by Ramy Vance
“And what are you?”
“José tell you?”
“All he said was that he found you in a forest.”
“Found me, fell in love with me, fucked me, found out that all my bits are gears, bells, and whistles with no heartbeat, but enough love to drown the world.”
Suzuki was taken back by that, but he held himself steady, poker-faced. “Uh…he didn’t say all of that…I thought you said you were a half-elf from New Jersey.”
“I remember being a half-elf from New Jersey. I remember seeing my grandfather die, and holding his hand while he slipped away. I remember my first kiss…and fuck. I remember going to college, my bootcamp with the military, deciding to shack up with MERC, my first kill, the hot blood on my face. I remember all that. But I don’t think it happened ‘cause I don’t remember at any point getting lost in the forest, but that sure as fuck happened. Last time I checked, half-elves had a pulse. Can’t say I can remember ever having one of those.”
“You don’t know where you came from?”
Chip shrugged. “The MERCs been trying to figure it out for years, pulling me apart and seeing if they could put me back together. If it weren’t for José and Diana, I probably would still be on an operating table. But no, no one knows who built Pinocchio. It’s the best-kept secret on Middang3ard as far as I’m concerned.”
“You’ll be okay?”
“I’ll be good. Go hang back with your Sleeping Beauties and make sure that nothing happens to ‘em. I’ll see if I can get Diana to keep me company. Stitching your body up is an exhaustingly dull task, but I’m tired of talking about me.”
Suzuki shook his head and forced a smile. “Hey, no. You still owe me that embarrassing story.”
Chip chuckled. “Survive this and maybe I’ll tell you. Until then, what’s your plan, boyo?”
“What do you mean?” Suzuki asked.
“You rescued the girl. You’re the hero. What next?”
“You guys rescued us.”
Chip nodded at the others. “ I think that honor goes to Sandy.”
“We’re not done yet. Beth and I still need to find her familiar. It’s still attached to her, just not in her, you know?”
“I’ve heard of such things before.”
“Her captain, too. He’s still in there. Beth said she’s not going without him.”
“How’d you find Beth?” Chip asked.
“We had an inside guy. He said he was a spy for MERC, but we got separated from him. He went radio-silent.”
Chip raised an eyebrow. “Happen to catch his name?”
“Ansalm.”
“I didn’t know Ansalm was still active in these parts. Squirmy little bastard. Think he still owes me six ales and a goat. Don’t ask ‘bout the goat. You said he went silent on you?”
“Yeah. We didn’t know what happened.”
“All right. Gimme a second.” Chip laid down, lifted her eye, and set it back in its empty socket. Then she closed her eyes very tightly. After a few seconds, her entire body started humming and vibrating. Suddenly it stopped. When she sat back up, her eyes were back to normal. “Kinda need these to give you a hand,” she murmured as her eyes rolled back, the whites shining like small light bulbs.
“What are you doing?”
“Accessing Ansalm’s MERC info. It’s not something we’re supposed to be doing, but once you get hooked up to the system, you’re always hooked up. So, let’s see… He is most definitely assigned spy duties in the defense rings, and it looks like his HUD is still active, so he’s still kicking. Let me see your HUD.”
Suzuki removed his HUD and handed it to Chip. She held the HUD in her good hand. Her fingers split apart, and small soldering irons came out from some white long cables, with snakelike heads coming from the others. The cables inserted themselves into Suzuki’s HUD as Chip began making upgrades. When she was done, she handed the HUD back to Suzuki and he slipped it on over his head.
“There you go.” Chip sighed. “That’s about all the juice I got in me without passing the fuck out. You’ll directly patch to Ansalm and be able to send communications through your familiar from just about damn near anywhere. Just let me know when you’re done with it. I don’t want a connection like that to stick around for any…uncomfortable situations.”
“Then the plan is to get in touch with Ansalm and find the captain and Beth’s familiar. Then get the fuck out of there.”
“How you gonna do that?” Chip asked. “Last time I checked, this place is a little bit windy.”
Suzuki sighed as he shook his head. He had no idea how they were going to get out quickly. He knew that they’d be able to manage if Ansalm was guiding them along the way, but their last attempt to escape from the prison hadn’t exactly ended up going well.
“No fucking clue.” Suzuki groaned.
“Hmm. Well, I was saving this one for a big one, but I think this might be the biggest that we’re gonna get.”
Chip pulled up her HUD and scrolled through her inventory. A small Bluetooth headset with a glowing blue button materialized in her palm. She handed it to Suzuki. “That’s a one-time teleportation device, keyed to me. You hit that button, and anyone holding your hand will come whooshing back to me. Make sure to close the circuit. You want more than one person, make sure you’re all holding hands. Take it off as soon as you get back because it’s been known to…fry the brains a little bit.”
“Yeah, I can see why no one uses teleportation.”
“Magic can fuse you. Tech will sizzle your gray mess. All this helpful enough?”
“Fuck yeah, it is.”
“Great. Now get scampering. We ain’t got a fortnight to be camping here. Best be making the best of our time.”
“And you’ll make sure that Sandy and Stew are okay.”
Chip nodded at Sandy. “Me and Sparkle Fingers will take care of it. See what José’s thinking ‘bout doing too. He’s probably cooking something up.”
Suzuki rose, staring at the flames. “Thanks,” he said. “For saving my ass. And all of this. I mean, everything—”
“Don’t worry about it. MERCs stick together. Now just try not to get yourself skewered while you’re out living your nerd boy dreams.”
“I’ll try.”
Suzuki made his way over to José, watching Beth out of the corner of his eye. She was still posted up by the fire, glaring at it as if she could divine some kind of meaning from its flicker. Suzuki assumed that she was still processing what had happened and what they were going to do. He wondered if being in the military was anything like being a MERC. Even though Suzuki had formerly had his doubts, it seemed like the MERCs did more than just stick together. Never in his life would he have imagined three near-strangers risking their lives multiple times in the day for him. And on top of that, even with all of the damage and pain, they still seemed like they were having a good time. Chip was hardly even able to stand, and she didn’t seem fazed at all. Diana was tending to Stew and Sandy’s wounds without so much as a word of complaint or worry. They were the very definition of adventurers, of badasses. Only José seemed to be bothered. Since they’d been out, Suzuki had seen a brooding, pain-stricken man, not the same man who had brushed off jokes about being the second coming of Christ.
The Horsemen were definitely the stuff of legends.
José had moved to sit on a boulder farther away from the fire. He was smoking one of the hand-rolled cigarettes he had lifted from the cigarette case that had been given to Chip. He ashed the cigarette unceremoniously on his knee as Suzuki approached him.
Suzuki climbed up on the boulder next to José, who didn’t bother to look at him. “She’s gonna be okay,” Suzuki assured José.
“Yeah, I know. That still doesn’t keep me from worrying. So, what’s your next step? We’re not exactly in the position to rest. We probably should keep moving until we get out of the Dark One’s territory. It only makes sense that the asshole would build a fortress in such a shithole as this.”
<
br /> “Beth and I are going back into the prison. We’re going to get her captain out and figure out whatever the fuck they did to her familiar.”
“What good is a captain without an army?”
“I don’t know if I’ll be able to get both. Like you said, we’re still crunched for time.”
“Does she know that?”
“I don’t know.”
“A small army would be helpful, though. I think I can take care of that.”
“What do you mean?”
“Stew and Sandy will be waking up soon enough. You saw how much heat that girl is packing, and I got a good feeling about Stew. I think he’s holding a lot back. I don’t really think there’s a weak link among you. I feel comfortable leaving them with Chip, Diana, or by themselves. I’ll head back into the prison and spring whoever I can. Bring them back here.”
“How are you going to find your way back? It’s really fucking confusing in—”
“I always find my way back. Trust me.”
Suzuki nodded as he stood. “All right. So, we’ll meet back here. Go from there?”
“Yeah. And kid, just want you to know, you’re doing good.”
“Thanks. It means—”
“No, I mean you’re doing really good. You’ve got the makings of a great leader. I haven’t seen many guys who will put this much of themselves on the line for one person. It’s impressive. So…be safe. If you need anything, let me know. You get yourself into a jam, you let me know. Promise me.”
José turned to face Suzuki. His eyes were heavy and sad and he looked ancient, but only for a moment. “Don’t do anything stupid. Promise me.”
Suzuki stuck out his hand. José took it, and they shook. “I promise,” Suzuki agreed as he walked off to join Beth at the bonfire. He sat down, unaware of how close he was sitting to Beth. She looked at him and leaned her head on his shoulder as she sighed heavily.
“It’s time to go back in, isn’t it?”
The flames flickered, casting sparks that floated up to the top of the cavern. “We can’t leave your people, and no one knows how far you can be from your familiar.”
“My people. We’ve been here for weeks, and no one’s launched a rescue.”
“You don’t know that. You’ve been—”
“Six of you got me out, countless other prisoners and me. What the fuck—”
“Those other prisoners—we don’t know what happened to them. they could have been—”
“No one came for me. The only reason I’m going back for the captain is that I’m not fucking stupid. He’s got intel. He was separated from the rest of us. Whatever he has is important, but I don’t even think the mil is going to try to grab him back. The motherfuckers.”
“We’re going to get him, and we’ll get you back to Ros’ten. Don’t worry.”
Beth chuckled under her breath as she rose and pulled out her sword. She watched the steel glint in the firelight. “You know, I get that we’re still connected,” she started, “but I miss the fucking guy being so close. Even if he’s annoying as fuck…reminds me of the Mundanes. You know, still connected…still missing being close.” Beth smiled at Suzuki as she sheathed her sword. “And annoying like someone I know.”
Suzuki smirked. “I’m not annoying. I’m fucking brilliant.”
“You’d be great at that game ‘Two truths and a lie.’ When are we going?”
“Now. There’s not enough time to spend fucking around.”
“What about Sandy and Stew?” Beth asked.
“The Horsemen got them.”
“Do they?”
Suzuki nodded. “Yeah. They do. Just like I got you.”
“Fine. Let’s go.”
“Do you need anything?”
Suzuki pulled up his HUD. “To get fucking moving.”
He looked through his list of contacts, which included every MERC he had come in contact with until he came across Ansalm’s name. There was a phone icon next to the name and Suzuki hit it. The HUD rang like a phone from back home, and Suzuki was instantly transported to the first time he had called Stew to try and set up a day to raid. Stew hadn’t answered any of his messages, so Suzuki had gotten fed up and called him. Suzuki remembered waiting for Stew to pick up the phone, dreading the first time that they were going to talk, nervous about what he was going to say even though he knew exactly why he was calling. Stew had picked up fast enough, and they had planned out the raid. It hadn’t been awkward or uncomfortable at all.
The ringing stopped and a voice squeaked over Suzuki’s HUD headset. “Who the fuck is this?” Ansalm rattled.
“Suzuki. You—”
“I know who you are. How’d you get this line?” the line crackled.
“We’re coming back.”
“You got out? Why the hell would you be coming—”
Suzuki didn’t have time for this. “Beth’s captain is still in the prison. So is her familiar. We need to find them. Can you help?”
There was a pause that seemed to stretch on forever. Then Ansalm cleared his throat, saying, “I know the familiar. That’ll be easier. I’ll need the captain’s name.”
Suzuki looked at Beth and said, “I need his name.”
“Captain Wyatt.”
Suzuki repeated the information to Ansalm, only to be greeted with a squeal that Suzuki would have never thought a dwarf capable of making. “Beautiful, just beautiful,” Ansalm squeaked, sounding almost like a halfling. “They’re being held in the same processing facility.”
“What’s the processing facility?”
“I don’t know. I don’t have clearance. It’s different than the reintegration areas, but I have no idea what is there.”
“Can you get us in?”
“I can guide you.”
“Good enough.”
Suzuki and Beth made their way back through the grimpon tunnels toward the prison cells. They were silent as they moved. The earth was already dug out for them, and there was nothing to speak about. There was no work that needed to be done. They kept their silence, and Suzuki concentrated on whatever needed to come next. Once they got to the section of the tunnels that opened up into the prison cells, Suzuki hit his HUD and called Ansalm. There was a brief ring and then the sound of a headset being picked up. "You guys ready?" Ansalm asked.
"Only if you are," Suzuki replied.
"As ready as either of us is ever going to get. Go straight forward and then turn left at the third right."
Suzuki reached out for Fred. He hoped that the imp was done resting. He hadn't bothered to communicate any part of the plan. He figured that if Fred was awake, he'd hear it. If not, then Fred would have to roll with the punches.
Fred rustled in the dark place of Suzuki's mind. "What is it, human?" he hissed.
"Doing a little bit of sneaky-sneaky, if you know what I mean..."
"Ugh. Fine. Pay more attention this time around, though. I am still...recovering."
"Are you going to be okay for this?"
"I'll be more than okay. That being said, I still would appreciate it if you paid closer attention to what is going on. It would make the strain more tolerable for me."
"I can do that. Let's go."
Suzuki felt the now growing familiar oddness of having his body pulled out from underneath him, his skin melding and shrinking into a form that was not properly his own, yet vaguely familiar, his forehead stretching, and his eyes narrowing as scales rippled over his flesh and wings sprouted from his back. When the transformation was complete, the eldritch imp Fred stood by Beth's side. "I don't have any chains this time," Fred purred.
Beth took a step behind Fred, taking the posture of a prisoner. "Thank God," she replied. "If I had to do that again, I might have had to sink a knife into your throat."
"I'd gladly see you try."
"Trust me, you wouldn't gladly see any of it."
Ansalm broke through their bickering. "If you two wouldn't mind, how about you take care of what you both are jeopardiz
ing my mission to accomplish? Straight forward and left at the third right."
"What does that even mean? Left at the third right?"
"You'll know when you get to it."
Beth and Fred followed Ansalm's instructions, ignoring the different pathways as they continued straightforward on their path. As Ansalm had predicted, they understood what the left on the third right meant when they came to the fork in the road. Somehow the tunnel had split into two left turns and three right turns. Two of the turns were simple to understand. They could be seen with the naked eye. The other three were more complicated. They shimmered in and out of sight as if they were a mirage.
Fred pointed to the entrance on the right side toward the back. "That's the one we're going to be taking," Fred suggested.
Beth looked at the different entrances and sighed heavily. "How do you know that is the one?" she asked.
"It is an old orc riddle. They never use left or right. They rarely count anything. If the number is more than one, trust me, it's the highest one. And if they ever suggest left or right, it is always right."
"But Ansalm isn't orcish."
Fred pursed his lips, impatient. "No, but he's conveying instruction based off what orcs have told him. Am I right, Ansalm?"
The audio feed crackled slightly, but Ansalm's voice still came through strong. "More or less," he admitted. "I haven't really seen much of these tunnels before. This is mostly what I've heard talked about."
"Are you saying that you don't know where we're fucking going?" Beth shouted before realizing where she was, clasping her hand over her mouth as if she could somehow still silence her words.
"No, I do know where you are going. I just haven't described it to every MERC who wanders into the Dark One's fucking territory. Now are you going to take the turn or are you going to wait to get caught?"
Beth and Suzuki took the turn. They continued down the meandering tunnels, heeding Ansalm’s instructions as they went, occasionally stopping to speak with guards who had questions as to why a human was being led unchained throughout the prisons. Fred was able to easily dissuade any of the orcs by dropping his fictional rank to the viceroy. That was until one particularly nosy orc named Thrak wouldn’t leave his line of questioning alone.
