by Anna Brooks
If it weren’t for Lucy, I’m not sure where we’d be right now. I don’t have enough money to pay for a full-time nurse, but Lucy doesn’t have any other family, so she agreed to come with us and to help. I pay for her food and she lives with us for free, and she takes care of Mom when I’m not here.
“I’m going to get a cool cloth.”
When I get back to my mom’s room, she almost hits me in the head with a remote, but I duck to avoid it.
“Ruby! Where is he? Where is your brother? He was supposed to come home, but he never did. I’m worried about him. Where is he?”
I don’t know what to do. Do I lie to calm her down or try to reason with her by telling her she doesn’t have a son? I decide on the lying because it’s easier and less stressful.
“He’s fine, Mom. He went on vacation, remember?” I close the door behind me and pick up the remote to set it back on her nightstand. “He’ll be back soon.”
“Oh, thank God.” She visibly relaxes and sits on the burgundy rocking chair in the corner. “I was worried he was hurt.”
“He’s fine. You don’t need to worry.” I sit on her bed across from her and talk to her. I bring up the weather, sports, anything to change the subject. She focuses on me again, and I talk about the past. I don’t expect her to remember, but I just need to get it off my chest. “I know it hasn’t been that long since we moved, and I still get scared sometimes. I worry he’ll come back for me—”
“How’s she doing?” Lucy’s soft voice interrupts me as she sets a glass of water down on the nightstand next to the remote.
“Good. She’s calmed down. I was just talking about how I’m scared Eddie’s gonna come for us. Or Dad.” Stanley is my biggest fear, but I don’t need to voice that concern because Lucy knows how he treated me. I never understood how my dad never picked up on the abuse, or if he did, why he didn’t step in.
“I know you are, but it’s been almost a month. Why would they come now?” Lucy pats my hand. “I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”
“Well, if I’m not worrying about them, I’m worrying about Pierce.”
“Oh, what happened today?”
“He scared the crap out of me after work today …” I tell her the details of what happened in the parking lot. “It’s such a foreign and twisted feeling. I’m relieved that I have the ability to do what I want when I want … but I dunno. It’s so different being scared not having Stan, but at the same time, being afraid of him.”
“Ruby, you can’t live your life afraid.”
“It’s not just that. It’s how quickly everything is happening with Pierce, and I don’t know what’s happening with Mom.”
“She wouldn’t want you to pause your life. Especially now that you finally have a chance to live free. She’d want you doing what made you happy, not putting everything on hold for her. And Ruby, she’d want you to fall in love.”
Mom nods her head as if she’s listening to what Lucy is saying, even though she’s immersed in a rerun of Roseanne. “You agree with her, Mom? Do you think I should move forward with Pierce?”
“Yes,” she says. “Ruby, did Nikolas get home yet?”
“Who’s Nikolas?”
“Your brother, dear. Don’t be silly.”
“He’ll be back soon, Mom.” I kiss her cheek and walk out, my brain, patience, and nerves shot for the day.
I take a shower and eat some leftover lasagna that Lucy made, then lie on the couch watching the weather channel. Insomnia decides to visit me, so I grab my phone and walk outside. I pull up a new text from Pierce just saying hi and bite my lip, embarrassed that he makes me blush from something so simple.
He jostles everything within me, and I know it’s rude, but I ignore the text. As I attempt to get back to my home screen, I accidentally push the talk button. His voice is unmistakable as he answers on the first ring, but I panic and press the red button to end the call. I toss my phone in the grass and close my eyes, trying to block everything out and reflecting on my life now.
I just want a day when I don’t have to be on edge about something. It used to be Stan or my dad. Then it was Eddie. Now, it’s my mom and Pierce. Something or someone always keeps my mind reeling, and I just want a fucking moment of peace.
I’m trying my best and doing everything I can to make something out of a horribly appalling, yet oddly humanizing situation. Pierce is the one who helps me. He helps make me strong, gives me something to believe in, and I just ignored him like a bitch.
Realizing I need to stop pushing him away, I quickly grab my phone off the grass. When I flip it over, dew covers the screen along with a couple of pieces of grass so I wipe them away. I have three missed calls from Pierce and a new text that he just sent.
Pierce: I’m walking up to your door. If you don’t come out here and tell me you’re okay, I’ll break it down to make sure you are.
“Shit.” Our apartment is the front corner unit, so I run around the building just as he’s about to start hitting the door. “Pierce,” I whisper-shout. It is after midnight, after all.
His arm freezes mid-air, and when his eyes collide with mine, I take a step back. His lids are squinted and his jaw is clamped so tight the veins on the side of his neck bulge in the light. He lowers his arm and squeezes his fist a couple of times before stalking … yes, stalking toward me.
I open my mouth to say something. I don’t know what, reassure him maybe, but his lips cover mine before I can speak. One of his hands grabs my hair in a fist and the other is on my waist, pushing me back.
With a gentle force, he pushes me against the cool brick wall and continues to assault my mouth with his tongue and his firm lips. I finally catch up to the program and attempt to kiss him back. I instinctively grab onto his arms and touch his tongue with my own. It’s so rough and smooth at the same time. Soft and wet and tastes like mint. I do it again but slide it along the top of his. He growls at the contact and moves his hand around to my lower back. When the tips of his fingers rub along the top of my underwear, I panic.
Such pretty little white underwear, Ruby. So innocent. So sweet. The words from my first time with Eddie barge into my mind unannounced and wreak havoc on my nerves.
“Stop, stop, stop.” I push him away and he steps back, raising his hands.
“Sorry, Ruby. Crap, I’m so sorry.”
I wrap my arms around my stomach and fight away the ugly. I force the memories away and focus on right now and the guy standing in front of me who looks pained for thinking he hurt me. “It’s fine. I just—”
“No, don’t pretend that was okay. I shouldn’t have done that.” He runs his hands through the longer hair on the top of his head, and takes a step forward but he quickly regresses, shoving his hands in his front jeans pocket. “Are you okay?”
“Yes, I’m fine. I’m sorry, I just—”
“I said don’t!” he yells, then pauses and takes a deep breath. The frustration in his voice isn’t directed at me, rather at himself for some reason. “Don’t apologize for someone making you uncomfortable, especially me.”
My internal dialogue is like a pinball machine, bouncing between what I want and what scares me. How much I want to tell him and how much I want to keep a secret.
He follows me as I walk back around the corner and sit on a lounger. He nods at the other chair and I smile at him, inviting him to join me. I lie on my back so I can stretch my legs, and he sits sideways on the lounger and plants his feet on the ground.
“You keep saying that,” I whisper.
“Saying what?”
“Especially.” I turn on my side and prop my head with an arm under my neck. “Why?”
He leans forward and grabs my free hand. It astounds me that even after he freaked me out a second ago, he manages to calm me without even knowing. His fingers trail up and down my arm for a minute before he answers me.
“You don’t even have a clue, do you?”
“About what?”
“What
you do to me. How badly I want to … how badly I want you. I want your smiles, your kisses, your body, your heart. I want to go to sleep at night holding you and have you know that you’re safe. Because you’re afraid of something, and I want to know why you’re scared so I can chase your demons away.” He smiles at the shock on my face. “It’s okay. I know it sounds crazy. I’m fully aware how insane I sound, but Ruby … there’s something about you. Only you. Especially you.”
As soon as I realize my mouth is hanging open, I close it and process what he just said. Does it sound a bit much? Sure, but I know how he feels. Because when he’s around, he makes me feel safe. If I were able, I’d take any hurt away from him, too.
“Pierce … I appreciate that you want to protect me, but I’m fine. I’m a little on edge because of something that happened, and I’m learning how to deal with certain things, but I’m just not there yet.”
“I can wait.”
“I don’t want you to have to wait for me to be normal because I don’t know if I’ll ever be that girl.”
“I don’t care. Any second I spend with you makes me a better person. It makes me want to be so much more … I want to be everything for you. And if that means I have to wait, then I don’t care, Ruby. I’ll wait as long as it takes.”
I sit up and grab hold of his shoulder and rest my other hand on his chest. He feels so good, so strong and so warm and just so right.
Chapter 16
Pierce
RUBY’S TONGUE DARTS OUT and moistens her lips before she nods, her nose rubbing against my own and igniting a fire so deep in my stomach I didn’t even know it existed. “I want to, but I also think you need to know what you’re getting yourself into. I’m a little crazy sometimes.”
Never in my life has a woman had this kind of pull on me and never in my life did I think I’d love the feeling so much. I swear she could tell me anything and I’d just go with it.
I lean in so our lips are barely touching. “Crazy, baby?”
“Yes, crazy,” she agrees, whispering just as quietly as I am.
Her hands tighten even more and I slide mine up from the chair on either side of her into her hair. She’s the one who slides her tongue into my mouth, and I let her take a minute to explore, to get used to the only mouth she’s ever going to kiss again. I match her strokes with my own and when I feel like I’m going to tear a hole in my jeans, I regretfully pull my head back … but not before I take her lower lip between my teeth and get one last taste.
“It’ll be crazy good, angel,” I tell her.
She laughs and dramatically throws herself back in the chair and I follow. I pull her back to my front and move her hair out of the way so I can rest my chin on her shoulder. This girl is making me use more willpower than I have in a really long time … probably my whole life, because her backside is nestled right against my dick, and I’m dying to rub it against her.
She sighs and rolls over so she’s facing me. I can’t help but want to be closer, so I lie on my back and pull her in so she’s draped half across my body. Her fingers make circular patterns on my chest and I twirl her hair in my fingers.
“My mom was diagnosed with stress-induced dementia.”
Fuck. “Oh Ruby, I’m sorry.”
“I’m trying to deal with it, and I’m doing the best I can. The doctors say that it’s related to depression, and there’s a chance it could improve.”
“What are they doing to treat it?” I massage her neck and she sinks into me a little further.
“Antidepressants. She has good days and bad days. But lately it seems to be worse. I moved here to get her away from everything and had hoped that would help, but it hasn’t done anything so far.”
“It hasn’t been that long. Maybe she just needs more time.”
“Maybe,” she agrees. “She keeps talking about my brother.”
“I thought you didn’t have any siblings.”
“I don’t. But I swear by the way she talks about him, you’d think I did.”
* * *
After spending a couple of hours talking with Ruby last night, I went home and once again got very little sleep. I couldn’t stop thinking about what a tough situation she was in and wishing there was more I could do for her. It makes me understand her a little more and gives me some type of lead on what I can do to help her through it. I’m so happy she opened up to me and hope this is a good sign of things to come for our future.
A spider, or a little bug, is crawling around in my brain, though, telling me something else is going on with her. She said I could meet her mom soon, so I’m excited about that. I plan to introduce her to my family too, but I think she needs more time to build that trust between us.
I finished the mind-numbing paperwork I had to do this morning, and I just taught a kickboxing class because the instructor is sick. Now, I’m sitting at the front desk playing some stupid app on my phone while I wait for Kim to get here.
“You did a good job today.” Stacy’s voice makes me want to barf, but because I’m not a complete jerk, I look up to acknowledge her. She’s wearing way too much makeup and her skimpy workout clothes leave little to the imagination.
“Not my first time, Stacy.”
I go back to playing my game and she leans over the counter. “Everyone’s out of the locker room. Why don’t you come join me for a shower?”
After taking a couple of deep breaths through my nose, I stand up and lean in close. “Listen to me, Stacy. I don’t want to even look at you, let alone be naked with you. This is the last warning I’m going to give you. If you want to come here and take classes, fine. But I don’t wanna hear another word out of your mouth about us being together, because it’s not going to happen again. Ever. Do you understand me?”
She huffs and crosses her arms. “Fuck you, Pierce. You’re an asshole.”
“I really don’t care what you think about me, Stacy.”
Thankfully, she leaves and I sit back down and mess with my game for a little bit until Kim arrives. As soon as she walks in the door, I’m outside and making my way to the store. When the bell chimes, Ruby looks up and smiles.
“Hey, you.”
I shake my head and laugh. “Hey, you.” I go right over to her and lean on the counter and tap my cheek. She presses a soft kiss there and a throat clears next to me.
“Pierce,” Leroy says in his deep voice.
I raise an eyebrow at Ruby before I acknowledge him. “Hey there, Leroy.”
He glances back and forth between Ruby and me and shakes his head. “You buying something, boy? ’Cause you certainly ain’t about to get that milk for free if I have anything to say about it.”
“Leroy!” Ruby shouts.
“I’ve gotta get back anyway. Just wanted to take a second and say hi to my girl, here. It’s always a pleasure, Leroy.” I nod at him and turn my attention back to Ruby. “Text me before you leave and maybe we can go grab something to eat.”
“Okay.”
I give her hand a squeeze, and as I’m walking out, I hear her scolding Leroy for being rude. Can’t blame the guy, Ruby’s oblivious to her beauty and the spell she casts on people without even trying.
* * *
Angel: Getting ready to walk out.
Me: Come to the gym.
Me: Please.
Angel: Okay.
As soon as I read the reply, I put my phone back in my pocket and walk out the front entrance to meet her. Ruby walks across the parking lot and tucks her hair behind her ears. Her head is tilted down and a shy smile greets me when she gets to the door.
“Hey.” She twists back and forth a little, and I put my hands on her hips to stop the nervous movement.
“Hey.” I lean down and kiss the top of her head then grab her hand and walk us back inside. “Is your mom okay?”
“Yeah, I just got off the phone with Lucy. She’s sleeping.”
“I just have to hang out for another like ten minutes then we can go. You hungry?”
&nb
sp; “A little bit.”
We get behind the front desk and I lift her by her tiny waist and set her on the counter. She spreads her legs a bit and I step between them and lean forward, pausing as my lips graze hers. “Me too.”
Before I get any closer, I run my tongue along the seam of her lips and she surprises me by grabbing my head and pressing her lips against mine. I waste no time in kissing her back, our lips a frenzy, a desire for more building with each breath.
Her legs squeeze around me and pull us closer together. I run my hands down her waist, past her thighs, then down to her ankles that are wrapped around my back. Her hands tighten in my hair and I pry her legs apart.
If I want this to go anywhere with her, she’s gotta be able to trust me. I can’t do this shit every time I see her. But she’s just so goddamned beautiful and sweet, and when she looks at me with those innocent brown eyes, all I want to do is claim her. I want to mark her, ravage her… I want to consume every inch of her.
In one swoop, I set her back on her feet and take a large step back. My chest heaves and she touches her lips with the tips of her fingers. We don’t speak, but more than words pass between us.
“Pierce,” she whispers.
“I know.” It’s almost scary, and I get why she’s anxious. “It’ll be all right, okay?”
“It almost hurts how badly I want you, Pierce.”
“Hey.” I take a step closer and tuck some hair behind her ear. “It’s okay.”
“Sure.” She starts to say something else but pauses and looks over my shoulder.
“Hey, man. We’re the last two.” A couple of regulars wave as they pass the desk.
“Thanks, guys. Have a good night.”
We watch them go out and I take a moment to regain my wits so I can focus again.
By the time I look at Ruby again, I’ve taken a few deep breaths and gotten my little guy to calm down. “What are you hungry for?” I change the subject and an audible breath releases from her lungs as she smiles a relaxed smile at me.
“Breakfast.”
“Breakfast, it is.”
“Come with me to close everything down and then we’ll get outta here.”
