I glanced over quickly. “Yeah, of course. Just…thinking.”
“About Rex?”
Burning heat hit my face so quickly I couldn’t even look away in time to hide my cheeks.
His laughter told me he’d caught it and he knew what it meant. “Look,” he said slowly. “I think you’re an amazing girl…”
I shifted uncomfortably.
“And I like hanging out with you.”
I peeked over at him. “Thanks?”
“But I don’t want to cause trouble between you and Rex.”
I shook my head quickly. “You’re not. I mean, it’s not you. It’s…us.”
He gestured back and forth between us. “Us-us?”
I shook my head. “No, me and Rex us. We…had a fight. Sort of.” I mumbled that last part. We did sort of fight.
But it was the kiss that had caused the real trouble.
And now nothing would be the same. My heart twisted so painfully I had to hold my breath to keep from gasping.
“I’m sorry to hear that,” he said.
He put the car in park again and I looked around in confusion. We hadn’t even left the parking lot. “What…um, what are we doing?”
When I turned to face Tommy, he was eyeing me oddly, like he was amused and sad all at once. His gaze was almost affectionate, which was weird because we’d never been all that close.
“I’ve always liked you, Jessica.”
“Oh,” I said. He had? “Thanks.”
I clamped my mouth shut because I had no idea what one was supposed to say to that.
“Over Christmas break, I actually thought about asking you out on a date.”
My brows hitched up. “You did?”
He nodded.
I nibbled on my lower lip as I considered him. “Why didn’t you?”
His smile was rueful. “Because I’m not a huge fan of rejection.”
My mouth fell open but no words came out. I ended up clamping it shut again, because…honestly. What was I supposed to say to that? If he’d asked me out over Christmas break, I probably wouldn’t have said yes.
I definitely wouldn’t have said yes.
Why? Because I’d have been too caught up in my infatuation over Rex. I’d never given anyone else the time of day or even half a shot.
I’d been so sure.
I was still so sure.
I pushed that thought away. I was supposed to be moving on. He’d rejected me just like I’d known he would. Why was I still harboring any hope at all?
Maybe I was a masochist. A secret, subconscious masochist.
That was the only answer.
“Also…” He looked over at me again. “I wasn’t exactly keen on getting in a fight with Rex.”
My brows drew down at the laughter in his eyes. “What?”
He shook his head in open amusement. “Jessica, that guy has been in love with you since the fifth grade.”
I rolled my eyes. He’d made comments like that before, but he didn’t understand. No one did. For years, the people who didn’t know us very well had assumed that there was something going on between us because we were a guy and a girl. But that wasn’t the case, and our family and friends knew it. There was nothing romantic between us. Not for Rex, at least.
“It’s the truth, Jessica. I don’t know what’s going on between you two now, but I’ve always known how he felt about you, even when we were all just kids.”
My mind went back to that first summer I’d arrived, to the summers that followed when it was Rex and me against the world.
We’d thought it would always be that way.
It should always be that way!
Stupid hope. Ridiculous, indestructible, nonsensical hope. It had no place here.
My self-talk came to an abrupt halt when Tommy suddenly moved toward me. He was in my space, his hand under my jaw, tilting my head up.
He was so close I could feel his breath on my cheek and I froze.
Tommy was handsome, always had been. But he wasn’t Rex. No part of me felt breathless with anticipation. Nothing in me wanted to close the distance and feel his lips on mine. In fact…the very idea felt wrong.
Rex’s kiss still lingered on my lips. The most right moment of my life. It had felt so perfect. I couldn’t have made that up, could I?
Tommy hovered there, so close we might as well have been kissing, but neither of us moved to close that tiny gap. After a heartbeat, maybe two, he fell back with a laugh that wasn’t unkind. If anything it was rueful. “You don’t want me to kiss you,” he said.
I shook my head.
I didn’t. I really didn’t.
He sighed. “My guess is, there’s someone else you’d much rather kiss.”
I nodded, embarrassing tears in my eyes.
There was. There really was.
“But he doesn’t want to kiss me,” I said.
“You mean, Rex doesn’t want to kiss you again?”
At my sheepish look, Tommy laughed. “Jessica, I live next door. I didn’t mean to creep on you guys, but I’ll admit I was curious to see if Rex took the bait.”
I frowned at that. “What bait?”
He arched his brows meaningfully.
“You mean you…you asked me out to make Rex jealous?”
His grin was triumphant and just a little smug. “It worked, didn’t it?”
I blinked. It had…sort of. I’d seen the jealousy in Rex that night. I’d hoped it had meant something, but it didn’t.
Did it?
“But wait,” I said, shifting to face Tommy better. “Why?”
He leaned forward as if letting me in on a secret. “I told you. I’ve always liked you. I want to see you happy.”
“But I thought you said…” I trailed off in embarrassment. Was I really going to quote something he’d said back when he was in junior high? He probably didn’t even remember. “You said guys and girls couldn’t stay friends.”
“First of all, I was a kid. What did I know about relationships?” He shook his head in amusement. “I was just jealous that you two were so tight. I’d never had anybody like you in my life.”
I had no idea what to say to that. “You were jealous?”
He shrugged. “A little.”
I nodded. I would have been jealous too. What Rex and I had…what we’d once had… I dropped my head into my hands with a groan. “I think I ruined everything.”
He awkwardly patted my shoulder. “I’m sure it’s not that bad.”
I sniffled into my hands.
It was. It really was.
For the first time since this whole stupid psychology experiment messed with my life, I remembered how things were once upon a time. I had this moment where I remembered that night in my backyard with Rex with perfect clarity.
I didn’t just remember the deal we’d made, I remembered why we’d made it.
The emotions that we’d both been feeling that whole first year of friendship, even if we’d rarely put them into words.
Abandonment. Loss. Loneliness.
We’d clung to each other because we both knew what it was to lose someone you loved. Most of our fifth grade classmates hadn’t understood. But we’d known. He’d gotten it the very first time he’d laid eyes on me, trying to hide my tears at the park. And I’d known that even though he’d put on a strong front for his mom and brothers that his father leaving had left him with a hole in his heart that would never be filled.
That was why we’d made that stupid deal.
And I’d broken it.
I lifted my head and saw Tommy watching me with blatant sympathy.
At least it wasn’t outright pity.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m the worst date ever, aren’t I?”
He smiled and his perfectly nice smile made me ache to see Rex’s familiar grin. “It’s all right,” Tommy said. “I knew what I was getting myself into.”
I wrinkled my nose. “It’s that obvious that I have feelings for my best friend?”
> He leaned over and booped me on the nose like I was a child. “No, Jessica. It was that obvious that he has feelings for you.”
Hope. That stupid little jerk. I squashed it down because it was time to stop thinking about what I wanted from Rex.
I was being selfish.
We’d made that deal for a reason, and that reason was more important than my romantic dreams.
Rex was my best friend and I was his. It might take me a while to get over my physical responses to him, but I could do it. It might take some space and some more dates with guys that Edie would pick out for me, but I could get over Jonathan Rexman.
For the sake of our friendship, I would have to get over him.
I looked out the passenger side window and saw some of Rex’s teammates heading into the gym.
I needed to be a selfless friend first, and worry about my heartache second. That’s what Rex would do if the situation was reversed, right?
“Um, Tommy?” I started.
He laughed. “Go.”
I turned to him. “Are you sure?”
He nodded. “I’m sure. Go tell him how you feel.”
I bit my lip. That was my plan, but I had a feeling Tommy had the wrong idea of what was about to go down.
I wasn’t going to push Rex away or abandon him by trying to turn our friendship into something he didn’t want or wasn’t ready for.
I wouldn’t leave him. I couldn’t hurt my best friend like that.
But I didn’t want to tell Tommy that he was wrong. I wasn’t leaving to have some brilliant romantic kiss with Rex. I was leaving to tell Rex that I loved him as a friend first and foremost. I was going in there to watch his game, because that’s what I did. That’s what we did.
We were there for each other…no matter what.
My hand was already reaching for the door handle in my urgency to make sure he knew I was there.
That I would always be there.
Chapter 8
Rex
She’d kissed him.
I barely noticed my teammates coming in and out of the locker room as I sat on a bench with my head rested against the wall. I stared up at the popcorn ceiling, my limbs weighted down with dread, my stomach a hollow pit.
She’d kissed him.
Jessica had kissed Tommy Miller.
I’d seen them through the windshield of his car in the parking lot. I probably shouldn’t have been spying on them, but I hadn’t been able to look away. I was pretty sure Tommy had spotted me, too, and yet I still couldn’t look away.
I’d seen him reach out to her, touch her chin, and lean in.
Ugh.
That was when I’d finally torn my gaze away, but not quickly enough. I’d have that image burned into my brain for the rest of my life, I just knew it.
My stomach churned violently at the memory and I squeezed my eyes shut.
“Dude, you okay?” My buddy Luke was eyeing me oddly when I finally opened my eyes and saw a few guys standing around, slowly getting ready for the pre-game warm-up. They seemed more interested in my breakdown than in getting changed.
I rubbed a hand over my eyes. I had to get a grip. I had a game to play—
Without Jessica.
I had a team to lead.
Without Jessica.
I had a freakin’ life to live.
Without Jessica.
It was official. I had a one-track mind, and it was driving me insane.
“You look sick, man,” one of my other friends said. “You okay?”
No. I’m not okay. My best friend is leaving me for another man. I swallowed back those words. They didn’t even make sense. I shouldn’t be jealous of Tommy Miller.
But I am.
I was.
I had been ever since fifth grade.
The realization hit me so hard I doubled over, my head in my hands as I groaned.
“Crap, man, I think he’s going to be sick.”
“Someone get him some water.”
The door to the locker room swung open and shut. I was only dimly aware of all that was going on around me because I was still trying to get a freakin’ grip.
Why was I jealous of Tommy Miller?
The answer was so obvious, but I couldn’t quite bring myself to say it, not even to myself.
Because once I did…everything would change.
News flash, dude. Everything has already changed. Oddly enough it was my little brother Jeremy’s smug little voice in my head.
Even odder—he was right.
I drew in a deep breath and forced myself to look at our friendship. Really look at it. We weren’t kids anymore. We hadn’t been for some time.
Someone shoved a water bottle into my hands and I took a sip, as if that would fix the problem with my gut and, oh, I don’t know—mend my broken heart.
“I’m such an idiot.” I mumbled it with my head down but I heard a few snickers from the guys around me.
“You’re just realizing that now, Rexman?” Luke said.
I gave a huff of rueful amusement. This wasn’t news. Jessica had been trying to tell me what a moron I was for days now. For weeks.
Heck, now that I thought about it, she’d probably been hinting to my idiocy for years.
Because she’d seen it. She’d realized that this thing between us had changed. Our friendship had changed.
And I was the fool who hadn’t kept up.
At what point exactly had she gone from being my best friend to the love of my life?
I had no idea.
Maybe I’d fallen in love with her when I was twelve and had just been too much of a kid to recognize it. Or maybe it had happened slowly. Maybe the shift from friendship to love had been subtle, growing with us just as we’d grown physically.
I had no idea. And in the end, it didn’t matter.
It didn’t change the fact that I loved her.
I loved Jessica Morrison.
And I was too late.
I groaned again and saw several pairs of sneakers line up in front of me in my line of sight.
“Think we should get the coach?”
“Maybe. He looks really sick.”
“I’m not sick,” I said. Just heartbroken. And confused. No, I wasn’t confused anymore, actually. For the first time in a long time I was seeing everything super clearly.
My mind flashed on Tommy leaning over to kiss my girl.
Yeah, I was definitely seeing things clearly, all right, and I hated what I saw.
I’d missed my chance. I’d wussed out.
My girl—the girl who meant more to me than anyone or anything in this world—had tried to give me her heart, and I’d rejected her. I’d been too freakin’ scared to take that step forward with her, and now…I was going to throw up.
I rubbed a hand over my face and took a deep breath.
I finally understood my own heart and I was too late.
“I didn’t see Coach out there,” one of the freshmen on our team said as he came through the door of the locker room. “But I saw Rex’s girl out there. Maybe she can take him home.”
Rex’s girl.
My head shot up. “Jessica?”
They were all staring at me in shock.
The freshman looked around like he was scared. I had no doubt that I looked just as crazy as I felt, but I leapt to my feet, my heart pounding dangerously fast as a new hope flickered to life in my chest.
“Is Jessica out there?” I asked.
“Uh, yeah?” the freshman said tentatively.
I was out the door before anyone could say another word. She was here.
Jessica had come back.
For me.
The weight in my chest eased, the heaviness that had been weighing me down was gone. I flew out into the hallway and skidded to a stop at the sight of her.
Beautiful.
So freakin’ beautiful.
I’d always known it, but I never let myself think it. She hadn’t spotted me yet and I let myself have one m
inute to look at her. To really see her. To admit to myself that I’d been purposefully blind to what was right in front of my eyes.
Why?
Oh crap. It was fear, plain and simple.
I’d been a coward.
She turned and spotted me, her eyes lighting up as a small smile tugged at her lips.
I’d been a coward…but not anymore.
I headed toward her in a rush, not stopping until she was in my arms. I crushed her to me. “You came.”
She nodded. “I came.” Her voice was muffled against my shoulder, her arms hesitant as they returned my embrace.
Ah heck, that was my fault. She had no idea how I felt, how I really felt. I pulled back but didn’t let go of my grip on her. I wasn’t sure I could if I tried. Now that I knew that I loved her, there was no letting her go.
Not to Tommy Miller, not to anyone.
“I need to tell you—” I started.
She clapped a hand over my mouth, making my eyes widen in surprise. It wasn’t an abnormal gesture—in fact, she’d physically shut me up on many occasions.
But everything was different now. I could no longer ignore her physical presence. Her scent, so familiar and so freakin’ amazing. How had I never realized that her scent was like a drug. Not being close to her for a few days made me realize all the more how much I’d missed her scent, her warmth, the feel of her.
I’d missed this more than words could say.
And even if I’d had the words, I couldn’t have said them because she was fiercely clamping my mouth shut.
“Me first,” she said.
The look in her eyes was so serious. So intimate. My heart melted at the sight. She was letting me in, and that made everything all right. I could handle having to win her back from Tommy freakin’ Miller so long as she didn’t push me away.
I’d go back to being her friend, and then I’d win her over, slowly but surely. I’d make her see that she could trust me with her heart. That if she gave me a second chance, I wouldn’t be a coward.
“I was wrong,” she said simply. Her hand dropped and I finally had my chance to speak but I had no idea what to say.
“Wrong about what?” Wrong to kiss Tommy Miller? I stopped myself before I could bring that up. I had no right to act like the jealous boyfriend when I’d practically shoved her into his arms.
She licked her lips and took a step back. I had a hard time not staring at her lips.
The Deal Breakers (Love Quiz Book 2) Page 7
