by Pam Rhodes
Helped by Julia, he guided Ida back into her seat, kissing her cheek gently as he whispered in her ear, “Thank you, Ida. I enjoyed that very much.”
He looked up to find Julia staring at him, her lips trembling, tears brimming in her eyes. He stretched out his hand towards her, and without a word she stepped into his arms, resting her head on his shoulder as the two of them clung together.
“Do you see that?” asked Betty, drawing Marion’s attention to Paul and Julia’s embrace. “Looks like all the nice girls love a sailor!”
“Aah,” smiled Marion, following Betty’s gaze. “Paul’s not a sailor. He’s a money man in the City of London – or at least he was. He took early retirement some years back when his wife became ill. I had a long chat with him the other evening. He admits he’s become very isolated and lonely since she died, especially now his son and daughter have families of their own. He took up dancing as a hobby, then ended up meeting someone who suggested he might like to be a dance host. He says it’s got him out of the house and back into the world again. Apparently his working life involved long hours and constant pressure, and that meant he and his wife didn’t travel as much as they’d have liked.”
“Well, it looks like he’s come home,” said Betty softly. “Julia’s a lovely person, and quite lonely herself, I think. If he’s Fred, I’ve a feeling he might just have found his Ginger…”
CHAPTER 10
TILBURY
The extent of your prayers should be until tears come.
St Columba
“Right, I’m ready!” Claire zipped up her handbag as she spoke, watching Neil open and shut every drawer and cupboard to check they’d left nothing behind.
“That’s it then. The end of our cruise.”
Claire stepped across to put her arms around his waist. “Not finishing the way we hoped. I still can’t believe Harry isn’t with us.”
“I know,” he soothed, kissing her hair. “We’ve just got to get through today. It isn’t going to be easy.”
“Iris will be OK with Peter and Val, won’t she?” asked Claire. “It’s going to hit her hard, travelling back to Dunbridge without Harry.”
“I don’t think she could be in better hands.”
“Will the undertakers organize everything? Sort out transport and paperwork and stuff? I hope it won’t take too long.”
“I’ve known Mr Whalley ever since I first went to Dunbridge as a curate. He couldn’t be more understanding, because he knew and liked Harry too. He’s assured me Harry’ll be travelling home to Dunbridge the very moment he’s told the legalities are complete and they’re allowed to collect him.”
Claire shuddered and Neil held her tighter.
“I wish we didn’t have to face that long coach journey back to Derbyshire this morning,” Claire sighed, her face nuzzled up against his chest. “Everyone else on the coach will be buzzing about what a wonderful holiday they’ve had, and that’s great, but…”
“… it’s not quite the same for us now,” finished Neil. “Mind you, this cruise has been wonderful; better than I expected, really. So much more than just a nice nine-day holiday on a ship. I’ve felt a real sense of pilgrimage – not just with everyone else on board, but on a personal level too.”
“I know what you mean. There have been some very special moments.”
“A few of them in this cabin,” said Neil softly. “I’ve grown very fond of our little room.”
“Even the single beds?”
“Definitely. Perhaps we should take up that idea at home.”
Claire pulled back in astonishment. “You mean, have single beds?”
“No, just one single bed. I rather liked all the cuddling up we had to do to fit both of us into a bed that narrow.”
There was a wicked gleam in Claire’s eye as she lifted her head to kiss him. “I like your thinking, Vicar – and can I just say how much I always enjoy your excellent bedside manner?”
“Clifford!” called Maureen Bragnall, waving frantically from the table at which she, Bill and Andrew were having breakfast. Standing at the coffee station, Clifford acknowledged her call, then brought his cup over to where they were sitting, and pulled up a chair.
“I’m so glad we saw you,” enthused Maureen. “Before we parted company, we just wanted to thank you for all the encouragement you’ve given Andrew.”
“That’s no trouble,” replied Clifford, stirring sugar into his coffee. “He’s a very able musician. His talent could take him far.”
“Well, they’ve already asked him to extend his contract on The Pilgrim, haven’t they, son?” beamed Bill.
“Yes,” said Andrew, apparently concentrating on the bowl of cereal and fruit he was eating. Cliff understood the young man’s reticence. The last time they had spoken with any privacy was the afternoon he had realized the depth of Andrew’s friendship with Michael.
“Well, it seems you have some interesting choices ahead of you, Andrew,” replied Cliff smoothly. “I certainly wish you well, whatever you decide. And I hope we can keep in touch. I’ve enjoyed getting to know you.”
Andrew looked up then. “Actually, that would be good. Maybe we could swap contact details?”
Clifford pulled out his wallet from his back pocket, extracting a card, which he placed on the table in front of Andrew.
“Any time, feel free to call. I’m a good listener, if you ever want to chat over your options.”
A small, relieved smile crossed Andrew’s face. “Thank you. I will do that.”
“My advice would always be to follow your heart,” continued Clifford, his eyes locked with Andrew’s. “This is your life, your time. The decisions you make must feel right for you.”
“Thank you, Cliff, for everything.” Andrew’s reply was barely above a whisper as he studied the card. “I’ll definitely be in touch. I’ve found our conversations during this trip extremely useful. Challenging, in some ways…”
“Always liked a challenge, haven’t you, Andrew?” enthused Maureen.
“And are you two leaving the ship this morning?” asked Clifford.
“Sadly, yes. It’s gone all too fast,” she sighed. “We’re going to miss Andrew so much when we get home.”
“It’s been good to see where he’s working, though,” added Bill. “At least we know he’s being well looked after, and he has nice friends.”
“Sharon is so nice.” Maureen looked proudly at Andrew as she spoke. “We’ve told her she’s always welcome at our house any time. As you are, Clifford. It was such an honour to see you accompanying Rhydian the other evening. Carole was telling us about all the stars you’ve worked with.”
“Was she?” smiled Clifford.
“And then to see you and Andrew working together during the ‘Songs of Praise’ and with the gospel choir yesterday. It was such a privilege for Andrew; such a privilege!”
“Well,” said Clifford, downing the last mouthful of coffee, “our coach awaits. My regards to you all.”
“May I?” asked Maureen coquettishly, holding her arms out to him as she leapt to her feet. Catching Andrew’s eye over her shoulder, Clifford succumbed to her smothering embrace.
“Thank you so much, dear lady,” he managed when he was finally released. “Bon voyage to you all!”
And stepping smartly out of arm’s length in case Bill wanted a hug too, Clifford walked quickly away.
Brad was sitting at his desk when Neil popped his head around the surgery door.
“Come in, Neil. I was hoping I’d see you before you left. How are you?”
“Well,” sighed Neil, taking a seat, “it’s been tough. Long before we became family, Harry was the first friend I met in Dunbridge, and my neighbour too. He was incredibly kind and patient with me when I was an extremely green curate, and over the years he’s become very dear to me. Then, of course, I married his great-niece, and he officially became the relative I’d always felt he was anyway.”
“I imagine this has hit Claire particular
ly hard.”
“Oh, yes. She never remembered her real father, so although Harry was a generation older, he’s always been a father figure to her. They had a lot in common. Their reactions were so similar sometimes, they were like peas in a pod. She’s struggling to come to terms with losing him.”
“And Iris? Were Harry and your mother an item?”
Neil smiled. “Not in the sense you mean, but they were the most wonderful companions. Their gardens back onto one another, and it’s always been difficult to be sure where one home ends and the other starts. They ate together, went to church together, and enjoyed the same circle of friends and the social life that went with it.”
“Will she move to be nearer you and Claire in Derbyshire now, do you think?”
“I hope not, because we have no idea how long we’ll stay there. And she’s settled in Dunbridge. It’s a very friendly little town.”
Brad smiled. “From the church members I’ve met on board, I can tell how fond they all are of you and your family. I’m sure they’ll take good care of her.”
A small silence followed before Neil spoke.
“And you? How are you getting on?”
“I think we’re going to try again. I can see now that me being away travelling all the time has been very hard on her. She was dealing with her concerns about Chris on her own for so long. And I know I wasn’t very receptive to listening to her worries, because thinking about him always felt too painful. Besides, I knew I couldn’t do much to influence him when I was miles away from home, and that suited me fine. I opted out. I ran away, if I’m honest, and that was unfair to Joanne.”
“What about all the guilt you’ve felt? That’s plainly been a burden for you to bear.”
“Yes, but the burden Joanne was carrying while she was trying to sort out Chris all on her own was much worse. I can see that now. I was here wallowing in self-pity, while she was having to cope with all the practical stuff with no support from me at all. I’m ashamed of the way I’ve treated her. I wouldn’t blame her for walking out on me completely, because that’s what I deserve.”
“You did say before that you thought she’d be better off without you. How do you feel about that now?”
“That’s probably still true. I’ve let her down so badly, what can I say? What could I ever do to make things right between us again? But Joanne’s quite simply a remarkable woman. I’d forgotten how wonderful she is: how strong, how loyal to the family she loves. And she loves me, Neil! After all I’ve done, my complete failure as a father and a husband, she still loves me – and I intend to spend the rest of my life letting her know how much I love her.”
“That’s good to hear.”
“It’s not going to be easy; we both know that. There’s been such emotional carnage in our family, we’ve got a lot of bridges to mend. But we love each other. We’ll get through this. We will.”
“I couldn’t be more delighted for you.”
“It’s not just us. There’s our daughter Livvy to consider as well. I know she could have done with more support from her dad, so I’ve a lot of making up to do there too.”
Neil smiled. “I do wish you all well.”
“I’ll be leaving the ship, of course.”
“Can you leave when you want to? What sort of contract do you have?”
“I’ve been with this cruise company quite a few years now. I had to tell them about Chris and what I was going through, and they were really understanding. I had a chat with my immediate boss yesterday, and we’ve agreed I can leave in a month, by which time they’ll have organized a replacement doctor.”
“So it’s back to Dorchester for you?”
“I rather fancy general practice. They’re always desperate for locums, so I can fill in with that until I find a surgery I’d like to join on a permanent basis.”
Neil nodded thoughtfully. “We’ve shared our crossroads, you and I, haven’t we? We’ve lost Harry. You’ve lost Chris. But this cruise has been challenging, changing, decisive and healing in so many ways.”
“It has,” agreed Brad. “We were well met in those sand dunes on Lindisfarne.”
“It always was a special place.” Neil pushed back his chair, holding out his hand to grip Brad’s. “I wish you every blessing, Brad. God go with you always.”
“And also with you, Neil. Also with you.”
Iris was all packed and ready to go when Claire knocked on her door to collect her.
“Right. I’m ready to leave now.”
Noting the brittle determination in Iris’s voice, Claire peered at the dark circles under her mother-in-law’s eyes, then stepped forward to put her arms around her. At first, Iris resisted, but almost immediately her body slumped, and Claire could feel the quiet sobs that shuddered through her.
They stood there for some minutes in shared grief and sorrow before Iris abruptly pulled back, roughly rubbing the tears from her cheeks. “I’m fine. Let’s go. We should have breakfast before we leave.”
“No one expects anything of you after this, Mum,” said Claire softly. “You don’t have to pretend you feel better than you do. Be gentle with yourself. Harry would want that.”
“Harry’s not here.” Iris opened her bag, applying a quick coat of pale pink lipstick before a final check in the mirror.
Claire stayed rooted to the ground, uncertain what to say.
“Well, are you coming?” snapped Iris, stepping out into the corridor.
Full of concern, Claire sighed, picking up Iris’s bag before hurrying to catch up with her as she disappeared around the corner.
Several familiar members of the ship’s crew were lined up for a final farewell as, one by one, the passengers had their passes scanned for the last time. They emerged onto the dockside at Tilbury to an overcast day that threatened rain any moment.
“Good job I brought my pac-a-mac,” commented Betty. “I can tell we’re home. It’s just about to start raining.”
“It’s been lovely, though,” sighed Marion. “After all those gorgeous meals, our beds made, being cosseted and looked after, it’s going to be hard getting back to four teenagers and a husband who has no idea how to use the washing machine and wouldn’t know a vacuum cleaner if he tripped over one.”
“John’s gone to an away match with the football lads today,” said Sheila. “He won’t be back till after nine. He asked if I could have a casserole waiting for him.”
“Back to the old routine for us all, then,” moaned Betty.
“Not for me,” interrupted Jill, who’d overheard their conversation. “The old routine is definitely out for me. I’m never going back there again. Never.”
The girls squealed with delight and there were hugs all round.
“You’re not allowed to give up the church choir though, Jill. Promise?”
“Of course not,” agreed Jill. “My three best friends are in that choir. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
“Look!” cried Sheila. “Poor Neil and Claire. The hearse is leaving…”
All eyes turned towards the sleek dark car that was just pulling away from the dock. Neil drew both Iris and Claire to him, as Brig stood stiffly to attention nearby, his hand raised in salute to the old soldier. Silence fell among the members of Neil’s two congregations. Just a week before, they’d met as strangers. Now they stood together as friends to watch as Harry was carried away to the mortuary, where he would rest until he was allowed to make his final journey home to Dunbridge.
“Clifford!” called Carole, as she and Garry supervised the storing of their two expensive cream leather cases in the hold of the coach, apparently oblivious to the sombre mood of everyone around her. Clifford pinned what he hoped was a sincere smile on his face before turning to acknowledge her.
“I just want to say,” she continued, not waiting for him to reply, “that it has been a real pleasure to work with a professional like yourself. It’s a rare treat nowadays to come across someone who shares the same high musical standards I
adhere to myself.”
Clifford nodded his head, saying nothing, because he couldn’t for the life of him think of anything to say.
“I will be talking to Neil in due course. I think that with you and me at the helm, we should bring our two choirs together for a concert in Burntacre, followed by another in Dunbridge. I’ve already made a list of the musical items I think we should feature. I’ll be in touch within the week to discuss my suggestion further.”
“I shall look forward to it, dear lady. Goodbye now. I wish you a pleasant trip.”
“I believe you’re in charge, madam?” Steve, the driver who had brought the group down from Burntacre, appeared at Carole’s elbow, his face as bored and irritated as ever. “We need to round everyone up. Can you please get on board? The M25’s a nightmare at this time of day.”
“That’s us too,” said Neil, looking down at Iris. “I love you, Mum. I wish we were able to come back with you for a few days, just to make sure you’re OK.”
“What nonsense!” snapped Iris. “I’ll be perfectly all right. I’m used to living alone. Now, get on that coach and give me a ring the minute you’re home. Understood?”
Claire stepped forward to hug her. “Understood,” she whispered in Iris’s ear. “Remember, be gentle with yourself. We love you.”
“That coach’ll go without you if you don’t get a move on,” warned Iris, stepping back from Claire’s embrace. Allowing Neil no more than a kiss on the cheek, Iris turned on her heel towards Peter and Val’s car.
“Before you go, Neil…” Bishop Paul and Margaret appeared beside him. “I just wanted to say thank you for all you’ve contributed on this cruise. We’re both sorry it has ended so sadly for you.”
“Thank you, Bishop – you too, Margaret. It’s been lovely to share this time together.”
“Vicar, if you don’t get on the coach this minute,” Steve announced from his driver’s seat, “you’ll be walking back to Derbyshire.”
