If I Only Knew

by Corinne Michaels

  “I’m not going there now, Milo. I’m dying.”

  I roll my eyes. “You’re not dying. You are going to fight and win because you’re too stubborn to die.”

  She pins me with a stare. “I wondered where you got it from.”

  “Look in the mirror,” I laugh.

  “Oh, Milo, what am I going to do about you?”

  I shrug. “Get better so you can travel and see your grandson and hopefully meet the woman I’m in love with.”

  Her hand lifts, touching my cheek. “I don’t know if that’s reality, my darling. I may not get better or be strong enough. I have lung cancer. I can’t fly or do much of anything.”

  This is what worries me as well. She looks frail and tired. As much as I want to believe she’ll recover, I don’t know that she can.

  Then there’s the worry of her being in another continent without any help.

  “You will be because I can’t lose you, not yet. There’s children to meet and love.”

  Her eyes brighten and her lips lift. I know how happy that makes her. “Tell me more about Parker. He reminds me of the boy you were.”

  I lean back in my chair. “You eat and I’ll talk. Deal?”

  She nods, lifting the biscuit and I begin to tell her about his love of Thor.

  “What can I do for you, Cal?” I say into the receiver as I grab my jacket.

  I’m already late to get Mum to the hospital for her treatment. I’ll never hear the end of it at this rate.

  “We need to talk.”

  This can’t be good. Callum doesn’t ring me when he feels like having a chat. I usually get an earful of his favourite names to call me and he hangs up before I can speak. Twat.

  “There’s a problem in the London office.”

  I stop dead in my tracks. “I’m sorry?”

  “Edward quit.”

  “Edward as in our cousin who you gave the office to instead of me?” I ask for clarification.

  That’s the part that Callum always seems to gloss over. Not only did he move to America, taking most of the company there, but he left an office here to run the projects we were already working on. However, he knew my feelings on leaving London, but instead of asking me, his only brother, to take over this location, he gave it to our wanker of a cousin.

  Which is why I vowed to loathe my brother ‘til eternity. Because he’s a bastard.

  Once again, the Thor and Loki comparison is striking.

  “Yes, that one.”

  “Why are you telling me?”

  He sighs. “Because I need you to take his spot. You’re there and you’re the only one I trust.”

  My heart races the slightest bit. “You want me to take over the London office?”

  “Do you want to be an assistant or be the Vice President of Dovetail and run that office?” Callum asks with anger.

  “And once I do this for you, what job am I going to have, huh? Filing for you instead of my girlfriend? Or are you going to punish me further?”

  I’m not playing his game. I want something in writing and to be paid what I’m worth.

  “No, Milo. I want you to take over the position—permanently.”

  I stand here, staring at the door of my flat, completely stunned. He wants me to become the Vice President of the company?

  Permanently?

  And why? And when? What is the sudden change of heart?

  “Are you fucking with me?”

  He chuckles once. “No, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about when we were at my house, but then we got the call about Mum.”

  I don’t know what to say. This is completely unexpected. “I’m trying to wrap my head around this. You want me to move back to London?”

  “No,” he sighs. “I don’t want that, but Mum needs one of us and I want you to take the position in the company you were meant for.”

  I lean against the wall, feeling torn apart. “What about Danielle?”

  “What about her, Milo? I’m happy you found her, but it’s not like you’ve been together long. You’re not exactly known for anything long term.”

  “Fuck off!”

  “You can be upset with me, but there are no other options.” Callum’s voice is filled with remorse for the first time. “I can’t move to London. I have the company here, Nicole has her company, and we have Colin. You’re single.”

  “I’m not,” I correct.

  I may not be married, but I’m in love for the first time in my life. There’s someone worth the effort and he’s going to take that away from me.

  Fuck! Fucking hell.

  “No, you’re not, but answer me this, when was the last time you had a serious relationship?”

  I don’t have to answer him because we already know it.

  “Exactly,” Callum answers. “I care very much about Danielle. She’s a very big part of our lives here, so hurting her isn’t what I want to do—or you, Milo. No matter what you may think of me, I do care about you. This is ultimately your choice, but the office is yours if you take it. And either way, you’re going to need to be there for Mum.”

  My heart is being torn from my chest. “I need to think about this. I . . . I can’t give you an answer.”

  Cal sighs. “I’ll give you a week to give me your decision about staying on, but I need you to go there tomorrow and fix the mess Edward made.”

  I don’t need to do anything, but I’m not going to argue that fact. The truth is, this was what I wanted all along. This company was built by the two of us. I love Dovetail as much as Callum does, and now he wants to give me what I’ve worked my arse off to create. I don’t know that I can walk away. It was the whole damn reason I came to America.

  “You’ll give me whatever time I require,” I reply.

  “Don’t be a prick.”

  “Don’t be a bastard.”

  Callum grumbles. “I’ll hear from you in a week.”

  “You’ll hear from me when I decide.” I smirk and hang up.

  My phone pings again and it’s a text from my mum, asking where I am.

  I’ll handle her first, then I have to call another woman I love and figure out what in the bloody hell I do about that.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Danielle

  “Have you heard from Milo lately?” Callum asks as he’s at the door in my kitchen.

  “No, but I’m sure I will soon, why?”

  He shakes his head. “Just curious.”

  A niggling feeling in my gut says otherwise. Callum and I are friendly. I like him, think he’s a great guy, but he’s my boss. I always feel like I’m going to say something stupid and he’s going to fire my ass.

  “Is there something I should know?” I ask hesitantly.

  “No, no. We haven’t spoken in a few days, I wasn’t sure how Mum was doing.”

  His mother has more bad days of late than good. It’s been three weeks, countless phone calls, and still no Milo back in my arms. I’m starting to feel discouraged, and I’m trying hard not to. But I miss him. I hate that I do because I feel weak.

  However, I can’t believe he hasn’t let Callum know.

  “He said she was having a rough time the other night. We haven’t spoken today, though.”

  “He hasn’t said anything else?”

  Okay, this is weird. “No, should he have?”

  “I’m sorry,” Callum lets out a nervous laugh. “It’s hard being here when she’s sick.”

  “Don’t be sorry. I’ll definitely tell him to call you.”

  “Thank you.” He smiles.

  That was the most bizarre conversation ever.

  I grab the drinks and head out to the living room. Tomorrow is the sentencing, and my friends took it upon themselves to be here tonight. Heather, Eli, Kristin, Noah, Nicole, and Callum are apparently going to babysit me.

  “Thanks, Danni.” Heather smiles as I sit the wine glasses out on the table.

  “You know you guys don’t need to be here,” I say for the tenth time.r />
  “Yes, we do,” Kristin argues.

  I will never get them to leave, I might as well stop trying.

  “How are you doing with Milo being in London?” Nicole cuts right to the chase.

  “I’m fine. He’s where he needs to be.”

  And I truly mean that. His mother is what counts right now. We’ve been dating a whole few weeks before she got sick, I know he wants to be here, but he can’t.

  “I’ll tell you this,” Eli starts. “If it was my mom, I’d be right next to her too. You can tell a lot about a man by the way he treats his mother.”

  I scrunch my face. “How so?”

  “That’s the first person to love him. If she’s a good woman, which by how Cal talks about her, she is, then a man learns how to treat a woman from that relationship.”

  Heather nods. “I can say that the way Eli dotes on his that’s true. Matt was a jerk to his, and we know why.” She looks to Kristin. “How was Asshole with his mother?”

  Kristin laughs. “The same way he was to everyone in his life—a selfish douche.”

  Noah tucks Kristin to his side a little tighter. I don’t know if she realizes it, but anytime Scott gets brought up, he pulls her closer. Almost like he’s protecting her from the thought of him. It’s sweet, and I love seeing that their relationship is as strong as it is.

  “I agree with Eli,” Noah shrugs. “I would walk through fire for my mother. She pretty much did for me, and if she were sick, I’d be there.”

  “That’s because you’re a good man, Noah Frazier,” Kristin sighs as she looks at him.

  Nicole pretends to gag. “God you guys are so gross.”

  “Why because we love each other?” Kristin counters.

  Oh, this is so going to get ugly.

  “I love Callum more than anything. I literally would give anything for him, but I’m not all batting my eyes and sighing when he talks. He’s a man. He loves his mother, but he loves me too. Milo is a good guy, and I’m happy that he and Danni found each other, but Danni needs him too.”

  “I don’t need any of you here,” I correct.

  Nicole rolls her eyes. “Yes you do, it’s okay.”

  “You guys, seriously, I’m fine. I love you all and thank you for coming, but I’ve got this.”

  “I wish we could delay filming,” Heather says.

  Do any of them listen? No, no they do not.

  I don’t want anyone but Ava with me. I know that sounds crazy, and maybe a little stupid, but we have to get through this. If they’re there, I’ll feel as though I have to perform. Being weak in front of others is a hard thing for me. Peter was a tough guy. He didn’t love emotions and I learned to lock them up. When he first died, it was as though a dam had broken and flooded my world.

  I cried more than I had in twenty years.

  I cried and then sobbed and then wailed.

  I thought all of it had been purged, but some must be left because I know tomorrow will affect me.

  “You guys, Ava and I will be fine.”

  Kristin blows a loud breath through her nose. “You’re being a stubborn ass.”

  I give her a look that says, Maybe I am, but I’m allowed to be.

  The doorbell rings and I jump up. “I’ll get it. You can continue to talk shit about me when I leave.”

  Nicole lifts her hand. “Oh, don’t worry, we plan to.”

  “Bitch.”

  “Idiot,” she replies.

  I head to the door, and when I open it, my heart stops.

  “Milo!”

  “Hello, sweetheart.” He smiles and pulls me into his arms.

  “Oh, my God. You’re here.” Tears I swore were done falling come rushing forward. He’s here. He’s here now, and I’m in his arms.

  I pull back, my hands touching his face. I bring my mouth to his, tasting the tears against my lips.

  After a few seconds, he puts me down and smiles. “I see you missed me.”

  “I did. I missed you so much.”

  I can’t explain it, but he’s become such a part of my life. I felt empty, sad, and lonely without him. My heart is his and now I feel like I can breathe again.

  “I know that tomorrow is important and I wanted to be here.”

  I clutch my chest and then place my hand over his heart. “Thank you. What about your mother?”

  “She’ll be okay for a few days.”

  “Days?” I ask, feeling dejected already. “I thought maybe . . .”

  When did I become this dependent on him?

  “It’s just a short visit, sweetheart. Callum and I arranged for a nurse to stay with her until I can return.”

  I’m not going to think about him leaving again. I only want to think about what we have. A few days is better than nothing.

  “I understand, I’m just so surprised.” Then something else dawns on me. “Callum knew!”

  “He did.”

  I smile. That’s why he was being so weird. “Can we kick everyone out?”

  He wiggles his brows. “Not can, we most definitely will.”

  Works for me.

  I take his hand and we enter the living room. “Everyone out!” I say and they look up.

  “Milo!” A few of them yell out.

  Milo walks around, shaking hands, and kissing cheeks. The husbands haven’t met him yet, so I give them a few minutes to make introductions. Honestly, I could care less if they never met because I want every second I have with him.

  Preferably not with my friends.

  Nicole walks over and puts her arm around me. “I’m taking Ava for the night. She agreed to babysit Colin for us. I asked her the other day so it doesn’t look like you just want to have wild sex with your hot boyfriend.”

  “I didn’t like you before, but now I kind of get the appeal.” I smile and bump her hip. She’s a mess, but it’s moments like this that you remember how great of a friend she is.

  “I told you, I’m a mother fucking diamond.”

  I laugh and kiss her cheek. “I guess you are. I’ll pick her up before the sentencing.”

  “No worries, have a good breakfast fuck while you’re at it. You can call it sausage in your biscuit.”

  “Nicole,” I chide. “You’re so vulgar sometimes.”

  “Sometimes?” She laughs.

  “All right. All the damn time.”

  Good to see motherhood didn’t change her.

  “Milo!” Parker yells as he runs down the stairs. “You’re back!”

  “I am for a few days.” Milo smiles as he gives him a big hug.

  “I have so much to tell you,” he says.

  I don’t know if Milo understands what this means to me. My kids liking a man I’m dating is paramount. They are my entire world, and that man has to be able to step in and become part of it. While I think I would’ve fallen for Milo regardless, the fact that my son came running to him says more than words.

  Children are the best judges of character. I remember when Ava wouldn’t go around Scott. I thought it was weird, but looking back, she knew there was something off with him. I believe children are innocent, and they can sense it.

  “We’ll get out of your hair,” Heather says as she comes close. “Eli and I fly out tomorrow. I really do wish I could be there, even though Milo is here now, it’s just . . . I love you.”

  “And I love you,” I say, pulling her in for a hug, “I know you want to be here, but you’re married to a movie star who is in high demand.”

  Eli chuckles. “Gotta give the women what they want.”

  She slaps his stomach. “You’re a dork.”

  “You’re both dorks,” I clarify.

  We say goodbye, and Ava comes downstairs finally.

  “Milo is back.” She smiles. “Are you two going to make out and that’s why I’m going to Aunt Nicole’s?”

  “Yup,” Nicole answers. “I’m pretty sure they’re going to do more than that.”

  She should wear a shock collar and each time she says something
stupid, we should get to zap her. Maybe that will teach her what is appropriate.

  On the other hand, she’d probably like it too much.

  “So gross. I swear.”

  Nicole laughs. “You asked, kid.”

  “Lie to me next time.” Ava shivers.

  “Seriously, I had no idea he was coming here. I’ll pick you up in the morning,” I explain.

  “Sure thing, Mom. Make good choices, use a condom and all that,” Ava says as she waves her hand. “I’m really too old to be a sister again.”

  “Oh my god.”

  Seriously, my kid needs help.

  Nicole is about ready to pee herself. She’s laughing hysterically at my dismay.

  “What?” Ava asks as though she has no idea why we’re horrified.

  “Oh, just you telling your mother to use a condom. I thought I’d never experience this level of comedy, but . . . here it is.” Nicole claps her hands. “Bravo, kid.”

  Ava bows. “I’m here every night, folks.”

  After everyone is done giving me shit, I get the kids all packed to go. Parker is having a hard time leaving Milo alone, and it’s kind of cute.

  “Okay, but do you say all words funny?”

  Milo scoffs. “I don’t say things funny, you do.”

  “You don’t even say bathroom,” Parker counters.

  “Because it’s a loo.”

  “Lou who?”

  “Not Lou, loo,” Milo explains.

  Parker looks at him like he’s crazy, and starts to giggle. “You guys are a trip. Come on, Parker, it’s time to go with Aunt Kristin.”

  He groans. “But Aubrey will try to make me dress up and get married.”

  Milo chuckles and I roll my eyes. “You’ll survive.”

  Milo helps me corral Parker and get him settled. It’s as though he just gets how to be a good man. For someone who doesn’t have kids or was never serious about a woman before, Milo is a great boyfriend. Here he is, for three days, to be here for me because he knew I might need support.

  “Bye, Mom.”

  “Bye, baby.” I give Parker another big hug.

  Then he turns to Milo. “Bye, Milo. I really missed you!” He wraps his arms around Milo’s neck and holds on tight.

  “I missed you too.”

  Kristin grabs my hand and squeezes. Both of us know what it’s like to have another man come into our lives already having children. It’s scary and a leap of faith like none other. You have to hope that everyone can find their way. Thankfully, this has been seamless thus far.