by Nora Roberts
without it. Just as she knew she would wither away if she stayed much longer. The only solution was to find a way to ensure both.
She hugged herself with her arms to ward off the wind. It brought with it the scent of Mrs. Malloy's wild roses and rhododendrons. She wouldn't think of it now. In a short time the Grants would be gone and her own yearnings for more would fade a bit. When the time was right, something would happen. She looked up at the moon and smiled. Hadn't she promised herself that she'd make something happen?
She heard the scrape and flare of a lighter and braced herself.
"Nice night."
She didn't turn. The little jolt to her system teased her. No, she hadn't wanted him to come out, she told herself. Why should she? Since he had, she would hold her own. "It's a bit cold."
"You look warm enough." She wouldn't give an inch. It only gave him the pleasure of taking it from her. "I liked the dancing."
She turned to walk slowly away from the inn. It didn't surprise her when he fell into step beside her. "You're missing it."
"You stopped." The end of his cigar grew bright and red as he took another puff. "Your brother has a gift."
"Aye." She listened now as the music turned from jaunty to sad. "He wrote this one. Hearing it's like hearing a heart break." Music like this always made her long, and fear, and wonder what it would be like to feel so strongly about another. "Are you a music lover, Mr. Logan?"
"When the tune's right." This one was a waltz, a slow, weepy one. On impulse he slipped his arms around her and picked up the time.
"What are you doing?"
"Dancing," he said simply.
"A man's supposed to ask." But she didn't pull away, and her steps matched his easily. The motion and the music made her smile. She turned her face up to his. The grass was soft beneath her feet, the moonlight sweet. "You don't look like the kind of man who can waltz."
"One of my few cultural accomplishments." She fit nicely into his arms, slender but not fragile, soft but not malleable. "And it seems to be a night for dancing."
She said nothing for a moment. There was magic here, starlight, roses and sad music. The flutter in her stomach, the warmth along her skin, warned her that a woman took chances waltzing under the night sky with a stranger. But still she moved with him.
"The tune's changed," she murmured, and drew out of his arms, relieved, regretful that he didn't keep her there. She turned once again to walk. "Why did you come here?"
"To look at horses. I bought a pair in Kildare." He took a puff on his cigar. He'd yet to realize himself what his horses and farm had come to mean to him. "There's no match for the Thoroughbreds at the Irish National Stud. You pay for them, God knows, but I've never minded putting my money on a winner."
"So you came to buy horses." It interested her, though she didn't want it to.
"And to watch a few races. Ever been to Curragh?"
"No." She glanced up at the moon again. Curragh, Kilkenny, Kildare, all of them might have been as far away as the white slash in the sky. "You won't find Thoroughbreds here in Skibbereen."
"No?" He smiled at her in the moonlight, and the smile made her uneasy. "Then let's say I'm just along for the ride. It's my first time in Ireland."
"And what do you think of it?" She stopped now, unwilling to pass out of the range of the music.
"I've found it beautiful and contradictory."
"With a name like Logan, you'd have some Irish in you."
Unsmiling, he glanced down at his cigar. "It's possible."
"Probable," she said lightly. "You know, you said you were a neighbor of Travis's, but you don't sound like him. Your accent."
"Accent?" His mood changed again with a grin. "I guess if you want to call it that it comes from the West."
"The West?" It took her a moment. "The American West? Cowboys?"
This time he laughed, a full, rich laugh, so that she was distracted enough not to protest when his hand touched her cheek. "We don't carry six-guns as a rule these days."
Her feathers were ruffled. "You don't have to make fun of me."
"Was I?" Because her skin had felt so cool and so smooth, he touched it again. "And what would you say if I asked you about leprechauns and banshees?"
She had to smile. "I'd say the last to have seen a leprechaun in these parts was Michael Ryan after a pint of Irish."
"You don't believe in legends, Erin?" He stepped closer so that he could see the moonlight reflected in her eyes like light in a lake.
"No." She didn't step back. It wasn't her nature to retreat, even when she felt the warning shiver race up her spine. Whether you won or went down in defeat, it was best to do it with feet firmly planted. "I believe in what I can see and touch. The rest is for dreamers."
"Pity," he murmured, though he had always felt the same. "Life's a bit softer the other way."
"I've never wanted softness."
"Then what?" He touched a finger to the hair that curled at her cheekbones.
"I have to go back." It wasn't a retreat, she told herself. She felt cold all at once, cold to the bone.
But even as she started to turn, he closed a hand over her arm. She looked at him, eyes clear, not so much angry as assessing. "You'll excuse me, Mr. Logan. The wind's up."
"I noticed. You didn't answer my question."
"No, because it's no concern of yours. Don't," she said when his fingers closed lightly over her chin, but she didn't jerk away.
"I'm interested. When a man meets someone he recognizes, he's interested."
"We don't know each other." But she understood him. When he'd brought his arms around her in the waltz, she'd known him. There was something, something in both of them that mirrored back. Whatever it was had her heart beating hard now and her skin chilling. "And if it's rude I have to be, then I'll say it plain. I don't care to know you."
"Do you usually have such a strong reaction to a stranger?"
She tossed her head, but his fingers stayed in place. "The only reaction I'm having at the moment is annoyance." Which was one of the biggest lies she could remember telling. She'd already looked at his mouth and wondered what it would be like to be kissed by him. "I'm sure you think I should be flattered that you're willing to spend time with me. But I'm not a silly farm girl who kisses a man because there's a moon and music."
He lifted a brow. "Erin, if I'd intended to kiss you,
I'd have done so already. I never waste time-with a woman."
She felt abruptly as foolish as she'd claimed not to be. Damn it, she would have kissed him, and she knew he was well aware of it. "Well, you're wasting mine now. I'll say good-night."
Why hadn't he kissed her? Burke asked himself as he watched her rush back to the inn. He'd wanted to badly. He'd imagined it clearly. For a moment, when the moonlight had fallen over her face and her face had lifted to his, he'd all but tasted her.
But he hadn't kissed her. Something had warned him that it would take only that to change the order of things for both of them. He wasn't ready for it. He wasn't sure he could avoid it.
Taking a last puff, he sent the cigar in an arch into the night. He'd come to Ireland for horses. He'd be better off being content with that. But he was a man on whom contentment rarely sat easily.
She'd come late on purpose. Erin rolled her bike to the kitchen entrance of the inn and parked it. She knew it was prideful, but she simply didn't want Dee to know she worked there. It wasn't the paperwork and bookkeeping that bothered her. That made her feel accomplished. It was her kitchen duties she preferred to keep to herself.
Mrs. Malloy had promised not to mention it. But she tut-tutted about it. Erin shrugged that off as she entered the kitchen. Let her tut-tut, as long as that was all she let out of her mouth.
Dee and her family were visiting in town through the morning. That had given Erin time to clear up her chores at home, then ride leisurely from the farm to handle the breakfast dishes and the daily cleaning. Since the books were in order, she'd be
able to take a few hours that afternoon to drive out to the farm where her cousin had grown up.
It wasn't being deceitful, she told herself as she filled the big sink with water. And if it was, it couldn't be helped. She wouldn't have Dee feeling sorry for her. She was working for the money; it was as simple as that. Once enough was made, she could move on to that office position in Cork or Dublin. By the saints, the only dishes she'd have to clean then would be her own.
She started to hum as she scrubbed the inn's serviceable plates. She'd learned young when there was work to be done to make the best of it, because as sure as the sun rose it would be there again tomorrow.
She looked out the window as she worked, across the field where she'd walked with Burke the night before. Where she'd danced with him. In the moonlight, she thought, then caught herself. Foolishness. He was just a man dallying with what was available. She might not be traveled or have seen big cities, but she wasn't naive.
If she'd felt anything in those few minutes alone with him, it had been the novelty. He was different, but that didn't make him special. And it certainly didn't warrant her thinking of him in broad daylight with her arms up to the elbows in soapy water.
She heard the door open behind her and began to scrub faster. "I know I'm late, Mrs. Malloy, but I'll have it cleared up before lunch."
"She's at the market, fussing over vegetables."
At Burke's voice, Erin simply closed her eyes. When he crossed over and put a hand on her shoulder, she began to scrub with a vengeance.
"What are you doing?"
"I'd think you'd have eyes to see that." She set one plate to drain and attacked another. "If you'll excuse me, I'm behind."
Saying nothing, he walked over to the stove and poured the coffee that was always kept warm there. She was wearing overalls, baggy ones that might have belonged to one of her brothers. Her hair was down, and longer than he'd imagined it. She'd pulled it back with a band to keep it out of her face, but it was thick and curly beyond her shoulders. He sipped, watching her. He didn't quite know what his own feelings were at finding her at the sink, but he was well aware of hers. Embarrassment.
"You didn't mention you worked here."
"No, I didn't." Erin slammed another plate onto the drainboard. "And I'd be obliged if you didn't, either."
"Why? It's honest work, isn't it?"
"I'd prefer it if Dee didn't know I was washing up after her."
Pride was another emotion he understood well. "All right."
She sent him a cautious look over her shoulder. "You won't tell her?"
"I said I wouldn't." He could smell the detergent in the hot water. Despite the years that had passed, it was still a scent that annoyed Mm.
Erin's shoulders relaxed a bit. "Thank you."
"Want some coffee?"
She hadn't expected him to make it easy for her. Still cautious, but less reserved, she smiled. "No, I haven't the time." She turned away again because he was much easier to look at than she wanted him to be. "I, ah, thought you'd be out by now."
"I'm back," he said simply. He'd intended to grab a quick cup and leave, take a leisurely walk around town or duck into the local pub for conversation. He studied her, her back straight at the sink, her arms plunged deep into the soapy water. "Want a hand?"
She stared at him this time, caught between astonishment and horror. "No, no, drink your coffee. I'm sure there're muffins in the pantry if you like, or you might want to go out and walk. It's a fine day."
"Trying to get rid of me again?" He strolled over and picked up a dishcloth.
"Please, Mrs. Malloy-"
"Is at the market." He picked up a dish and began to polish it dry.
He was standing close now, nearly hip-to-hip with her. Erin resisted the urge to shift away, or was it to shift closer? She plunged her hands into the water again. "I don't need any help."
He set down the first dish and picked up another. "I've got nothing else to do."
Frowning, she lifted out a plate. "I don't like it when you're nice."
"Don't worry, I'm not often. So what else do you do except wash dishes and dance?"
It was a matter of pride, she knew, but she turned to him with her eyes blazing. "I keep books, if you want to know. I keep them for the inn and for the dry goods and for the farm."
"Sounds like you're busy," he murmured, and began to consider. "Are you any good?"
"I've heard no complaints. I'm going to get a job in Dublin next year. In an office."
"I can't see it."
She had a cast-iron skillet in her hand now and was tempted. "I didn't ask you to."
"Too many walls in an office," he explained, and lowered the pan into the water himself. "You'd go crazy."
"That's for me to worry about." She gripped the scouring pad like a weapon. "I was wrong when I said I didn't like you when you were nice. I don't like you at all."
"You know, you've only to ask and Dee would take you to America."
She tossed the pad into the water, and suds lapped up over the rim of the sink. "And what? Live off her charity? Is that what you think I want? To take what someone is kind enough to give me?"
"No." He stacked the next plate. "I just wanted to see you flare up again."
"You're a bastard, Mr. Logan."
"True enough. And now that we're on intimate terms, you ought to call me Burke."
"There's plenty I'd like to be calling you. Why don't you be on your way and let me finish here? I've got no time for the likes of you."
"Then you'll have to make some."
He caught her off guard, though she told herself later she should have been expecting it. With her arms still elbow deep in water, he curled a hand around her neck and kissed her. It was quick, but a great deal more of a threat than a promise. His lips were hard and firm and surprisingly warm as he pressed them against hers. For a second, for two. She didn't have time to react, and certainly no time to think before he'd released her again and picked up another dish.
She swallowed, and beneath the soapy water her hands were fists. "You've a nerve, you do."
"A man doesn't get very far without any-or a woman."
"Just remember this. If I want you touching me, I'll let you know."
"Your eyes say plenty, Irish. It's a pleasure to watch them."
She wouldn't argue. She wouldn't demean herself by making an issue of it. Instead, she pulled the plug on the sink. "I've the floor to do. You'll have to get your feet off it."
"Then I guess I'd better take that walk." He laid the cloth down, spread open so it would dry. Without another word or another glance, he strolled out the back door. Erin waited a full ten seconds, then gave herself the satisfaction of heaving a wet rag after him.
Two hours later, after a quick change into a skirt and sweater, Erin met the Grants in the public room of the inn. Joe's overalls were bundled into a sack tied on the back of her bike, and she'd used some of Mrs. Malloy's precious cream to offset the daily damage she did to her hands. Burke was there. Of course he was, she thought, and deliberately ignored him as he bounced young Brady on his knee.
"Ma sent this." Erin handed Dee a plate wrapped tightly in a cloth. "It's her raisin cake. She didn't want you to think Mrs. Malloy could outcook her."
"I remember your mother's raisin cake." Dee lifted the corner of the cloth to sniff. "Now and then she'd bake an extra and have one of you bring it by the farm." The scent brought back memories-some sweet, some painful. She covered the cake again. "I'm glad you could come with us today."
"You remember it's only on the condition that you come by and visit. Ma's counting on it."
"Then we'd best be rounding up the brood. Burke, if you give the lad chocolate you deserve to have him smear it on you. Brendon, Keeley, into the van now. We're going for a ride."
They didn't have to be told twice.
First they went to the cemetery, where the grass was high and green and the stones weathered and gray. Flowers grew wild, adding the p
romise of life. Some of Erin's family were buried there; most she barely remembered. She'd never lost anyone close or grieved deeply. But she loved deeply when it came to her family, and thought she could understand how wrenching it would be to lose them.
Yet it had been so long ago, Erin thought as she watched her cousin stand between the graves of her parents. Didn't a loss like that begin to fade with time? Adelia had been only a child when they'd died, nine or ten. Wouldn't her memory of them have dimmed? Still, though she could imagine a world away from her family, she couldn't imagine one where they didn't exist.
"It still hurts," Dee murmured as she looked down at the stones that bore her parents' names.
"I know." Travis ran a hand down her hair.
"I remember Father Finnegan telling me after it happened that it was God's will, and thinking to myself that it didn't seem right. It still doesn't." She sighed and looked up at him. "I'll never be able to figure it out, will I?"
"No." He took her hand in his. There was a part of him that wanted to gather her up and take her away from the grief. And a part of him that understood she'd been strong enough to deal with it years before they'd even met. "I wish I'd known them."
"They'd have loved you." She let the tears come, but smiled with them. "And the children. They'd have fussed over the children, spoiled them. More than Hannah does. It comforts me that they're together. I believe that, you know. But it's painful that they missed knowing you and the babies."
"Don't cry, Momma." Keeley slipped a hand into Adelia's. "Look, I made a flower. Burke showed me. He said they'd like it even though they're in heaven."
Dee looked at the little wreath fashioned of twigs and wild grass. "It's lovely. Let's put it right in the middle, like this." Bending, she placed it between the graves. "Aye, I'm sure they'll like this."
What a strange man he was, Erin thought as she sat beside Burke in the van and listened to Brendon's chattering. She'd seen him sit in the grass and twine twigs together for Keeley. Though she'd kept herself distant enough that she hadn't heard what he'd said, she'd been aware that the girl had listened attentively and had looked at him with absolute trust.
He didn't seem to be a man to inspire trust.
She knew the road that led to the farm that had been the Cunnanes'. She remembered Dee's parents only as the vaguest of shadows, but she did remember Lettie Cunnane well, the aunt Dee had lived with when she'd been orphaned. She'd been a tough, stern-faced woman, and because of her Erin had kept her visits to the farm few and far between. That was behind them now, she reminded herself as she gestured toward the window for Brendon. "You see, just over this hill is where your mother grew up."
"On a farm," he said knowledgeably. The patches of green pasture and yellow gorse meant little to him. "We have a farm. The best one in Maryland." He grinned at Burke as if it was an old joke.
"It'll still be the second best when I'm finished," Burke answered, willing to rise to the bait.
"Royal Meadows has been around for gener-gener-"
"Generations," Burke supplied.
"Yeah. And you're still wet behind the ears 'cause Uncle Paddy said so."
"Brendon Patrick Grant." It was all the warning Hannah had to give. She turned her stern eye on Burke. "And you should know better than to encourage him."
Burke merely grinned and tousled the boy's hair. "Doesn't take much."
"Burke won his farm in a poker game," Brendon supplied as the van shuddered to a halt. "He's teaching me to play."
"That's so when Royal Meadows belongs to you, I can win that, too." He pushed open the sliding door, then grabbed the giggling boy around the waist.
"Did he really?" Erin asked in an undertone as Hannah took Keeley's hand. "Win his horse farm gambling?"
"So I'm told." Hannah stepped a bit wearily out of the van. "Rumor is he's lost and won more than that." She glanced over as Burke settled Brendon on his shoulders. "It's hard to hold it against him."
