Chapter Eight
The days were sweet and warm, and they ran into each other. There was no real marker of time by the weather, but the days began to get longer, and the nights shorter. Nora sometimes found herself contemplating what she would have been doing if she’d still been in the mundane world. As March toiled on, she remembered that, in the mundane world, she’d usually have a spring break from school. While her classmates would have been excited about it, Nora wouldn’t have greeted the news with any emotion whatsoever. Her life before Helicon had been dreary and hopeless. She’d slogged through it, trying to keep her head up, but never being able to give in to her deepest passions and desires. Never being able to create. And here in Helicon, creating was all she did.
The food enclave asked for volunteers to help with planting new crops for the year, and Doreen volunteered Maddie without asking her. “Typical,” she muttered when she found out. But to keep her from being too upset about it, Nora and Sawyer joined in the planting as well. They all ended up under the direction of Silas Sower, whose excitement over planting was infectious. As they plowed fields and sowed seeds, he told them all about each plant they were growing and explained the germination process in incredible detail. Nora thought that if she’d been taught this in school, she probably would have tuned the entire thing out. But there was something about hearing it from the lips of someone who found it so interesting that made it interesting to Nora as well. And working hands-on kept it from being as boring as sitting in a classroom.
So March passed in a flurry of planting and learning. When April rolled around, Nora suddenly found her days free again, and she wasn’t sure what to do with them. Sawyer immediately returned to the clothing and fabric enclave. “What can I say? I love clothes?” he said, grinning. Maddie went back to dancing. Both invited her to come along, but Nora wasn’t sure what she wanted to do. She followed Sawyer for a few days, wandering around the clothing and fabric enclave. Sawyer spent most of his time in a tent full of sewing machines. When he wasn’t making things, he perused fabric that other muses were spinning and weaving in a tent full of looms, old fashioned spinning wheels, and balls of yarn. The enclave even had its own collection of live silkworms, which were treated with reverence. They had names, but Nora couldn’t tell them apart.
During those days, Nora decided to make herself a patchwork skirt, like the ones so many of the muses wore. Sawyer wrinkled up his nose when he found out. He didn’t approve of patchwork. He thought it looked homespun. Nora said she liked homespun.
She didn’t do too badly of a job at it. Even Sawyer admitted her choice of fabrics was inspired. The skirt sported several different shades of blue, with a few patches in paisley blue patterns. It turned out nicely, and Nora enjoyed wearing it. The sewing machines, however, were a headache and a half, because no matter what the muses did to them, it seemed that the tension randomly went “bad,” which meant a long process of rethreading. When Nora complained about this to Sawyer, he shrugged. “That’s what sewing machines do. We tried to convince engineering to work on fixing the problem, and they claim they’re working on it, but more pressing needs seem to occupy them a lot, like breaking toilets.”
But finally, Nora left the clothes and fabrics enclave. She liked her skirt, and she’d had fun making it, but making clothes didn’t sing to her in the same way it sang to Sawyer.
Over the next few weeks, she flitted about. In the back of her head, she kept thinking about returning to the visual art enclave, but she didn’t. Instead, she visited Maddie for a little bit and got some more ballet lessons in the dance enclave. Then she spent a few days in the food enclave, where Doreen taught Nora to make a cherry tart. She spent a full week in the poetry and writing enclave, working with a few other muses to make perfect heroic couplets. They were writing an epic poem about a mouse named Theo. Apparently, it was meant to be satiric, since mice were not particularly epic or heroic. Nora was good at rhyming and rhythm, but not so good at understanding the tone of the poem. After several of her verses were rejected because they weren’t funny enough, the poet muses said she should possibly visit the drum tent in the music enclave.
The music enclave sat right next to the main fire pit. It was sprawling and massive, and Nora understood that Phoebe was part of it. Phoebe had a positively beautiful voice. Nora could have gotten lost in and among all the tents there. The music muses made most of their own instruments, and there were a bunch of tents devoted to instrument craft. Then there were tents in which muses practiced playing their instruments, which were divided according to type. Strings, woodwinds, brass, percussion. Within each of these, there were even more divisions, making the place a confusing labyrinth of tents. The music enclave seemed a wee bit more organized than the visual art enclave, but it was also clear that it had grown organically, and that the muses had accommodated this growth the best they could, even if it disturbed some original plan.
Percussion was an enormous part of the music enclave, owing to the fact that the drum circle every evening meant that drummers played regularly and for a lot of people. Nora wandered into an area full of scattered tents and pulsing beats. Muses clustered in groups, some sitting on large drums, tapping their fingers against taut booming heads, others banging away with sticks. In the distance, she could also hear the tinkle of triangles or tambourines. Amazingly, even though none of the groups seemed to be playing together, they all seemed to be following the same beat. It was as if the air around her throbbed with it, as if she’d entered the heartbeat of Helicon, its thumping center.
A boy she recognized from the tweens and rebels enclave loped through the tents, carrying a two-foot hand drum with one hand. He was one of the older tweens, Nora thought. Older than Sawyer, Maddie, and her, but not yet into his twenties. He was probably Owen’s age. Maybe a little older. He wore his hair in long sandy-colored dreadlocks, and he had a sprinkling of freckles across his nose. She couldn’t remember his name, but when he waved at her, she waved back.
He stopped next to her, setting his drum on the ground. “You’re Nora, right?”
Crap. He remembered her name. She nodded. “Um... I’ve forgotten your name.” She cringed.
He offered her his hand. “No problem. I forget people’s names all the time. I’m Agler Thorn.”
She took his hand. His grip was firm but not crushing. She found herself noticing the strength in his forearms, how tanned and solid they were. She looked away from him, feeling embarrassed.
“What brings you to the music enclave? Word on the street is you’re a sculptor.”
Nora shrugged self-consciously and glanced back at his face again. Wow, his eyes were really green, weren’t they? “I’m trying different things out. The poets seemed to think I had a good sense of rhythm, so I thought I’d try playing drums.”
Nora hadn’t gone back to the visual arts enclave after the incident with Owen. She was afraid that she’d become so sucked into her work there that she’d neglect him again. It seemed important that she not do that. Owen needed her. For some reason, thinking about him made her feel a strange stab of guilt. But it wasn’t as if she’d done anything wrong. It wasn’t wrong to notice that a boy was tanned and strong and had very green eyes. Besides, Agler was older than she was. Of course, Owen was older than she was. Nora swallowed and tried to put it all out of her mind.
“Awesome,” said Agler. He picked up the drum he’d been carrying and offered it to her. “Try this one.”
“No,” said Nora. “That’s yours.”
“It’s a loaner from the leftovers tent.” Agler pointed. “I’ll grab another one. Stay right where you are.” He darted off in the direction of the tent he’d pointed to.
Nora clutched the drum, unsure of what to do. Agler was only being nice. Everyone knew she and Owen were together. She had nothing to worry about.
Agler reappeared with an almost identical drum in a few minutes. He led her over to some empty wooden benches where they sat down together. “I’m lear
ning too,” said Agler. “I’ve been playing guitar since I was a kid, but I want to branch out a little bit, you know? I thought I’d start with drums. But I’m kind of horrible at it.” He gave her a lopsided grin and demonstrated.
Immediately, Nora could hear that his hands weren’t hitting time within the beat that was pulsing all around them. She brought the flats of her hands down on her own drum instinctively, wanting to show him where he was wrong, but, to her horror, her hands didn’t obey. She could hear what she wanted them to do, but they came down wrong anyway. She made a face.
“Harder than it looks, right?” said Agler.
“I know what I want to hear,” said Nora. “But my hands are playing the wrong thing.”
Agler laughed. “Story of my life, Nora. Ever since I started playing music, I’ve felt like that. My whole family lives in the music enclave, right? And I love music. I hear it in my head even when it’s not playing. But...there’s some disconnect somewhere. I can’t ever play what I hear.” He rested his hands on his drum. “At least not yet, anyway. I’m determined to get better. I’ve been playing guitar for a long time, and I’m pretty good at that, so I figure it’ll happen with hard work.”
Hard work? That wasn’t a phrase Nora heard much of in Helicon. The muses didn’t work. They played. “That’s interesting. Ever since I’ve got here, I’ve gotten the impression that people didn’t so much labor over things. Instead, it seems like muses look for something they’re naturally good at and don’t bother trying to do things that are difficult.”
He raised his eyebrows. “Maybe we should both skip the drums and hang out in the philosophy enclave. I think about that too. But I wonder if an accomplishment really means as much if it comes easily, you know? I like to think about things, about why people do what they do and what it all means, but I also like feeling as if I’m making progress towards a goal. I wonder sometimes if the muses are leaving things on the table. Maybe they’re focused too much on the easy way out.”
Nora considered. “I guess it depends on whether or not you’re actually making progress, doesn’t it? Because if you work really hard and get nowhere, that’s kind of depressing.”
Agler laughed again. “You saying I’m getting nowhere with the drums?”
“No!” Nora was horrified. “I was being hypothetical. I thought we were talking in general.”
“I’m teasing,” said Agler. He nudged her drum. “Why don’t you try again? I think it helps to start slow. Feel the base beat first before you try to find the beats in between.”
Together, the two began to echo the underlying beat all around them. Nora found that this was much easier, and that as she eased into the beat, it started to swallow her. She sunk into it, felt it reverberate in her bones. Her hands seemed to move on their own as if the beat was directing them and not her own body. Slowly, new directions began to occur to her fingers, and she let them explore them. It was an odd sensation, as if the music was flowing through her instead of her making it deliberately. Her eyes closed, Nora let the drum beat play her. She disappeared into it for a long time.
When she finally stopped playing, it was only because her arms were starting to hurt so much that it was distracting. She opened her eyes to see that Agler wasn’t playing. He was staring at her instead.
“I hate you,” he said, but he was grinning. “You’re a natural.”
“It wasn’t me,” said Nora. “Not really. It was like the beat sort of controlled me. Like I let it out.” That sounded completely odd and mystical, but she didn’t know how else to explain it.
Agler nodded. “I get that. I’ve been there. It’s a good place to be.”
Nora noticed the position of the sun in the sky. It was sinking over the horizon, meaning it was later than she’d realized. She stood up. “I need to go.”
Agler stood up too. “Why? I was thinking of getting my guitar. I want to play with you, and I’m hell on the drums apparently.”
“Sorry,” said Nora. “It’s late, and I have to meet my boyfriend.”
“Oh yeah. Owen Asher.”
Sawyer was right. Sometimes it was really annoying that everyone in Helicon seemed to know everything about her. “Can you point me back in the direction of the leftovers tent? I’ll take the drum back.”
“No, I’ve got it.” Agler picked it up. “Maybe this is none of my business, but what’s the attraction there, anyway?”
Nora didn’t understand. “Attraction?”
“Yeah. To Owen.”
Nora wasn’t sure what to say. “Well, he’s always taken care of me, you know. He was all I had in the mundane world.”
“So you date him out of, like, gratitude?”
“No,” said Nora, feeling a little annoyed. “I date him because I’m in love with him.”
Agler raised his eyebrows again. He hoisted Nora’s drum over his shoulder, holding it by the bindings that held the head to the base, and picked up his own drum.
“What does it matter to you, anyway?”
“It doesn’t,” said Agler. “I remember him from when he was a kid here in Helicon, that’s all. I guess he’s grown up a lot since then, so I’m probably being an ass for judging him on that crap.”
Nora was still mad, but she was also interested. “What exactly did Owen do when he was a kid that freaked everyone out so much?”
Agler looked uncomfortable. “He was kind of a bully, I guess. There was this thing...you know, never mind. It was kid stuff. He’s your boyfriend. I’m sure you know him better than anyone.” He tried a smile. “You, uh, going to come back tomorrow?”
“Maybe,” said Nora. Agler made her feel a little on edge for some reason. “Thanks for taking the drum back for me.”
“Sure thing,” said Agler.
Nora rushed back to her tent, sprinting to try to get there as quickly as she could. With any luck, she’d make it back before Owen got there. If she was late, he would probably freak out. He got worried about her, and he wanted to spend time with her. The more worried he got, the more likely he’d start getting... Well, she didn’t like to worry him.
After Valentine’s Day, she’d done her best never to forget about Owen again. They spent every evening together. They ate together. They went on walks around Helicon. A lot of times, they just hung out in Owen’s tent. As long as she showed up on time, and she wasn’t distracted when they were together, Owen was fine. She was helping him. Whatever darkness was inside him because of his powers, she was helping him keep it at bay. He told her as much. Of course, when she screwed up, he started to get worse. And it broke her heart when Owen told her that if she’d only been a little more considerate, he’d never have started teetering into the deep end. She did her best, but she screwed up more than she liked.
She only wished Owen would stop pushing for them to sleep together. He’d gotten almost obsessed with it, and it was her least favorite part of their time together. At some point during every evening, he’d bring it up. When he did, Nora’s stomach always sank. She knew it wasn’t going to be a good discussion.
Owen couldn’t understand why she wanted to wait. And when he’d talk to her about it, his voice would be so soft and rational. She felt like she was going insane. She knew there was no good reason to put it off. They should do it. They were in love. It only made sense. Owen wouldn’t hurt her. He wouldn’t abandon her. She knew it didn’t make any sense to keep saying no.
But she didn’t want to have sex for the first time after a rational negotiation. Owen’s reasons might be sound, but they weren’t particularly sexy. They didn’t put her in the mood to get busy. Instead, they made her feel stupid and immature. She wanted it to happen on its own, without Owen orchestrating the whole thing.
She remembered the first time they’d kissed. It had been after one of their failed attempts to get back into Helicon. They’d snuck out of their foster placement, and Nora knew they’d be in trouble when they got back. They were outside, in the darkness, and her throat was sore from so
me chant they’d been screaming over and over. Foreign words had gotten stuck in her mouth for too long. After hours, they’d given up.
She’d been sitting on the ground, too tired to cry, thinking about how hopeless it all was. It was worse, because, back then, she’d still gotten so hopeful about every one of Owen’s schemes. He’d convinced her it would work. The sting of failure was too much. She’d felt like giving up, almost like dying.
Owen had put his arm around her, and she’d laid her head on his shoulder.
His voice had been exhausted. “I’m sorry. I thought it would work.”
“You always think it will work.” She’d been bitter.
“I am going to get us back there.” His grip had tightened on her shoulder, fierce. Determined.
She’d sagged against him, wanting to suck his strength into her body.
He’d turned to face her, moved her so that she was looking straight into his eyes. He’d said, “You have to believe me, Nora. I will do it. Don’t stop believing. Please.”
But she hadn’t been able to see any way out. She’d shaken her head.
And then he’d kissed her.
Out of nowhere. Right when the situation had seemed so bleak that she didn’t think she could go on. From that horrid place, she’d felt the sweet pressure of Owen’s lips on hers. It had awakened something inside her, some tiny spark of hope. Her stomach had gone fluttery, feeling his arms wrap around her, feeling the warmth of his skin through his clothes burning against hers. The kiss had brought her back.
When they did make love, she wanted it to be like that. She didn’t mean that she wanted to feel hopeless again. She never wanted to feel that way again. But she wanted it to simply come out of nowhere and engulf her. She wanted her body to slowly wake up in his arms, under his caresses. She wanted it to feel natural. And Owen kept pushing. He made it impossible.
Even when they were making out in his tent, and his fingers were skimming over her body, making her gasp in pleasure, she felt pressure. She felt like he was doing it to try to make her have sex with him. She wished Owen would stop thinking about it and stop talking about it. If he let it go, it would probably happen.
But he didn’t understand, and when she tried to explain this to him, she never got it all out before he interrupted her and twisted her words around so that she sounded like a complete idiot.
The worst thing was that she knew she’d have to do it soon, because he was starting to get angry about her repeated refusals. And angry Owen made her feel shivery and frightened. If she wanted him to stay happy and okay, they were going to have to do it. Nora promised herself she’d let him do it soon. She would. But every night, when Owen started making his advances, she told herself that she didn’t want it to be that night. The future was better. The now wasn’t right.
Owen was waiting for her when she got back to her tent. Damn it. She knew he was going to be upset with her. She steeled herself for his lecture about how concerned he’d been.
But instead, Owen was apologetic. “Hey,” he said. “I wondered if you’d mind if we waited until a little later to hang out today? I was working on some stuff for the engineering enclave, and they asked if I could stay later. I said I’d check with you.”
Huh. Owen didn’t want to hang out? That wasn’t normal. But Nora didn’t see a problem with it. She could eat dinner with Maddie and Sawyer for a change, and that sounded nice. “Sure,” she said. “Go ahead.”
“Are you sure?” said Owen. “Because I know we usually spend the evenings together.”
She gave him a hug and kiss. “It’s fine. Go have fun.”
He looked relieved. “Cool. And you’ll be here later? I can come by when I’m done?”
“Yep,” said Nora.
And with that, Owen was gone. Nora felt free and happy. She had the evening to herself. She couldn’t remember the last time that had happened. She dove into her tent to play with Catling, quite pleased.
A little while later, she heard Maddie’s chattering from outside her tent, and she bounded outside to meet her. Maddie and Sawyer were both outside. They were surprised to see her.
“Where’s Owen?” asked Maddie.
Nora grinned. “He’s busy. Won’t be back until later.”
“You seem happy about that,” noted Sawyer.
Nora suddenly realized that she did feel pretty glad about not being with Owen. That was strange, wasn’t it? She shrugged. “Well, I see him all the time. I’m excited about getting to hang out with you guys.” It wasn’t about Owen, after all. It was about her friends.
The three went to have dinner at the main fire pit. They stayed for the council meeting, which was relatively tame. Techne was trying to get some muse energy allocated to creating some chemicals she and the science enclave wanted in order to conduct some experiments. Alexander got a little annoyed and demanded to know why the science enclave couldn’t ever do any science that actually benefitted Helicon. He said that the community could use all kinds of scientific innovation, but that the science enclave never seemed to do anything practical. His objections were voted down, however, and the science enclave got what they wanted.
They stayed for a little of the drum circle. Maddie and Nora danced outside the circle together, linking arms and swinging each other around while their feet pounded in time to rhythm of the drums. They found themselves exhausted pretty quickly, falling into a giggling heap on the ground. Sawyer hauled them to their feet, and they went back to the tweens and rebels enclave.
As they passed under the arch to the enclave, they noticed that their fire pit had been lit, and that some of the older tweens were gathered around the fire. They were drinking something—probably procured from wine and spirits—out of earthen cups and talking animatedly.
The older tweens never seemed to want to have much to do with any of the younger tweens, so the three of them attempted to slink past, heading for the tree house instead.
But someone yelled out from across the fire pit, “Hey, Nora!” She turned to look. It was Agler. He waved at her, a big grin on his face. Then he gestured for her to come over. “Bring your friends.”
Nora looked at Maddie, whose eyes were wide, and then at Sawyer, who shrugged. She headed over with Maddie and Sawyer flanking her. There was an empty bench next to him, and they all sat down there, feeling a little out of place.
“You guys were at the council meeting, right?” asked Agler.
They all nodded.
“Well, we were talking about what Alexander said,” said Agler. “It reminded me of something I was talking to Nora about today, actually. And then you walked by.” He smiled.
Nora didn’t see the connection between what Alexander said and what she and Agler had been talking about earlier.
Another tween, leaning forward on a bench, said, “Agler, I don’t think the science enclave was taking the easy way out, though. They needed a chemical, and we don’t have it in Helicon. They were only asking permission to go ahead and make it using muse magic.”
“Yeah,” said Agler, “but it’s apparently going to take a good bit of energy, or they wouldn’t have needed to come to the council about it.”
Another tween girl took a drink from her cup. “But that’s only because of Phoebe. My father says that before she took over the council, there were no rules about how much energy to use.”
“No,” said Agler, “but Alexander made a good point. He said that the science enclave could be using their creativity for a dual purpose. They could be doing scientific experiments and also helping out the community in a practical way.”
The girl shook her head. “That’s completely against everything we do here in Helicon. We’re supposed to do what we want, be as creative as possible, and make inspiration threads. And you can’t be creative about something you aren’t driven to do, no matter how practical it is.” She said the word practical with a good bit of distain in her voice.
“Well, that’s what Nora and I were talking
about,” said Agler, and he turned to her as if he expected her to jump into the conversation.
Nora was sifting through everything she’d said to Agler. She felt everyone’s gaze on her. Her throat felt dry. “Look, all I said was that muses don’t usually work. They play.”
“Exactly,” said the tween girl. “We play. It’s what we’re supposed to do, Agler. Not help the community.”
“Yeah,” said Agler, “but why not? I mean, has anyone here actually tried to be creative at something they don’t feel driven to do?”
Maddie spoke up. “Um, my mother’s convinced I’m going to cook in the food enclave, and I’ve tried to do it for her. But I don’t want to do that.”
“Are you bad at cooking?” asked Agler.
“I don’t know,” said Maddie. “I’m okay, I guess. My mom thinks I’m good at it. But even if I am, it’s like torture trying to force myself to do something I hate.”
“But you can do it,” said Agler, gesturing toward Maddie.
“She hates it though,” said the first tween. “She says it’s torture. I don’t think we should be torturing ourselves.”
“Well, not torturing ourselves,” said Agler. “But I think if it’s for the greater good, then maybe we should undergo a little bit of discomfort occasionally.”
“But we don’t have to,” said the first tween. “We have enough energy to create everything we need. We’d never have to cook food if there weren’t muses who enjoyed it. We could create food if we needed it.”
“But every bit of energy we use is energy we can’t send back to the mundane world, right?” said Nora. “And that is why we’re here. To inspire humans.”
Agler pointed at her. “Exactly.”
The girl tween pursed her lips. “That’s what Phoebe says. That we need to save up all this energy. But she never explains why, does she? Her word is law.”
“Come on,” said the first tween, “the council must have voted on it at some point. We were just too young to remember it.”
The girl took a gulp of her drink and shrugged. “I need a refill.” She got up and wandered over to the edge of the fire pit, where Nora could see a tall barrel with a spout on it. The girl turned it and filled her cup.
Agler pointed at Nora, Maddie, and Sawyer. “Hey, you guys want any? It’s like a wheat beer from the wine and spirits enclave. It’s pretty good.”
“Um...” Nora wasn’t sure what to say.
“There are cups over there,” said Agler. “Help yourselves.”
Maddie didn’t move, but Sawyer got up nonchalantly and went to the barrel. Nora chewed on her lip, but then said, “Sawyer, will you bring me some?”
After all, it wasn’t as if Nora had never drunk alcohol in her life. It wasn’t that big of a deal. And there wasn’t any restriction in Helicon claiming she couldn’t drink. Near as she could tell, the muses didn’t bother with age limits on much of anything.
By the time Sawyer returned with their drinks, Agler was talking again. “Look, all I’m saying is that there are enclaves here that do things for the community, and there are enclaves that don’t. The food enclave, the engineering enclave, the architecture enclave, they all make things that we need.”
Sawyer handed her a cup, and Nora took a drink. The beer was fizzy and cold, with a tiny hint of sweetness. It really was pretty good.
“Hold on,” said the girl tween. “That’s not true. Everyone here does something for the community. Just because you can’t touch it, or eat it, or use it, doesn’t mean it’s not important.”
“There’s a difference, though, Evie, and you know it,” said Agler.
Evie took a drink. “I don’t think there is. What would Helicon be like if there wasn’t music around the fire pit every evening? Don’t we need that?”
“More than food?” said Agler.
“I see what you’re saying, Agler,” said the first tween. “I do. But I think you’re confused, because I don’t think the primary purpose of the muses is to survive. The primary purpose of the muses is to create. So, it’s great if some of the stuff we create helps us survive, but it’s not necessary.”
Sawyer took a long drink from his beer, as if he was gathering courage from the liquid. “Don’t all living beings have the drive to survive deep down, though? I mean, we can’t inspire if we don’t eat, right?”
“Yeah,” said the first tween, “but like I said, if we didn’t grow food, we’d be able to make it anyway. We have energy.”
“But we get it from the mundane world,” said Sawyer.
“And that’s what Alexander’s saying,” said Agler. “If the humans don’t survive, we don’t survive. So, why is it a big deal for us all to pitch in a little bit to make more energy for everyone?”
“You keep talking about Alexander,” said Evie, “but everyone knows that the muse police are just jealous because they can’t create, and we can. They’re stuck with the shit job. Of course, they’re going to tell us that we’re lazy, and we should work harder.”
Agler drained his cup. “If you ask me, the people with the shit job are the engineering enclave. Literally. Because they figured out how to make our toilets work.”
Everyone around the fire laughed.
The first tween sputtered through his beer. “I don’t know why you’re all on this, anyway, Agler. Don’t you keep spending most of your time in the philosophy enclave? And of everybody in Helicon, the philosophy is the least useful.”
“What do you think we talk about in the philosophy enclave?” said Agler. “We try to figure out what our purpose is. Why are we here? Why are we muses?”
“So, it seems like you figured it out,” said Evie, grinning. “So join the engineering enclave and repair toilets.”
Agler shook his head. “I haven’t figured it out at all. I’m just throwing ideas around.” He toyed with his empty cup. “Besides, philosophy is totally useful.”
Evie guffawed. “Oh, now you’re changing your tune when someone attacks your enclave.”
“It’s not my enclave,” said Agler. “I haven’t decided anything yet. I’m only saying that without meaning, everything is empty, right? So without philosophers, who thinks about what stuff means?”
“You could say that about anything here,” said the first tween. “You could say that what the muses do is bring meaning to everything. Beauty and art and emotion and all that. We are meaning.”
“That’s beautiful,” said Agler, getting up and walking over to the barrel to refill his cup.
“So, it’s settled then?” said Evie.
The first tween took a drink. “Nothing’s settled for a philosopher.”
“I’m not a philosopher,” said Agler. “Just today, I was playing drums with Nora.” He pointed at her with one hand, while bent over the barrel.
“Drums are a good idea,” said the first tween. “We should get instruments. Screw all this talk. Let’s play music.”
“I liked the conversation,” said Evie.
Agler sat back down, beer sloshing out of his cup. “What does Nora want to do?”
Nora felt embarrassed. “Me?” She’d wanted to spend an evening with Maddie and Sawyer. She felt uncomfortable hanging out with the older tweens but also excited, because they seemed so grown-up and interesting. “Well, we were going to hang out in the treehouse.”
“We’re boring them,” said the first tween. “See, Agler?”
“I’m not bored,” said Nora.
“The beer’s good,” said Sawyer. “Conversation too.”
“You’re Sawyer, right?” said the first tween.
Sawyer nodded. “Please don’t tell me that you’re going to ask why I wear skirts.”
The first tween laughed. “Okay, never mind.”
Sawyer rolled his eyes.
“No, but I think it’s really bold,” said the first tween. “I do. Seriously. And I think there’s not enough boldness around here sometimes, you know? We need bold muses. So you’re awesome.”
Sawyer might have been blushing. He told his cup, “Thank you.”
“I’m Jack,” said the first tween. He grinned across the fire pit at Sawyer.
“Seriously, Nora,” said Agler. “What do you want to do?”
“She’s got plans.” Owen appeared out of the shadows, the angles in his face lit up by the fire.
Nora stood up. “Owen.”
He folded his arms over his chest. “Let’s go, Nora.”
Nora scurried over to him.
Agler stood up. “Hold on. You just snap your fingers, and she runs to you? Maybe she wants to stay.”
Owen smirked. “Agler Thorn, right? You’re just a taller five-year-old.”
Agler’s jaw clenched. “Yeah, maybe you’re not so different either, Owen.” He turned to Nora, his expression softening. “You can hang out with us if you want.”
“Nora wants to come with me,” said Owen. “Right, Nora?”
Nora nodded, looking at the ground and not at Agler. For some reason, she felt like she was betraying him. Owen’s hand closed firmly over her own. She let him lead her away from the tweens and rebels enclave, into the woods surrounding it.
When they were far enough away that Nora could no longer see the fire, Owen dropped her hand. He faced her. She could only see his blue eyes in the darkness. “What was that?”
“What was what?”
“You were drinking beer with Agler Thorn,” said Owen.
“So?” said Nora.
“You may not remember,” said Owen, “but when we were kids, Agler tormented us. Both of us. He was not a particularly nice person. Maybe he’s grown up, but somehow, I kind of doubt it.”
Nora felt confused. Agler had said that Owen was a bully. Obviously, the truth of the matter was that the two didn’t get along. Maybe it was only little kid posturing, but it meant it was going to be pretty hard for her to be friends with Agler, and she’d liked talking to him. Nora guessed she wouldn’t be going back to the music enclave the next day after all. “He seemed nice.”
“He’s only being nice to you to get to me,” said Owen. “Trust me. He’s trying to piss me off. And it’s sort of working.”
Great. Angry Owen. Just what she needed. But Nora was having a hard time believing that Agler was only talking to her because he wanted to pick a fight with Owen. She knew better than to say that to Owen, though. Once he got an idea in his head, it was better not to try and dislodge it. He’d think what he wanted, and that was all there was to it. She stroked his arm. “It’s okay.”
“You’re not going to talk to him anymore, are you?” asked Owen.
So he was going to make her promise that, was he? Well, she’d already decided it would be a bad idea. “No.”
“Good,” said Owen. He took her hand again. They walked. “I’ve got to say, it kind of worries me, though. I mean, we’re apart for one evening, and the minute I’m gone, you’re drinking beer and hanging out with another guy.”
“It wasn’t like that,” Nora said, sensing a minefield in this turn of discussion. “There were a bunch of us. We were talking.” She decided to try to steer the conversation elsewhere. “So, how was your evening?”
“Don’t change the subject,” said Owen. “It makes it sound like you’re hiding something. Are you hiding something, Nora?”
“No,” she said.
“Because you know I get worried.”
He did get worried. All the time. But he’d never been worried about other guys before. And Nora had to admit that she’d possibly found Agler a little bit attractive. But she hadn’t done anything or said anything that was wrong. She was fine. “Don’t be worried, Owen.” She kissed him on the cheek, trying to reassure him. “I love you.”
“I think I’d feel better about it if I was sure you were committed to this. To us.”
“I am committed.” Why would he think otherwise?
“Then why won’t you make love to me?”
No. They were not back to this conversation again. They’d barely been together for a few minutes, and he was already harping on it. “I will, when the time is right.”
“And when is that going to be?”
“I don’t know. I’ll know in the moment,” said Nora. “We’ll be together, everything will be perfect, and it will just happen.”
“What would make everything perfect? How could things be more perfect than they are now?”
“I don’t want to talk about this right now,” Nora muttered.
“You never want to talk about it, and it never happens,” said Owen. He sounded irritated.
Nora heaved a sigh. She’d been so excited to have a fun evening with Maddie and Sawyer. If she’d never gone over to talk to Agler, none of this would have happened. She knew that if she didn’t make Owen mad, he’d be fine. But it was hard to figure out what would make him mad. It seemed like more and more things set him off. She was exhausted trying to keep up. She pulled her hand away from his, a thought occurring to her. Maybe it wasn’t her. Maybe Owen was the problem. Maybe he got too mad too easily. “Well, it’s definitely not going to happen if you keep pushing me like this. When we argue, it doesn’t exactly put in me in the mood.”
Owen barked out a harsh laugh. “Oh, nice, Nora. So now it’s my fault because I’m trying to fix this problem.”
“Who said it was a problem?” said Nora. “I’m fine with the way things are. You’re the one who’s always getting mad about something. You’re never satisfied with anything.”
“Maybe,” said Owen, “that’s because I’m sexually frustrated, and you keep holding out on me.”
He always made it her fault. She shook her head. “I’m going back to my tent.” She started to walk away.
Owen caught her by the shoulder. “You’re just going to leave? We haven’t spent any time together tonight.”
“If we’re going to fight the whole time, I don’t see the point.”
“We wouldn’t fight if you’d give in already and do it.”
Nora was starting to get mad. “What if I never give in? What then? What if I decide I’m going to stay a virgin forever? Do you want me or do you just want what’s between my legs?” She yanked herself away from him and stalked back through the woods.
Owen came after her. He grabbed her by the arms and propelled her up against the trunk of a tree. She winced as her body slammed into it. “Don’t walk away from me.” Owen’s voice was low and gravelly.
“Let me go,” said Nora. “You’re hurting me.”
“I’m hurting you?” said Owen. “What do you think you’re doing to me? For all I know, the reason you aren’t putting out is because you’re spreading your legs for Agler.”
That was ugly. “I would never do something like that.”
“You don’t care about me at all, do you?” said Owen. “You know how hard this is for me. You know how much I struggle to keep myself under control. And you keep pushing me, trying to make me mad. Why can’t you stop?”
“Let me go,” Nora said.
There was the sound of a throat being cleared somewhere behind Owen. Nora was mortified. There was someone else there? What would they think?
“Uh, I think she wants you to let her go.” The voice was young and male, still high-pitched but going through the changes of puberty. Another tween, then, but Nora couldn’t see who.
Owen released her, turning to face the voice.
Nora stepped away from the tree. It was Dirk, Alexander’s son, the one who’d been working on a snow sculpture of a middle finger. Next to Owen, he seemed frightfully small, but he had a defiant gleam in his eye.
“This isn’t any of your business,” said Owen.
“Yeah, maybe not,” said Dirk. “But you work for my dad, and I know that no one in Helicon really trusts you. I’m sure if I told everyone all about this little incident, it would make you way more popular.”
Owen’s fists clenched.
Nora thrust herself between them. “Um, Dirk, it’s really not that bi
g of a deal. We were kind of joking around, you know? Owen’s a little intense, but I think that’s sexy. Let’s go back to the enclave.”
Dirk looked back at the tree Nora had been pinned against. “Yeah, it didn’t really sound like you were joking.”
Nora swallowed. She couldn’t handle it if everyone in Helicon started talking about this. They’d think she was weak, and they wouldn’t understand. Owen was complicated. They had their issues, but what relationship didn’t? She was sure that even Coeus and Phoebe got in some pretty big arguments from time to time. But if people heard about this and took it out of context, they’d think stupid things that weren’t true. “It wasn’t how it looked.”
Dirk raised his eyebrows.
“Please don’t say anything,” said Nora. “He didn’t mean it.”
“Right,” said Dirk. He eyed Owen.
“I’m fine,” said Nora. “We got in a fight. It happens. Sometimes, you get angry at the people you care about the most. Don’t make it into anything bigger than that. Please?”
“I won’t say anything,” said Dirk. “This time.” He looked at Nora. “He shouldn’t do things like that to you.”
“Listen to me.” Owen closed the distance between Dirk and himself in two steps. He snatched Dirk’s shirt by the collar and yanked him close. “None of this has anything to do with you.”
Nora wedged herself between them. She pried at Owen’s hands, trying to make him let go. “Owen, you’re making it worse. He said he wouldn’t say anything.”
Owen shook Nora off like she was an annoying bug. “You won’t say anything, will you, Dirk? Because if you do—“
“Owen, you’re scaring me,” said Nora. Her voice had gotten high-pitched. He was scaring her, and she wasn’t sure if Dirk wasn’t right. Maybe she shouldn’t let him do things like this. Maybe he was out of control no matter what happened.
Owen turned to her sharply. He looked into her eyes. He took several deep breaths. And then he pushed Dirk away from him. “Crap, I lost it again.”
Dirk smoothed out his shirt, eyeing Owen warily.
“Are you okay?” Owen asked Dirk. There were apologies written all over his face. “I’m so sorry, man. That was completely my fault. I was way out of line.”
“You were out of line to her,” said Dirk, pointing at Nora.
“You’re right,” said Owen. He hung his head. “I can’t believe I... I’m really sorry, Nora. Are you okay?”
Nora nodded.
“Look,” said Owen to Dirk, “I get... You know my dad is a god, right?”
“So?” said Dirk.
“So I get mad sometimes,” Owen said. “Really mad. It’s not good. I know. I’m working on it.”
Dirk shrugged. “Maybe she buys that, but I don’t know if I do. If I ever see you touch her again—”
“He doesn’t,” said Nora. “He never does that.”
“Whatever,” said Dirk. He turned his back and began to walk away.
Nora wasn’t sure, but she thought she saw Owen roll his eyes at Dirk’s back. She chewed on her lip. Owen was special, wasn’t he? Owen had it harder than other people, right? He wasn’t a bad guy. She couldn’t be in love with a bad guy. Could she?
Dancing Days Page 20
