by T Gephart
“Ricci, he would not cheat on you,” Leighton responded without hesitation. “I’ll agree, all of that sounds strange. But I can tell you that whatever he is busy doing, it’s not with that girl.”
“I know he isn’t cheating.” But did I?
Who the hell was she?
Why wasn’t he answering his goddamn phone?
And where the fuck was he?
“Look, I know he’s your friend, and I’m not asking you to betray any confidences here. But if you know anything—either where he could be or go, or if he might’ve been upset—I’d really appreciate you telling me.”
If the key I’d given him—and what it could potentially symbolize—was messing with Justin’s head, he would’ve absolutely told his best friend. And while I knew Leighton would die before giving up anything they discussed privately, I hoped he’d be able to give me enough of a clue so I could work it out myself.
“Ricci, he was far from upset when I saw him. He was glad to be back at work, grinning like an idiot on our first call out. And he was looking forward to coming home to you. It’s not a secret the guy is crazy in love. So whatever his reason is for being MIA, it’s not because of you.”
I wished I could believe it, but my gut was telling me different. And while he might not be cheating on me, the blond was definitely connected to Tibbs and his disappearance.
“Look, why don’t I call around and see if I can find him,” Leighton offered. “Tibbs is a great guy, and I love him like a brother, but he can be absent-minded sometimes. Chances are someone asked him to do something and he just got tied up. Let me see what I can find out, but I’m positive you’ll probably hear back from him before I do.”
I squeezed the phone, unable to express my gratitude. “Thanks, Leighton. I owe you.”
“Nah, you’d do the same for me. Talk soon, Ricci.”
With the call ended, I decided to get a coffee and head back to my car, which was still parked near Justin’s apartment. He would eventually have to talk to me. And hopefully Leighton would have better luck than I did locating him, so I could just be mad at him for making me act like a psycho. He was going to be punished for sure.
I was still thinking of ways of exacting restitution when I got back to my car, his black Impala driving in before I even unlocked my door.
Thank.
Fuck.
His eyes flicked to me, but there was no happiness in them. He looked exhausted, like a shell of a human being, and whether it was me or something else, he was definitely miserable.
Shit.
The pep talk I’d given myself on the way back from the coffee shop was toast. And every and all bad scenarios presented themselves front and center as I waited for him to get out of his car. I could barely breathe, watching as he ambled out slowly, hesitating before walking toward me.
It was so not good.
“Tibbs, you’re really starting to freak me out.” I reached for him, pulling him closer and wrapping my arms around him. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
He didn’t talk, just kissed the top of my head gently and hugged me tighter.
“Justin,” I lifted my chin, desperate to know what the hell was going on, “please talk to me. I can count the number of times I’ve been really scared, and this is one of them. Whatever is going on, it will be okay, I promise.”
“You can’t promise that,” he whispered, dropping his lips to mine. “I’m sorry.”
I had no idea what the apology was for, or what it meant, but it was breaking my heart. And not because I was worried about what he’d done, and why he’d felt I needed to hear it. But because whatever it was, he’d obviously given up. And that was the most terrifying thing of all.
Justin
SEEING TESSA AT my apartment wasn’t a surprise.
Even a regular girlfriend would have been suspicious by a sudden change of plans, and Tessa was far from regular. But even though I’d expected it—and knew we had to have a conversation—it didn’t make it any easier.
Honestly, it just made things a million times worse. Seeing that love and concern in her eyes, and knowing it was probably going to be for the last time.
Fuck.
Things had been epically screwed up. And it wasn’t just my life that was about to be changed, but Tessa’s as well. As for May, she’d had time to adjust, but was far from skating on easy street. The pregnancy, the birth, and everything that came after was a LOT to take on. And even though I promised I was going to be there every step of the way, it still didn’t change that she was carrying the bigger burden.
“Tibbs, please,” Tessa begged as I led her to my apartment.
I’d barely said two words since I’d hugged her in the parking lot, trying to formulate sentences that could adequately express how fucking sorry I was. And while I knew I hadn’t intentionally gotten May pregnant, and sometimes shit just happened, it was really no one’s fault.
But my actions—intentional or otherwise—were going to be responsible for hurting the woman I loved, and no matter which way you sliced it, that shit was on me.
“I just need to kiss you right now, Tessa.” I lowered my mouth knowing I wasn’t being fair. It was entirely possible that if she knew the whole truth, the last thing she’d want is my kiss and touch, which was why I needed to take it while I still could.
I was going to miss this.
Miss her.
And I wasn’t willing to mourn the loss until I absolutely had to.
Her lips hesitated, the unasked questions just simmering below the surface, but she did me that favor. She kissed me back, holding me tightly as I backed her against the wall and felt every inch of her body pressed against mine.
I wanted to take her right there, to strip her naked and make love to her slowly, telling her how much I loved her. I wanted to make a memory for her that she’d never forget, something that would soften the blow. And maybe part of me wanted it for selfish reasons, to have her one last time without the baggage, and make her come so hard I’d ruin her for other men.
Other men.
Yeah, that was something I wasn’t ready to fucking face, the thought alone making me want to kill something with my bare hands.
She pulled her lips from mine, resting her hands on my chest. “Justin, if you’re dying, I’m going to kill you.”
I laughed, my beautiful Tessa saying possibly the most Ricci thing ever. “I’m not dying, baby. But we definitely need to talk.”
Taking a deep breath, I pulled away from her and moved toward the couch. I kept my fingers laced with hers, needing whatever contact I could get as we sat down and got comfortable. I had no idea where to even start, looking at those beautiful brown eyes as I opened my mouth.
“So, I had a visitor today after I finished work.”
“The five-five, five-four blond who’s approximately one hundred and fifty pounds?” she interrupted, looking to me for confirmation.
“Umm, yeah,” I coughed out not expecting she’d already done recon. Although I wasn’t really shocked either, and wouldn’t have been surprised if she produced a composite drawing she had prepared. “May, her name is May.”
“Who is May, Justin?” she asked, her tone tempered.
She was probably assuming the worst, which, to be fair, wasn’t far from the truth. While I hadn’t done anything with May in a really long time, it wasn’t going to matter.
Nodding and knowing prolonging it wasn’t doing me any favors, I got my mouth moving again. “She’s a girl I saw casually. Not really a girlfriend, but it was more than a one-night stand. I need you to know that while I think she’s a great person, it is not like what I have with you. I never loved her, Tessa. I’ve only ever loved you.”
“Tibbs, please. I can already tell this is bad and what I’m imagining is probably worse than it is. But you need to tell me straight. Did you fuck her? Is she blackmailing you?”
I shook my head, knowing that would be her immediate go-to. “I haven’t had sex wit
h her in three months. Way before we got together, and I haven’t had sex with anyone else since that night I saw you in the bar. I am not cheating on you, Tessa. I wouldn’t do that. And she’s not trying to extort me either. But she’s—”
“Pregnant,” Tessa finished for me, a million emotions flashing through her eyes. “She’s pregnant, right?”
She was going to make one hell of a detective, barely having any of the puzzle pieces and putting it together all the same.
“A girl, you didn’t share a deep connection with, shows up after three months looking miserable and wearing sweats. I spoke to James at the station, he saw you two talking and said she didn’t look happy. And now you look like your world has ended. I’m right, aren’t I?” Those eyes were begging me to prove her wrong, wanting for me to provide any other explanation other than the one she so expertly put together herself. But wishful thinking wasn’t going to change shit, no matter who was thinking it.
“Twelve weeks,” I confirmed. “She just had her scan.”
The sharp intake of air cut me to the core as she visibly moved back. I wasn’t sure if she’d meant to create the distance or if it had been unconsciously, but that one movement confirmed everything I’d thought about on the drive home.
“Twelve weeks. Wow.” Her breaths were shallow and uneven. “Twelve weeks.”
I knew she’d have questions, probably some of the same ones I’d asked May. We’d started at the coffee shop, and then when she told me she’d had her scan we went back to her apartment. It felt like a conversation we needed to have in private, and for better or worse, I wanted to look at a photo of what potentially was my son or daughter.
You could see the baby as clear as day, a perfectly formed little person surrounded by a shadowy bubble. And as I held those black and white images in my hand, deep down I knew it was mine. “Obviously I’m getting a paternity test, but the math adds up and I don’t think she’s lying. She just isn’t the kind of girl who would do that.”
A humorless laugh made its way up her throat. “Isn’t the kind of girl? Tibbs, how would you fucking know? You said it yourself, you didn’t really know her that well, that it was just sex. And what happened to the condom?”
Anger bit at her tone, and I knew she had every right. But lashing out at May wasn’t going to help either, because she hadn’t exactly done it to herself.
“Tessa, when I said I’ve always worn one, I meant it. I’d never lie to you. But sometimes—and I know it’s shitty—they don’t work for whatever reason. And I know this is a lot to deal with. But you have to trust me on this. May isn’t the enemy. The situation is fucked up, and I don’t blame you for being pissed off and hurt. But it won’t change anything.”
“Great, so now you’re defending her and I’m the bad guy.” She got to her feet, pushing me away. “Look, I think I should go. I really need to get some air because I feel like I can’t breathe.”
That was a feeling I could relate to, understanding the need to get out. But I didn’t want to leave it the way it was.
“Baby, I’m not defending her. And if anyone is the bad guy, it’s me. I know this hurts and I’m responsible, but please don’t walk out of here like this. You shouldn’t even be driving yet.”
“I was worried, Justin,” she hissed out, pushing me away. “Of course I got in my car. When you didn’t answer your phone, I thought something bad had happened to you.”
“I know, and I know I should’ve called. But I didn’t know what to say, and May and I had a lot to talk about. I’m not going to let a child of mine grow up without a dad, Tessa.” It was a shitty excuse, but it was the only one I had. Having silenced my phone because instinctively I knew she’d call, and I wouldn’t have been able to lie to her.
She held out her hands, stopping me from getting any closer. “Justin, I know that I probably sound like a raving bitch right now, but I just found out my boyfriend is having a baby with someone else. And I know it was before we got together and that it was in the past, but it feels very much in the present to me. And maybe some other woman would be totally cool with it, but I can’t pretend that it doesn’t hurt. So what I’m going to do is leave and clear my head before I say something hurtful, because they seem to be the only words I have.”
It wasn’t easy to hear, but at least she was being honest. And as much as I knew she was probably right, and distance was probably what we needed, it felt so wrong.
I was completely torn, not knowing what the hell was the right thing to do. I wanted to fight for her and beg on my hands and knees if that’s what it took. Or did I let her walk away and hope she came back? It was a gamble that had a buy-in well above what I was willing to pay, worried there was a better-than-average chance she wouldn’t return.
“Ricci . . .Tessa, you don’t sound like a raving bitch. Please don’t go.”
Her body gave me the answer without her needing to say a word. She’d wrapped her arms around her middle protectively, standing as far as she could from me without being out in the hall. Nothing I said was going to change her mind, and I understood that. Hell, her reaction was exactly what I’d expected, what I’d prepared myself for, and even then, it still fucking stung.
“Okay.” I nodded, defeated and unwilling to add to any more of her pain. “As much as I don’t want you to leave, I know I have to let you go. But please be safe. And if you feel dizzy or sick, promise me you’ll pull over. Call Miller if you don’t want to call me, I just need to be sure you get home safe.”
“I’ll be fine.” Her voice flat as she reached for the door. “Bye, Tibbs.”
“Bye, Tessa,” the words almost choking me on the way out, “I love you.”
And when she didn’t say it back, I knew that goodbye was probably for good.
Fuck.
Tessa hadn’t been the only person looking for me, Leighton letting himself into my apartment with his spare set of keys sometime after she’d left. “Jesus, Tibbs, Tessa’s been looking for you and no one else had seen you since you left work. Even I was starting to get worried.”
Fortunately—or maybe it was unfortunately, I couldn’t be sure which—for Leighton, I’d used the time since Tessa walked out productively. Jack Daniels and I were having ourselves a little party on the floor, half the bottle already consumed. Because as dumb as it was to get drunk—and knowing it solved nothing—it had seemed like a really attractive option.
“What the fuck?” He looked to me and then to the bottle. “Are you trying to fuck up your liver?”
“My liver is fine,” I slurred, doing my best to stay upright. “It’s the rest of me that’s fucked up.”
Taking the bottle—my ability to stop him hindered by gravity and a blood alcohol level that was probably close to my buddy Jack’s—he screwed the cap back on and put it on the table.
“Here’s what we’re going to do.” He reached down, yanking me off the floor and helping me on to the couch. I hadn’t wanted to sit there, remembering it was where I’d hurt Tessa. “I’m going to make coffee, and you’re going to start talking.”
I groaned, tossing my head back and closing my eyes. “Uhhhhhhhhhhh, I don’t want to talk. Talking isn’t going to change shit. What I want is for you to hand me back the bottle and leave me to my misery.”
“Wow, dramatic much.” Leighton laughed, the bastard still having the ability since his life hadn’t gone nuclear. “And I’m not doing either, Justin. Giving you back the bottle or leaving. So start talking or we’re going to sit here in an awkward silence. I’ll call Presley if I have to.”
“Do not call my sister,” I warned, not even having thought about what my family was going to say. “And in case you’ve forgotten, you were my friend before anything ever happened with her, so your loyalty should be to me.”
He shook his head, giving up on the coffee idea and taking a seat beside me. “Now I know you’re fucking drunk. Because as much as I love your sister—and can’t wait to make her my wife—I have always and will always ha
ve your back. Now stop acting like a prick and tell me what the hell is going on. I assume it has something to do with Tessa?”
I laughed, because it was funny he could be so wrong and so right at the same time. “Yeah, so I’m going to be a daddy.”
“Tessa’s pregnant?” He blinked back in surprise.
“Nope.” My lips popped on the P as I jabbed him in the ribs. “Try again. I mean, it really could be anyone. I’m pretty sure I fucked half the city—at least that’s what Tessa probably thinks—it’s a miracle there’s only one baby. Maybe there’s more. Maybe,” I leaned in closer, pushing out a breath, “there’s a whole fucking basketball team of little Tibbs I don’t even know about.”
“Tibbs, what? Who? How?”
“May.” I groaned, my head pounding from either the Jack or the situation. “The blond I met like four months ago. We used condoms, but clearly we’re in that lucky two percent where it didn’t work. I found out this afternoon. She’s due in six months. And astonishingly my girlfriend isn’t excited by the news. Who would have guessed it?”
“Fuck,” Leighton cursed out, reaching for the bottle on the coffee table, unscrewing the lid and taking a swig himself. “Okay, so she knows?”
My head bobbed forward, attempting a nod but being unable to complete the action. “Yeah, she knows. And fairly sure when she said goodbye it was for good too. I can’t even blame her, because why the hell would she even want to stick around? So that’s where I’m at. Now give me back the bottle.” I tossed out my hand, hoping I’d feel the cool reassuring glass against it.
“Nope, no more drinking. We’re going to figure this out.”
“Figure it out?” I laughed. With the level of optimism he had, I had to wonder if he wasn’t the one who was drunk. “Brother, did you not hear me? I’m going to be a father, and not with the woman I’m in love with. You think that’s something we can figure out?”
