by Royal Blue
“I’m sure you’ve never cooked Mofongo in your life, and you probably won’t after tonight. I didn’t expect you to have to pay for things you won’t use.”
“It was too much,” he grumbles.
I pause from removing the plantains from the oil. I purse my lips and level Beau with my glare. We’ll have to get a few things straight.
“I’m not poor. I make good money now at the gym and the club, in addition to my benefits. I could afford to do this,” I say. “I was in the mood for shrimp and Mofongo, and I thought you’d enjoy it. I wasn’t thinking about the cost.”
His eyes widen and his cheeks pink. It’s an adorable look on him. Much better than the grim expression he’s been wearing since we left the gym.
“I didn’t mean to imply that you’re poor. I just didn’t want…. You know what? I sound like an ass any way I put it, at this point. It smells delicious. Thanks for cooking,” he says. “I can’t wait to taste it.”
“It’s my mother’s recipe. The sofrito takes it over the top,” I say, grinning as I think of my moms.
“You cook a lot with your mama?”
“When I was younger.” I beam at the memories. “Yeah, you couldn’t get me out of the kitchen. It was where we all gathered around and hung out. It wasn’t possible to live in our house and not learn to cook.”
I salt the plantains and move to get the shrimp finished off while they cool. The aromas are taking me back. Those were such good times in my life. I rub at my chest as a punch of longing hits.
“My mama won’t let us near her kitchen. To this day, I don’t know what she puts in that chili or her special cookies. I don’t think Emma knows either. For my mama, the kitchen has always been her sanctuary. We knew to steer clear.”
“There were five of us in my home growing up. It was hard to stay clear of each other. Someone was always in your business.” I laugh.
“I spent most my time with my daddy. He had me in boxing gloves as soon as I could hold my hands up.” He grins. “If we weren’t boxing, we were out with the horses. When we moved here, we spent most our time together at the gym. By then, Kyle joined the family.”
“That must have been hard to share your pops with someone else so late in life. How did that work out?”
“I wasn’t sure about Kyle when he first arrived, but we became best friends almost out of necessity,” he says.
I glance up at him curiously. There’s a story in his words. His expression confirms what I hear.
“How so?”
“Kids in school picked on him for living with a white family, and they picked on me for being country as hell.” He frowns. “We started using our fists to shut them up. I had his back and he had mine. Been like that ever since.”
“I think Andres and I came out the womb swinging.” I laugh.
“Your brother was a great fighter.”
“Yeah, he’s not the only one. I saw some footage of your old fights. You were good, really good,” I say, studying his face for a reaction.
His expression turns sour. I watch as he stares into his palms as if they’re talking to him. So much trouble enters his eyes.
“I think I know why I’m having the nightmares again,” he says.
“Is that what was on your mind earlier?” I ask cautiously as I turn the shrimp in the pan.
“Yeah, it’s been so long since I’ve had them so often. I had been working on a side investment for about three years. The complex the kids from the orphanage live in, four phases of it were dictated to apartment buildings. The orphanage was added on later.
“I oversaw all five phases of the project. I covered every detail of every inch of that place. Some nights I’d fall on my face before I could get food into my stomach. It’s not far from here, so I’d jog over some mornings to walk through before anyone would arrive.
“I put my blood, sweat, and life into that place. It’s done. The project has ended. The distraction is gone,” he says.
“So what now?”
“That’s the thing. I don’t know. You were right. I’ve been in survival mode for so long I don’t know how to come out,” he muses. “The gym… it’s not a distraction. It’s….”
His eyes take on a distant look. I’ve been crushing the plantains and fixing our plates while we talk. I add sauce to his and place the steaming plate in front of him. After finishing my plate off, I round the counter and sit beside him.
“A reminder,” I offer after thinking over his words.
“What?” he asks as if he’s lost.
“The gym is a reminder,” I repeat.
He swallows. “Yeah. Yet I have so many memories and ties to it—” He sucks in a breath, then turns to his plate and tucks in. “This is good. I think I feel even worse about burning the steaks.”
I laugh and accept his change of subject. The kitchen has grown heavier than it had been. The lighter topic is welcomed. Getting to see a ghost of a smile on Beau’s lips makes it even better.
“I can take over the cooking from now on,” I tease.
His smile grows, and he turns back to his food. Damn, that smile is gorgeous. I’m going to make it my mission to see it more. We eat, allowing the music to fill in the silence. When Beau looks up from his plate, staring longingly at the pots and extras, I laugh and get up to get us both seconds.
“Thanks,” he says out of the blue.
“For?” I glance up from my task.
“I don’t know what to do with all of this, but it felt good to talk about it.”
“Not that I’m an expert at getting my shit together, but I got some great advice and I’m repeating it. You can live in the shadow of who you were, or you can figure out who you want to become. You decide,” I say.
“Yeah.” He smiles. “I’ve heard that somewhere before. Sage advice, I might just have to revisit it.”
I round the island again with our plates, passing him his. Our fingers brush and a spark travels up my arm into my chest. Our eyes lock. He had to feel it too.
It wouldn’t take much to lean in and take his lips, but I want to respect his boundaries and our new friendship. Still I can’t help myself. I reach up to brush the corner of his lips, catch some sauce that lingers. I stick my thumb into my mouth. I don’t so much as move my eyes from reading his.
“You can do the cooking when we hang out. This is delicious,” he says with a heated stare.
I smile back at him and shake my head. He’s not ready. I appreciate the invitation, but he’s not ready at all.
Yeah, I could get used to hanging out like this. I just need to be patient.
Chapter 12
Brother to Brother
Beau
“Something’s different,” Kyle says as he looks at me from behind the desk in his new home office.
“Nothing’s different.”
“I remember I once called something nothing and you called me on it. Rumors fly in our circle. I heard about this guy down at the gym. I just haven’t been able to come down to see about him for myself,” he says, leaning forward to place his elbow on the desk.
“Nothing to see.” I shrug, mirroring his action placing my elbows on my knees as I sit in front of him.
“Bullshit.” Kyle laughs. “I know you too well for you to get away with that.”
“I like him as a friend. I’m not dragging him into my fucked-up head and life. He has his own issues,” I relent, shifting in my seat.
“Andy and I had a buttload of issues when we started. You know that better than anyone. That’s not an excuse.”
“I’m not making excuses. I’m stating facts. I’m not ready to be in a relationship. I’m happy you and Andy are going so strong, but I just…. Let’s talk about something else,” I say, annoyance rising.
One thing I love about Kyle is that he knows me well enough to back off when I ask. It’s been our thing since we were younger. He’ll leave you alone to be left alone. We have that in common. I relax in my seat as his face shows he gets it.
“I got your text. You want to place a bid on that complex across town?”
“This time we’ll be working with standing structures, but I think we should go for it. If the inspector and our team think it’s better to flatten it and start over, we’ll look at our options to optimize the use of the lot,” I say.
I’m excited to get into this project. It will give me something to focus on. Maybe I can get the nightmares to dial back and give me a damn break.
“Looking at the specs you sent over, it looks like a sound investment. I mean, I’m still sulking over that bid we lost, but this sounds like the next best thing,” he says.
He’s calculating and thinking this through. I don’t realize I’m holding my breath until he gives his nod of approval. I exhale and feel more relaxed than I’ve felt since realizing how much I need to be working on a project outside the gym.
Kyle purses his lips and leans back in his chair. His arms fold over his chest. I stifle a groan because we’re headed right back where we started.
“You’re my brother, so I’m going to be straight with you. If you’re not ready for a relationship, fine. I get that, but I see what’s going on here. These projects have become band-aids. You’re keeping yourself alive for now.
“Let me ask you a question? What happens when the blood starts to leak through the bandages? What happens when you can’t handle the hemorrhaging and you’re no longer surviving?” Kyle says.
His words are like a blade slicing right through me. Hold no punches: that’s our motto. He just went in for the knockout, and he doesn’t even know it. Here we are with that word again.
Surviving.
“I better get Mas,” I say and stand. “It’s a long drive.”
“You may not see it now, but these projects aren’t the answer. You live for the ring. It’s why you’ve been on life support. You won’t step back into your body and live. When you get back in the ring, you’ll breathe again,” he calls to my back.
I freeze, turning to look him in the eyes. I want him to see my face when I speak the words. I need him to see the hurt.
“I took a man’s life in that ring. I took the life of the man I loved. I don’t deserve to be in that ring. If I lost the one thing I loved more than anything in the world… that’s my cross to bear. That’s what I deserve,” I choke out.
“Fuck out of here with that,” Kyle bellows and stands. “I was there. I saw two fighters in that ring. I watched one act like a child, and he tripped. In a freak accident he lost his life. You killed no one, and you damn sure didn’t die in that ring with Roman.”
“So then why does it feel like I did?” I shout back.
“Because losing someone you love hurts like a motherfucker, and for some reason, brother, this life is intent on taking people we love away,” Kyle replies, sounding more like a small boy than the man standing before me.
“Which is why I can’t let anyone else in,” I whisper back.
“But we were talking about you getting back in the ring,” Kyle says.
I blink a few times before I realize what I’ve just said. Pushing a hand into my hair, I tug tightly. Just then Mas pushes his way into the office with Andy following behind.
“You guys okay?” Mason says with concern on his small face.
“Yeah, buddy. Your uncle Beau just needs a minute. Why don’t you and Andy go get Billy. By the time you guys are back, he’ll be ready to go,” Kyle says.
Mason stands watching me for a few seconds. I force a smile and reach to rub a hand over his head. He’s getting so tall. Instead of walking out, he wraps his arms around me for a hug.
“Thanks. That’s just what I needed,” I say.
He beams up at me and nods before turning to leave with Andy. Kyle watching me. I blow out a breath. “He makes me want to try to find my way back. A part of me doesn’t like what that could mean,” I admit.
“Then take it a step at a time. I see you, Beau.”
“Yeah, that’s the fucking problem,” I mumble.
I stare at Kyle as his words ring in my ear. I know he’s right. I also know I’m just as stubborn as he is. I turn to leave, but my phone is burning a hole in my pocket.
It’s time to make some decisions.
Chapter 13
Making a Move
Angel
“Thanks for the call,” I say as we sit on a picnic bench, watching Mason and Billy run around.
“I’m glad you could come with us,” he replies.
I watch Beau’s profile, noting the tension in his face. Something has been on his mind since he and the kids picked me up from the gym. At first I wasn’t sure I should’ve come along after all. Now, I can see it’s not me. It’s something bigger. “Want to talk about it?”
“I want to see if we…. Maybe we can….” His jaw works.
I bump his shoulder with mine, causing him to look me in the eyes. Within all that trouble in those grays, I see… longing. I think I can understand that. “I was thinking about trying a movie this week. No guarantees I’ll be able to sit through it, but I’ve started something new. I try something that used to come naturally to me at least once a week, if I can. You coming or not?” I tease, making light of the mood.
Beau cracks a smile, hearing his nephew’s words repeated to him. It’s a breathtaking smile that draws my eyes to his lips.
“I’m coming,” he laughs.
“Good.”
“Yo, Beau.” Billy’s voice pulls our attention as she runs over breathlessly.
“What’s up, darlin’?” he replies.
“I need to go the bathroom,” she whispers.
“I pointed the restrooms out earlier. Do you remember?”
She turns to look in the direction of the restrooms, then back at Beau. I noticed she hasn’t gone once since we’ve been here. Mason has gone a few times. It’s warm out. We’ve been feeding them plenty of water to stay hydrated.
From the fidgeting she’s doing, I’d say Billy has to go pretty bad now. Her eyes are pleading for Beau to understand something. I’ve been around my nieces and nephew enough to have some understanding.
“She’s scared, bro. You’re going to have to go with her. Stand outside the door.” I lean to whisper in Beau’s ear. “She trusts you.”
Beau looks surprised, but he catches on. He stands and murmurs something to Billy. She looks relieved and falls in step with Beau as they walk toward the restrooms. Billy looks back over her shoulder at me and gives a small smile.
She’s a cute kid. I ball my fist wondering who hurt her. My nieces and nephew are around her age.
“Hey, Mr. Angel,” Mason says as he runs over. “Did you like the horses?”
“They’re cool, but I don’t think I’m ready to ride one. I’ll leave all of that to your uncle.”
“It’s fun. You should try next time. Uncle Beau could teach you. He’s a good teacher,” he says.
“Did he teach you?”
“A little. I was scared the first few times too.”
“Nah, I’m not scared. Horses just aren’t my thing.”
“If you say so,” he says with a knowing smile.
I pull him into a headlock and give him a knuckle sandwich. His giggles fill the air, and it’s a calming sound. I never thought about having my own kids, but today has been fun.
When Beau and Billy return, Billy takes a seat next to Mason. She had been standoffish with him as usual when we arrived. Although she seems to be warming up to the kid.
“You guys ready to head home?” Beau asks.
“Ah, man, already?” Mason whines.
Billy looks a little crestfallen as well. It’s a long drive back. We should head out soon.
“We’ll do this again soon. Promise,” Beau says.
“I can come too?” Billy asks softly.
“Anytime you want, darlin’.”
“I’d like that,” she chimes with the biggest smile I’ve ever seen on her face.
I feel like I’m
watching a rainbow reveal itself. Billy is half Latina from what Andres told me. She could easily pass for my own little girl. Mine to protect and make smile just like that.
Another goal to fight for, Angel. A family.
Beau
I pull up in front of Kyle’s building at the complex. It’s been a long day. I wanted Angel to come along to the horse ranch after talking to Kyle. I felt like I needed an anchor. As much as I want to fight it, Angel is already a part of my life.
I didn’t fully recover from my conversation with Kyle this morning, but having Angel join us at the ranch did bring me some peace. Enough for me to admit to myself I want to date him or at least try. Trying is more than I’ve done in a long time.
“That was cool, wasn’t what I expected, but cool,” Angel says.
“Some people take time to warm up to the horses,” I reply.
“I might be one of those. I’ll admit that.”
“The time to relax and think draws you in. Next time maybe it should just be the two of us. I can teach you to ride. You might like it more than you think.”
“I’ll count on that,” he says, a grin on his lips.
I scoff. “I bet.”
He turns to look into the quiet back seat. “Look at them. They’re knocked out,” he whispers.
I turn to find Mason and Billy slumped into each other, fast asleep. I look at their little hands linked together. I smile and laugh to myself.
“Looks like he may have won her over after all,” I whisper back.
“Sometimes you just have to be patient.”
I turn, coming face-to-face with Angel. We’re so close it would only take an inch to press our lips together. His whiskey-colored eyes shine from the street light breaking through the windshield.
My phone buzzing breaks the trance. Reaching for the device, I see it’s a message from Kyle asking if we’ve arrived so he can come downstairs for the kids. I’m not ready for Angel to meet Kyle.
I know my brother. If he meets Angel, he’ll ride me harder about dating him. I want to do this my way. I shoot back a quick text, letting Kyle know I’m already on my way up.
