by Royal Blue
“Not me,” Rustle says as he walks past me.
Moving past the self-defense class room, something catches my eye. When I look closer through the glass, little sneakers sit by the door. I turn back for the entrance and step inside. I pick up the sneakers.
My heart aches. They’re falling apart at the soles. Emma bought these last year for Billy’s birthday, and it took the kid almost three months before she actually would wear them. I think that was only because her last pair had become too small.
Emma had purposely bought her a bigger size, knowing she had been outgrowing her old pair. We’re taking this kid shopping. I can’t allow her to walk around like this anymore. She can be stubborn if she wants, but this is going to stop here.
“You don’t have to look at them like that.” Billy’s voice comes out of nowhere.
She’s huddled in the corner, with her knees to her chest. I gently place the shoes back down so they don’t fall apart. After walking over to where she’s sitting, I take a seat on the floor beside her.
“Andy’s going to let me start a lemonade stand. I’m going to earn some money for new clothes,” she says, lifting her chin.
“I respect that. You wanting to make your own money and take care of yourself. Andres and I used to sell candy in the neighborhood at your age,” I say.
“You did?” she says as if I just told her we took over the world.
“Yeah, but I want to tell you something.”
She sighs, turning to face me. I take in her outfit. It’s another gift from the birthday party that she has made last for almost a year.
“Go ahead. Kill my dreams. I feel it coming,” she says dryly.
I snort at her little sarcastic mouth. She’s going to be a pain in the ass when she’s a teenager. I’ll probably leave all of that to Beau. He’s the patient one when it comes to Billy.
“Things around here are going to be changing. Change is good. Change is how we grow. You’re growing, and sometimes when we grow, we have to allow change to happen and be willing to adapt.
“We’re your family, Billy. Kyle, Andy, Emma, Beau, everyone here at the gym. You have people you can trust that just want to do things for you and see you happy,” I say. “No strings attached.”
Her eyes bounce around my face as she takes my words in. Tears gather as she bites down on her lip. The war inside of her spills to the surface, shadowing her features.
“Only time people every did anything for me is if they wanted something. Gabby gave me candy to be quiet. Wilson would bring me things… that family they’d buy me clothes and make feel bad for taking them… I stopped taking stuff. My abuela was the only one that took care of me… but th… they did stuff behind her back. I was too scared to tell her, and when I finally did, she was taken away,” Billy whispers.
Now here’s where my anger and heartache mix. Billy has lived through the shit I wish only happened in movies. Shit I heard my friends talk about in school but always thought they were exaggerating. That is until I got old enough and started hanging out in their hoods to see it for myself.
“Can I tell you something?” she says when I’m too busy beating back my anger to say a word. “I’ve never told anyone else.”
I start to count in my head. I know Billy’s story now. If she’s about to open that fresh bag of shit, I’ll need to ground myself right fucking now.
“Of course, I’m here anytime you want to talk,” I say.
“My… my mom, she killed herself. It wasn’t long after Daddy was murdered on the block. I was still really little, but I remember them. Daddy would play ball with me in the house. We had this little hoop. My mom… she always smelled like candy,” she says with a wistful smile.
“I found her. I used her cell phone to call for help. Abuela came to get me. I stayed with her and Wilson until they broke up. That’s when Abuela met Gabby. Gabby was her girlfriend; she moved in when I turned six. Gabby was nice, but she would leave me home alone while Abuela was working at the hospital,” Billy looks down at her fingers and starts to twist them.
“She’d buy my favorite candy and give me pretty stuff not to tell. Wilson came over to see Abuela one night, but she got called into work…. Gabby never locked me in. After the first time he found me home alone, Wilson would come by the apartment to pay me visits.
“He would bring food and my favorite soda. He… he started to ask me to do stuff. I was seven, but I knew something was wrong about it. It felt wrong. I wouldn’t do it, and the last time he tried to make me, I ran in the bathroom and locked the door. He begged me not to tell, made me promise not to. I said I wouldn’t, but I did. I shouldn’t have,” she says sadly.
“You did the right thing. Telling was the right thing,” I say.
She wipes at her tears and shrugs. Her eyes look past me, causing me to turn. Beau stands frozen by the door.
“I’m sorry. Take your time. I’ll tell Emma you need a minute,” he chokes out.
“You don’t have to go,” Billy says almost in a plea. “Um… I… I want you here too.”
Beau nods and comes to take a seat on the floor with us. He places a comforting hand on my back or maybe it’s an anchor for himself. His fingers curl into the fabric of my shirt.
“Abuela was so mad. She got in a big fight with Gabby and told her to leave. She waited for Wilson to come by. She didn’t go to work for a couple of nights.” Billy blows out a breath and wipes under her nose.
Beau and I give her time to get her words out. I get the sense she needs this cleansing. This is a lot for a girl her age to walk around holding.
“Abuela left the door unlocked like Gabby would, and one night Wilson walked right in. Abuela lost it. They were yelling, and he hit her. I’ve never seen her so mad. She kicked his butt, dragged him out the apartment, down the stairs, and beat him up some more on the street.
“Our friends and neighbors cheered her on. It pissed Wilson off. He told her… he told her he would get her back. The guys in the neighborhood stepped in. They made him leave. Everyone loved my abuela.” She sniffles.
“Ms. Mary offered to babysit me after that. She was a nice old lady….” Her breath hitches.
What happened next makes me wish I knew Billy and her grandmother back then. I wish I could have protected them from the outcome of that terrible night. If only I could have been there.
From what reports say, after a few weeks, the pissed-off ex-boyfriend set the apartment on fire with Billy and the sitter inside. Billy barely made it out with her life, even suffered a few minor burns. The sitter wasn’t as lucky.
“My abuela wasn’t a bad person. She was good to me. She just had to work a lot,” she whispers. “She was a good person.”
Billy’s grandmother was sentenced to twenty-five to life for putting a bullet in the ex-boyfriend’s head. A year into her sentence, she committed suicide like her daughter, leaving Billy with no one.
“I had to stay in the hospital. They wouldn’t let me see her. I never got to see Abuela again. I went to a foster home after that. They all used to beat me. The mom, the dad, and the two boys.
“They’d give me nice stuff, and then… I’d get hit for everything. Even things the boys did, and if I told it was them and not me, they’d jump me. I was so tired of it. A nice family moved in next door, and the mom and dad started to ask me questions. I didn’t know he was a cop,” she says into her lap. “I’m not a snitch.”
I tighten my jaw. A snitch. No little girl should have to be silent about an entire family abusing her.
The officer that came to Andy’s brother about Billy was the next-door neighbor. He’d just moved in and immediately grew suspicious. After observing an often frizzled and once bruised Billy, he stepped in. That’s how she came to Savanna’s House, with trust issues a mile long.
So when I say I want the best for Billy and she deserves it, I mean that shit. Beau was right when he told me I didn’t want to know the truth about Billy’s past. Hearing her tell it in her own words b
oils my insides even more. “Remember I promised you that I’d make sure no one ever hurt you again?”
“Yeah,” she says softly and nods.
“We will never let anyone hurt you again,” Beau says beside me. His hand in the back of my shirt is so tight, the shirt has tightened on my body. Billy lifts to her knees and crawls closer to hug us both. We each wrap an arm around her.
“Thanks for listening,” she says, sitting back to look at Beau. “I’m sorry I got mad at you. I know what it’s like not to want to talk about stuff. You’ll do it when you’re ready.”
“Don’t even sweat, darlin’,” Beau says.
“Now, about those shoes and these clothes,” I say. “We’re taking you shopping, Billy.”
She gives a small smile and wipes at her tears. “Okay, fine, but only because I trust you.”
Just like that, she steals my heart all over again.
Chapter 31
Still Learning
Beau
“You’ve been super quiet,” I murmur as we lie in bed. It’s our last week in the gym’s loft. I’ll be happy to get into the new place. I need that separation of work life and home again.
“Long-ass day,” he mutters.
Today was emotional and rough. Like Angel, I’m not shaking it as easily as I would like. Part of that is because I haven’t had the escape of going home. The other part is the weight of Billy’s words. “I know what you mean,” I say, thinking of my sparring session and walking in on Billy’s confession.
I hadn’t meant to eavesdrop on their conversation. Rustle had said he saw Angel step inside the classroom. Emma was ready to go, and I started to get concerned about Billy when we couldn’t find her.
“I just can’t get over all she’s been through. Reading it was one thing. Hearing her small voice reveal all that shit— I just… I don’t… I grew up with love. Yeah, I’ve seen things in my friends’ homes. Then I thought I knew it all and got into shit, but my home was always a safe place. I think I forgot that somewhere along the line.”
“We’ll give her a safe place,” I say.
“I can’t wait to see the new place. I think we should take her out to dinner or something to tell her about the adoption.”
“I sort of had a different plan. I want the two of you to see the place together. I was thinking that we could tell her over breakfast in our new place,” I say. “Once she sees her new closet, she’ll be excited to fill it.”
He turns on his side to face me. Those dimples pop and his lips curl into a smile. I reach to tuck his hair behind his ear, happy I could get that smile to come back.
“I like the sound of that, but I think we need to take her shopping before next week. Those sneakers. Dios, I wanted to toss them in the trash.” He frowns. “But I totally get why she doesn’t want anything from anyone. Fuck, what I’d give to take all of that bad shit away.”
“We’ll do what we can with her future. Her past is the past.”
“I know. It just pisses me off,” he murmurs.
“Hey, today has been heavy enough. Why don’t I take your mind off it all for a while,” I say, reaching to run the backs of my fingers down his arm.
“Mr. Dalton-Hernández, are you offering the D, Papi, or are you trying to take this dick down like a good husband should?” he croons.
“Tell me what you’re up for and I’m all over it.”
“Oh, I got time for you, Beau. Question is… you got time for me?”
I take his lips and show him just how much time I have for him. Getting lost in each other is just what we need. We retreat into our bubble for a few hours of silence.
Angel
Beau’s deep laugh fills the ring. Unable to sleep, we took a walk to the store for ice cream and fresh air. Now we’re sitting in the center of the ring, chilling with our pints under the low lights above.
“Don’t laugh, I legit felt like she was about to tear my clothes off,” I say to Beau’s teasing about our trip to the store. I’ve come across some aggressive females, but that woman tonight took the cake. I almost left the store without my purchase to put space between us.
“I’m not laughing at you. I’m laughing at the image of her face in my head,” he says around a spoon full of ice cream. “When I walked up behind you and kissed your neck, her eyes popped right out of her head.”
“Yeah, that was hilarious. She wasn’t taking no for an answer before that. It’s not like she didn’t see the wedding band either.”
“Definitely a woman after what she wants.” Beau continues to laugh.
“Don’t think I didn’t see her friend watching you,” I say and grin.
Beau shakes his head, placing his ice cream aside. I’m going to work his ass hard tomorrow morning for this little cheat. He might as well eat it all and make it worth it.
“That one was drunk talking to the chips,” he says.
“Facts.” I crack up laughing. I point at his ice cream with my spoon. “You might as well finish that.”
“I don’t think you want me to,” he says and frowns down at the pint.
My brows wrinkle. “Why not?”
“I think I may have become lactose intolerant,” he says and rips one.
I sit with my spoon frozen halfway to my mouth. My face twists when the smell reaches my nostrils. Picking up the bag that we brought the ice cream home in, I toss it at him. He dodges it while rubbing his stomach.
“Dude, the fuck did you eat today?” I gag.
Beau falls onto his back and groans. “It’s the damn ice cream.”
“Well, shit. Remind me not to give you any more in the future.”
He turns those gray eyes on me, and they’re full of mirth. I narrow my eyes at him. Before I can warn him not to, he cuts another.
“Beau,” I bark.
I get up to leave the ring and head back upstairs. I don’t even want to finish my pint anymore. I grumble to myself as I step out of the ring.
“Where you going, baby?” he drawls after.
“Away from you,” I call over my shoulder. “Don’t follow me.”
I toss the warning over my shoulder as he scrambles on the canvas behind me. I turn back just as Beau rushes out of the ring. I shake my head. I’m still learning so much about my husband. We’ve been married almost a year, and he hasn’t eaten ice cream once during that time.
He catches up to me, wraps his arms around me, burying his face in my neck. “What happened to for better or worse?” he says against my skin.
“This ain’t the worse I signed up for,” I mumble.
He snickers and pecks my skin. “Accept me as I am. I’m yours.”
“Yo, B. Come on, the silent ones smell worse.”
“Damn, I know,” he groans. “Rub my tummy. It hurts.”
I look at him over my shoulder. The puppy eyes almost make me feel sorry for him. Almost. “Coño, you’re a big baby.”
He pecks my lips. “Never said I wasn’t. Now make it better, darlin’.”
I shake my head, but I can’t help smiling. A part of me wants nothing more than to take care of my husband, smelly gas and all. Soon I’ll have a little girl to take care of too.
“You’re thinking about taking care of Billy’s tummy aches, aren’t you?” Beau says with a smile.
“Yeah, it’s crazy how much I can’t wait to be her everything,” I say with a huge grin.
“I know what you mean. Her first day of high school, college.” He beams even more.
“Taking her to get her prom dress,” I add.
He groans. “No. She’s going to stay a tomboy. No boys.”
“You keep telling yourself that. She was wearing nail polish yesterday.”
“Shit, you saw that too?”
“Sure did.”
“The next one will be a boy,” he says.
I lift a brow. We never talked about more kids after Billy. Yet the huge grin on his face as he realizes what he just said has me thinking of a bigger family.
“We’ll just have to make sure she doesn’t put anyone in a choke hold when she finds out she has to share us,” I say.
He bursts into laughter. “Yeah, that wouldn’t be good.”
But a big family with you, Beau, would be great. It would be perfect. I can’t wait.
Chapter 32
Realizations
Beau
“I think we’re getting a total different kid than we signed up for,” I whisper to Angel.
He turns to look at me and widens his eyes. “So it’s not just me.”
“Nope.”
“That’s an awful lot of pinks and purples,” Angel says.
“And a few skirts and dresses. Did you see the dresses?”
I pull a hand down my beard while watching Emma, Mama, and Billy pull items from the racks. Billy grabs another pink dress, and I groan. This isn’t how I thought this trip would go.
“Yup, I saw those,” he says.
“Where are the basketball shorts and jeans?”
“Honestly, I think we assumed too much about her.” Angel sighs.
Billy runs over and wraps her arms around my waist, then moves to do the same with Angel. Her eyes sparkle with happiness, causing my heart to swell. Just as soon as she runs over, she turns and runs back to Mama and Emma.
“Can I be honest?”
“You already know,” he replies.
“She could ask for every dress in this store, and I’d buy it just to see that smile on her face. I love that kid. I want her to be who she wants to be. If that means dresses and pink, and cheerleading practice instead of basketball, I’m good with that,” I say.
Angel folds his arms across his chest and leans into me as we watch an excited Billy make more choices. She’s picked every item herself, showing her taste and personality. I think that’s what’s throwing me.
“I hear you, but I wouldn’t go placing her on the cheerleading squad just yet. I just think this is a lesson. You know. Like last night at the store. Shorty hit on me because she perceived me to be straight.
