by Peter David
He was looking at the corpse of the handmaiden.
“She took her life, Father, in order to please you.” There was no anger, no edge to Mitsu’s comment. To her it was simply by way of explanation. She was so matter-of-fact about it that it prompted me to wonder just how many times this scene had been played out in similar fashion on other occasions.
“I know that,” he said. “Why isn’t it cleaned up?”
Immediately a squad of servants charged forward. Two of them were carrying a large piece of cloth, and they used it to roll up the body. The rest of them used cleaning materials to wipe up the spilled blood as best they could. My guess was that they would come back later with washing fluids to try and get up the remainder of the mess. My further guess was that they had a good deal of experience with it.
The message was obvious: Life here was cheap.
“I am an excellent judge of character, Po,” he repeated, “and it is my belief that you would do well to serve on my council.”
“What?” The decision caught me off guard. At that moment my major concern was trying to figure out what to do if he started demanding I eviscerate myself because he didn’t like my haircut or thought that I’d looked at him cross-eyed. An advisory position was the furthest thing from my mind.
“Yes. There has been a place open on my council ever since the departure of my sick younger brother.”
“Oh. Well, I… I hope he recovers soon.”
“I doubt he will,” said the Imperior, in a tone that implied to me that the brother might not have gotten sick all on his own. That his older brother might have given him some help on that score. I suspected the less I knew of that, the better.
“But Your Graciousness,” I reminded him, “I am simply a humble messenger…”
“It is the wise man who knows his own humility. It is settled.” He clapped his hands briskly and more retainers rushed forward. I couldn’t blame them for rushing. Around this place, the slightest hesitation could result in personal disaster. “Bring Po to a guest suite. See that he is bathed. He smells distinctly like fish. Then have him properly outfitted and brought to the council chamber within the hour.” Almost as an afterthought, he turned to me and said,
“Would you like to have sex?”
I felt as if I’d been struck in the head with a mallet. The old man was looking at me expectantly. “Your… Greatness, I… I don’t know what to say…”
“Either ‘yes’ or ‘no’ would be acceptable answers.”
“I… of course, I’m… I’m just… wondering whether I’m… I’m worthy of such an honor…”
Mitsu, smirking, said, “He means with a female bathing attendant. Not with him.”
I felt a great weight unclench from my chest. “Oh. Uhm… very generous, Your Worship, but… I’m not interested right now…”
“Males are also available,” suggested Mitsu.
“I’m not in the mood, all right?” I said frostily to Mitsu.
“As you wish,” said the Imperior, and clapped his hands.
The last sight I had of the throne room was the attendants trying to mop up the blood of the fallen handmaiden.
Chapter 3
Tub Thumping
Bathing was a curious proposition, particularly since there was another man in the tub.
As much as I had no idea of what to expect in the royal palace, the notion that there was a man in the tub when I arrived at the bathing area was another level of lack of expectation entirely.
I was wearing a white linen robe upon my arrival, accompanied by a young woman who kept refusing to make eye contact with me no matter how much I encouraged her to do so. I stopped when I saw the scowling, bare-chested man lounging in a very large wooden tub in the center of the room. There was also a large drain to one side, which allowed any water splashing upon the floor to run off.
“I’m sorry,” I said slowly. “I… didn’t know this was occupied. We can come back later…”
“Bathe,” he said brusquely. His face was long and square-jawed, and his eyes were slate gray and hard, hard as granite. His gravelly voice rumbled from deep within his chest. This was someone who could probably break me in half with his bare hands.
I was so distracted that I was barely paying attention when the serving girl pulled the robe off me, leaving me standing there stark naked and rather self-conscious about the whole thing. Gods knew I’d been sexually active in my life… particularly during one time when a magic ring lodged on my privates had brought me more female companionship than most men experienced in five lifetimes. Yet I still felt embarrassed about standing nude in front of this young girl who was a total stranger… not to mention being subjected to the withering glance of the man in the tub. And I do mean withering.
She then proceeded to wash me down with warm cloths. It was relaxing, but I was a bit puzzled. “What are you doing?” I asked, trying to separate my mind from the fact that this attractive young woman was busily scrubbing my buttocks.
“Cleaning you, sir,” she said.
“Then… what’s the point of the bath?”
The man in the tub replied, as if speaking to a fool, “Bring a filthy body into the bath? The water will become dirty and unusable.”
I was about to toss off a retort before realizing that he had a valid point. So I simply stood there and allowed her to wash me off, which was probably the best thing that had happened to me that day, or even in the past month. Once she’d cleaned me to her satisfaction, she gestured toward the tub. I looked at the man warily. He didn’t seem to be going anywhere. The tub was wide enough, however, that there was ample room for two. In fact, half a dozen people could have fit in there with little to no difficulty.
So I eased myself into the tub, forcing a smile, and making sure that no part of me came into contact with the other man. He continued to scowl. I was starting to think it was the only expression at his command.
There was a small wooden ridge extending from beneath the water which appeared to run the circumference of the tub. Obviously it was there to sit on, and I did so. The wood was smooth, for which I was grateful. I wasn’t interested in getting splinters in delicate areas.
There was a long silence then. Finally I told him, “I am called Po.”
He stared at me for some time. I couldn’t begin to imagine what he was thinking, his face was such a deadpan. Finally he said, “I am Go Nogo.”
“I see.”
“What are you doing here?”
“Well…” I wasn’t sure where to begin. “I… was told I should bathe, and after having my things put in my room, I was brought here to—”
“What are you doing here, in the Forbidding City?” he interrupted.
“Oh. That. Well… I was sent here by a great king as an emissary…”
“No.”
“No?”
“A king is one who operates from a level of strength,” said Go Nogo. “He would choose as his emissary one who reflects that strength. He would not choose one who is lame of leg, for that would send a message to all who saw him that the king is weak as well.”
“Really,” I said, my mouth drawn tight. “And yet the Imperior, who draws his inspiration from the gods, accepts me at my word. Are you saying that the Divine One is wrong and you are right? I would hate to think you would try to elevate yourself above him. Seems rather insulting. Even dishonorable. You might be asked to apologize by gutting yourself like a trout.”
His face darkened even more than it had been, and I knew I had him then. “I would gladly lay down my life in the service of the Imperior.”
“If laying down your life is what you’re interested in doing, then judging by what I’ve seen, you’re working for the right fellow. By the way, if I may ask, what do you do here? What’s your function, I mean.”
And suddenly I was submerged.
Go Nogo had reached across the tub underwater, quick as a swamp snake, and grabbed my ankle. Considering my relative vulnerability at that moment, I
suppose I should have been grateful that my ankle was all he was grabbing. But I was hardly in a position to express gratitude for anything, considering he had pulled me sharply toward him. I slid right off the seat and it was only by a miracle that I didn’t strike the back of my head upon it as I went under.
I tried to sit up, but was unable to as his hand shoved down on my chest, pushing all the air out of my lungs. I grabbed at his forearm, tried to push him away, but wasn’t at all successful. I might as well have been trying to uproot an oak tree. Assassin! He’s an assassin! An assassin from the Forked Tong! I’m going to die. Underwater, in a damned bathtub, at the hands of a stranger, I’m going to die. Well… at least I didn’t have to have sex with the Imperior…
Suddenly the pressure was gone. Instantly I splashed upward, and when my head broke the surface, great geysers of water blasted out of my lungs. I thought I was going to accomplish the singular feat of drowning while above the surface of the water, but thirty seconds of violent coughing, spasming, and heaving later, I had managed to get all the water out of my chest.
The bathing wench was kneeling nearby, her hands daintily placed upon her thighs. Go Nogo was seated on the opposite side of the tub, his face as inscrutable as it had been before. And standing nearby, her hands on her hips, was Mitsu. She was wearing a plain white kimono and was looking far more like a female than when I’d first met her.
“Are you quite through, Go?” she demanded.
“What the hell did you do that for?” I said. Actually, “said” may be too generous. I managed to get the sentence out one or two words at a time in between gasps.
“A warning.”
“Doesn’t anyone around here believe in just saying what’s on their mind instead of trying to kill somebody or making sure they kill themselves?! Why is everything life-and-death with you people?”
“Life and death are intertwined,” said Go Nogo. “To accept the way of one is to accept the inevitability of the other. It does not matter when death comes. Only how one dies is of consequence.”
“All right, well I’m casting a vote right now for in my bed of old age!”
He snorted disdainfully at that, and then rose from the tub, at which point I was able to see for myself just why he would hold me—and probably a good deal of the rest of mankind—in disdain.
Mitsu barely afforded him a glance. These people were amazingly blasé about nudity, which was interesting considering I hadn’t seen any such attitudes among the farmers back in Hosbiyu. And considering the attractive figures of some of those farm girls, they couldn’t have gotten me to leave in any manner short of swordpoint if they’d had such customs.
Go Nogo picked up a robe from a peg where it was hanging nearby, and draped it around himself. “Remember my warning,” he said. Then he turned, bowed once to the princess, and walked out with a swagger that was almost as impressive as the rest of him.
“He’s an assassin!” I said the moment he was out of earshot. “He would have killed me if you hadn’t—”
My voice caught. Princess Mitsu had divested herself of her robe and was now standing naked as her birthday. Her breasts were quite small, almost childlike. The rest of her figure, though, belied the notion that she was in any way immature. The only thing that managed to draw my attention away from the more traditional eye-catching parts of her body was the fascinating tattoo she had on her right arm which stretched to her upper shoulder. It was a dragon (no shock there), its tail encircling down to her elbow and its head coming up and over her shoulder. Its mouth was open and it had a long, fierce, red tongue extended angling down toward her…
Quickly I looked away again.
Several bathing maidens had entered and were washing her down with cloths. She looked rather bored. “He wouldn’t have killed you. He simply becomes over enthusiastic sometimes.” Then I heard her chuckle from behind me. “You know, this is the first time you’ve lowered your gaze from me. Do you have a problem with naked women where you come from?”
“Not under certain circumstances. But these are not those.”
“Ahhh. You associate the naked body of the opposite sex with intercourse, yes?”
“And you don’t?”
She shook her head as she gestured for the maidens to step aside, and she approached the tub. My mind flew back to the last time I was in a tub with a naked woman. It had been the Lady Kate, back when I was peacelord, and a good time was had by all. Then I suddenly began to feel a certain degree of urgency in my loins, stemming from both my recollection of times past and what was occurring now. I came to the realization that if I didn’t get the hell out of the tub at that moment, my condition would reach the point where exiting the tub and displaying my “enthusiasm” would simply prove far too embarrassing.
And I did not want to take any chance of anything happening with Mitsu in the tub. The circumstances were very different from what had transpired between Princess Entipy and myself, but there were enough similarities that I wanted to steer very clear of any possible repetition. To say nothing of the fact that her father was a crazy man who thought that requiring people to kill themselves was a perfectly acceptable way to conduct one’s daily routine. I had no desire to be added to that rapidly expanding list of corpses.
I lurched to my feet, moving quickly, turning my back to Mitsu. My back, admittedly, was also naked, but it was less inflammatory. I splashed out onto the floor and my slick feet went out from under me, causing me to fall flat. This was one occasion I didn’t mind, however, since it helped conceal that which I far preferred to keep to myself.
There was amused laughter from Mitsu and the other women, but I didn’t care. I quickly got my robe around me, and draped a towel around my middle for good measure. With a sigh of relief, I got to my feet and leaned against the tub.
Mitsu was in the middle of the tub, looking very relaxed. She was regarding me with a raised eyebrow. “Are you quite all right?” she inquired.
“As right as I can be considering someone was trying to kill me less than a minute ago.”
“I told you, he was just warning you. Go Nogo takes his position very seriously.”
“And what position is that?” I demanded, grabbing another towel and drying my hair. “Lord high executioner?”
“No. Head of security.”
“Wonderful.” I stared at her more openly considering she was submerged from the neck down. “So you wandered about and your father objected.”
“He objects to anything I do that would be akin to what a man does,” she replied airily. “He believes females should know their place. Do you?” she asked.
I shrugged. “I don’t even know what my place is. I wouldn’t presume to tell someone else to know theirs. And how did you get together with Mordant?”
“Mordant?” She raised the other eyebrow, both of them meeting somewhat near the top of her forehead.
“The drabit. You know… the small dragon…”
“Oh. Yes.” She made a casual, dismissive gesture. “He caught my fancy in the circus cage. I decided it was unfair such a creature should be imprisoned. So I decided to free him. Simple as that.”
I knew perfectly well it wasn’t that simple. The princess may have been many things, but a skilled liar was not among them. But there was no point in pressing her on it.
“I am very impressed, by the way,” she said.
“Oh. Well,” I cleared my throat, not knowing whether to feel pride or self-conscious. “I mean, the water was just a little bit cold, but I’m flattered that you would—”
“With the way you handled my father,” said Mitsu.
“Oh.”
“Earlier. The manner in which you manipulated my father’s beliefs, played to his sense of godly superiority. That was very deft. You might fit in here after all.”
“I’m just a visitor,” I said, shaking my head vigorously. “And, considering what transpired here minutes ago, not even all that welcome a visitor at that.”
“You sho
uld not sell yourself short, Apropos… all evidence to the contrary.” When she saw my face fall upon that comment, she laughed lightly. “You are a very serious individual. You need to become more relaxed. Do you see that table?”
She pointed to a table standing nearby. I nodded. “Go lie down flat upon it. Remove your robe. Keep the towel around your middle if you wish.”
“I really don’t see how…”
“Do as I say,” she said firmly.
Deciding it wouldn’t be wise to press matters with her, I limped over to the table, removed my robe (but maintained the towel, as per her suggestion), and lay flat.
I had no idea what to expect. Then I heard the quick movements of bare running feet, and one of the bath maidens landed feet-first upon my back. I gasped in surprise. She weighed almost nothing; her bones must have been hollow. “Now… now just a minute,” I started to say.
Then she started to move across my back, digging her toes in, loosening the muscles. I couldn’t believe it as the tension began to seep out of me.
“Feeling a bit more at ease, Apropos?” inquired the princess.
I tried to reply, but all I was able to manage was an inarticulate
“ggrrcchh.”
“There are many techniques, many aspects of Chinpan of which you can avail yourself. If you do not do so, it would be a great tragedy.”
I should have just lain flat and enjoyed it. Instead I forced myself to look over in her direction as she soaked in the tub. “And if I fail to do so… will I be required to kill myself?”
She looked puzzled. “No. Why would you?”
“Why was that young woman?”
“Oh.” She seemed to have forgotten about her. “Yes. Well… she was required to take my place. The Imperior can’t very well be executing, or demanding ritual suicide of, his only daughter, now, can he?”
“Doesn’t it bother you that your actions cause others to suffer?”
“Does that never happen where you come from?”
