I couldn’t think of anything to say. I mean, obviously it was Rex, but…what was he doing here?
I had no idea.
To my surprise, Tommy started to laugh. “I can’t believe it.”
“What?”
“He’s still got a thing for you?” He asked it as a question but my mind couldn't compute. There were just so many things wrong with that statement.
He never had, never did, never would.
Hadn’t I finally gotten that through my thick skull…or, more like, my stubbornly hopeful heart?
And yet…I turned to stare at Rex, his gaze clashing with mine through the windshield. What are you doing here?
“What’s he doing here?” Tommy asked. He still wore that nice smile, like he was amused by the appearance of my best friend at the end of our date.
My date.
My first date.
A date Rex insisted I go on.
“I have no idea,” I said through a clenched jaw. “But I mean to find out.”
“Uh oh.” He laughed nervously beside me. “I don’t envy Rex right about now.”
I didn’t smile. I was too annoyed to make any more small talk this evening.
The moment the car came to a stop I was out, crossing my arms as I came to a stop in front of him. “What are you doing here, Rex?”
“I just wanted to make sure you got home safe.”
“Why wouldn’t I get home safe?” I shook my head in confusion. “What, are you my mom now?”
His eyes narrowed in annoyance. “No, I’m not your mom. I’m your friend. A friend who cares about you. And I wouldn’t have shown up here if I thought you’d text me to let me know you were home safe.”
I blinked rapidly in the face of his anger.
This was so not like us. We never fought like this, and I wasn’t sure I’d ever seen him so worked up about anything.
“I’ll just, uh…” Tommy appeared at my side and a flush of heat hit my cheeks as I realized I’d sort of, kind of…forgotten about him. My date. He leaned over and gave my cheek a little peck—the sort of kiss you’d give your grandmother. “I’ll see you soon?”
I forced a smile as I looked over at him. “I’d like that.”
Again, not a lie, per se. Perhaps an exaggeration. It wasn’t like I was dreading another date. And I really ought to go out with him again as part of our experiment. I sort of had to, actually. I’d made a commitment to the group project.
But the fact that I’d forgotten about Tommy before he’d even said goodbye probably didn’t speak well of my emotional investment in this guy.
I should probably tell Edie and Dane to pick again.
I was thinking all this as I smiled and said goodnight.
“Goodnight,” Rex echoed behind me in an obnoxious Southern drawl that was clearly designed to taunt me.
The moment Tommy disappeared into his house next door I snapped my head around to glare at him. “What do you think you’re doing?”
“I told you—”
“Oh, no you don’t.” I took a step forward and jabbed a finger into his chest. “What are you really doing here?”
“I wanted to talk to you and it seemed like this would be the only way to get your attention.”
I snapped my mouth shut because…guilt. Dang it.
He saw it and pounced. “You’ve been dodging me, and that’s not cool, Jessica. If you’re upset with me, you don’t avoid me. We talk about it.”
I swallowed a thick lump. He was right. That’s how we worked. But this was one problem he couldn’t fix. It was one issue between us that we couldn’t resolve with a conversation. It was the one problem that could destroy our friendship.
His look turned desperate. “I don’t want us to fight.”
“We’re not fighting,” I said stiffly.
The silence that followed nearly killed me. He seemed to be waiting for me to explain. If we weren’t fighting, then what was going on here? Why was I keeping my distance?
Because I’m in love with you!
No. No way. He wouldn’t be able to handle that secret.
He broke the tense silence with a loud exhale.
“So?” he said.
I shifted from foot to foot. I’d thought wearing a dress for our date would be appropriate—and it was, since he took me to a nice dinner—but it definitely wasn’t appropriate for this winter weather. “So…what?” I said, crossing my arms and rubbing my legs together.
He cursed under his breath as he took off his jacket and slung it over my shoulders.
He’d done this sort of thing a million times before. There was no reason to read anything into it.
But try telling that to my stupid heart. It leapt in my chest at the gentle reminder of how thoughtful he’d always been with me. How he’d always looked out for me, put me first…
You know…when he wasn’t being an idiot.
Once he’d adjusted the jacket and tugged the lapels together, he didn’t let go. His gaze moved from his hands on the jacket to my eyes. “So, how’d your first date go?”
I couldn’t breathe. He was so close. Too close. I knew his scent so well. He smelled like comfort and sexiness all at once.
He smelled like home.
And just like that, I missed him. I missed him so much my chest ached. Three days with no contact and I felt homesick for my other half.
I don’t know if he saw it on my face or what but we both moved at once, he tugged on the lapels and I leaned forward.
And then I was in his arms, curled up against his chest, my cheek pressed to his heart. We’d hugged like this countless times but I was certain it had never felt so good.
His arms around me tightened. “I’ve missed you.”
I nodded. “Me too.”
“I don’t want to fight,” he said.
“We’re not fighting.”
I could feel him tense. I could practically hear the questions he wanted to ask. Questions I didn’t want to answer. So instead, I went on the offense, pulling back to meet his eyes. “What were you thinking showing up here tonight?” I frowned. “Aren’t you supposed to be out with Missy Gardner?”
He looked confused. “Who?”
I arched my brows and waited for his brain to register the name. I’d heard Dane tell Rex during psych class that he was setting Rex up with a sophomore named Missy Gardner. She was perfect for Rex, apparently.
Rex grimaced. Yup, there it was.
“Shoot, I forgot I was supposed to call her about this weekend.”
I just stared at him. I had no idea what to say. The fact that he was going out with a random sophomore shouldn’t bother me. I’d watched him date countless girls before.
And now I was dating someone, too.
I took a step back, holding my breath to keep from sniffing him like a weirdo for one last hit of my own personal Kryptonite.
“You should probably get on that,” I said, my tone stilted and awkward even to my own ears. “We only have a couple weeks to get all the data for the project. Valentine’s Day will be here before you know it and you know Edie and Dane want to have all the results in by then.”
I was babbling. He knew all this, and I knew he knew it. I was just filling the air with meaningless words so I could ease this unbearable tension that was back in full force.
That hug had been a reprieve. A brief truce. But the pain I felt just thinking about him and this Missy Gardner chick was the visceral reminder I needed.
“You’re doing it again,” he said, crossing his arms. “You’re pushing me away.”
I kept my mouth shut, because…yeah. I was. But I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t like this distance any more than he did, but I couldn’t go back to the way things were.
It was like I’d been bearing this weight for years and didn’t realize how heavy it had become until that conversation in the cafeteria. Hearing him tell me to move on, to date someone else…
The weight had finally crushed me.
“Look, I’ve got to go,” I said. “It’s late.”
His brows snapped down. “Yeah, I know. Didn’t you tell him that you don’t like to stay out late?”
I blinked in shock at his anger. “I’m not twelve, Rex,” I finally said. “I can survive a late night if it’s for a special occasion.”
A muscle in his jaw twitched. “And this was a special occasion?”
I looked away. “It was my first date, so…yeah. I’d say this qualifies.”
He was quiet for too long. “How’d it go?”
I shrugged. “It was nice.”
Nice. What a bland word.
What a bland date.
Tommy had been perfectly nice, but I hadn’t felt that rush of heat, that nervous flutter, that all-over awareness that I got whenever Rex drew close.
“Nice, huh?” Rex said, taking a step forward. “Did he kiss you?”
I jerked my head back at his uncharacteristically harsh tone. “That’s none of your business.”
“Why not?” he said. “We tell each other everything.”
“Not everything,” I said, making his eyes widen in surprise.
Any other time I would have agreed with him. I was used to adding a mental addendum whenever he talked about how we told each other everything. I tell you everything…except for that one secret.
But tonight I shook my head. I was so tired of lying. So done with pretending. I couldn’t keep it up anymore, even though I knew the alternative would end in disaster.
I was trapped between a rock and a hard place—what a stupid metaphor. But it was an apt one. In reality, it was heartache versus heartache. I was trapped between the heartache of keeping my secret or the heartache of facing his rejection.
Tears started to sting my eyes as helplessness swept over me. I had this horrible feeling—a thought that I’d been trying to avoid for three days now but which wouldn’t be denied any longer as I stood here face to face with my best friend.
Our friendship might not survive either way.
“Are you…are you crying?” He took a step forward and stopped. If my heart wasn’t breaking I might have laughed at his deer-in-headlights reaction to my tears. “Jessica, please,” he said, his tone soft and pleading. “You have to tell me what’s going on.”
I sniffed, and then I answered the one question he’d asked that I actually knew how to answer. “He didn’t kiss me.”
He slouched a bit. Was he…relieved? Before I could process his reaction, he stepped closer, his brows drawn down in anger or frustration or…oh heck, I didn’t know what this look meant, only that it was more intense and far more broody than I’d ever seen from him. “Is that why you’re crying?” he asked. “Because you wanted him to kiss you?”
I stared at him in shock for a second.
He couldn’t possibly be this stupid.
And then…heaven help, I couldn’t help myself. I burst out in a laugh. It was more like a hysterical giggle and it was made even more absurd by the tears that finally overflowed, trickling down my cheeks even as that irrational laughter shook my body.
Rex gripped my shoulders. “Jessica, you’re scaring me. Tell me what’s going on.”
I shoved at his chest and the crazed laughter ended as quickly as it started. Unfortunately, the tears didn’t get the memo and I had to swipe at my eyes to see him clearly. “He didn’t kiss me, but that’s not why I’m upset, you dope.”
He winced at that. “Look, I know things have been weird between us lately, but you can talk to me. You know that.”
I swallowed. Part of me wanted to tell him. Much as I didn’t want to see his response, I wanted the relief of spilling my secret to the one person I’d always told my secrets to. The one person I knew would understand, even if he couldn’t make it right.
At least, I thought he would understand…
Or maybe he would never look at me the same.
“Jessie May, you’re killing me here.” He said it softly, and there was something in his eyes. He was begging. My gut twisted with guilt at the fact that I was hurting him with my silence.
“You asked me the other day what I was waiting for,” I said.
He nodded. “Yeah. You didn’t answer me.”
“I was waiting for…for someone.”
His nostrils flared and his eyes flamed with…something. Something I couldn’t name, but it looked a whole heck of a lot like jealousy. “Tommy,” he said.
I blinked. “What? No. Not Tommy.”
His Adam’s apple bobbed as he studied me. His jaw was clenched tight. I could only imagine how tense I looked. My whole body felt like it was vibrating with pent-up emotions and unspoken words.
“Not Tommy,” he finally said, repeating my words like he was testing them out, deciphering what they meant. His eyes dropped to my lips and I froze. I could have sworn I could feel the weight of his stare like a touch.
My lips parted as I struggled to breathe.
I wasn’t the only one who felt this pull between us, was I? I couldn’t be. It was as real as the air we breathed. It was as undeniable as gravity. It had always been there, as long as I could remember.
For me, at least.
“Who were you waiting for, Jessica?” His voice was low and gruff. “Who did you want to be your first kiss?”
“Really?” My voice hitched on the word. Even I didn’t know if that hitch was a sob or a laugh or something in between.
His eyes grew so soft with affection, so filled with emotion—I couldn’t have looked away if I’d tried.
“Are you really going to make me say it?” I whispered. “You know me better than anyone, Rex. Surely you’ve guessed. You had to have seen…”
His breath was coming fast and short, his eyes narrowed on me and I knew what it meant to be the center of someone’s existence. In that moment, I was everything to him, and I didn’t want it to end. I always wanted to be the center of his world, just like he had always been mine.
He always would be mine.
Unless he didn’t feel the same.
I couldn’t tell what he was feeling right now, but I knew he was starting to get it. I knew he was feeling something—he was feeling everything between us that he’d long ignored.
But was it enough?
My throat grew choked and I had to lick my lips to get anything out. “You.”
The word slipped out on a breath and with it my world came crashing down around me.
What I’d done, what I’d just admitted… My breath grew short and uneven.
His eyes flared wide and darkened to something dangerous and wild.
Nothing would ever be the same.
I knew it just like I knew what was about to happen.
I knew that Jonathan Rexman, my best friend and the boy I’d loved since forever, was going to kiss me.
Chapter 6
Rex
I don’t know what’s happening. I don’t know what’s come over me.
I know what’s going to happen but I can’t seem to stop myself.
Bad idea, bad idea, bad idea…
But I kiss her anyway.
I couldn’t not kiss her. Not when she was looking up at me with those big blue eyes filled with so many emotions. Not when she was finally here, where she belonged—with me. Not when I finally had her close, could smell her scent and feel her warmth and…
It was useless to deny it.
The pull was too strong.
I claimed her lips with mine in a kiss that was fierce and passionate. Probably not at all like her first kiss should be. I should have been tender and sweet, but I was too overcome.
You.
Me. She’d wanted me to be her first kiss. My mind was still reeling as my lips met hers. I felt her gasp. I tasted her surprise and her answering passion and…her.
I finally tasted Jessica Morrison.
I groaned when her lips parted and our lips clung, our tongues teased and tested.
And it was such a bad idea.
The thought was there and gone, driven out of my head by the way she responded to my touch. She hesitated at first but as my lips moved over hers, she met me kiss for kiss. Her lips clung to mine as she mimicked my movements.
Her first kiss.
This was her first kiss.
The thought did something to my insides. It made my chest ache and I dragged her to me, wrapping my arms around her and crushing her against my chest as I tilted my head for better access.
Mine.
This feeling of possessiveness shocked the life out of me, but I couldn’t deny it. I didn’t want anyone else to be her first kiss. I didn’t want anyone else to kiss her.
Ever.
She gave a soft, sexy-as-sin moan in the back of her throat and all at once reality came back to me. Logic and reason reared their heads and I pulled back.
Bad idea.
I knew it was but for the life of me I couldn’t remember why.
She opened her eyes and stared at me and I… I froze. The full force of what I’d just done hit me in the chest like a weight.
What she’d said was still making my head spin.
I couldn’t process.
I couldn’t deal.
Her eyes, which had been dazed and bright and beautiful, grew shuttered in an instant. But not before I saw a flicker of hurt. Of disappointment.
Crap.
This was why it was a bad idea. Someone would get hurt.
Jessica would get hurt.
And our friendship…?
Oh crap.
Our friendship would never survive.
“I can’t.” The words came out of my mouth all choked and weird. It wasn’t what I wanted to say. It didn’t come close to covering everything that I was feeling. “I’m sorry,” I said, backing away so I could think. So I could breathe. “I just…I can’t.”
I watched her swallow, I knew she was fighting tears.
I was gutted. There was nothing worse than hurting the one person I never wanted to see hurt. But I didn’t know what else to say or do because…
I’d just kissed Jessica Morrison.
“We had a deal,” I said, scrambling to make things right.
The Deal Breakers (Love Quiz Book 2) Page 5
