My Guys

by Tanya Chris

  “You are. You’re ashamed for your mother to know what you’ve been up to.” I’d finally found out where Nate drew the line. “I’m going to keep my eye out for her next opening night.”

  “You want me to embarrass you in front of your mom tonight?”

  “I’m not sure I’m as worried about it as you are.”

  Nate gave me a sickly smile. Rebekah called places before he could respond, and I headed up to the light booth while he got in his place by the stage door.

  So when I spotted Nate across the stage after the show, I hesitated to wave him over. My mother and Morgan had given me and Donna big hugs and heaps of praise. Donna had had her moment in the spotlight, showcasing how she made the lapels on her suit flap like wings by pressing a button in her pocket, and I’d made a stab at explaining what I’d been doing up in the light booth all night.

  “Aren’t you going to introduce us to your leading man?” Morgan asked.

  Donna, always eager to instigate drama, called him over before I could make up my mind. He shook hands with my mother and sister, standing closer to me than was necessary and flashing them his normal smile rather than one of those staged suave ones.

  “You should be in the movies,” my mother told him.

  “You were really very good,” Morgan agreed.

  “I like your family,” Nate said. He put his arm around my shoulders casually, baiting me. “You enjoyed the show?”

  “It was a little strange,” my mother said.

  “But funny,” Morgan added.

  “We’ll take that. What did you think of Melissa’s lights?”

  “They don’t really understand the lights,” I said.

  “Me neither. As long as you can see me, that’s all I care about.”

  “You were very clear,” my mother confirmed.

  “Well, then I guess she did a good job. I’ve got to go get this makeup off. Nice to meet you guys.”

  “He seems nice.” My mother watched him walk away. “He has beautiful eyes, doesn’t he?”

  I sighed. Of course Nate would charm even her.

  Donna suggested we all go out for a drink. My mother begged off, but Morgan said she’d come if someone would drive her home. I agreed with reservations. I had an idea what kind of third degree was coming.

  “We’re going out,” I told Nate after I’d shut down the light board.

  “OK. Where to?” He was sitting on one of the backstage couches putting on his street shoes, his face clean and his Zoot suit hung up in its place on the costume rack.

  “Not you and I. Me and Morgan and Donna.”

  “Ah, you don’t want me there. I get it.”

  “If you’re there, how can we talk about you?”

  “Are you going to talk about me?” He smiled broadly.

  “Not if I can help it, but I probably can’t.”

  He pulled me into his lap and nuzzled his face into my neck, putting his hands in my hair and his lips on mine. He kissed me for a few minutes, driving up my heart rate and his, then kissed me some more until I felt sorry for everyone else in the green room.

  “Call me when you’re on your way home. Maybe I’ll go out with Pete and Repeat.”

  “You’ll make their night.”

  As it happened, we all ended up at the same bar. Nate left us alone, only now and then casting a glance in our direction.

  “Adorable,” Morgan said once we were settled with our Cosmopolitans at a high top. “Mom’s right—those eyes. And he’s obviously crazy about you. He can’t stop looking at you.”

  “He’s trying to figure out if we’re talking about him.”

  “Well, I guess we are. Here’s to hot young men.” Morgan lifted her glass towards Donna’s. They clinked as I frowned.

  “What’s she all pissy about?” Morgan asked Donna. “She’s the one who’s sleeping with him.”

  “She likes to pretend she isn’t,” Donna said. “She disapproves of herself. Drink up, Lissie. It’ll relax you.”

  I drank up. There was nothing about having my lover and my sister in the same bar that was relaxing, but the Cosmo slid sweetly down my throat.

  “Is it good?” Morgan asked me, leaning forward across the table.

  “It’s pretty stiff.”

  Morgan and Donna burst into laughter.

  “She meant the sex,” Donna said when their laughter tapered off. “Not the drink.”

  Morgan giggled and took another sip of her Cosmo. “The drinks are stiff. Is Nate?”

  They laughed again, their heads tapping against each other. I caught Nate looking and returned his stare until he looked away.

  “How are you two drunk already?” I asked.

  “We’re not drunk,” Donna said. “We’re having fun, unlike you. Drink up.”

  I took another drink, figuring I couldn’t beat them and might as well join them.

  “Soooo?”

  “It’s good,” I said. “The sex is very good.” I met Nate’s eyes across the room and felt the heat rise to my face.

  “Better than Alex?”

  “How’s your sex life, Morgan?”

  She pulled back, sitting up straighter, the grin leaving her face. “Boring, if you must know. That’s why we’re talking about yours.”

  “No, let’s talk about yours,” I said. “I want to know something. Will you tell me? Honestly. Will you tell me honestly?”

  They looked at each other. “I think we need another round,” Donna said. “Bottoms up.”

  Her drink was already empty. Morgan and I emptied ours under her watchful eye, then I went up with Donna to fetch a fresh round. The theater table was rowdy behind us—nothing louder than a bunch of actors after a show.

  “All right,” Donna said when we’d each taken a good-sized sip of our second drink. “Shoot.”

  “Have you ever faked it?” I went straight to the point.

  “You go first,” Morgan said, punting to Donna.

  “Sure,” she said. “Who hasn’t?”

  “Did you with Shawn?”

  “Not with Shawn. Sex wasn’t our trouble. Our trouble was that we hated each other, but the sex was fantastic. But since then? Sometimes it’s not worth the bother. Like, I know it’s not going to work and I just want him to quit.”

  “Me too,” Morgan said. “I mean, not all the time.” She took a big gulp of her drink.

  “With John?”

  “With who else? Yes, John. It’s not that it’s bad. It’s just that I don’t care that much. It’s not worth it to me most of the time to get into it. It takes so much effort.”

  When Nate and I had sex—or when Derek and I had sex—it was an all-night event: foreplay, sex, after-play turning into foreplay again. It was exciting, but how long could you keep it up? Alex and I had had a routine that didn’t exceed fifteen minutes.

  “Do you fake it?” Morgan asked me.

  “Not with Nate.”

  “But with Alex?”

  “Yes. Always.”

  “Always?” Donna squealed, her voice disapproving. “He’s got a rocking body.”

  “Donna, that’s her husband you’re talking about.”

  “Ex-husband,” Donna said.

  “Husband,” I corrected. “Papers just got filed. Anyway, his body’s got nothing to do with anything.”

  “Except we’ve established he’s not hard to look at. So what’s the issue?”

  I opened my mouth and closed it again. I sipped at my drink.

  “You slept together before you got married, right?” Donna looked at me incredulously.

  I nodded. Another sip.

  “And you married him? Without ever? Ever?”

  “It didn’t seem important. It wasn’t his fault. I loved him.”

  “Well, sure,” Morgan said.

  “Then whose fault was it?” Donna asked.

  “Mine?”

  Donna rolled her eyes and turned away from me, tipping her drink up to her mouth, emptying it.

  “It’s n
ot like he didn’t try. I never gave him a chance. I was never honest.”

  “Well,” Donna said.

  “You have to be honest,” Morgan said, “if he’s trying.”

  “You just said you fake it with John.”

  “Sometimes, I said. Only because I’m too tired to bother, not because I couldn’t.”

  “So I’m the only loser, the only one who fucked it up this bad.”

  “No one’s saying that,” Donna said. “What we’re saying is ... what we’re saying is that we need more drinks. Because these are empty.”

  “We’ve already had two.”

  “Exactly.” She teetered off to the bar with our empty glasses.

  “Is that what happened with Alex?” Morgan asked. “Sex?”

  “Kind of.” As always, the tears gathered in my eyes. “The sex wasn’t working out and so he ...”

  “Well. That’s not right. Of course.” She pulled a package of tissues out of her purse and thrust it at me. “Here.” She watched while I dabbed at my eyes, trying not to spoil the mascara I’d put on for our girls’ night out. “Men do need to feel ... what’s the word? Potent.”

  I sniffled.

  “Obviously you know how to make Nate feel potent. I’ve never seen anyone swagger around more potently. Sit up, he’s coming over.”

  Nate had two of our drinks while Donna balanced the third in both hands.

  “She looked like she needed help,” Nate said to explain his presence at our table. “And you all look like you need a ride home, especially once you finish these.”

  “I’m fine,” Donna said. “I’m going to take my drink over there.” She carried it carefully away, heading for the theater table.

  “Well, she’s not my worry,” Nate said. “You’re my worry.” He slid into the empty seat and put an arm around my shoulders, hugging me into him. “And you’ve been talking about Alex.”

  I nodded.

  “I thought you were going to talk about me.”

  “We did that, too.”

  “Well, I hope it was Alex who made you cry, not me.”

  “I’m fine.”

  “Meaning shove off.” He put a finger under my chin and tilted it up for a kiss.

  “Hey.”

  “Sisters are part of the deal.” He kissed me. “Now don’t go driving off anywhere without me.” He pushed my drink in front of me and sauntered away.

  “He does care about you,” Morgan said. “I’m glad. I mean, you can fuck whoever you want, but it’s nicer when it’s someone who cares about you.”

  “Yeah.” I sipped carefully from the rim of my drink, trying not to spill any.

  Morgan toyed with hers. “So you and Alex,” she said. “You didn’t have chemistry maybe.”

  Alex’s mouth on mine, his hands sliding up my back beneath my shirt, my breath coming in gasps.

  “Sex isn’t everything anyway.”

  Alex’s naked body on top of me, touching me everywhere, his lips against my neck, my head arched back to give him access.

  “Don’t beat yourself up over it.”

  His cock filling me, my hips thrusting up to meet it.

  “Sometimes it just takes the right guy to push your buttons.”

  Climax hovering out of reach, needing something more, needing more time.

  “You’ll find it.”

  Needing, not asking, not trying, quitting.

  “Melissa?”

  “Sorry, what?”

  “What are you thinking about?”

  “Wishing I’d done things differently.”

  “Alex seemed like a really good guy. No one thought you were making a mistake when you married him.”

  “Not that. Marrying him wasn’t the mistake.” I took a big gulp of my drink even though I already felt unsteady. If Nate was going to drive me home, I might as well make the most of it.

  “Melissa?”

  “Hey, you don’t get to get out very often. You should be having fun. Come meet the gang.” I picked up my drink and Morgan’s hand and dragged her over to the theater table.

  Chapter 20

  He came. When the noisy group of climbers burst through the doors of the theater, full of energy and laughter, there in the back was a much quieter Derek.

  “I’m really proud of you,” I said into his ear as I hugged him. “You OK?”

  “OK enough.”

  I hugged the rest of the group and then led them into the auditorium, making sure they found good seats. Backstage, I considered asking Nate for a Derek exception to our deal but decided not to. Since my little chat with Donna and Morgan, I’d been trying harder not to censor my life.

  After the show, I accepted congratulations from my friends and introduced everyone to Donna. Noticing that Derek’s eyes were following Nate around the theater, I figured I might as well get it over with and waved him over.

  “Hey, Jenny, right?”

  Of course Nate would remember Jenny. Her hair was down tonight—a glowing fall of blonde silk—and she was wearing makeup and a skirt. She was stunning. Nate shook her hand.

  “And Katrina, Gary.”

  OK, so he had a good memory for names and faces, not just faces framed in blonde hair.

  “Hey, Derek. Glad you could make it.”

  Derek shook Nate’s hand with a cool smile, acknowledging the former acquaintance.

  “You haven’t been back to the gym,” he observed. “Didn’t like it?”

  “Rehearsals. Maybe now the show is over, I can get back there, but what I’d really like to do is climb outside. Sounds way more fun.”

  “It is,” Jenny said. “If it’s not raining, we’re almost always outside. You can come with us sometime.”

  “You’d need your own gear,” Derek said. “No rentals outside.”

  “We can work something out,” Gary offered, “For a friend of Lissie’s. Swing by the gym before you go and I’ll hook you up.”

  From the corner of my eye I saw Derek scowl at Gary, whether because this was another example of Gary ‘flirting’ with me or because Gary was enabling Nate to climb with us, I couldn’t tell.

  “How about you, Donna,” Jenny asked. “You going to try too?”

  “Not me. You people are crazy. How can you stand being up in the air like that?”

  “How can you stand being in front of an audience like that?”

  “I guess only Nate’s got the guts to do both,” Donna said. “Hey, you guys want to come to the closing night party?”

  The climbers discussed the idea without much enthusiasm. Some of them were getting up early to climb and others protested that it was already past their bedtime.

  “This is why climbers aren’t theater people,” Donna said finally. “You’re all morning people.”

  “And you’re all night owls,” Gary said.

  “What does that make Lissie?”

  “Tired.”

  “Let me get my makeup off then,” Nate said, “so we can get to the party before you crash.” He swooped in for a quick kiss, then waved goodbye to the crowd and walked off towards the green room.

  “Are you guys together?” Jenny asked me, her eyes still tracking Nate.

  “Kind of. I mean, he’s available if you’re interested.” I was walking a fine line staking a claim to Nate with Derek standing right there. His fists were clenched at his sides, the expression on his face a cross between fury and nausea.

  “Just curious.” Jenny continued to look beyond me in the direction Nate had gone. Derek turned his back on us and moved towards the exit.

  “Hey,” I called, catching up to him. “You want to come over tonight?”

  “You’ve got a party to go to. Besides, it’s Nate’s night.”

  “I’ll talk to him. He wouldn’t mind.”

  “Maybe he wouldn’t,” Derek said with an unpleasant smile, his gaze fixed on something behind me.

  I turned and saw Nate and Jenny together across the room. She leaned against the set with her foot on the wall
behind her and her head turned up to his. He had his phone out and was entering something into it. It wasn’t hard to guess what.

  “You want to come over or not?” I tried to meet Derek’s eyes but couldn’t quite manage it. He reached for me, then dropped his arms. Nate came up to us, tucking his phone into his pocket.

  “Anyway,” Derek said. “Jenny’s waiting .” He nodded to Nate, and then to me, and left.

  “I need to turn off the light board,” I told Nate.

  What I really needed was a moment alone. I wheeled away from him, heading for the light booth. I was annoyed to find Deb up there shutting down the equipment. I stood watching her, wishing she’d leave, the silence dragging out.

  “Going to the party?” she asked finally.

  “Not sure.”

  “Yeah, he can have that effect on you. “ She flipped off the last switch and turned around to look at me. “Sorry. None of my business. I saw ...” She gestured towards the window at the front of the booth that overlooked the stage where we’d been standing.

  “Look,” I said, “Nate is free to do whatever he wants.”

  “He always has been.”

  “What did he do to you?”

  “Nothing. He’s never done anything to me. I’ve never let him do anything to me. Why do you let him?”

  “He’s never done anything to me either. I mean, not anything bad. He’s never done anything bad to me.”

  “No? When you walked in here you looked like someone had punched you in the stomach and you’d like to punch him back.”

  A cross between fury and nausea. I knew that face. But if Derek could be brave, I could too.

  “I’m OK.” I sighed out a long breath. “It’s ridiculous, really. I’m the one who’s screwing around with someone else. Nate was probably just flirting. I don’t even know if he knows he’s doing it.”

  “Wait. You’re what?”

  “Yeah, that guy I was talking to?”

  “The seriously cute one who looked like he wanted to crush Nate’s windpipe?”

  I nodded.

  “Lissie,” she breathed, “you’re my hero.”

  ~~~

  “I think I understand why Deb doesn’t like you,” I told Nate when we got back to my house after the party. He angled his head at me like he was interested so I went on. “When you first met her, were you interested? Did you pursue her?”

  He hesitated a moment. “Yeah.”