by Jada Fisher
“… you were just waiting to spring this on me until I was stuck in a bed, weren’t you?”
“Is it my fault that you constantly run anytime anyone brings up seeing you leave my room in the early light of the morning?”
“I—” She heard him pause and wondered if he was swallowing. “I’m trying, Dille, but you know how it was. The war…messed all of us up. You have your issues, and I have mine. I just… You saw what happened to Eist when she had to hold Yacrist as he died. You were there while she had to mourn him but also celebrate that he was gone. Not to mention how wounded Athar gets anytime something happens to her. I don’t want to open myself to that. I don’t want to open you to that. If I die, which is pretty likely considering everything that’s going on, I can’t have it effecting your life.”
“And you’re telling me, if I died right now, that it wouldn’t affect you at all?”
“…no.”
“You need sleep, and I don’t like how these conversations make me feel like I’m badgering you. Focus on healing, but I’ll need an answer before you leave this manor again.”
“Huh, an ultimatum then?”
“It’s been years, Ain. I want to either have something or nothing. No more of these half-measures.”
He chuckled, and Ukrah didn’t miss how bitter it was. “Alright then. No more half-measures. You really want to add one more thing to your plate?”
“If it’s you.”
He groaned, and Ukrah felt like it was time to creep away. “I still don’t understand how you could ever want to hitch your cart to me.”
“I’ve always had terrible taste.”
Their voices faded as she continued to back down the hallway and into her room. But as she set the pitcher down and slid in beside Voirdr on her bed, she couldn’t help but wonder why romance with adults seemed so incredibly complicated.
She hoped she never ended up in a situation like that.
It was yet another day before Ain left his room, and it was at noon meal that he finally joined them at the table, Athar and Dille on either side. Eist finished nursing little Yacristjin before looking expectantly to the man.
“Your face says you have news.”
“I do. And I swore that I told you earlier, but apparently that was the milk of the poppy talking.”
“You were very adamant that the healers needed to sing. Or at least that’s what we thought you were saying.”
“Right, I suppose that makes sense.”
“It does?” Dille asked, helping herself to a truly large portion of the stew that Mrs. Kaldonner had made. Ukrah had never seen someone so slender eat as much as Dille did. She managed the same as Athar most of the time, and he was nearly three times her size.
“Yeah. I’m almost certain that I found another vessel down deep, deep in southern Margaid.”
That gave nearly everyone at the table pause, and it was Crispin, surprisingly, who spoke. “…and that has to do with singing how?”
But Ain just continued without answering, which was a fairly Ain thing to do, from what Ukrah could tell. “I was doing protective runs for some of the supply chains they have down there for witches who are on their way here when I laid over in one of the smaller cities along the coast. There I saw a group of traveling performers, but I recognized a couple of them as brigands I’ve chased off or taken in once or twice.
“So, I went to the show they were spreading the word about, expecting some kind of shake-up, but no, they had an actual whole show going on.”
Eist let out a sound that was somewhere between a snort and a chuckle. “Huh, maybe they just decided to finally hit the straight and narrow with…performance arts?”
“You know, I was looking around, wondering if it was that or I had just stumbled into one of those parallel realms y’all talk about.” His eyes flicked to Dille and there was a story there that Ukrah found herself wishing once again that she knew. “But then the grand finale hit, and I got it.
“This girl came on, you see. Pale as parchment, maybe even paler, with pure white hair and these gray eyes. She had the type of coloring that only comes from the frozen wilds at the edge of the world, the kind I’ve only seen a couple times in my entire life.
“But sure as ye wish it, she came on the stage and started singing. You would understand it if you were there, but I knew almost immediately that she was one of your lot.” His eyes flicked back to Ukrah’s side of the table and she found herself flushing. Did he know that she had eavesdropped on him or was his gaze always that intense? “Her magic had this kind of…inevitability to it. And it wasn’t trying to hurt anyone, or blow anything up, or make men run mad and kill themselves. It just wanted us to listen and enjoy. Relax and be happy.”
“Oh, so she’s like me?” Helena said, and Ukrah bit her tongue to stave off that now-boring rise of jealousy.
“A bit. But it reminded me of drinking a little. People started laughing more, being a little looser with their coin until they were practically throwing it. At that point, I beat it and decided to tuck myself in a nice place where I could watch their routine after the show. I staked it out for three days, and I was sure that I had their number. But when I finally made my move into their camp one night, I stumbled into the middle of a whole sect base.”
“Sect?” Eist asked, her hand freezing in the middle of burping her child. “They’re witch hunters?”
“And worshippers of the Three. I think they’re trying to use her to lure more vessels to them. I imagine that you all might be even more sensitive to her magic than I was. Almost like a beacon. Anyways, the only reason I even got out is because she helped me. If she hadn’t interfered, I’m pretty sure that I was dead right then and there. They took me so deep into this cellar that Gael couldn’t get to me.”
Ukrah swallowed, going over his words in her head. “Do you think she’s awakened?”
“No, probably not. Not if you couldn’t sense her. But she’s gotta be close by the levels of power she was putting out.”
“Then we have to go save her, don’t we?” Marcellin asked before seeming to realize what he said. “I mean, all of you have to go save her. I’ll stay here and practice…walking.”
Ukrah could tell that he was trying not to sound bitter, but he didn’t quite manage. “I’m aware that after the last adventure, you’re all going to want to leave us behind, but you really shouldn’t go out to collect one of us without another vessel with you.”
“And let’s be realistic,” Helena said, looking to Yacristjin. “I’m going to be near useless in this situation and should probably stay here with the little one.”
“So that leaves you,” Ain said with a wry sort of smirk, like he’d known where the conversation was going from the beginning. Which, admittedly, he probably had.
“You’re not going without me,” Crispin said sharply. “We did that once. We’re not going to do it again.”
“I’m not sure it’s safe for Eist to leave the manor,” Dille said. “Not with everything that’s going on. And I need to stay and take care of the witches. A lot of them are terrified, and I need to up their learning of how to defend themselves.”
“Then we’ll send Athar.” Eist glanced up at her husband and gave him a pat on his broad arm. “I’m sorry, love.”
“Don’t be. I understand. Ain can’t. You c-can’t. It has to be at least one of us.”
“Well, you’re not going without me either,” Cassinda said with a shrug. “We wouldn’t have gotten out of the last situation without all of us working together, and to be honest, you need a heavy magical hitter on your team that isn’t going to be thrown off by their dragon.”
“Hey,” Ukrah objected. “He’s gotten a lot better at that.”
“Yeah, I never said he hadn’t, but a lot better could still get you killed if it’s just you and Athar and lovesick out there.”
Crispin started at that. “Hey—”
“Alright,” Eist said, interrupting all of them with a sort of f
inality. “Except…I’m going to come too.”
“What, but you just said—”
“I know what I just said, and now I’m saying otherwise. Dille with stay here. Helena will tend to Yacristjin. I’ll try to make sure she has enough milk on hand for the baby, and if not, we can hire a wetnurse. I… I need to do this, alright? I’ll send word to Elspeth and Ale’a and make sure they both spend all of their nights here instead of trading off with Barlchyk.”
Athar nodded, his jaw tensing like he wanted to say something, but nothing came out of his mouth. Instead, Eist just continued.
“I want us well supplied, well armored, and well rested as we go. Ain, I’ll have you ready us a map of the area. I want nothing taking us by surprise if we can help it. As for the rest of you, brush up on what Margaidian you can. Athar and I are too well known to be making many public appearances, even in disguise, so you’ll be leading much of the reconnaissance.”
Ukrah nodded, her blood thrumming.
Well, would you look at that. The lot of you are actually thinking things through and making sure you’re prepared for a fight. Because there will be a fight. There always is.
Marcellin looked to the bird but before he could say anything, Crispin casually flicked the core of the apple he’d been eating right at the bird’s face. The desert finch dodged, of course, but not before giving him a scathing look.
How rude.
5
Responsibility and Duty
Ukrah smiled to herself as Voirdr’s head stuck up as high into the air as it could while still remaining secure on Ethella’s back. It was strange to be riding alone on the back of Athar’s dragon, but she was the only one large enough to bear Voirdr, who couldn’t even glide let alone fly.
As for the giant himself, he was riding on the biggest of the brindles, and still almost too large for that. But thankfully, the mount seemed strong and sturdy despite the long haul. Crispin and Cassinda were behind her, of course, unable to ride a dragon on their own. While non-riders could fly on a dragon’s back in emergencies and short bursts, it usually didn’t work out over such long distances. Ukrah didn’t know if it was because there wasn’t a bond, or because they’d never been taught how to ride a dragon, but apparently, the beasts were just as liable to fly home rather than listen and make camp.
If she had to guess, it probably had something to do with having dragon blood in them, but she’d never gotten around to asking anyone if that was true.
However, it was Eist who seemed to be having a great time. She sat at the head of their little formation, her arms out and her head tilted back.
Ukrah supposed that it had been a great while since the woman had been able to ride for so long on her Fior. Tales of how close the two were, of how they got each other through impossible situations over and over again, quickly played through Ukrah’s mind. And that was just what she had heard out in the wilds, away from the civilized lands where the god-woman lived. It must have been painful, being pregnant and unable to take to the sky, then having such a young babe that took up so much of her day.
Perhaps that was why most dragon riders didn’t have children. It made them divide their attention in a calling where divided attention often caused one’s death. Voirdr was enough of a child for Ukrah to deal with; she couldn’t imagine a toddler on top of it.
No, she had far too much to worry about without bringing new people into the world. Besides, she wasn’t sure how morally right it would be to bring a child in the world when she wasn’t even sure she was alive or not. Sure, she lived and breathed as much as anybody else, but considering Crispin’s theory, it was hard to say if she was more of a possessed corpse or a human given new life.
And she had no idea how to test that theory.
Surprisingly, the rest of their journey to their first camping spot was uneventful. Although they could have made it to Margaid in just one day without a break, they needed to conserve their energy. They had no idea how much flying they would need to do along the southern coast, and they didn’t want to be exhausted as soon as they arrived.
No, that wouldn’t do well for anyone.
So, it was when the sun was just beginning to set that they made camp on the very edge of the Rothaichian border. It wasn’t in thick woods, as Ukrah was used to, but rather in a large, plain-like area where several other caravans were stopped to spend the night.
It was a popular spot for cross-continent travels, apparently. Not so busy that they would be crowded and word of a group of dragon riders would get around, but enough so that it was unlikely they would be attacked. Unlikely, however, didn’t mean impossible, and they still rotated a watch.
And that was how Ukrah found herself staring across the campfire only to have Eist sit right beside her.
“I can’t remember the last time I was up this late of my own volition,” she said with a chuckle, stretching out her short arms and legs. “Although I definitely remember being woken up right about now with cries from my hungry baby.”
“Do you miss her?”
Ukrah didn’t know what made her ask that. She knew that Athar most certainly did. But apparently it was the wrong thing to inquire because Eist’s face tightened a bit.
“Of course I do. I just didn’t realize how much I also missed the open sky. And Fior. I’ve been neglecting him lately, and I don’t feel good about that.”
“He understands. And he loves Yacristjin, obviously.”
“Yeah, obviously.” She chuckled again, but it was much drier than the last one. “I’m sorry that I haven’t had as much time to spend on your training either. I know that things have been…difficult lately.”
“That’s a mild way to put it. But I don’t mind. I am happy that I am able to be around to see the birth of the next great legend.”
“Oh, spirits, please don’t put that destiny on my child. There’s been enough of that in my bloodline.”
“Sorry,” Ukrah apologized quickly, her cheeks burning slightly.
“No, it’s fine. You don’t have to be sorry. It’s just…” She heaved a breath, as if she was going to cut herself off and leave it at that, but then she continued. “I would be lying if I said I wasn’t worried about doing the same thing to my daughter that my mother did to me.”
“What do you mean?”
Ukrah knew the horrifying details behind the deaths of Eist’s parents—that they had sacrificed everything of themselves, including their souls, to cage the Blight and give Eist enough time to grow into her destiny. Ukrah didn’t know if their souls had been freed when the prison was broken, or when Eist shattered the veil, and she wasn’t even sure if the god-woman knew. It wasn’t exactly the thing that one could ask out of the blue, so it looked like it was going to remain a mystery.
“I mean in having a purpose, a duty, that will take me away from her. I always thought that I would never have a child. I mean, I never thought I would even get married. The thought of leaving anybody behind like my parents did to me…” She shook her head and then suddenly she was on her feet. For being such a short, stocky woman, she moved unreasonably fast. “They did it to save me. They did it because they loved me. But I don’t want anyone that I love to have to go through that.
“When my grandfather came home and told me that he was sorry, that something had happened, and I was never going to see them again… Something…broke inside of me. I can’t explain it. And I spent years of my childhood putting myself together, piece by piece, learning what it was like to grow up with this gaping hole inside of my chest. And that hole let a lot of resentment grow inside of me. Hate, cold, and bitterness. I built these walls to protect myself and that…that wound, and it made me into a person that I didn’t like.”
Her voice broke in a way that made Ukrah’s breath stop. Like her body wanted to cry but the god-woman wouldn’t let it. “So, when I think of doing that to Athar, to my little, little baby, my blood runs cold. I just… I just can’t do that to them. The thought of it absolutely kills me.”
“That’s…” Ukrah tried to find her words, going once again through that divide between her own language and common. “That’s a lot.”
“It is. It makes me want to hole up and never leave the manor. It makes me afraid. And I can’t be afraid. Being afraid will kill me. I didn’t fight through everything I could, I didn’t survive the Blight and absorbing three deities that weren’t even from our world, I didn’t suffer and do all that just to become a hermit.
“So what do I do, Ukrah? The sky calls me. Fior calls me. I miss battle and fighting and saving lives. But at the same time, it terrifies me more than I can say.”
The way she looked at Ukrah, so honest and open, more vulnerable than perhaps she had ever seen her. The young woman didn’t know what to say. Didn’t know what was expected of her. “I… I…” Deep breaths. She needed to swallow and organize her thoughts. “I don’t know what to say, or if there even is anything I can say in this situation, but from what I know of you, Eist, you always try to do what’s right. And what I’ve learned, after everything that’s happened, there are too many people who don’t care about the good. About anyone outside of themselves. So as long as you keep trying to do your best, keep trying to be the loving, wonderful woman you are, I think that’s the best you can do.”
“Huh, not bad advice there. Have you been talking to some elder spirit I don’t know about?”
“No, just reading a lot. I still have so much to learn.”
“Don’t we all?” She sat back down, resting her head on her knees. “You’re a good kid, Ukrah. I wish you didn’t have to go through all this. You don’t deserve it.”
“Do any of us?”
“No, I suppose not.”
“You should get some rest during my watch. You’ll need it for tomorrow.”
“Ah, I’m used to only getting four hours at most. I couldn’t sleep now if I wanted to. I think I’ll stay up for a bit with you. Four eyes are better than two, after all.”
