let anyone tell you different, Sasha."
"Don't listen to the human," Grady muttered.
The human. Because what could a lowly human possibly know about anything? A splinter formed at the base of my heart.
Star anise infused the cold air as Grady and Archer rubbed the crushed herb all over themselves to mask their wolf scent. It was even more powerful than peppermint, and I wrinkled my nose.
While they did that, I took Sasha out of the back of the sleigh and sat down on it with her in my lap for warmth, for comfort. Then I undid my blindfold. Through Sasha’s eyes, I found that we were in roughly the same place Archer had stopped the last time we were here, right behind a large hill.
Archer knelt down next to me, and smoothed his hand over the back of my head and then Sasha's. Tension stiffened his broad shoulders and pinched the corners of his eyes and mouth. Steam puffed between his lips as he looked between the two of us, his midnight hair feathering the strong cut of his jaw.
"You know the plan," he said. "Grady will be back once we start the fire, and then it's your turn while I get Ronin."
I nodded. "Be careful."
"You too," he said, his voice tight.
“Wish I had my walking stick,” Grady rumbled.
I heaved a frustrated breath. “If only we were in a forest full of sticks to choose from.”
He fixed me with those gunmetal eyes of his, his irritation flaring deep. “None of them are mine. The one you lost was perfect.”
Archer threw up his hands while he cut Grady to pieces with the force of his glare. “Yeah, let’s do this instead of what we came here to god damn do, asshole.”
No matter what he did, I couldn’t get a consistent read on Grady. How could he go from fiery hot to frigid so quickly?
“What is your problem?” I demanded.
Without a word, Grady turned and limped up the hill.
“Ignore him. I do.” Shaking his head, Archer turned to me. “See you soon. Take care of Sasha for us.”
He followed up the hill, leaving me alone in the middle of a forest with their wolf pup as the last autumn night began to fall. What could go wrong?
I watched them through Sasha until they crested the hill, and then I waited in the quiet. There wasn't any wind, which made it easier to hear any sounds in the forest, but it might
not help too much with building a boiling fire. It was as if the air was saving its fury for tomorrow's winter. I pressed a constant stream of kisses to Sasha's head to keep her from wriggling, and she just sat there and took my loving, though I could tell she was getting restless.
"They'll be back soon," I whispered into her fur.
Just sitting here made me shiver farther into my coat until my teeth clicked together, so I got up and paced a tight line in front of the sleigh. Sasha seemed fascinated with the tops of the trees, so I closed my eyes to her constant head tilting. Not that I blamed her. There was nothing else to do while we waited.
Soon—or not; I really had no idea—I smelled smoke. Anxiety squeezed my chest around my thrumming heartbeat. The size of the fire they'd talked about making was dangerous, but that size was needed for all of this to work. Still, what if something happened to them?
The smell grew thicker. Somewhere deeper in town, a bell rang like an alarm.
I waited, turning Sasha about every two of my steps to see toward the top of the hill. Still nothing.
Sasha whimpered, and I bundled her into my coat with her face peering out the top so we could share body heat. But she just whimpered again as though she could sense something was wrong.
"It's okay, sweet girl. They'll be back soon."
I started counting the seconds, keeping time with my steps, and looked toward the hill. The smoke smell grew thicker, stronger. When my number counting became ridiculously large, I couldn’t stand it anymore. Grady should’ve been back long before now.
Something had happened.
I’d have to go in there myself. With Sasha, because there was no way I’d leave her out here by herself.
“Shit,” I hissed through chattering teeth. “Shit, shit, shit.”
Working as fast as I could, I found the crushed star anise on the top of our supplies and rubbed it all over the both of us, then bundled her wiggly butt to me using the leather harness on the sleigh. Even though I could really use her eyes to help me find Jade and Lee, I couldn’t risk anyone seeing her. So, I buttoned my coat up to my neck so not even the tips of her ears showed through. The buttons pulled around the both of us, allowing plenty of frigid air for her to breathe and me to freeze unless I got moving.
Winter's Edge (The Crimson Winter Reverse Harem Series Book 1) Page 13
