Then he let himself go, driving himself into the slick softness of her cunt, until the lights burst behind his eyes and her name was a growl on his lips, the climax so completely annihilating it was like a blow to the head.
Afterward, his hands still gripping tightly to her, every part of him shaking, his cock still buried deep inside her, he said hoarsely, “I have a son.”
TWELVE
The effects of her intense climax were still rippling through her and so Lily wasn’t entirely sure she’d heard him right.
“What did you say?” she croaked.
He was lying on top of her, hot and heavy, pinning her so deliciously she didn’t want to move.
She’d never let herself get so vulnerable with a person, never lain there, with a man moving deep inside her, unable to look away from him, caught by the pleasure and desire in his face, by the emotion in his gaze and knowing she’d put it there.
He’d told her that she was special to him and now he’d just proved it. And she didn’t know where they went from there, but there was a part of her that wanted to find out.
Except…a son? What?
Abruptly, Quinn moved, pushing himself away from her, leaving cold air to sweep along her naked body.
“Quinn, wait,” she began, but he’d already turned away, retreating into the hallway, the bathroom door closing behind him.
Struggling a little, her legs shaky, she managed to get herself upright, then frowned in the direction Quinn had gone.
A son, he’d said. He had a son.
That…didn’t make any sense. Why had he said that?
She waited a couple of minutes, sitting on the couch and trying to pull herself together.
God, with every touch he unlocked more parts of her. Parts she hadn’t even realized existed herself. The part that craved not only his touch but his care. That had shivered in delight as he’d touched her, that wanted more.
You do feel safe with him. Safer than you’ve felt for years.
Yes, she did. And it didn’t have anything to do with physical safety. It was entirely emotional. As if he held her heart in his big, capable hands, handling it as carefully as he’d handled her body.
God, are you falling for him?
But she wasn’t ready for that thought, so she turned and looked toward the bathroom again, because he hadn’t returned.
Frowning, Lily got off the couch and went through into the hallway, approaching the closed bathroom door. She knocked but there was no answer. Then she heard the rush of water from the shower go on, which didn’t make her any less puzzled.
She tried the door and it wasn’t locked, so she opened it and went in.
Steam had already begun to fill the room but not enough to hide the gloriously chiseled, naked male body in the tiny glass shower stall, water cascading over every muscled inch of him. He had his eyes closed, his black hair slicked close to his skull, his face turned into the spray, and he didn’t turn as she closed the door behind her and moved over to the stall.
But she could see the tension in the tightly coiled muscles of his shoulders and back, in his hands in fists at his sides.
He must know she was there and yet he didn’t say anything, only remained still, the water sliding over his magnificent body.
She didn’t hesitate, pulling open the shower door and stepping inside. There was barely room for him in there, let alone for her as well, but she stood behind him and slid her arms around his waist, pressing herself against his big, hot body, laying her cheek against his strong back.
Again, he didn’t move, but she could feel his muscles contract, flexing under the oiled silk of his skin. He was so immensely strong and yet right now, in this moment, there was a vulnerability to him that she’d never seen before.
It made her heart ache. She didn’t question the feeling, didn’t examine it or ask herself why she felt it. She only knew that this was hurting him and that she didn’t like it.
“You said you had a son, Quinn.” She had to raise her voice over the sound of the rushing water. “Will you tell me about him?”
There was a long silence and she thought he wouldn’t, because he was standing there so stiffly. But then he said, “His name is Jack. He lives in LA with his mother. I haven’t seen him since he was…two, I think. He’d be a teenager now.”
Lily closed her eyes, conscious of the shock pulsing through her.
“I didn’t know that,” she said after a moment. “You don’t talk about him.”
“No. No one knows about him. Not even my brothers.”
Her arms tightened around him. She didn’t want to ask him why not. He’d get to it in time. So all she said was, “Tell me.”
“Deborah was a girl I met in high school,”Quinn said. “We were together for a while and then she moved away with her family. She found out soon after she left that she was pregnant and so she contacted me. She wanted the baby but didn’t want anyone to know so we had to keep it secret for a while. We were…young. She didn’t want to get married, didn’t want a relationship. But she didn’t mind me helping out or seeing Jack, so I tried to see him as often as I could.” His voice sounded rusty and she didn’t know what to say to ease the thread of pain in it, so she kept her arms around him, hoping the warmth of her body would help. “Then all that shit with Charlie went down. Rush went to jail. And we had a few threats made against Lone Star. Deb was worried about that, thought they would maybe come for her or Jack to get to me. So she said she wanted to move to LA, take Jack with her.” He paused a moment. “I didn’t argue. Couldn’t. She wasn’t wrong to be worried about those threats, so she left the next day and that was the last time I saw Jack. I send her money for him and every so often I’ll get an email with an update about how he is, but that’s it. That’s all I get.”
She could hear it now, the longing in his voice, and it made her ache for him. “Why haven’t you seen him?” she asked carefully.
There was a long pause.
“Deb told me to stay away,” Quinn answered. “That it was easier on Jack if I stayed a long-distance father. And I didn’t argue. I didn’t want him being exposed to all the Redmond crap.”
“What Redmond crap?” She had an idea, but she wanted to hear it from him.
“Dad was a drunk and an angry one, and I had a bit too much of him in me. I didn’t want to put that shit on a kid. Perpetuate the cycle, you know what I mean.”
“So letting him go was to protect him?” Such a very Quinn thing to do.
“That was the idea. I joined up after that, got into the SEALs, learned how to manage myself. I also learned how to forget. But I can tell you right now that not a day goes past where I don’t think of my son. Where I don’t think about what might have happened if I’d handled myself better, if I hadn’t gotten so fucking angry. Deb might have stayed…”
A sudden rush of grief clogged Lily’s throat. She could hear the thread of anguish in his deep voice, a sign of what this had cost him. He’d told her before that no one had trusted him like she had and now she had an idea of what that had meant to him, because even the mother of his child hadn’t.
“But what about after you came out of the military?’” she forced herself to ask. “Surely you can go and visit him now?”
“Deb’s got herself another man. A good guy, by all accounts. A lawyer. Oh, don’t worry, I had him investigated as soon as I knew about him, but he’s squeaky clean. He’s a good role model for Jack and apparently they get on really well. I don’t want to upset that balance. Jack’s a teenager. The last thing he needs is his absent father turning up after fifteen years of fucking silence.”
Lily stared at the strong back of the man she was holding, at the strength and power in the long, elegant muscles of his back and shoulders. She could hear the longing in his voice, could feel it in the tension in his body. This was killing him, eating him up inside. So why didn’t he just go? Quinn was a man who went after what he wanted and sure, she understood his reasons for not doing s
o, but they kind of sounded a little like justifications.
“You don’t know that,” she said, her arms around him tightening. “Perhaps he’s been hoping and hoping for years that the same absent father would turn up and they could have a conversation. So he could finally see what kind of man his father is.”
“No,” Quinn said harshly. “He doesn’t need to see that. I know what kind of man I am. Bad blood. It’s a Redmond speciality.”
Puzzlement wound through her. “Bad blood?” she echoed. “What on earth makes you think that?”
Quinn’s big body went still. Then abruptly he turned around and she found herself staring up into his eyes, the astonishing dark green gone bright with a very deep, very real anger. “Only the long list of people I’ve failed and the situations I’ve fucked up. Deb. Jack. Charlie. My brothers.” His mouth twisted. “It’s better for me not to take on any kind of responsibility for people, not when they only end up getting hurt.”
That he believed every word was obvious. It was also the biggest heap of bullshit she’d ever heard. “Seriously, Quinn?” she said, astonished. “You actually believe that?”
Anger glittered in his eyes. “How would you think otherwise? I killed a woman and Rush went to jail for it. Zane lost a piece of himself because Charlie Jones was his girlfriend at the time, and the fucking business was toast. We got threats after it, and so Deb had to take Jack away.” He straightened up, his skin gleaming under the rushing water. “That’s all on me.”
But she shook her head. “So you think you’re bad blood because of one single mistake?”
Quinn bared his teeth in a snarl. “No, it’s not just that. I told you, I was a fucking angry kid with a hair-trigger temper. And my Dad knew it. And he fucking liked it. He nurtured it. He wanted me mean and made sure that I was, because he admired it.”
Something ached in her chest. “What did he do?”
Quinn’s gaze glittered. “I had a short temper and I was bigger than a lot of kids at school. Dad drank a lot and the kids knew it. I used to pick fights because I was angry with him. Over stupid shit. too. Someone pushing Zane. Someone looking wrong at Rush or at me. Someone who just needed the shit kicked out of them. Dad loved it. Used to call me his boy. That I was only standing up for myself.” His jaw hardened, his hands closing into fists. “And I was proud of it. I wanted to be like him. I didn’t see that he was knocking Zane around and treating Rush like shit….” Quinn stopped.
Lily could hear the pain in his voice, felt it herself. And she could understand it; she had Rose after all. But in typical Quinn fashion, he’d taken on board a lot of stuff he shouldn’t have.
She reached out and took his face between her hands, wanting to touch him. “You were young, Quinn. And abusive people can be manipulative. How could you have known? Because if you had, you would have stopped it.”
He tensed beneath her hands. “Are you so sure of that?”
But she just looked at him. “Oh come on, are you seriously telling me that if you’d seen your father lay a hand on either of your two little brothers you would have simply stood by and let him?”
Quinn said nothing, but she knew the answer even if he seemed to doubt it.
“The answer you’re looking for is no,” she went on. “You wouldn’t. Because you protect the people you care about, Quinn.”
“I should have seen it.”
“You couldn’t have seen it. Your father knew you. He knew you would have stepped in you’d even caught a whiff of it, so he made sure you didn’t. You were manipulated by someone who should never have done that to you, and I’m speaking from experience here. My dad did the same thing using Rose to get me to do what he wanted, and that ended badly for both of us.” She stared up at him, willing him to understand. “We can’t change what happened to us in the past, but we can do something about the future. Remember what you told me about Rose? Well, back at you. Your brothers are happy, they’ve come through it because they’re good guys. And so are you.” She stepped close to him. “You told me that I must have trusted you to come to you for help the way I did, and you’re right. I did. But if you were half the man your father wanted you to be, then I would never have come anywhere near you. I certainly wouldn’t have let you into my bed, no matter how attracted I was to you. But I did come to you and I did let you into my bed, and that’s because I know who you are, Quinn Redmond.” She dropped one hand to his chest, above his heart and pressed hard. “You feel the way you do because you care about your family and you want to do right by them. And that’s what makes you different from your father. Because you’re nothing like him and I think you know that.”
Something glinted deep in his eyes as he stared at her, the air between them vibrating with tension. He stood so still it was almost as if he was afraid to move, and she had no idea what he was thinking, none at all.
She stared fiercely up at him, not questioning why it was so important to her that he believe her, only that he did. “I always wanted to be safe. That’s all I wanted. Safety for Rose and me. Because there was no safety in life with Dad. It always felt like we were on the edge of disaster. And then Mason happened and I realized that the only person who could make me feel safe was me. Until I met you.” She took a breath, holding his gaze with hers. “You make me feel safe, Quinn. And I’ve never felt that before, not with anyone.”
For a second he just looked at her, an intense green flame blazing in his eyes. He didn’t speak, reaching for the shower mixer and turning it off. Then he pulled her out of the cubicle, both of them dripping wet, and grabbed a towel, drying her with a simple care and gentleness that made her catch her breath. Then he toweled himself off, too, before picking her up in his arms.
“Come to bed with me, Lily,” he murmured, looking down into her face.
A line had been crossed and she knew it. That even though she hadn’t wanted it to happen, a deeper connection between them had been forged and breaking it would hurt. And not only herself, but it would hurt him as well.
And she couldn’t do it. She didn’t want to hurt him, because no matter how big and tough Quinn Redmond looked, he was in many ways as vulnerable as she was.
So she slid her arms around his neck and kissed him in answer.
And then, as he strode down the hallway and into her bedroom, throwing her down on the bed, she didn’t think at all.
“WHY HAVE you got dresses hanging in your closet?”
Quinn leaned back against the couch cushions, took a sip of his beer, then glanced down at the woman sitting in his lap. She’d settled herself in the crook of his arm, her platinum hair loose over her shoulders, wearing nothing but his T-shirt. Her blue eyes were still glowing from the last orgasm he’d given her and she looked so fucking beautiful he was tempted to give her another. Right now even.
Then again, they’d spent the last couple of hours in bed and she needed sustenance. Which meant beer, pizza, and no sex for, oh, at least half an hour.
“You saw those?” Quinn asked, enjoying the feeling of Lily nestled up against him. They hadn’t been discussing anything particularly heavy, only about their respective businesses and the problems with the bail bonds industry, along with a healthy argument about certain aspects of it that she disagreed with him on. So he hadn’t been expecting a question about the dresses.
“Couldn’t miss them really.” She took a sip of her own beer, curiosity alight in her eyes. “Are they an old girlfriend’s?”
“No. They’re my mother’s.” He wasn’t sure he wanted to talk about his mother. Or his family, period. Not given how much bullshit he’d already spouted in the shower earlier. Things he’d never told another person in all his damn life. Yet he’d told her. Christ, he hadn’t been able to shut himself up. But she’d simply taken his face between her small palms, her fierce blue gaze on his, telling him that he wasn’t to blame for what his father had done to his brothers, that he’d been manipulated, like she’d been with her own father. Telling him that she felt safe wit
h him.
He’d wanted to tell her that she shouldn’t. That though caring might have set him apart from his dad, it also hadn’t done a thing to help him protect his brothers. It had only blinded him.
But he didn’t want to say those things. And he didn’t want her not to feel safe. He’d loved that she felt protected with him, that he made her feel that way and he wanted to make sure that he retained her trust.
“Oh,” Lily murmured, watching him. “You kept them?”
“I found them hanging there after Dad died.” Quinn took another sip of his beer. It was surprising how easily he could to talk to her about this. God, he hadn’t talked about his parents for years. “I think he must have kept a few of them after she passed away.”
“That’s sweet.” Lily leaned her head against his shoulder, her hair silky and warm against his bare chest.
Quinn gave a short laugh, remembering. “Yeah, sweet it not what I’d call their relationship. Dad wasn’t an easy man to live with. He was jealous and short tempered. Possessive, too.” He snorted. “The usual Redmond traits.”
“I was going to say, so far, so Redmond.” But she smiled and the warmth in that smile made his chest tighten. “And before you say anything, you and your brothers manage all of that fairly well, so don’t go taking that to heart. Or at least, you and Zane manage it. Rush is another story.”
She was teasing and he knew it, and it made him smile too, took the sting out of the things that had always been the Redmond family’s fatal flaws.
“Rush is always another story,” he agreed.
At that moment, Lily’s phone on the coffee table vibrated.
She didn’t move from her position, leaning over and grabbing the phone from the table before unlocking the screen.
Then she went utterly still in his lap.
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