by A. Zavarelli
“I don’t want to go back there.”
“Okay…” I draw out the word. “But can’t you call her? Let her know you’re alright?”
“She won’t understand,” Talia answers. “Mack has never understood. She’ll want the girl back that she lost. But I’m not her anymore. I’ll never be her again.”
“So you’re just going to let her think you’re dead?” I stare at her in disbelief. “She was your best friend.”
Talia doesn’t reply. She’s got her armor in place, and none of my words are getting through it.
“I’m going to tell her,” I say. “She’s my friend too. And I can’t let her go on thinking that you’re dead when you’re not. It isn’t right.”
“Do what you have to,” Talia answers.
Her tone is dismissive, and I don’t have the energy to keep arguing. She’s done with this conversation, and so am I. I edge back towards the door, but before I go, I ask her the only thing that matters.
“Are you okay here? Are you safe?”
Her face softens a fraction, and her voice is sincere. “Yes. Alexei is very good to me. I don’t want to leave him.”
“Okay,” I answer. “Would you like my number though? Just in case?”
She shakes her head.
So I walk out the door.
It’s been over three hours since the doctor passed me on the stairs.
Magda patched up my wounds as promised and then allowed me to sneak back up here and wait. I haven’t heard a peep from Ronan’s room, other than the soft murmur of voices and the sound of a heart monitor. It’s the only thing keeping me calm, that sound. On occasion, Franco leaves the room to retrieve something or other. And I’m honestly amazed at the medical equipment they have here. He wheeled an IV stand down the hall earlier, along with some other machines I didn’t recognize.
It makes me feel a little better, but I still won’t relax until they tell me he’s okay. Until I can look at his face and see those soft brown eyes staring back at me. The man whose barriers I never thought I could breach. The one who told me he loved me today. The father of my baby.
My head is propped against the wall when the door opens and Rory finally comes out. He reaches down to help me up.
“He’s going to be okay, Sash,” he says. “You can come and see him now.”
“Are you sure?” I ask as I move alongside him. “Are you sure they’ve done everything they should? What about antibiotics? He could get an infection, or he might need more tests…”
“Sasha.” Rory stops and grabs me by the arms to look at me. “That doctor in there is a real surgeon. She works for Alexei, and she knows what she’s doing. Ronan has had the very best care. Even better than he’d get at the hospital.”
“They have a lot of medical stuff here,” I note.
“Aye,” he agrees. “As you can imagine, they need it from time to time.”
The door opens ahead of us and Alexei, Franco and the doctor filter out of the room. Rory looks at me and gestures for me to go inside.
“I’ll give you some privacy,” he says.
“Thank you.”
I move toward the door frame and hesitate. I’m afraid to look. Afraid of what I’ll see. I know they said he’s going to be okay, but I’m so anxious I can’t help it.
But when I see Ronan lying there in stable condition, my shoulders sag in relief. I walk over and sit beside him on the bed. He opens his eyes to meet mine, and then his hand finds mine beside him.
“Sasha.”
The way he says my name is full of reverence. My answer is a jerky nod with big fat tears falling down my face. He gestures for me to lay down beside him and I curl into his side, surrounding myself in his warmth.
“You scared me,” I tell him. “I don’t like this, Ronan.”
“I’m sorry,” he answers.
“We’re having a baby,” I say. “I can’t be going through this all the time. I need to know that you’re going to come home to me every night. This wondering if you’re going to live or die all the time, it’s too much.”
Ronan nuzzles against my cheek and then kisses my forehead. For someone who has never been shown affection in his life, he’s learning how to comfort me rather quickly.
“Sasha, I can’t leave the syndicate,” he replies. “But I will never leave you either. Ye’re everything to me.”
“I love you,” I tell him. “I love you so frigging much, Ronan. I just don’t know how I’m going to do this. I don’t know if I can handle it.”
He holds me tighter and squeezes, his breath blowing across my face when he whispers his only assurance.
“I’ll always come back to ye. Nothing could keep me away.”
Then his hand moves over my stomach, and something changes in his features. Where before he was terrified, there’s now a flash of pride there.
“And our child too.”
I lean in and graze his lips with mine, and his hand tangles in my hair, deepening the kiss. This kiss conveys all the words he can’t say aloud. Like how scared he was to lose me too. And how without a shadow of a doubt I am his now. When he breaks away, his eyes are soft and open.
“I haven’t any bloody idea how to be a father,” he admits. “I’m afraid I’ll botch the job beyond repair.”
“You won’t,” I tell him. “I know you won’t, Ronan. We’ll learn together.”
“I don’t do well with loud noises,” he says quietly. “I worry that when the baby cries…”
His words drift off and his expression takes on a distant look.
“You will adjust,” I assure him. “It will be different when it’s your own child, Ronan. And we’ll figure it out, okay? We’ll do whatever we have to.”
He nods, but I can tell he’s still worried about it. There are admittedly a million things left to figure out. A huge clusterfuck still waiting for us back in Boston with the feds and Slainte and Lachlan’s arrest. The informant, the baby, the future. Everything is hanging in the balance right now. And I shouldn’t feel calm.
But when I’m here in his arms, and he’s alive, and looking at me the way he is right now, all is right with the world.
41
RONAN
FOR THE NEXT THREE DAYS, we remain holed up at Alexei’s house. The lad isn’t very fond of me after the stunt I pulled before with Mack and the small matter of shooting at his car. But he helped me when I needed it, regardless. I don’t have a clue if it’s because of the alliance or because of Sasha.
I’ve noticed he has eyes on us often. Like he’s trying to pick us apart, work out what’s going on between us. I haven’t a clue why. Crow always said this one was funny when it came to women. That he had a soft spot for them. And I’ve seen him enough times to know it’s true. I don’t think he’s got eyes for Sasha, but I still don’t like him looking at her the way he does. I don’t like anyone looking at her.
Because she’s mine.
I glance at her sleeping form beside mine and wonder how the bleeding hell I ever had the good fortune to cross paths with her. For her to see past my issues and care for me anyway. I haven’t worked it all out yet, but the one thing I do know is Sasha is kind and has a good heart. For some reason, she believes there’s something in me worth keeping.
I don’t take that lightly. Only, I worry I’m going to jack this whole situation arseways if I don’t tread carefully. There’s still a bit of dread inside of me when I think about having a baby. I’ve no fecking clue how to care for a baby. But when I look at Sasha and it really settles over me that she’s carrying my child, I get a big head over the notion. I fancy the idea that I’ve claimed her in such a way. That she will never have another but me, and that we might make a family together. The way that Crow said, with that picture he had in his head. I want that with Sasha. Only, I need to sort out all of this other bollocks first.
The benefit of being at Alexei’s is that he has a dungeon that could rival my own. He uses it himself from time to time or allows the Russia
ns to do so when the need arises. That very same dungeon is also where Andrei was left to fester until I was in fair enough shape to handle the business that was left undone.
I didn’t reap as much enjoyment from the act as I’d hoped. The prick had already contracted some sort of infection by the time I had a go at him and he wasn’t as lucid as he should’ve been. But he did suffer. There were no bones about that.
His death was slow and painful. A standard I set for anyone else who thinks they might touch what’s mine. When I finished with him, I sent Andrei back to his men in pieces.
Now there’s only the other matter of the feds to contend with.
On cue, there’s a rap at the door and then Rory pokes his head in.
“Ye mind?” he asks. “I need a word with you.”
I cover Sasha over and then reach down to kiss her cheek right in front of Rory. I don’t mind so much, now. I’m not uncomfortable anymore. Worried I’m stuffing it up in front of the lads. The only thing I care about is that they all know she’s been claimed.
“I’ll be along in a moment,” I tell him. “Let me get dressed.”
He nods and shuts the door behind him and I dress in the clothes that Alexei provided me. It’s no suit, but it’ll have to do.
When I open the door Rory is waiting outside, and he gestures down the hall. I walk beside him and into a room where Conor, Michael, Dom and a few of the other lads have joined us as well. Since the shake up with the feds, they’ve all gone to different safe houses. This being one of them.
“Any word on Crow?” I ask as I take an empty seat.
“The barrister assured me he’ll be home for Sunday supper,” Dom answers. “They’ve got nothing but a bloody house of cards. A huff and a puff and we’ll blow it right down.”
I rock back in my chair with a nod. I suspected as much. This isn’t the first time we’ve had heat on our backs, and it won’t be the last.
“And what of the rest of it?”
“Alexei’s done his homework,” he answers. “They’ve got nothing. No body, no dice. Some grainy photos of you, and an informant with a past so checkered it won’t hold up in court.”
He sounds confident, but I still don’t like it. I want to tell Sasha it’s over. But it won’t be over until that witness disappears. A notion I’m not too keen on. I don’t like involving women in our business.
“Who is she?” I ask.
“Some junkie whore,” Rory answers.
A voice from the door behind us replies.
“Yeah, like me,” Scarlett adds. “Nothing more than a whore.”
Rory’s face pales, and he attempts to backtrack quickly, but it’s no use. Scarlett ignores him and comes and sits right down at the table like she has a right to.
“This isn’t your business,” Dom tells her. “Now you best leave.”
She crosses her arms and snaps her gum, shaking her head in refusal. “Nah, I think I’ll stay. Because I have something to say on the matter.”
The room falls silent, and all of the lads look at each other, wondering who’s going to handle her. They all know Rory fancies this girl, so they don’t want to step on toes. But he’s not saying anything either. So I take it upon myself to sort out this headache.
“Tell us what ye have to say and then be on your way. These meetings are for the lads only.”
“Look, all I’m saying is I know this girl. She goes by Shorty on the street. Girl’s got a wicked bad asshole for a pimp. He’s keeping her son from her to keep her in line.”
“Where are ye headed with this?” I ask.
“When I saw her last, she told me that she was getting her son back. That some guy promised he was going to help her. That he’d pay off her pimp if she did what he asked. Set her up with a whole new life.”
The room falls silent, and the lads piece together the information Scarlett just tossed us. Donny must have promised to get her son back if she testified as a supposed witness. And then the feds would set her up with a new identity.
“That plan sounds like it requires an awful lot of chips to fall just right,” Michael remarks.
“Aye,” I agree. “Donny never did think things all the way through.”
“She’s scared shitless,” Scarlett says. “I just thought maybe you don’t have to kill her. Maybe you could help her get her son back instead. And send her on her way to somewhere else. I guarantee you won’t have any more problems with her if you do.”
“Ye can’t guarantee something like that,” Rory says, the irritation in his voice clear. He knows such a guarantee from Scarlett would likely put her at risk if this plan of hers ever did go south.
“I can and I will,” she says. “I know this girl. She’s had it rough, okay? She just wants out of this life. She’s grasping at whatever life vest will keep her afloat.”
The lads all look to me for an answer. Something that would have made me uncomfortable before, but now I take no issue with it. Because it isn’t just me that’s riding on this working out favorably, but Sasha and my child too. And I need to know that the man who comes home to her at the end of the day is one she can actually stomach to look at. But I also need to ensure her safety.
“We need to speak with this girl,” I say. “Then we can sort it out. Dom, you and Scarlett give Alexei the details and he will get us everything we need.”
He nods and stands up to do exactly that. Only his phone rings, and he answers it before he goes. The words are few and quiet, but the expression on his face tells me it isn’t good news he’s just received.
“We’ve got another problem,” he says when he hangs up. “Niall’s just had a massive heart attack.”
42
SASHA
“I DON’T WANT you to go,” I argue, though I know it’s totally unreasonable.
Ronan gives me a frustrated glance. I’m not being fair, but my anxiety is through the roof.
“I have to get this sorted,” he says. “They’re just going to have a wee chat with me, Sasha. It will be okay.”
“But what about their witness?” I ask. “They’re going to arrest you.”
“The witness is here,” Ronan answers me.
I blink at him, not sure I heard him correctly.
“Excuse me?”
“She’s downstairs.”
My stomach lurches. I don’t want to know the details. But I can’t stop myself from asking, anyway. I have to know. I have to know if he’s telling me what I think he is.
“You mean, as in…”
“Alexei is having a word with her,” Ronan explains. “That’s all. No harm will come to her so long as she cooperates.”
“Right.” I blow out a breath and wrap my arms around myself.
Jesus, this world sometimes… it’s too much. But I’m in it for good now, like it or not. It still doesn’t make it any easier to come to terms with all of these mixed emotions inside of me. I don’t want anyone to get hurt. But I also can’t allow Ronan to go to prison.
He must be able to see the confliction on my face because he walks over and pulls me against him. His palm flattens over my belly, and my pulse flutters when he examines me with a soft expression.
“I’ll do what I have to in order to protect the both of you, Sasha. And that does mean anything. But I want ye to know I’m not a monster. I’m trying to do what’s right. I’m trying to believe we can sort this out another way.”
“Can I talk to her?” I ask.
He frowns and almost immediately goes to shake his head. “This is mafia business.”
“But it isn’t just your business anymore,” I argue. “This involves me too. I want to know we can trust her. I want to protect you too.”
“I don’t need ye to protect me,” he huffs. “That’s my role, Sasha. Make no bones about that, it always will be.”
“I get that,” I say. “I really do. But just let me talk to her. Let me see for myself. Just so I can be at ease. Otherwise, I’ll be going out of my frigging mind wondering.”<
br />
Ronan quietly considers my words for several moments, his eyes searching mine. He sees the worry on my face. And I know how it is with these guys. They want to take on the burden of protecting us and never let us fret over a thing. But he needs to realize right now I’m not that kind of woman. And he better just get used to it. Because when it comes to Ronan, I’m always going to worry.
And he may not comprehend it just yet, but I think when it comes to him and what we have, I’d do anything in order to protect it too.
“I have to head on,” he says. “But Conor can take ye down to speak with her while Alexei is there. I don’t want ye speaking with her at any other time. Or getting attached.”
“I understand.” I reach up and graze his cheek with a kiss which he turns into and meets with his own lips.
When he finally pulls away, he’s even more reluctant to go. “Ye make it hard to leave you,” he says.
“Good,” I answer. “That’s the way I want it.”
I move to leave, but Ronan reaches out and grabs my arm.
“Sasha?”
“Yes?”
“You can tell her we’re keeping the dog, too.”
The girl in the basement isn’t what I expected.
At all.
She’s young, extremely thin, and can’t even be an inch over five feet. Judging from the way her toes are bouncing off the floor, she’s scared out of her mind.
She’s sitting in a chair with her hands folded in her lap while Alexei stares at her across the table. He isn’t speaking right now, only observing. And while I’ve only known him a short time, I’ve never seen his gaze so cold as it is right now. This right here is the mobster. The other side of the coin. These guys all have one, but his is admittedly a little scarier than some of the others.
And I don’t know whether to thank him or hate him for it. But in the end, my loyalty wins out, because I know he’s doing this to protect us. To protect Ronan. And this girl is a threat. Until she proves otherwise, she will need to be treated as such.
Her eyes fly to mine when she sees me standing in the corner of the room. Alexei turns a moment later as though he didn’t hear me come in. Conor is at my side, and he makes sure to tell him that Ronan gave me permission before he slips out the door. And then it’s just the three of us.
