She gave a sad laugh. “No. My dancing days are over.”
“Shame. That’s a real shame.”
“Speaking of which – shame, I mean … I’d imagine you have a lot of questions for me?”
Bunny turned around and faced her fully. “Not as many as you’d think. I’ve figured out most of it now, I reckon. I got hold of Andy Muldoon – he’s the bottom-feeding piece of crap who was following you for months.”
She rolled her eyes and shook her head. “He’s not even particularly good at it. After a while, I could spot that stupid comb-over from half a mile away.”
“I know,” said Bunny. “While I’d never claim to have my fingers on the pulse of fashion, even I know that’s a fight not worth fighting. Unfortunately, while he might not be great at the following, he is pretty good at the digging. Doesn’t feel like congratulations is the right thing to say, given the circumstances.”
Instinctively, Angelina placed a hand on her belly and rubbed it. “No, I guess it isn’t.”
“Can I ask – when I first saw you that night, you were drinking …”
She shook her head. “Was I? Or was I walking around with a drink and acting drunk?”
Bunny tilted his head. “You were convincing.”
“I had to be. Coop was a suspicious man.”
“Still. Smart. Your little scheme with Mags to outwit Muldoon was pretty clever too.”
“She told you?”
“No. Loyal to the end, your little twin. I figured out that bit myself.”
“I’ve been trying to ring her,” said Angelina.
“Yeah. I advised her and Bobby to get rid of their phones. Some nasty people are trying to locate them, but then you knew that.”
Angelina looked down at the floor, a suitably ashamed expression on her face. “I panicked.”
“Be that as it may,” said Bunny. “Leaving aside the fact that you tried to get that dimwit Bobby to kill somebody and solve your problems for you, did you ever even consider that on a busy street innocent bystanders could have got caught up in it?”
She didn’t say anything, just kept staring at the floor.
Bunny gave her a moment and then continued. “No, I didn’t think so. It’s fair to say you’ve not given much consideration to collateral damage.” He turned around again and started pacing. “So, I know you were having an affair, and I’m not sure anybody would even blame you. I mean, the vows of marriage aren’t sacred if you’re hitched to a monster. Not your best decision that, was it?”
“Dad needed help. So did I.” She shrugged and smiled a broken smile at the ceiling. “It seemed like a good idea at the time, or, at least, the least bad one. Some part of me knew what Coop was. I wouldn’t be the first woman to marry a man on the mistaken assumption I could change him. Stupid as it sounds, he really was quite nice, in the beginning.”
“Seeing as you mentioned your dad, and God knows it isn’t the worst part, but did you not feel bad having Mags visiting him pretending to be you?”
She lowered her head and looked Bunny directly in the eyes. “I’ve done a lot wrong, but don’t dump that on me. You don’t know what it’s like – sitting there, night after night, watching somebody you love slipping away, not just from you, but from themselves.” She bit her lip. “Jesus, back in his day, my dad was something else. The stories he could make up. You’d be thrilled going to bed knowing it was going to be story time. Such a wonderful imagination. Such a wonderful mind.” She turned away for a moment and then looked back. “So that – having to see all that taken away? Unless you’ve seen it up close and know what that’s really like, then you don’t get to judge me. I gave up a lot to help him.”
Bunny raised his hands. “Fair enough. You helped yourself, though, too – didn’t you?”
Angelina spoke softly. “Somebody had to.”
“Was it your idea to kill Coop?”
“Does it matter?”
“I guess not. If you were going to do it, though, you needed to find yourself a patsy – right? Otherwise, suspicion would fall on you.”
“I have no reason to expect you to believe me,” said Angelina. “But I honestly didn’t know it was you. He just told me that he’d found the perfect person.”
“That’s some comfort, I guess. But you didn’t ask, did you? You knew an innocent person was going to take the rap. Even more collateral damage.”
She glared at him. “It’s not just me, though. I have a baby to protect now. You ask any mother – you do whatever it takes. God only knows what Coop would have done when he found out, and it was only a matter of time.”
Bunny could feel his anger rising. “Ara stop, would you? You could have run.”
“He’d have found me,” snapped Angelina. “The man’s life work was chasing down people who owed him something and, make no mistake, he thought I owed him everything.”
“You could have come to me. You know I’d have always helped you. I was still trying to help you throughout all this, but let’s be honest, you made the classic mistake, didn’t you? Thinking that because you’re smart, that you’re the smartest in the room. It turned out your solution to your problem became a far bigger problem than you ever could have imagined.”
Bunny was standing in front of Angelina now. As he reached out a hand towards her she flinched.
“Really?”
She sniffled. “Sorry.”
With his thumb, he gently wiped away the tear rolling down her face.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered again. “I’m so sorry. Maybe you could—”
“Alright, enough of this,” came a voice.
Bunny turned to see the bulky figure of Samoan Joe filling the doorway to the changing rooms, a gun in his hand.
“Jeez, Angelina, the whole point was to find out what he knew and who he’d talked to. You’re just not a team player, are you?”
Bunny took a step away from her. “And here he is, the real brains of the outfit.”
Joe started to walk towards them, a friendly smile on his face as always. He stopped to take a quick bow. “That’s the thing with being the muscle, mate. Everybody assumes you’re thick as pig shit. Coop thought I was a moron and the reality was I was fucking his missus behind his back. She,” he said, nodding in Angelina’s direction, “thought I was a dummy she could use to get rid of him and then drop me when it didn’t suit. She hadn’t factored in me getting myself some insurance.”
“Fair play to you,” said Bunny. “It was a pretty clever plan. Everybody assumed the guy in the balaclava was the murderer, but he wasn’t, was he? There’s no need to answer that question – he told me himself. Mr Dean is currently tied up in my next-door neighbour’s kitchen.”
Bunny enjoyed the moment when the smile on Joe’s face faded briefly.
“I did wonder why he’d stopped answering his phone.”
“Well, you just can’t get the staff these days. Coop had many flaws, but firing Dean for being an incompetent idiot was a sound decision. Still, he was useful for you. I think I’ve got it all sussed now, but let me run you through it, see if I missed anything. One of you stabs Coop to death and then she wallops you with the fire extinguisher to throw suspicion off you.”
“Bloody hurt, too.”
“Ara, you’re a big boy. You can take it.”
Joe grinned a malevolent smile at Angelina. “I think she maybe thought she could kill two birds with one stone, hey, love? Lose a husband and a boyfriend in one night.”
Angelina didn’t speak, choosing instead to keep her eyes fixed on the floor in front of her.
Bunny nodded. “There’s that little tunnel she can use to get in and out without showing up on the CCTV too, which is fierce handy. She nips back to Mags’s apartment and firms up her alibi, so both of you look as innocent as can be. Have I got it right so far?”
Bunny looked back and forth between the two of them, but neither offered any response.
“I’ll take that as a yes. Here’s where Joe got a
little clever, though. Like you said, got yourself some insurance …” Bunny waggled his finger. “… just in case love’s first bloom fades and herself doesn’t see the two of you as lifelong soulmates. As soon as Angelina leaves, your buddy, Mr Dean, hops over the wall and grabs the knife along with a couple of tapes. The one of my meeting from the night before, giving me all the motive the Gardaí would need to pin Coop’s death on me.”
“Nothing personal,” said Joe with a shrug. “Wrong place, wrong time.”
“Sure,” replied Bunny. “But then, there was the other tape …” He looked at Angelina, who was still staring at the floor. “The one Angelina didn’t know about. The one of Coop’s actual murder. That one gave you all the leverage you’d ever need to ensure Angelina could never betray you.”
“Not as dumb as I look, hey?”
“Indeed. I’m particularly impressed by how you got it all together so fast.”
“Well,” said Joe, “we had the basic plan for weeks, just waiting for the right opportunity. Then in you popped, and you and Coop started threatening each other. It was perfect. Of course, neither of you even thought about how I heard the whole thing, because I’m just the dummy standing in the corner in case somebody needs somebody hit. The whole thing went pretty well too, except Deano fucked up dumping the knife.”
“Actually,” said Bunny, “I feel a bit disloyal saying this, but I think the screw-up there came from the Garda Síochána end of things. They found it today, by the way. At least, that's what I’m assuming, given that the police just raided my house, where they didn’t find the video tape of my little chat with Coop. That part of your plan didn’t work. I’m afraid the tape in question got burned to a crisp in my neighbour Mrs Doyle’s oven – not unlike one of her dreadful lasagnes.”
Big Joe gave that wide grin and shrugged again. “Oh well, you can’t expect everything to go to plan.”
“And on the upside, Angelina here now owns the entirety of Coop’s empire, and seeing as you have video evidence of her role in his killing, well, I guess that means you own her.”
“Aw, you make it sound so tawdry,” said Joe. “We love each other. We’re having a baby together. OK, she did try to have me killed in a drive-by shooting when she realised I had a little insurance policy, but every relationship has its ups and downs.”
“How do you expect to get away with all this?”
“We’ll have to improvise a bit,” conceded Joe, “and hope that you’ve not shared what you know with anybody else. I was hoping Angelina was going to get around to asking about that.” He looked at her and Bunny saw something in his eyes that previously had been very well hidden. “But she clearly didn’t want to. I’m guessing she was desperately trying to find a way to get you to kill me.” He laughed. “She’s a live wire, this one. Keeps you on your toes.”
“On the other hand,” said Bunny, “be fair. She did lure me here so you could kill me.”
Joe nodded. “She did. And I needed to find out what you knew, so thanks for helping out with that, fella.”
“Don’t mention it.” Bunny carried on smiling and kept his eyes fixed on the big guy.
Just a few seconds more.
Joe noticed Angelina looking over his shoulder, took a step back and spun round. Butch was still ten feet away from him. His smile disappeared for good.
“Who the hell are you?”
“Take it easy,” said Butch. “I’m Garda Detective Pamela Cassidy. Put down the gun.”
“No, thanks. I’m taking my shot at the big league. Ride or die. And don’t bother telling me the place is surrounded, or some crap like that. You wouldn’t be trying to sneak up on me if you weren’t here on your own.”
“Alright, Joe,” said Bunny. “What’s the plan now? You going to kill two police officers? Seriously, you think you can get away with that?”
Joe shrugged. “Only one way to find out.”
With a scream, Angelina launched herself from the ring’s canvas and on to Joe. It wasn’t enough to take him down, but it was enough to divert the gun. Bunny lowered his head and charged.
Joe tossed Angelina aside with alarming ease. She landed all of six feet away and screamed a different scream, which was narrowly preceded by the sickening crack of bone.
Bunny threw his entire bodyweight behind the tackle, and yet it felt as if he was trying to take down a monolith. A nauseating jolt passed through his shoulder upon making contact. Joe sidestepped partially – not enough to prevent himself from falling, but enough to ensure he did so on top of Bunny.
The air from Bunny’s lungs was expelled out of him and he felt a couple of ribs crack as the weight of all that humanity came crashing down from above. Joe rolled off him with remarkable dexterity and was back on his feet in an instant, chasing after the gun where it had fallen out of his hand in the tussle.
Before he could reach the weapon, Butch flew at him and connected with a vicious roundhouse kick to his midsection. A blow that would have felled almost any other man merely doubled him over. She then threw a couple of lightning-fast punches at his face. Her attempt to follow up with a left-footed kick was thwarted when, with another flash of unexpected speed, Joe reared back and caught her foot.
He smiled at her. But before he could do anything else, Butch managed to spin her whole body around in mid-air, using Joe’s grip on her left leg as a fulcrum, and smashed the heel of her right foot into his face. It was quite possibly the coolest thing Bunny had ever seen. Unfortunately, it came at a cost. Joe still had a firm hold on her leg and used it to slam her onto the floor with a stomach-churning thump.
Despite herself, Butch screamed.
Joe stood over her, his smile replaced with a bloody sneer.
Dazed and winded as he was, Bunny tried to get back on his feet, but he was too far away. Too far to help Butch. Unless …
Bunny drew in what breath he could and roared, “Karate Kid!”
Both Butch and Joe looked in his direction, confused.
Thankfully, Butch got it first. Summoning all of her strength, she swung her good leg around and swept at Joe’s, sending all of her power through his right knee.
With a terrible howl, Joe crumpled to the ground, for the second time in his life a catastrophic injury prematurely ending a promising career.
Butch pulled herself back along the floor then, once she was out of Joe’s reach, dragged herself to her feet. She needn’t have worried. The big man was lost in a world of his own pain, clutching his shattered knee.
“I wasn’t sure you’d get the reference,” panted Bunny. “I thought that film was a bit before your time.”
Butch wiped away the blood that was starting to trickle from her nose. “Are you kidding? I was a martial-arts-obsessed kid growing up in Meath. I wore that video tape out. You’re just lucky I didn’t crane-kick the big bastard. We should probably …”
She trailed off as both she and Bunny noticed that Angelina had managed to limp across the hall and claim the gun. The former Mrs Hannity stood, holding the weapon in her right hand, her left arm hanging awkwardly by her side, and surveyed the room.
“What’s the plan here, Angelina?”
She tried to shrug and winced. “I don’t really know. Maybe you all just stay here and I make a run for it.”
“You wouldn’t get very far,” said Bunny.
She sighed. “You’re probably right.”
She took a step towards Joe, who had regained enough composure to be aware of his surroundings once more. He started to clamber back to his feet.
“Think about it, baby,” he said. “I’m still your only way out of this. Give me the gun.”
“Baby?” said Angelina. “Baby? I’m carrying your baby and you threw me across the room, you utter bastard.”
Joe lunged, but before Bunny or Butch could move, Angelina fired the gun three times.
Joe slumped to the floor.
Bunny walked slowly towards Angelina, his hand extended. “Angelina … Love …”
/> She was shaking. “I think I’ve made everything worse. Again.”
Bunny glanced down at Joe on the floor. It didn’t matter how big you were, nobody could shake off losing that much of their head.
“Just give me the gun.”
Angelina took a step back and met Bunny’s gaze. “There still might be ways out of this.”
“Not good ones.”
He could see the shock and terror in her eyes. “I’ve got nothing left to lose.”
“Take it from me,” said Bunny, “there’s always more you can lose.”
Her body tensed for a moment, then relaxed.
Bunny took a step forward and seized the gun from her unresisting hand.
Angelina collapsed, sobbing, into his arms.
The Final Question
Bunny stepped through the doorway of O’Hagan’s and patted the snowflakes off his coat. It had been the longest of long weeks and now it was snowing, which meant that the St Jude’s game scheduled for tomorrow had been called off. Bloody March weather. He’d been looking forward to the match too. On one hand, it was very early to call it, but on the other, if it had gone ahead, trying to get a team together would’ve been like herding cats. Even allowing for the promise of McDonald’s, a centimetre of snow and every pre-teen boy in Ireland lost his damn mind.
He checked his phone. He had an awful lot of missed calls. Without scrolling through them, he decided to leave everything until tomorrow. He’d spent last night in hospital, so they could check him for concussion and deal with the four cracked ribs he’d picked up, and then he’d spent today answering a lot of questions. An awful lot of questions. However, not all of the questions.
Officially, DI Marshall had been called back to Limerick on some important matter. Unofficially, the important matter was the need to be as far as possible away from Commissioner Ferguson, who apparently had quite a lot of bones to pick with him. The Minister for Agriculture’s family holiday to Spain had been delayed by three hours thanks to the chaos caused by a senior officer of the Garda Síochána grossly overstepping his authority and shutting down Dublin Airport for forty-six minutes.
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