by Anna Brooks
* * *
Declan
I’m sitting in the kitchen feeding Clover breakfast when there’s a knock on my door. I wipe her mouth and kiss the top of her head before going to see who’s here. Charlotte waves at me, and I open the door and grab the car seat with little Sean in it. “Hey,” I say.
“Hi, Uncle Decwan.” Caroline hugs my leg then runs around the house until I hear her squeal, “Baby!”
“Not that I’m not happy to see you, but what are you doing here?”
Charlotte looks at me and presses her lips together.
“Char, what’s wrong?”
Travis walks in, still in his work clothes. “It’s Amie.”
“What?”
“She’s in the hospital.”
“What?” I feel the word leave my mouth, but there isn’t a sound.
“Come on. Char will stay with Clover.”
I don’t move. I can’t.
Travis grabs my arm, and I whip my head to look at him. “Declan, it’s not good.”
My throat itches and my stomach hollows out. He pulls me, and I follow him. As he starts driving, my initial shock wears off. I push the fear and gut-wrenching agony aside to find out what the fuck is going on. “What happened?”
“Someone beat the shit out of her. She didn’t show up for work today, and the school called her emergency contact, which were her parents, and they went to check on her. She barely had a pulse, man.”
I nod and stare out the window. “I was going to see her yesterday, but I pussied out.”
“Don’t go there.”
“If I would have gone—”
“Don’t do this to yourself.”
I can’t not do this to myself. I was gonna go. I wasn’t going to let another day, let alone another week, go by without her. But I didn’t. I chickened out because I’m afraid she’ll tell me she doesn’t feel anything for me anymore. And now, she’s hurt because I wasn’t fucking there. “Fuck.”
When the hospital comes into view, I jump out before he stops all the way and run inside. As soon as I turn the corner to the waiting room, I recognize her parents. They’re huddled together, and when I step next to them, they look up.
“Declan.” Betsy stands and wraps her arms around me, sobbing into my chest. “She wasn’t moving. I thought she was dead.” I pat her back, and her dad stands and puts a hand on my shoulder. It’s all the support I need from him to tell me he’s glad I’m here.
“She’s tough, Betsy. She’s strong, and she’s a fighter. She’s going to be fine,” I tell her, convincing myself as well.
“I’m gonna kill that son of a bitch,” her dad says. His aggression is completely out of character but warranted considering the situation.
“Not if I get to him first,” I promise.
I sit on the end seat next to her mom. She holds my hand, and her other is cocooned between Mike’s hands. We stare at the clock on the wall, watching the minutes pass. Minutes turn to hours. The waiting room is now full with Nik, Pierce, Meara, and my parents. They might not have had much of a relationship with her the past seventeen years, but they always cared about her. And since I care about her, they’re here for me, too.
They sit across from me and when the door opens and a doctor comes out, we all jump. He takes us around the corner for more privacy.
“Three ribs are broken, her spine is bruised, and she needed dozens of stitches on the side of her head from the trauma. We have her in a medically induced coma… swelling… wake up… pray…” His voice fades away, and everything around me becomes blurry.
I clench my fists together and calmly walk out of the hospital. When I round the corner, I squat down and lean my head against the brick. Using the training I have to stay calm in intense life or death situations, I focus and breathe. Finally, my legs don’t feel like Jell-O, and I stand, punch the wall, and then walk back inside.
Her parents aren’t in the room with the others anymore. “Did they go to see her?”
“Yes. Son, what can we do?” my dad asks.
“Take care of Clover for me.”
Meara puts her hand on my face. “We’ll help you with whatever you need, Dec, but right now, you can’t do anything. Why don’t you come home and take a nap then come back in the morning?”
“I’m not leaving her.”
“Dec.” She sighs. Meara hates Amie for what she did to me. I love my sister, but where Amie is concerned, she will always win. Always.
“I’m not fucking leaving her.”
I turn on my heel and walk down the hallway, not really sure what direction I should be going, but something tells me to go right. Her father stands outside a room, and when he turns his head, I see the tears rolling down his face. He pulls me into a hug, and I squeeze my eyes shut as I hug him back. “She looks awful. My little girl,” he cries.
Betsy comes out of the room and falls to the ground, hysterical. I reach down and lift her up then walk them out to the waiting room. Nik comes over and takes Betsy. “Can you give them a ride home?”
“No, I need to stay. I just… just needed air.”
“Betsy, we really should go. Your hip is acting up, and we’re both tired. We can’t do anything else tonight. Besides, I’m sure she wants her privacy with Declan.”
After a little more arguing back and forth, they finally concede, and my dad agrees to take them home.
Seeing their daughter like that is a lot for them to digest. They’ve been with her since this morning, and I know they don’t want to leave her. But I’m with her, and they know I’ll take care of her.
I need to see her. I have to touch her and kiss her and promise her that we’re going to fix us after she gets better.
“Declan,” her dad calls.
Pausing so he knows I’m listening, he continues, “Take care of my girl.”
I nod and push through the door and find her room. The antiseptic smell makes me squeeze my eyes together as the strong odor shocks my sinuses.
The blankets are tucked under her chin, and her blond hair tumbles around her shoulders. She has a bandage wrapped around her head, and when I step closer, I dry heave into my mouth at seeing the stitches on her cheek and her pale complexion with the bruises around her eyes. I lift the blanket to find her stomach wrapped. Black and blue marks riddle her arms. I pull the blanket back up and walk to the bathroom then lift the toilet seat lid and vomit.
Chapter 9
Amie
MY HEAD HURTS. MY back hurts. My side hurts. Why does everything hurt, and why can’t I open my eyes? It’s so dark.
“Amie?”
Is that Declan? No, it can’t be. Why would he want to be with me? Where am I, anyway?
I fight the current trying to pull me under. Fight to find out if he’s really here. Fight for him.
“Amie, honey, open your eyes.”
I love when he calls me that. Only he calls me honey. I love that he doesn’t even realize he does it. I love everything about him, really. I love him.
A slit appears in the blackness, but as fast as it was there, it’s gone, and everything goes quiet again. But then I feel it. I feel him. His lips touch my face. “Wake up, Amie. Please, honey. Wake the fuck up.”
He sounds like he’s crying. Why would he be crying? I’m just napping.
“You need to wake up so you can come home with me. We miss you so much. Don’t you want to go see Clover?”
I try to turn my head to him, and a groan echoes in my head.
“There you go. Do you know why I named her Clover? Because you’re the only one I ever wanted to have a baby with, and it was a part of me that could remember I was happy at one point in my life. Do you remember when we decided we were going to name our daughter Clover? I do. You were so pretty. You had on a white skirt and a purple shirt, and your hair was so long, it was blowing in the wind. I went back to that clover field the other day, Amie. Did you know that? I went there so I could feel closer to you.”
Something wet slides
down my face.
“Don’t cry, honey. It’s okay. We’ll be okay. You’re going to be okay. All you’ve gotta do is wake up for me.”
I try to open my eyes, and that slit of white appears again, but when it gets brighter, it burns my eyes, and I squeeze my lids shut again, even though my head is throbbing.
“Too bright?” he asks. “Here, try again. I’ll shut the lights off.” The bed indents again, and his voice is closer to me. “Open your eyes and look at me.”
I try again, and this time it’s not the brightness that hurts, but his face that punches a hole through my heart. Tears fill his eyes, and his face is scruffier than normal.
“Dec?”
“Yeah, honey. I’m right here.”
I cough. He puts a straw to my mouth, and I take a small sip.
“Let me get the doctor, okay?”
“What happened?”
“Somebody hurt you.”
Like a tidal wave, it all hits me at once—Larry, his fists, him kicking me. Lying there, barely able to move. Thinking I was going to die. Trying to crawl to my phone but unable to bear the pain. The quick breaths I’ve just begun to take throb against my chest, and I cry out in pain.
“Shh… relax. I’m here. He’s not going to hurt you again.”
His arms gently wrap around me and calm me slightly.
“Well, good morning, Ms. Dotson.” A perky woman says my name, but I don’t move to look at her. Instead, I stay buried in Declan’s embrace even though I feel shooting pain down my side and back.
“I’m going to need to take your vitals then the doctor will be right in.”
Declan kisses my cheek and rolls me to my back. I don’t take my eyes off him the entire time the doctor and nurse poke and prod at me except when the doctor shines a flashlight into my eyes. They both talk, but I don’t listen. My only focus remains on the man in front of me. The man who I never thought would ever care about me again.
His thumbs are hooked into the waistband of his sweats and his ankles are crossed as he leans against the wall and watches me. I might not have had the best reunion with him, but that doesn’t change the fact that I know him. I reach my hand out for him, and he immediately steps forward and holds my fingers.
“I’m tired,” I whisper.
“Then sleep.”
“Don’t leave.”
“I’m never leaving you, honey. Never again.”
* * *
When I wake up this time, it doesn’t hurt to open my eyes. But like last time, Declan is the first thing I see. “Hey.” I look around at the sterile room and notice some flowers and a balloon on the shelf by the window.
He stands from his chair and sits next to me on the bed. “Morning. How do you feel?”
“Achy.”
“Let me call the nurse.”
“’Kay.” I reach for his hand while he presses the button. “What time is it?”
“Seven.”
“Oh, damn. I slept a while.”
Worry lines form on his forehead, and he lowers his voice. “Honey, you’ve been sleeping for three days.”
I attempt to sit up, but he uses a hand to gently push me back down. “Relax.”
“Three days!”
“Yes.”
“Ah, I see you’re more awake this time, Ms. Dotson.” The nurse comes in with a smile on her face.
“Yeah.” I can’t believe this. “It’s really been three days?”
“Yes, ma’am. And this stubborn man hasn’t left your side.” She angles her head at Dec.
He shrugs, and she continues taking vitals on me. As soon as she’s out of the room, he walks back over to me and takes my hand again.
I don’t want him to, but I tell him anyway. “You need to go home.”
“What?”
“Who’s watching Clover?”
“Everyone’s taking turns.”
“Declan, go home to your baby.”
His thumb rubs up and down the pad of my hand. “I thought you were going to die. I thought that after all these years, you were going to be gone before I was able to tell you how I feel. I thought you were going to be in heaven thinking I hated you, when in fact, it couldn’t be further from the truth.”
“Declan…”
“No, Amie. This is ridiculous. We’re both miserable without each other. You don’t think I can see it in your face every time you look at me? That every time I even think about you, my throat doesn’t burn?”
I bite my top lip from saying something stupid like marry me and reach over for the cup to take a sip of water through the straw.
“You’ve only been back for a month, Dec.”
“Does it matter? Does time make a difference? Look.” He sits next to me and gently cups the side of my face. I melt at the contact from his warm hands. “I hadn’t seen you for almost seventeen years. But the second I did, it was as if no time had passed. You know it as well as I do.”
I do know; it never left me. He’s absolutely correct. I feel like no time has passed. My heart still hurts for him and is filled with love for him. Only him.
The door swings open, letting in noise from the hallway, and I hear my mom before I see her. Declan smiles before he stands up and grabs his hoodie.
“I’m going to go home and shower, but I’ll be back later tonight, okay?”
“No, Declan. Stay at home in your own bed. Stay with your daughter. I’m fine. I appreciate you staying here, but she needs you more than I do.” Shitballs, I just told him I needed him.
He smirks at my admission, the smug jerk, and squeezes my hand. He nods at my parents before walking out of my room.
“Well, I certainly wasn’t expecting anything good to come out of this, but that man has proven himself once again, Amie Lee.” Mom tugs on my blanket to make it even, and I groan.
“Yes, Mother, I know.” The problem is knowing he doesn’t hate me anymore makes me fear that when he finds out the truth, he’s going to despise me.
Chapter 10
Declan
I GET IN MY car and start driving toward my parents’ house to pick up Clover. I’ve missed my baby girl, but if something happened to Amie and I wasn’t there, I couldn’t live with myself. Watching the person who has my heart need a machine to breathe was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.
I dial Nik’s number and wait impatiently for him to pick up.
“’Sup, man?”
“Did you find him?”
He sighs. “I’m working on it.”
“Work faster.”
“Dec, I’m working as fast as I can, all right? I will find him, and I’ll make him pay. I promise you that.”
Frustrated, I make a fist and tap it on top of the steering wheel. “I’m still so damn in love with her, Nik. And seeing her like that… so fucking weak and beat up… If you don’t find him, I’m going to, and then I’ll kill the motherfucker.”
“I’ll find him.”
“Thanks, man.”
“You still at the hospital?”
“No, she woke up, and her parents came. I’m going to get Clover and then make sure Amie’s room is set up for her.”
“That’s great news.”
“Yeah. Fuck yeah, it is.”
He laughs. “Does she know she’s staying with you?”
“Nope.”
“You sure this is what you want, Dec?”
“Yes.” No hesitation. I want her. I’ve always wanted her. I will always want her.
We hang up, and I hurry into my parents’ house and pick up my daughter to snuggle her close, raining kisses over her head and face. “Hey, baby girl. Daddy missed you.”
She drools on me in response, and I sit on the couch just holding her. It’s insane to think that three months ago, I didn’t even know I was going to be a father, and now, I can’t imagine my life without her. Clover is everything to me. She fills a void I didn’t realize was missing and gives me so many reasons to be a better man.
The kind of lov
e I feel for Amie is the same way I feel about Clover. I can sit here and pretend I hate Amie, or that if I call her a bitch, it makes me feel better, but the truth is I never, not for one second, stopped caring about her. Not a day went by when I didn’t wonder what she was doing or what our life would be like if she hadn’t cheated on me.
I take that back. I should say if she didn’t break up with me. Even at the time, I was so desperate to be with her, I would have forgiven her. She was young; she was lonely without me being there… she made a mistake. Nobody’s perfect. Lord knows, I’m not. I would have taken her back if she had ever tried.
Amie is a stubborn woman. She’s kind, compassionate, and beautiful. But she’s stubborn as hell. And when she told me she didn’t want to be with me anymore, I couldn’t change her mind. Sure, I’ve often thought about what would have happened if I had come back earlier for her, but my pride and my ego were already almost dead… Begging would have put the nail in the coffin.
“How is she?” Mom asks as she sits next to me and pats my leg.
“Awake now. I’ll go back tonight. I need to shower and wanted to see my baby.” I rest Clover between my thighs and lean down to blow a raspberry on her cheek.
“She’s such a good baby, a lot like you were.”
“She’s the best.”
“Declan?”
“Yeah?”
“Look at me, dear.”
Hanging my head to avoid her as I’m about to break down, she puts her hand on my back. Mothers always know.
“I thought she was going to die, Mom,” I whisper.
“But she didn’t, and she’s not going to, so now you can tell her all the things you’ve kept bottled up all these years. You can have what you always dreamed you would even if it wasn’t how you imagined it happening.”
“What if she doesn’t give a shit about me anymore?”
“She does.”
I finally turn my head to look at her. She smiles softly and runs her fingers through the top of my hair, the way she used to when I was a kid. It immediately brings me comfort.
“Trust me, Declan. She does.”
* * *
When I arrive home, Clover is sleeping, so I take her car seat into my bathroom and set it on the floor while I shower. Deciding I don’t really give a shit, I skip shaving and get dressed, then I throw my and Clover’s dirty laundry in the washing machine.
